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(Some Guy)   Are sharks with laser-beams on their heads practical?   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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9353 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2008 at 4:38 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

48 Comments     (+0 »)
2008-09-28 02:05:23 PM  
"Practical" has nothing to do with the sheer lethal awesomeness that is a laser-equipped shark.
2008-09-28 02:07:46 PM  
I hate to admit it, but it's a better idea that the ill-fated sharks with staplers on their heads.
2008-09-28 02:29:49 PM  
Err, why sharks? There have been enormous advances in underwater "plane" robots, which use fins to maneuver and can go extreme distances without being refueled. And why lasers? They lose their potency after only a sort distance when used underwater. A far better weapon for taking out ships would be jets of molten metal (forget what the name for this theoretical weapon was) or thermite welders.

It'd be a sort of intelligent torpedo which could sink a ship and be re-used. Hell, stick radioisotope sterling generators in them and you could have them patrol autonomously for decades before returning home to be refueled.
2008-09-28 04:40:11 PM  
I don't see how. I mean, where do they store the power supplies required to run lasers of any significance?
2008-09-28 04:40:45 PM  
If endangered species act is an obsticle we could always use mutated sea bass.
2008-09-28 04:41:26 PM  

Oldiron_79: If endangered species act is an obsticle we could always use mutated sea bass.

Just so long as they're ill-tempered.
2008-09-28 04:41:44 PM  
I want a platypus with a stapler on his head.

The confusion would be epic.

I also want a platypus McMuffin.
2008-09-28 04:42:43 PM  
It's also important to remember that sharks don't see that well so while they may think they're taking out an enemy sub in fact they're just killing helpless dolphins and mermaids.
2008-09-28 04:43:32 PM  
In a word: YES.

Discussion over.
2008-09-28 04:44:42 PM  
Um, no? Duh.
2008-09-28 04:46:25 PM

Strongly disapproves of breeding intelligent sharks.
2008-09-28 04:47:11 PM
A new study says, no, they aren't.
2008-09-28 04:47:31 PM  
How about NOOOOOOOOO, you crazy dutch bastard.
2008-09-28 04:47:42 PM  
Shark pwns Buddy Jeebus
2008-09-28 04:48:20 PM  
The problem: Your lame website has no amusing or interesting content.
The solution: Lie in the headline.
2008-09-28 04:50:14 PM

2008-09-28 04:50:35 PM  

Zamboro: A far better weapon for taking out ships would be jets of molten metal (forget what the name for this theoretical weapon was) or thermite welders.

Are you thinking of MAHEM?

From what I read, the molten metal is more of a localized effect when the weapon detonates and does not cross long distances to strike the target.
2008-09-28 04:52:51 PM

2008-09-28 04:52:59 PM  
If they cost 700 billion dollars and you strap them to the head of the Federal Reserve they might be very effective in solving the economic crisis.
2008-09-28 04:54:19 PM  

staplermofo: I hate to admit it, but it's a better idea that the ill-fated sharks with staplers on their heads.

Pictures or it didn't happen.
2008-09-28 04:54:42 PM  
Muslim sharks are the most dangerous. Very irritable and quick to blow up.
2008-09-28 04:55:16 PM  
I prefer dinosaurs with lasers. Does anyone have that picture handy?
2008-09-28 04:59:50 PM  
You are all insolent.
2008-09-28 05:01:01 PM  
simple to have them activate when the sharks mouth opens and the eyes close. That way they only turn on during an "Attack"

Make those divers in cages think twice
2008-09-28 05:04:27 PM  
This needs a Mythbusters episode.
2008-09-28 05:04:38 PM  

DrForrester: You are all insolent.

Suck my dick. I'm a shark!
2008-09-28 05:05:04 PM  
Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
2008-09-28 05:21:20 PM
/can't believe it took this long
2008-09-28 05:22:01 PM  
F*ck your laser beam sharks. Land sharks are the next step in evolution.
And then, flying land sharks!
And then, flying aquatic land sharks!
2008-09-28 05:24:29 PM  
Are sharks with laser-beams on their heads practical?

Exucse me, but that is fricken laser beams on their fricken heads.
2008-09-28 05:30:14 PM  
I'll take shark with laser beams over dianetics any day, douchmitter.
2008-09-28 05:30:52 PM  

RavingRaven: Strongly disapproves of breeding intelligent sharks.
2008-09-28 05:38:42 PM  

mvalpreda: In a word: YES.

Discussion over.

Came to say this

/disappointed, no
//first ever post
///do i need a slashie licence?
2008-09-28 05:40:39 PM  
Why bother when they already explode?
Link (new window)
Full Length Version (new window)
2008-09-28 05:48:18 PM  
Never send a fish to do a mammals job.
2008-09-28 06:05:08 PM  
yes, yes it is

/didn't read the article
2008-09-28 06:13:36 PM

2008-09-28 06:23:16 PM  
Hell everyone knows that dolphins are the good guys of the sea and kick shark arse. You get the dolphins gunned up and then we'll be unstoppable!

/Dolphins are always smiling 'cos they know they are the hero.
2008-09-28 06:25:38 PM  

Bob_Laublaw: "Practical" has nothing to do with the sheer lethal awesomeness that is a laser-equipped shark.

I totally concur.
2008-09-28 06:26:37 PM  
Not practical. Nobody ever considers stingrays with fricken mirrors on their frickin heads.
2008-09-28 06:27:48 PM  

Setsuna: /approves

If I had a fetus cannon, I could die happy.
2008-09-28 06:47:06 PM  
One more step into making it practical....

I give you, remote controlled sharks! (Thanks, DARPA!)

Link (pops)
2008-09-28 07:14:18 PM  
Practical? No...
Awesome? Yes.
2008-09-29 05:17:33 AM  
Ah, but the big question is, How much poo would a Pac-Man poo, if a Pac-Man could poo-poo? (new window)
2008-09-29 06:54:55 AM  
The real question is where do we get an unnecesarily slow moving dipping device?
2008-09-29 08:58:56 AM  
... because someone has to ask the tough questions.
2008-09-29 11:39:48 AM  

Setsuna: /approves

You know I think that might be shopped, as some of the pixels look odd and I've seen a lot of shops in my time.
2008-09-29 05:47:59 PM  
hmm... me sure hopes so.
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