Spending $30K on a wedding and then breaking up because of money problems is like the most stupid thing ever. If you don't have the money, go the homemade route, you can probably have a wedding for a couple thousand dollars.

My sister's wedding was the best one I've ever been to.

- Wedding and reception held in a pavilion at the community recreational park; dress was semi-casual
- Sister's satin wedding dress was handmade by the groom's sister
- Wedding consisted of immediate family and close friends; no more than a few dozen people
- Reception was a potluck cookout (with burgers/hotdogs/drinks provided)

It was simple, elegant, inexpensive, and everyone had a great time. What's not to like about that?

The whole mentality that people have about making a wedding into a "Grand Threatrical Production" is just a waste of money and nerves, imho. It's just a way for the filthy rich to flaunt their wealth, and for the middle-class to pretend to be filthy rich for a day.

My opinion on a wedding -

Spend what you're comfortable with
Pay for something that will make you happy
Treat your guests comfortably
Have a good time

With help from my parents, we had a 100 person old-fashioned clambake wedding near the ocean. Ceremony lasted about 15 minutes. Party lasted 6 hours. Great food, great company, great party.

People are still complimenting me on the wedding a year later, including my parents who paid for a good chunk of the thing.

Ours ran about $22,000, which was cheap for a somewhat traditional traditionally served dinner wedding here in New England in peak season. We focused on the things we wanted to (really good food, open bar, and the location), and dropped the things we didn't need (no videographer, no church, etc.). A few things were added at my parents' insistence, since they paid for it (a rented bus from the hotel to the wedding site for guests so they could enjoy drinking without driving afterwards, for example). We had about as damned near perfect a wedding day as could be hoped for. No regrets about it. it was a great party - which is what we wanted.

/and I got my husband and the groomsmen in kilts
//mmm.... men in kilts

absoluteparanoia: To: All you guys talking about how cheap your wedding is going to be
From: Your future wives
Re: The cost of the wedding

You are not in control. We've dreamed about this for years and you're going to spend what I tell you to spending. We will not relent, and we will not listen to reason.

Signed,

Every woman
The Wom

And there's your problem. You've dreamed about the wedding for years, which means it's a life goal of yours. When you make something as easy as getting married (anybody off the street can do it), you're likely to rush into it at the first opportunity. When you can't wait to be the fairy tale bride in a gilded carriage, and you want it to happen as soon as possible, is there ANY question as to why the divorce rate is in the 50%'s?

If marriages were typically courthouse weddings and a bar/pub to celebrate after, the divorce rate would be in the low 20%'s. I would put a million bucks on it.

Our wedding cost $35. The night before he says "Hey, let's get married tomorrow." So we went to the courthouse, got married, then I had to go to work. It's been almost 4 years now and it was nice. My mother still wishes we had a big wedding but I'm glad we didn't.

/Husband's parents got married the same way.
//They're still together 34 years later.

yeah, um. i hate when ppl who do spend the average (as my hubby and i did about 8 months ago) are seen as folks who have no clue as to how to spend their money, and they could have used it for something better. we spent ~$30K for ours, and it was worth every last cent. we probably would have had a $50K wedding if it weren't for the fact we got married in January, so we saved tons of money from vendors who have next to no business in that month.

the wonderful thing? the entire wedding was paid in cash (~10 from my parents, ~5 from his, and the remaining 15 we paid). we managed to save all the money in just over a year, and still have ~7K left in savings. we're back to our same spending and saving habits (with raises for each of us since then), and we're building our savings right back up again for a down payment. we're both 26, and it was our choice to spend that much because we wanted to. ppl may have said we could have spent our money on better things, but what better thing than a gorgeous 45 minute ceremony, a 5 hour long party with 100 of our closest friends and family? and besides- we're right back on the path to saving up that much money plus some for something "better" (a house, emergency money, etc.)

a while back I had a very cool girlfriend who made a comment to me along the following lines:

"If you decide to propose to me at any point, get me a ring but don't go crazy. if you really feel like spending a ton of money get me a small ring and huge TV"

She is very cool.

/she broke up with me over a stupid reason.
//she realized that and wanted to get back together, I did not because she broke up with me over a stupid reason.
///still friends.

I have never been to a $30,000 wedding. Leave it to those trendy dumbasses on the coasts to spend that kind of money on one friggin evening.

No, you don't HAVE TO have it. Grow up a little.

CheetahOlivetti: Courthouse wedding: $50
Trip to stock car races afterward: $12
Getting stuck in a ditch when a tornado hits: Priceless

Courthouse Wedding: $80 (can't really remember the cost)
Lunch at a El Pollo Loco: $12
Taking a nice long nap after eating: wait, what?

howski: Tr0mBoNe: I'm not 35 yet so no ring for me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go spend my disposable income and travel on a whim to where ever I want whenever I want.

Alone.

/if that works for you, great.
//others may not want that.


Exactly, which is why I'll be traveling on whims with my husband...

Without kids

/but that's a whole other flame war


KJM315: /she broke up with me over a stupid reason.

What reason?

Talon: KJM315: /she broke up with me over a stupid reason.

What reason?

that I continued to smoke pot/do mushrooms. (an 1/8th of pot a month, maybe - boomers a few times a year, if that)

It was fine when we were just friends, and its fine for the rest of her friends (in college two of her suitemates were "wake and bakers" everyday) but it wasn't fine for me as her boyfriend.

OpheliasMusing: yeah, um. i hate when ppl who do spend the average (as my hubby and i did about 8 months ago) are seen as folks who have no clue as to how to spend their money, and they could have used it for something better. we spent ~$30K for ours, and it was worth every last cent. we probably would have had a $50K wedding if it weren't for the fact we got married in January, so we saved tons of money from vendors who have next to no business in that month.

the wonderful thing? the entire wedding was paid in cash (~10 from my parents, ~5 from his, and the remaining 15 we paid). we managed to save all the money in just over a year, and still have ~7K left in savings. we're back to our same spending and saving habits (with raises for each of us since then), and we're building our savings right back up again for a down payment. we're both 26, and it was our choice to spend that much because we wanted to. ppl may have said we could have spent our money on better things, but what better thing than a gorgeous 45 minute ceremony, a 5 hour long party with 100 of our closest friends and family? and besides- we're right back on the path to saving up that much money plus some for something "better" (a house, emergency money, etc.)

Um, a 10 minute ceremony and a 12-hour boozefest and orgy.

Seriously. Half of the 100 people that were there only came for the free booze.

Good for you, at 26, being able to blow $15 grand on a wedding, but it's still a farking stupid "investment" that you take absolutely nothing away from.

Bet it would have been much nicer to have that down payment 3 months from now rather than two years from now.

I cant wait to show this thread to my soon-to-be-babymama, who spent $50,000 on her wedding...and her marriage lasted 6 months.

My wedding? We went down to the courthouse, and the judge put it all to rest. No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisles, no flowers, no wedding dress.

Bored in Russell: Good for you, at 26, being able to blow $15 grand on a wedding, but it's still a farking stupid "investment" that you take absolutely nothing away from

I would have highlighted the "still have $7K left in savings" bit -- since expending two-thirds of one's liquid net worth on a celebration seems a bit dubious. If one or both of 'em ends up out of work for any decent length of time, $22K looks a lot better than $7K.

It's like expensive hobbies. Got $200K in liquid assets and you're young? Not too many would criticize you for picking up golf clubs and a membership somewhere, or spending some money on a nice camera and lenses. Got only $20K at the same age? Expect people to question your priorities if you go off and buy a Nikon D3, a Nikkor 300mm f/2.8, and a nice Gitzo CF tripod with a Really Right Stuff head on it. You could do it, it'd last longer than the wedding, and in the right hands it could work really REALLY well, but that doesn't mean that you *should* do it.

vudukungfu: I insisted on the DNA back in the 70s, and walked way.

I'm pretty sure DNA tests only really came into use in the 80s and later.

louiedog: If you were married, your living expenses would be lower and you'd have even more disposable income.

I'm guessing you're not married.

TheNewJesus: I have never been to a $30,000 wedding. Leave it to those trendy dumbasses on the coasts to spend that kind of money on one friggin evening.

No, you don't HAVE TO have it. Grow up a little.

i've worked numerous weddings in the kc area that have cost that much, so don't think it doesn't happen here in the midwest. i have one coming up in november that i was literally given a blank check for - and they know it's on my birthday so they've encouraged me to treat myself well

then again, i have a love/hate relationship with weddings. the money is awesome, but the expectations are always so high that they're pretty damn stressful and i don't really like working them

Solkar: My wife and I got married in 2001. Total cost, including cake, facility, my suit, her dress, decorations, etc.: $1,500. And to this day people still tell us how nice it was, some saying it's the best wedding they ever attended.



Oh yeah? I got PAID to get married. Beat that, biatch.

I had a LI monstrosity... all in +$65k. Mother-in-Law... out of her damn mind. The more I yelled... the more they spent. So I stopped talking from 2 months out until the honey moon. It sure would have been nice to live in my cocktail party, but rational personal finance is incompatible with having a vagina. The amount of spending caused by that thing was farking shameful. After surviving the wedding the marriage is actually pretty easy.

My brother rented an A & W Rootbeer Truck with a deep fat frier and a softserve ice cream machine in it. We had corn dogs and Rootbeer floats for dinner and his friends secretly held up a giant black double dong in all the photos, especially the ones with my grandmother. I had a great time at his wedding.

What the fark... $5600 engagement ring? $1200 wedding bands? I sure hope all of these things you're buying are made of the rarest materials on Earth...

I think DeBeers says 2 months salary for the engagement ring. I spent about 1/2 that on the one I bought, though it doubled as the band as well. Of course, a family ring is also nice (and free).

I'm going the route of my buddy. He told his wife that she gets to pick one of the two:

1. expensive ring
2. expensive wedding


I'm a sucker for a pout-lipped girl....*sigh*

Take my advice, young whippersnappers: elope. $1000 is too much to spend.

/Take the $30 large and buy a farking house.
//ONLY if you can actually afford it.

I bought my girlfriend THE ring last week so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

If the parents want a huge party to celebrate their little angels' wedding, then they can damn well pay for it. Otherwise, leave it up to the bride AND GROOM to figure it out.

Unfortunately, American women have an insane misguided opinion that it's THEIR wedding, as opposed to an event that both the man and the woman have an equal stake and say in.

zippythechimp: Jeffrey.Rodriguez: $100 for the certificate and Judge Hercules' time.
$100 for rings.
It rained.

$4000 for a divorce lawyer a year later.
Had nothing to do with the expense of the wedding.

DO NOT GET MARRIED

"She got the gold mine, I got the shaft"


Sounds rather gay.

/NTTAWWT

My husband and I were married two weeks ago. In bed. Him in his tie, me in my pearls. After the officiant left our bedroom, we dressed and husband's best friend took us to the airport for our honeymoon. The No Tie reception is this Saturday. It's not been cheap, all of this, but we did it the way we wanted to, with our money and didn't go into debt to do it.

MmmCrime: Solkar: My wife and I got married in 2001. Total cost, including cake, facility, my suit, her dress, decorations, etc.: $1,500. And to this day people still tell us how nice it was, some saying it's the best wedding they ever attended.

We don't enjoy big weddings for other people, and we didn't want one for ourselves.

Exactly. My future bride will have to deal with the fact that I want to be married by a judge, have the ceremony outside, and have a BBQ afterwards. fark a tux, I want to be comfortable. Same with my groomsmen and the people in the audience. I thought we were supposed to enjoy being married. Ain't nothing enjoyable about spending $50 a plate for high end booze, beer, and food when you could spend $8 a plate, serves some sweet pulled pork and drink a little moonshine

/urban redneck

Wow. I bet you have to fend the women off with a stick.

My sister is getting married at the House of Frankenstein, skulls, spiders and the works -- looks like the whole thing is coming in at around the 5K mark total

grumbles at the fact that i have to make every stinking bouquet, table arrangement, etc. Cheaper wedding = free family labor

My cousin had a wedding outside, with a small number of people, and had the reception inside the local firehall.

Grand total was like $500.

darkhorse23: My stepdaughtermonster, after soaking the family for years, announced that she and her SO were getting married. After living together for five years with him. DEMANDED her wedding. Her mom caved, of course, 'because she is a child of divorce'. My husband caved, of course, because 'maybe one day I'll get her to love me'. She's refusing to allow him to walk her down the aisle, after he shelled out money that he borrowed against our retirement.

What an absolute coont. I am the only one in this family with any backbone, I guess. Her grandmas also donated big bucks. I told them both that Emily Post would have slapped them in the face for allowing this. I'm not her mother, they say, I have no say in the matter. Just keep that money flowing.

Precious farking snowflake. I wish she would literally DIAF and make everybody else's life much better.

It's customary for the bride's parents to pay. Unless her mom was broke, she has every right to expect it, no matter how long she lived with the guy. As long as it was her first wedding. Emily Post is old fashioned and has no relevance to the modern world. People live together, often for years nowadays.

IMACODFISH: I had a LI monstrosity... all in +$65k. Mother-in-Law... out of her damn mind. The more I yelled... the more they spent. So I stopped talking from 2 months out until the honey moon. It sure would have been nice to live in my cocktail party, but rational personal finance is incompatible with having a vagina.

This right here is why you paid $65,000 for a wedding, and it's also why you deserve to pay that much. Because you make the assumption that all women are this way, and you accepted this behavior from your wife and mother-in-law.

My wedding was not exactly cheap. I'd have been happy just having a backyard bash with a 15 minute pause for our ceremony, then grilling some steaks up and drinking some beer. But my wife wanted a nice wedding. We got married at a historic house, had the reception at a country club, etc...her parents paid for it. We didn't really have a honeymoon, which was a major mistake if you ask me. But hey, they weren't paying for that and we don't have a lot of cash laying around.

The ceremony everyone said was awesome, as was the reception. The only thing that sucked was the bride's mom had the whole thing micromanaged at the reception. I would say I was a very good host, but that's the problem, it's my wedding day. I just wanted to come to the reception, sit down, have my meal, drink a beer, cut the cake and have a good time. Instead we were running around for 3 hours with barely enough time to go smoke a cigarette.

So the moral of the story is the reception is the fun time. Be up front about it, "I AM GOING TO WALK IN, DRINK A BEER, EAT FOOD, CUT CAKE AND DANCE! DO NOT INTERFERE!"

My wife and I eloped for $142.50

That included the wedding license, ceremony, rings, and parking. We just celebrated our 8th anniversary last month.

Best $142.50 I ever spent.

You know, for the longest time I thought I just wanted to shoot out to Vegas and have a quickie wedding, but then I found out today that you can do a whole wedding at Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, Oregon for $500, including airfare for the bride and groom and a five-day stay in Portland. I think that's my new Plan A, as long as future hubs like doughnuts.

IF i ever marry... cheap and simple. with blood and a view.

absoluteparanoia: To: All you guys talking about how cheap your wedding is going to be
From: Your future wives
Re: The cost of the wedding

You are not in control. We've dreamed about this for years and you're going to spend what I tell you to spending. We will not relent, and we will not listen to reason.

Signed,

Every woman
The Wom

Thanks for proving that all women are nuts.

Seriously though, there are other fish in the sea. Any intelligent man would be running away screaming if he had to deal with a bridezilla.



Maxwell's Daemon: If someone would tell my Indian fiancee about these "cheap weddings" you speak of, I'd be ever so grateful.

Native American Indian or Indian as in the subcontinent?

If it's the subcontinent Indian (dot style) then you should know that in traditional Indian weddings, the bride's family usually pays. And the groom gets a dowry.

For my parents' wedding, my mom's family gave them small house, a bit of land, etc. They'll be moving back to India and living there when they retire.

I had to attend so many cousins' weddings, OH MY GOD were they long. The actual wedding ceremony took 2-4 hours (not joking here) and the receptions were pretty long as well. Fortunately I was young then, so I could excuse myself and hang out in the hotel lobby. Plus there were tons of guests (150-200+ easy); I honestly would have gone insane if I had to trace their family connection to the bride & groom.

And yes... I have told my parents many times, if I ever got married, there would be many, many changes to the schedule, namely getting the ceremony under 1/2 an hour.

/Sure hope you're not Caucasian... the money part might not apply to you.
//I'm Indian
///NOT traditional, so please don't biatch me out ladies ;-)
////Not going into debt for my marriage... I have enough in student loans TYVM.

sometimes i feel like the only straight woman on earth who has never dreamed of a fairy-tale princess wedding and who has no desire to get married, ever.

hyperflame: //I'm Indian
///NOT traditional, so please don't biatch me out ladies ;-)
////Not going into debt for my marriage... I have enough in student loans TYVM.

Erm, forgot to mention, since I might come across as being a dick:

1. My parents are moving back because they want to, and to be by their relatives back in India. I refuse to take any money from them. My studying will be paid for by loans + scholarships.

2. I could easily see the standard Indian wedding as being 30K or so. The Indian weddings I've attended have all had loads of people flying in from everywhere, ballrooms rented from fancy hotels, receptions in massive gardens, etc.

Isn't eloping sort of... and please forgive my rudeness... really sort of mean to your mother? Eloping would be nice, but I think it would break my mom's heart and I'd feel terrible.

/Hoping to propose in December!
//And I'm really not even very close to my mother...

went to my best friends wedding here in chicago over labor day weekend...conservative price tag...not kidding..$500k.....was a hell of a week though and the party was rocking...glad i didn't pay for it.

I want to married in nature, somewhere beside or in a forest, at night, during early spring. Not only is it very cheap, it also seems very romantic.

/Mosquitoes?
//I still need a guy.

Kareeshus: Isn't eloping sort of... and please forgive my rudeness... really sort of mean to your mother? Eloping would be nice, but I think it would break my mom's heart and I'd feel terrible.

This kind of isn't ABOUT your mother.

I'm being extra-good this year so Santa will bring me that Vapid Twat tag I've been wanting for Christmas.

/I love Fark wedding threads
//and vapid twats

I saw 'Beth Hoops' on myspace. Most of that money was probably for plucking the caveman brow.

Bored in Russell
Um, a 10 minute ceremony and a 12-hour boozefest and orgy.

Seriously. Half of the 100 people that were there only came for the free booze.
Man, I've got some whinos for friends then. We only served wine. No hard liquor, no beer. My guess was the tasty gourmet free food for which our venue was known.

Good for you, at 26, being able to blow $15 grand on a wedding, but it's still a farking stupid "investment" that you take absolutely nothing away from.
Thanks! It was an investment that was our choice. To each his own, such as your boozefest and orgy.

Bet it would have been much nicer to have that down payment 3 months from now rather than two years from now.
Nah, not really. My job provides free housing- no utilities, rent, parking, so we're kind of set, at least for right now. We don't need a house right now, thanks to my job; two years from now should be just about right on our timeline. But thanks for your concern.

My wife and I had our wedding in an Elvis movie. One guy danced with a wooden chair because he couldn't find a partner.