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(New York Daily News)   School officials strip-search fourth graders in search for mystery pooper   ( divider line
    More: Stupid  
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13544 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2002 at 2:32 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

114 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-12-20 12:20:31 PM  
Colonel Mustard. In the bathroom. With a candlestick.
2002-12-20 12:30:40 PM  
Oh come on. It's just crap. Get a pooper scooper. They are little kids. If someone was doing that to my kid, I think they would get something else shoved up their butt. that's right, my foot. (I know what you were thinking...)
2002-12-20 12:36:46 PM  
Two Concord Baptist Elementary School staffers - apparently enraged over finding feces on a bathroom floor - ordered the boys to drop their pants and bend over so they could inspect them for signs of defecation.

Now I understand that your average public-school 4th grader may not know how yet to wipe their ass, but these were private school kids; did they really think they;d find "evidence"?
2002-12-20 12:50:57 PM  
heh heh... mystery pooper. Does that phrase make anyone else giggle or just me?
2002-12-20 01:43:25 PM  
I'm giggling.
2002-12-20 02:35:36 PM  
Wait. Was Michael Jackson involved?
2002-12-20 02:35:39 PM  
It was Shorn_scrotum from the corn thread.
2002-12-20 02:35:59 PM  
Mass firings ensue.
2002-12-20 02:36:11 PM  
If pooping is outlawed, then only outlaws will poop on the floor.
2002-12-20 02:37:49 PM  
I say let the mystery be.
2002-12-20 02:37:55 PM  
First the Catholics now the Baptists. Christians, quit touching the kids, damn it.
2002-12-20 02:38:06 PM  
Note to teachers: Touching the students' sphincters may result in termination.
2002-12-20 02:38:21 PM  
The "mystery pooper" cleverly dumped the evidence.

I love shiat jokes!!!
2002-12-20 02:38:36 PM  
HOLY shiat!
2002-12-20 02:38:37 PM  
Aha! Conceptual continuity within Fark threads. Gotta love it!
2002-12-20 02:38:46 PM  
Wow. The lawsuits from this one should run the school into the ground. I wonder what kind of lube the staffers use?

/yet another shameless plug for new farkism.
2002-12-20 02:39:03 PM  
I think a better way to solve the crime would be
they could have fed one kid corn for lunch, one kid
2002-12-20 02:39:06 PM  
If I had a kid, I'd beat the living hell out of anyone, teacher or otherwise, who wanted to do a bung-check on him.
2002-12-20 02:39:07 PM  
This is so common now-a-days....

2002-12-20 02:39:29 PM  
Lucky they shiat on the floor instead of shiatting their pants.

I have nothing but praise for the kid who almost made it to the toilet, next time he'll just take a dump in his school desk.
2002-12-20 02:39:34 PM  
Dogfood, genious, shear genious.
2002-12-20 02:40:18 PM  
Reminds me of one of the mentally challenged kids at my high school who wrote "give back my cheese nibbles" several times on the bathroom wall with his own feces.

Well, we assumed it was his own feces.

2002-12-20 02:40:38 PM  
Wow! And it wasn't a Catholic school.
2002-12-20 02:41:13 PM  
this is my favorite part

School administrators told students and their parents yesterday not to speak with reporters

if i were the parents i would tell the school to retain a lawyer.

seriously could the teachers be arrested for sexual assault? some law wise farker help me out here.
2002-12-20 02:41:25 PM  
Oh, it's a CHURCH-affliated school. Well that explains it.
Any bets on if the parents are going to sue?
2002-12-20 02:41:27 PM  
If I were a kid at that school I would start pooping in the the "staffers" desk.

Lawsuits in 5..4..3..
2002-12-20 02:41:41 PM  
Captain_America, yes.
2002-12-20 02:41:50 PM  
I wonder how they thought they would get away with this.
2002-12-20 02:41:51 PM  
At one of my former places of employment we had a "mystery shiatter". Crazy bastard would make a total mess out of a stall or remove a ceiling tile, void his bowels on it, and replace it. To this day, I still wonder, what kind of lube did he use?
2002-12-20 02:41:53 PM  
Someone pooped on the floor of the bathroom once at my job.

And I work at an investment bank.

How crazy is THAT?
2002-12-20 02:42:01 PM  
When I was a kid someone smeared shiat all over the bathroom walls one day. Even with that mess, nobody checked our bungholes. Hell, what if some poor innocent kid is just a bad wiper?
2002-12-20 02:42:15 PM  
A religous school....Oh I see! Understanable that such ignornace came from that kind of school...

2002-12-20 02:42:55 PM  
And the number one thing not to say to a 4th grader if you are a teacher/religious figure/teacher in a religious school is???
(drum roll)

"take off your underwear and bend over while I inspect you"

sheesh...what idiots.
2002-12-20 02:43:22 PM  
Bug: Correct, it was me. But I was in the conservatory with a revolver as always.
2002-12-20 02:43:28 PM  
Why do I get a visual of Ringo Starr when I hear about shiat-play?

Ha ha ha, Image to appear in 5....4....3..
2002-12-20 02:43:30 PM  
A Brooklyn private school has suspended two staffers who terrorized eight students

Of course. Everyone's a terrorist. These two sound more like pedofiles.

Concord Baptist Elementary School

Oh wait, that explains it. Were these staffers priests?
2002-12-20 02:43:44 PM  
A Brooklyn private school has suspended two staffers who terrorized eight students Tuesday in a surprise bathroom strip search.

So much for Baptism being the religion of peace.
2002-12-20 02:43:46 PM  
This is what that crazy biatch of a mother in the other thread does to her kid. She sifts thru his poop to make sure he's not been sodomised to death.
2002-12-20 02:44:22 PM  
Nice slip, LuckyCharms:

it's gonna seem a but much .
2002-12-20 02:44:56 PM  
I would farking kill the teacher if they did that to my kid.
Maybe as payback the kids can each be allowed to shove one item (pencil, crayon, stapler etc) up the offending teachers asses.
2002-12-20 02:46:03 PM  
What lube would they use, Absolutben?
2002-12-20 02:46:28 PM  
It's easy to tell who pooped.. Just make all the kids eat it and the one who spits it out is the guilty one.. ?
2002-12-20 02:46:49 PM  
When I was in Junior High, a girl with severe problems once wrote death threats to specific teachers and kids with her own feces, I guese she didnt have a pen at the time.
2002-12-20 02:47:02 PM  
What does the Bible say about anal inspections?

[image from too old to be available]
2002-12-20 02:47:07 PM  
I have considerably less sympathy, remembering all the abuse I put up with in my elementary school days due to the idiotic shenanigans of others.

Sorry, if you're 10 years old and you can't avoid shiatting on the floor, you deserve what you get.

What about the other kids (the innocent ones), you ask. Well, find out who the hell is shiatting on the floor, and tell the damned teacher when nobody's looking. In the adult world, we call this "turning state's evidence"

This kind of nincompoopery is why kids don't understand rules (parents demand that schools not enforce them), parents hate teachers (they have delusions of persecution), and teachers can't do their jobs (violent criticizm by parents).

If you break a rule, you will make life miserable for those around you, who will proceed to break a broomhandle off in your ass. PLAY NICE!

/flame off
2002-12-20 02:47:47 PM  
Maybe one of the kids smuggled the poop in from home so that there would be no residual evidence.

Then again, how do they know it wasn't a teacher that was responsible? Is there some way to measure the diameter to verify the age of the source sphincter?
2002-12-20 02:48:09 PM  
Guy Innagorillasuit,

I'm wondering if we went to the same high school...

I took a shop class senior year and the teacher would often leave us unsupervised. The place had a darkroom (for developing photos). One of the guys in the class was always torturing the teacher with pranks, and one time he took a shiat in a box and put it up above the ceiling tiles. What a nasty stench.

Funny prank though.
2002-12-20 02:48:25 PM  
PhaetonGrim- No lube allowed for those assholes. Pun intended.
2002-12-20 02:49:53 PM  
Since when has Chuck Berry worked for a New York private school?
2002-12-20 02:50:10 PM  
how do you check to see if someone took a poo ? granted, i can tell when my three year old does, but i assume my butt isn't any diffrent 5 minutes after i poo.

what were teachers looking for? someone who forgot to wipe?
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