Brought to you by the Ministry for Completely Made Up Statistics...

This sounds familiar. I always figured it was early Alzheimer's.

I think most e-mail applications can check your mail every 5 minutes. No need to stop, check it yourself.

markie_farkie: No word on the "F5 on Fark" syndrome....

This

Only if you get an email since you last checked it. Otherwise, there's basically 0 overhead.

At least I don't spend endless hours watching reality shows on TV.

I bet I can waste 8.5 hours before the sun goes down.

GurneyHalleck: It's called multi-tasking. It's good to have on a resume.

It's called doing a shiatty job at many things at once instead of doing a good job at one thing.

Wait....what?

dooder0001: GurneyHalleck: It's called multi-tasking. It's good to have on a resume.

It's called doing a shiatty job at many things at once instead of doing a good job at one thing.

Anyone who can't switch tasks quickly would be better off as a ditch digger.

Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?

For people using Firefox, "Gmail notifier" is a great addon. You only waste .5 secs looking at the number of new emails on the bottom of your screen, which is usually '0' for me. Then you can go back to wasting your time in fark.

Just one more reason to got to a 4 day work week, because techincally I'm only working 4 anyway

i waste 8.5 hours a DAY.. working in a box infront of a computer screen.

//working aka fark. lol

in the meantime there's a study that shows reserchers who spent time researching people who check their emails just wasted about 8.5 yrs off their own time doing meaningless research.

But Dr Jackson found that people tend to respond to email as it arrives, taking an average of only one minute and 44 seconds to act upon a new email notification; 70% of alerts got a reaction within six seconds. That's faster than letting the phone ring three times.

...what?

I used to use RSS but then I realized I had nothing to do at work besides work.

You could've just emailed me this article.

dooder0001: Only if you get an email since you last checked it. Otherwise, there's basically 0 overhead.

exactly. that 8.5 hour figure is based on you wasteing 64 seconds every 5 minutes over a 40 hour week.

So it assumes you get 96 e-mails each day and you spend over a minute on each one.

For most people, I doubt thats the case (excluding spam). And if it IS the case, its probably part of your regular job duties to spend that much time devoted to answering e-mails.

People who check their email every five minutes are neurotic. If they weren't checking their email they be counting backwards from fifty while rubbing their belly or some other OCD bullshiat.

Xenu's Giant Pink Replicock: Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?

Ick. I'm in informatics class atm, I started inserting "else, if, ect" crap in there...

What about the people that glance at their cell phones every 12 seconds? Did I get a message?....no, damn....did I get a message...no, damn...did I get a message...no, damn...

They're checking for BIE.

Obviously

Xenu's Giant Pink Replicock: Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?

Dude, stop to pee once in a while or you'll hurt your bladder!

tweekster: dooder0001: GurneyHalleck: It's called multi-tasking. It's good to have on a resume.

It's called doing a shiatty job at many things at once instead of doing a good job at one thing.

Anyone who can't switch tasks quickly would be better off as a ditch digger.

Switching tasks is not multitasking. Multitasking is doing 2 tasks at once. Multitasking may involve fine-grained context switching but that's not the same as doing a substantial amount of one task and then doing a substantial amount of another.

bongmiester:
this

this

i waste about 8.5 hours a week checking what's inside my nose.

what_now What about people who have that little outlook fade in at the corner of the screen?

Also, 8.5 hrs a week? Pshaw!

I can do that in a *day*.

THIS.

I hate that Outlook notification/fade thing.

/receives at least 100+ emails/day at work
//information overload makes my head hurt

1. I just wasted 1.3 seconds reading the bottom red report banners which will likely reduce the number of boobages on Fark.

2. Email can be a great time saver or waster. Usually waster. The problem is people try to have conversations over email where that is a poor place to have an email conversation.

Instead of stating the important information and likely follow up information, emails often contain too little detail to stand on their own. So everyone has to respond for that extra tidbit of information that is missing.

Usually the mails are missing one or more important elements like the who does what, when it must be done, and who reports to whom. Instead you get a three line shotgun approach.

If you are sending the email to someone who has no deliverables, then probably you didn't need to send it to them in the first place. They'll either wonder if they are supposed to do something, or not do anything at all anyways.

3. Texting is worse. A 15 minute txt exchange can be done on 30 seconds by voice. txt messages are designed for little to no response required.

My best improvements are no email the first hour of the day. A dual monitor setup is a must. I cannot stress that enough.

When I had 30 student workers in higher education we had a day on how to properly format and send an email. This included who to include (less is more) what to include, and when a response is or isn't necessary. They were pissed as hell we even bothered. After one month, they were pissed that not everyone else followed good email guidelines.

Every 5 minutes? Freakin amatures!

At work I have a monitor dedicated soley to Outlook. Another for code, and another for whatever else. Usually Fark.

I spend more time than that in my masturbatorium.

tweekster: Anyone who can't switch tasks quickly would be better off as a ditch digger.

Most cognitive studies show that humans are piss poor multi-taskers. Incidentally, men are even worse than women on average.

We really do more tasks poorly than a few tasks really well.

Check e-mail. No e-mail. Because you're a loser.

Check responses to your posts on Fark. No responses. Because you're a loser.

Check Facebook. No updates. Change your status to "I'm a loser."

Twitter your Facebook status update to your mom. Loser.

Check your iPhone for recents. No recents. Because...

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Barakku: Xenu's Giant Pink Replicock: Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?
Do I have e-mail? No e-mail. What's on fark?

Ick. I'm in informatics class atm, I started inserting "else, if, ect" crap in there...

Gotcha beat.. I'm programming @ work..
I saw that as
while (atWork)
{
  if (newEmail == null)
  {
   Goto Fark;
  }
}

It's a symptom of the times that we live in. We feel the need to remain connected to everyone 24/7 and in my mind this actually contributes to a degradation of legitimate social interaction. Shame on you all.


-Sent from my Blackberry

Pfft... I waste about 8.5 hours in a day.

And let's not forget fantasy football fan site player status projected points and injury updates.

Five minutes? Shiat, next time I make it a minute without F5'ing my gmail webpage will be the first time in a long time.


Amateurs.

When I was in cube hell, I spent a lot of time scripting responses to be fired out at specific times. Unfortunately, people view timely email responses as some measure of job performance. So knowing that, I rigged up couple things.

*Generic timed emails to go out early in the morning. These were written the day before with a delay to be sent at a certain time. Made me look like the early guy.

* Generic timed emails to go out those couple minutes after the office closed.

* An automated web spider that hits work related sites like a motherfarker. This generates huge weblists that pretty much drown your real web surfing. If anyone in IT asks, tell them you are downloading during off hours to read later.

*Anything you send after lunch might as well be thrown out. Most work in an office is done before 10:45am

*Volunteer for every and any non work committee. (Habitat for Humanity, Poor Retarded Kids etc., ) You'll be coming and going so often doing shiat your boss doesn't want to get involved in that pretty soon you can come and go as you please.


I hate to say it, but the general impressions of your work is set in about the first month. Knock it out of the park and you'll have a much easier time.

I have no idea what I was doing before I started Farking.
Hmm.

Task mail = new Task ( "check mail" );
Task fark = new Task ( "check fark" );
Task piss = new Task ( "bathroom" );
Task work = new Task ( "do real work" );

Location desk = new Location(18443);
Location potty = new Location(16832);

mail.Loc = desk;
fark.Loc = desk;
work.loc = desk;
piss.Loc = potty;

Clock clock = new Clock (time(), true);

// TODO: error checking

clock.run();
while (!clock.IsElapsed(8*60 + .5*60))
{
// BUGBUG: somehow this never gets deleted.
if (work)
delete work;

if (mail.IsWaiting())
mail.Exec();
fark.Exec();
if (piss.IsWaiting())
piss.Exec();
}

delete clock;
delete mail;
delete piss;
delete fark;

-- NO CARRIER