Weaver95: I wonder how many vice presidents and corporate officers got fired?

You should know that they are essential to a company. I hope they get bonuses.

Weaver95: If layoffs are necessary, start by firing your senior managers, then promote from within.

Why do you hate capitalism? If a company fails it's clearly the fault of the lowest level of employees.

He will probably get a raise.

I am in HR an I'm getting a kick out of these replies!

Been done before - I'm having trouble finding the story, but some HR exec at CTV in Canada e-mailed a discussion about a bunch of senior managers/execs being let go to an entire site...

Are there going to be anymore Photoshop threads today?

Ummm... the two Bob's want to see you in the conference room.

Does he call himself the King of Forwards?

I blame the unions.

Walker: "The actions we had to take, although unfortunate, were necessary to right-size the company and ... bring in the skill sets we need to effectively service our business and future client needs."

You gotta love this "corporate speak". My company used the same type of language in their various down-sizings --- oops I'm sorry --- right-sizings.

Mine just did the same thing and I dodged a farking bullet -- for now. I feel like all the doublespeak makes it twice as insulting. If you're firing me to save money, say that. Don't tell me you're encouraging me to take my career in a new direction for the good of the company. If you think I'm dumb enough to be fooled by some middle manager reading from a badly written script, you shouldn't have hired me in the first place.

/Still happy to be employed right now

Hahaha I guess they can add one more person to the list of people getting canned.

Weaver95: I wonder how many vice presidents and corporate officers got fired?

If you had the tenacity and foresight to suck the same dick they did, you deserve a little job security.

If someone used the word "right-size" in front of you, why wouldn't you immediately punch them in the face?

MC O'Brien: Are there going to be anymore Photoshop threads today?

Wow, you wish and you receive. Thanks green-lighters!!!!

I could see that article being worthy of the FAIL tag.

My old company did something similar in that, on a Friday, they accidentally emailed the list to one of the guys who was going to be laid off on the Monday. This left him a whole weekend to prepare for the world's greatest exit interview, in which he not only burned his bridges, but also nuked the site from orbit.

Even my exit interview after I quit couldn't compare, and I made the HR person cry.

Weaver95: eddyatwork: Weaver95: I wonder how many vice presidents and corporate officers got fired?

You should know that they are essential to a company. I hope they get bonuses.

In my view, if you mismanage your company so badly that massive layoffs become necessary for your continued survival...then you have failed as a leader and should be forced out of your cushy CEO job. If layoffs are necessary, start by firing your senior managers, then promote from within.

Of course if you are dumb enough to leave yourself open to such a results based firing, you really aren't CEO material to begin with.

A "good" CEO can lay off the whole company, close it's doors AND collect the bonus.

Anything else, you are an amateur.

Jument: If someone used the word "right-size" in front of you, why wouldn't you immediately punch them in the face?

My likely response:
"I got some right-size for ya, right here."
(At this point in the conversation, I would indicate that I was referring to my own penis.)

Weaver95: I wonder how many vice presidents and corporate officers got fired?

The place I used to work at actually did lay off a bunch of directors and vice-presidents. Of course, that's because they'd hand those titles out to anyone, in lieu of actual pay.

10% of the employees had Vice-President in their job title.

rodeofrog: My likely response:
"I got some right-size for ya, right here."
(At this point in the conversation, I would indicate that I was referring to my own penis.)

Are you sure you didn't mean down-size?

Has anyone ever actually been surprised when they were let go?

Jument: If someone used the word "right-size" in front of you, why wouldn't you immediately punch them in the face?

Sounds just as bad as being told you sound like you have a case of the Mondays.

The Tony Danzas: rodeofrog: My likely response:
"I got some right-size for ya, right here."
(At this point in the conversation, I would indicate that I was referring to my own penis.)

Are you sure you didn't mean down-size?

Sure, if I was returning to my flacid state. At work though, I'm always at least 70% chubbed because of all our hot secretaries.

Ditto: Has anyone ever actually been surprised when they were let go?

I was surprised when I wasn't. I'd yelled at three different executive officers just before the company went through a round of layoffs, and I wasn't one of the chosen.

rodeofrog: Sure, if I was returning to my flacid state. At work though, I'm always at least 70% chubbed because of all our hot secretaries.

I really hope we work at different companies.

The list of layoffs probably just increased by one name.

The Tony Danzas: Even my exit interview after I quit couldn't compare, and I made the HR person cry.

If I could, I would shake your hand. Even the nicest HR person I ever met would cut 50 throats and send out a buzzword-laden memo blaming "the changing marketplace" before lunch if he was asked to do it. And he'd sleep like a baby that night after he went home at 3:30 to get in a round of golf.

Have I had to fire and reprimand folks? Sure. Did I enjoy it so much that I've pursued it as my full-time occupation? Nope. There's something wrong with those HR people.

"In order to serve you better" - corporatespeak for "we're about to fark you, and this is how."

Always, when you see one of these come through, right click and save it to a thumb drive. They can disappear before you know what is going on. You do keep a thumb drive handy, don't you?

Ah, HR... when using MS Word and a label maker are the only skills you have, you go HR!



/ To be fair, that applies to recruiters as well...

Rug Doctor: If I could, I would shake your hand.

It was one of my proudest moments.

My exit interview was actually less insane that when my wife quit one of her jobs. The interview took 4 hours, involved a stack of emails from her boss the thickness of a phone book, and ended with the HR person saying "Wow. You should really sue. Oh shiat, did I just say that?".

It was followed up by her former boss being sent to sensitivity (or, as her co-workers called it, "How to be a Human") training, and removed direct contact from most of her underlings.

Now at least some of those people will have time to find new work before they are given a final paycheck and an unceremonious boot.

ROFLWAFFLE Quote 2008-09-03 07:12:55 PM
Sounds just as bad as being told you sound like you have a case of the Mondays.

"Has anyone ever asked you if you have a case of the Mondays?"

"Nah..man..nah, I believe you get your ass whooped sayin' some shiat like that"

How much you want to bet the email error was made with Outlook?

Tools/Options/E-mail Options/Under "When sending a message", clear the "Suggest names while completing To, Cc, and Bcc fields" check box.

I guess Outlook "Auto Completes" distribution lists too?

Wow...I new a former employee that sent a sensitive email to an outside "Bob" instead of the internal "Bob". Recall didn't work.

Ah, corporate America, where guys in suits get together to figure out what flavour smoke to blow up the asses of the people who actually do the work when they find out that their business model won't support their salaries.

Pull your pants up, boys. You look silly.

I hope all of your "critical talent" tells you to go shove a horse cock up your mother's ass on their way out the door, if only for insulting their intelligence.

Rug Doctor: The Tony Danzas: Even my exit interview after I quit couldn't compare, and I made the HR person cry.

If I could, I would shake your hand........ There's something wrong with those HR people.


I think I figured it out. They always wanted to be cops when they were kids. They couldn't hack it for whatever reasons. Usually they were too fat or wimpy or mushy. So for a while they tried to be rent-a-cops. That wasn't enough power for them. They needed to find a way to bully people, be praised for doing so, and have no repercussions. So they discovered a career in HR. Human Racehorses. Power to hire and fire for no apparent reason but no responsibility to go along with it.

/PEH
//slash

Rug Doctor: The Tony Danzas: Even my exit interview after I quit couldn't compare, and I made the HR person cry.

If I could, I would shake your hand. Even the nicest HR person I ever met would cut 50 throats and send out a buzzword-laden memo blaming "the changing marketplace" before lunch if he was asked to do it. And he'd sleep like a baby that night after he went home at 3:30 to get in a round of golf.


Does anyone actually see the results of the exit interview? I get go at one exit interview and about 15 minutes into it, I saw she was not writing anything down. When I asked her if she was going to put anything down, she told that I was obviously disgruntled and the company didn't need feed back from disgruntled employees.

Thats when I realized she was worried about her own job and just made up reasons for employees quitting that did not incriminate management.

HempHead: Does anyone actually see the results of the exit interview? I get go at one exit interview and about 15 minutes into it, I saw she was not writing anything down. When I asked her if she was going to put anything down, she told that I was obviously disgruntled and the company didn't need feed back from disgruntled employees.

They took records in mine. From there, it was supposed to be compiled with the others who were quitting and assembled into a summary report from which individuals couldn't be identified, to protect our privacy. I told them that they could put my name beside everything that I said.

From there, it was supposed to be forwarded on to appropriate individuals in the company, who would use the information to improve the company. What really happens is that it's forwarded on to those people who ignore it until they use it to mop up a coffee spill.

Wow, I am impressed...

By how much effort the management went to with the memo, the severance package, etc.

My company laid off a bunch of people last month, and all they got was two weeks pay. No exit interview. No package. No relocation help. Oh and BTW, your bennies cut off at midnight. Now get the fark out.

Silly republicans.