Bob Johnson was close to his aunt growing up. But when she learned he was gay, she began making hurtful comments; eventually, they drifted apart. Then Johnson, 43, was diagnosed with colon cancer. Relatives flocked to his side -- except for his aunt.

"I never heard from her. I still haven't to this day," says the New York media-relations professional

You're better off without her, Bob. She sounds like a pretty worthless waste of skin.

Occam's Chainsaw: Enh, maybe the last thing he needed to be thinking about while battling colon cancer was homosexuality.

Had to scratch that itch somehow.

(oh god I'm a terrible person)

Try to step into the shoes of those who hurt you in hopes you'll see the situation from their perspective.

Actually a better plan would be to step into the shoes of those you have hurt in hopes of seeing that forgiveness is deserved.

liberalish: Life is too short to be to be in a bad mood all the time.

I can't stand miserable pricks that go through life sharing their complaints on anyone that has ever done something that made their life more difficult. Especially when those people didn't actually do anything unreasonable.

CravenMorehead: Did Bill Clinton write that headline?

Na Bill would have told her to put some ice on it.

jaylectricity: Try to step into the shoes of those who hurt you in hopes you'll see the situation from their perspective.

Actually a better plan would be to step into the shoes of those you have hurt in hopes of seeing that forgiveness is deserved.

Or stomp onto the shoes of those who have hurt you while they are wearing them.

Forgiveness is overrated, in my opinion. I'm not suggesting people hold on to anger or resentment just for the sake of doing so, but it's possible to put something behind you without "forgiving" the offender.

Most people aren't hurt by malice, but by the selfish or inconsiderate acts of others. Why should those be forgiven?

My grandaughter's paternal grandmother lived three blocks from her parents for 20 years or so and refused to speak with them.

She also refused to go to either of their funerals.

I've always know there was something seriously farked up in that family, but damn...

My mother is in a nursing home recovering from cancer surgery to her leg.
She lives in a condo nearby and I have been going over there for years visiting and fixing problems ranging from bills, home repairs, computer problems and health problems.
Since her surgery, I had gone to the hospital and nursing home everyday taking her clothes, mail...whatever she needed.
Not one time did she say thank you, how are you and the kids doing, nothing.
She has complained about the food, her medicine, why I didn't bring her catalogs with the rest of the mail. She thinks that the nursing home staff is out to get her and asks me when I am going to allow her to come home. I told her that the doctor has to decide when she is well enough, not me, (she knows this is true because she discussed it with the social worker) but she insists on yelling at me like it is my fault she is in there. I had to pull some strings to get her there in the first place because it was the only nursing home that she wanted to go to (it is very nice and even has menus for the patients to chose their meals from). Now she hates it.
Last week, I handed her the latest batch of stuff from her condo and said, "You're welcome". She gave me a look that cold kill and said, "Are you saying that I should thank you?". I said that it would be nice if she could do that occasionally.
Then she said, "Thanks for trying to be a good daughter, you have not succeeded".
I walked out and have not been back since.
This woman was not good to me growing up, she beat me, verbally abused me and never offered a nurturing word.
I could go on about her weirdness but the bottom line is that this is affecting my health and I cannot take it any more.
I am not going back. She is on her own.

Forgive yourself first.

cksewell:

My meth-whore of a sister stole money from me and used my name when she was busted for drugs on two occasions. She used every member of our family to keep herself "amping". After twenty years of being a worthless stain on society she again checked herself into rehab (fourth stint, I believe). A few months ago she came to me (a required step to her healing) to apologize for what she put me and my family through. I told her where she could stick her apology. Am I bad? I really could care less.

My point exactly. In this case, she was probably asking for forgiveness so she could feel better, not in order to fix things with you. I don't blame you for telling her to stuff it.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, especially with someone as close as a family member.

cehlen: My mother is in a nursing home recovering from cancer surgery to her leg.
She lives in a condo nearby and I have been going over there for years visiting and fixing problems ranging from bills, home repairs, computer problems and health problems.
Since her surgery, I had gone to the hospital and nursing home everyday taking her clothes, mail...whatever she needed.
Not one time did she say thank you, how are you and the kids doing, nothing.
She has complained about the food, her medicine, why I didn't bring her catalogs with the rest of the mail. She thinks that the nursing home staff is out to get her and asks me when I am going to allow her to come home. I told her that the doctor has to decide when she is well enough, not me, (she knows this is true because she discussed it with the social worker) but she insists on yelling at me like it is my fault she is in there. I had to pull some strings to get her there in the first place because it was the only nursing home that she wanted to go to (it is very nice and even has menus for the patients to chose their meals from). Now she hates it.
Last week, I handed her the latest batch of stuff from her condo and said, "You're welcome". She gave me a look that cold kill and said, "Are you saying that I should thank you?". I said that it would be nice if she could do that occasionally.
Then she said, "Thanks for trying to be a good daughter, you have not succeeded".
I walked out and have not been back since.
This woman was not good to me growing up, she beat me, verbally abused me and never offered a nurturing word.
I could go on about her weirdness but the bottom line is that this is affecting my health and I cannot take it any more.
I am not going back. She is on her own.

I completely support your decision.

kilgorn: Holding a grudge takes more effort and is more time consuming
and detrimental to the grudge holder than the grudgee

/grudgee....lol
//still holds true

There's a difference between cutting ties with a damaging person and moving on with your life and "holding a grudge." I agree, holding a grudge is not worth the energy.

But why do people feel this compulsion to make everything rainbows and unicorns? Some people hurt others, whether they mean to or not. The hurtee should decide whether or not to forgive based on what's best for him or her - not the person who did wrong.

Huskadoodle: cehlen: I am not going back. She is on her own.

and become what you hate

It is starting to affect my health. I have atrial fibulation and when I get upset, sometimes my heart starts beating wildly out of rhythm. After a couple of trips to the hospital, I don't want to go there again.
I try to remain calm, but it is hard to do when you are constantly being castigated for no good reason.