FARK.com: (3808014) $7.95: Cost of "Great Sex Kit" teen boy shoplifted from store. Priceless: Ridicule same teen will endure for getting arrested for shoplifting "Great Sex Kit"

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		$7.95: Cost of "Great Sex Kit" teen boy shoplifted from store. Priceless: Ridicule same teen will endure for getting arrested for shoplifting "Great Sex Kit" (nwfdailynews.com)		88
		More: Florida

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Bradog		2008-08-16 07:25:12 PM

So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

klparrot		2008-08-16 11:09:55 PM

TFA: He eventually put it in a bag he was carrying, purchased something else and left the store, she told a deputy. When the clerk stopped him, he initially denied having the sex kit, but quickly admitted he tried to steal it.

He could've just said he had put it in the bag so it would be easier to carry, then had forgotten about it; they might've believed him and just let him pay for it. But no, he had to admit he was trying to steal it. Dumbass.

/ stealing's not cool; don't try this
// except "stealing" music

hollahollaholz		2008-08-16 11:27:05 PM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

I'm thinking a few condoms, and some lube. And probably a handbook. With diagrams.

bacallxo		2008-08-16 11:48:16 PM

Ridicule?

I say, Go!, boy, go! ;)

Single White Male		2008-08-16 11:49:04 PM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A muscle magazine and an enema.

00ghost27		2008-08-16 11:49:38 PM

haha?

-1, so the kid wants to improve his game. Dont we all?

saintwrathchild		2008-08-16 11:49:53 PM

My money's on a can of Miller, AXE^TM chapstick, and half a condom.

hollahollaholz		2008-08-16 11:51:28 PM

saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

tonguedepressor		2008-08-16 11:52:19 PM

And why isn't this VE????

zealot_45		2008-08-16 11:52:35 PM

hollahollaholz: saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

Do tell...

EngineerBob		2008-08-16 11:53:13 PM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A DNC Superdelegate pin, and a
"let me show you my O face" bumpersticker.

Bucky Katt		2008-08-16 11:54:54 PM

The happened as Spencer's at some mall. You can imagine that crap the kit contained.

hollahollaholz		2008-08-16 11:55:29 PM

zealot_45: hollahollaholz: saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

Do tell...

My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

d976		2008-08-16 11:55:54 PM

he should try it again tomorrow and use the getaway bus

skurry		2008-08-16 11:56:44 PM

lot of theft stories tonight...

/gots nadda
//hope to use great sex kit tonight
///prob not, *tear*

I_AM_M		2008-08-16 11:57:06 PM

So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

One large rubber forearm with fist.

Spazgirl		2008-08-16 11:57:49 PM

Well, if there is only HALF of a condom, it had better come with a WHOLE bottle of Penicillin.

Wight Power		2008-08-16 11:58:55 PM

hollahollaholz:

My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

[fail]

Tell him they did a great job. Really, and fairly priced.

[/fail]

Anyway... I worked at a Spencer's when I was in school. People stole goofy shiat all the time, and when we 'busted' someone it never made the news, let alone the local news website.

The author must be goin' for the lulz.

MightySausage		2008-08-16 11:58:56 PM

Spencer's is so easy to steal from. I knew several people in high school who stole from them all the time.

Or did I?

kentriccubed		2008-08-16 11:59:15 PM

If he gets Jailtime he's headed for some free surprise buttsecks

/not sure how "great" it'd be

CornFedIowan		2008-08-17 12:01:19 AM

What's his Fark handle?

PfizerX		2008-08-17 12:02:28 AM

One Rohypnol, a doorknob, a gym sock, two cucumbers, a CD with just the theme to Welcome Back Kotter, and a can of Mr. Pibb.

Now that's a "Great Sex Kit".

foil helmet guy		2008-08-17 12:03:27 AM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

rope and a knife

Glenechocreek		2008-08-17 12:03:41 AM

Hell, every girl from New Jersey's myspace page is a sex kit. No $7.95 needed.

Driver		2008-08-17 12:04:20 AM

kentriccubed: If he gets Jailtime he's headed for some free surprise buttsecks

/not sure how "great" it'd be

like the saying goes...You get what you pay for.

Village		2008-08-17 12:04:57 AM

I really enjoyed the other stories linked on that page:

" Sister kicks brother in genitals "

" 'Pot Head' arrested in drug deal; baby present "

" Mom, daughter pull hair after 'ho' insult "

Florida. The Trailer Park State.

VTCMart		2008-08-17 12:05:04 AM

Michael McDonald's Greatest Hits CD, Duct Tape, and a Badminton Racket

//maybe I grabbed the wrong kit?

cardex		2008-08-17 12:05:37 AM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

a condom, paper bag for her head, instructions on how to perform a donkey punch and some wet wipes.

jake_lex		2008-08-17 12:06:29 AM

When I was 17, my "Great Sex Kit" was a bottle of Jergen's and a copy of Hustler.

/that's pretty much it now

abb3w		2008-08-17 12:10:03 AM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

The Great Sex Kit for Lovers includes a miniature version of The Lover's Guide to Kama Sutra, a delicious strawberry body dust and a tickling feather. Elevate your sexuality-from foreplay to afterglow - with love toys, tantalizing techniques, and passionate positions. - GIYF

Spazgirl		2008-08-17 12:13:09 AM

Who has great sex at 17? If you are, you must have started practicing way before everyone else...

smilingjrt		2008-08-17 12:13:48 AM

faux fur lined plastic handcuffs, a glow in the dark condom with attached french tickler, hot cinnamon flavored lube, and a 2" square booklet with diagrams of sexual positions

/partner not included
//batteries not included
///key not included

NYZooMan		2008-08-17 12:13:51 AM

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A bottle of chloroform and a rag?

abb3w		2008-08-17 12:15:07 AM

hollahollaholz: My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

00ghost27		2008-08-17 12:17:27 AM

NYZooMan: Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A bottle of chloroform and a rag?

That will get you a sizable bottle, that stuff is cheap.

/dont ask how i know that

cardex		2008-08-17 12:17:33 AM

Spazgirl: Who has great sex at 17? If you are, you must have started practicing way before everyone else.

i did but gay sex is always great....

Magnanimous_J		2008-08-17 12:19:07 AM

Captain Kickass		2008-08-17 12:19:09 AM

So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A ball gag and directions to your mom's house?

smilingjrt		2008-08-17 12:20:05 AM

motor oil and a claw hammer

/plastic bag obligatory

hollahollaholz		2008-08-17 12:21:04 AM

abb3w: Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

This is the beach house all the teenagers in the family would sneak into with their girls at night, so I know this one is a true story.

I think, if I was a father, I'd die if that happened to me.

Magnanimous_J		2008-08-17 12:21:09 AM

smilingjrt: motor oil and a claw hammer

/plastic bag obligatory

Why don't you keep your hands where I can see them.

/freak

hollahollaholz		2008-08-17 12:22:09 AM

Magnanimous_J: That's either an urban legend or it happens all the time, because I've heard that too.
They don't break down, and they're lighter than the other... things in there. So they float to the top, or get pushed there.

HONDOWAYNE		2008-08-17 12:22:19 AM

Florida sex kit for $7.95 = pay a 14 year old buddy to watch the door so you can do it with your teacher in the classroom!

Charlie Freak		2008-08-17 12:22:45 AM

This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Come on dude, why would you leave that shiat in a tote that looks like the one with the mics?

Magnanimous_J		2008-08-17 12:28:41 AM

Charlie Freak: This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Did much mocking proceed?

Black Lagoon		2008-08-17 12:32:35 AM

I don't know about "great" sex kit.

"Good" maybe, not great.

/dissatisfied customer

Monkeypillow		2008-08-17 12:33:23 AM

hollahollaholz: abb3w: Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

This is the beach house all the teenagers in the family would sneak into with their girls at night, so I know this one is a true story.

I think, if I was a father, I'd die if that happened to me.

Don't forget to kill the wife!

/What's a box of 5.56x45 go for?

Gramma		2008-08-17 12:33:35 AM

awww... give the kid a break, he lives in a town named for a nun.

tensionfilter		2008-08-17 12:34:34 AM

Magnanimous_J: Charlie Freak: This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Did much mocking proceed?

I bet they borrowed the whole collection for their own personal reference. And the other guy never saw them ever again.