blandarfleck: palexc: MadAsshatter: Or you could just buy a water once you get through the checkpoint.

For $4.

Ah, the joys of being a consultant and getting to expense all that stuff :)

Couldn't even bring myself to spend someone else's $4 for water.

Well, maybe if it were the ex-wife's money.

I bet there will be plenty of TSA agents that will make you take your laptop out of these "approved" bags. I naively bought some of those TSA approved luggage locks for which the TSA agents are supposed have a master key. The lazy bastards just cut the locks off anyway.

omfg, last summer I had to take a flight through Ohio to get to MI because my flight through Chicago was canceled due to fog or something. The farking airport had checkpoints in-between terminals, WTF. I barely made it to my flight and only got there because a nice old lady working for TSA told me a shortcut that went through a checkpoint with smaller lines.

I believe that was Cincinnati airport, biggest shiathole airport ever. A-holes putting checkpoints between A-terminal and the rest of the terminals.

And to think, I had to race an old lady to get the last seat on the plane that brought me there.

/hate flying
//always have it on my ticket to be searched.

Only terrorists use pockets and zippers. Real patriots use buttons and clear plastic bags.

baby dinosaurs
Targus "Zip-Thru" bag starts at $99.99.

$100.
For a bag.
Somebody from Targus is sleeping with someone in the TSA.

It's all one big circle jerk.
"9/11" has been turned into a huge money and power-grabbing exercise for both the public and the private sector who use the negligible risk of "TERRISM" to sell their useless crap and give more power to uniformed monkeys to restrict our freedoms.

You know, the old "I've got a magical rock that keeps tigers away, and I'm willing to give it to you for a price" routine.

Bin Laden and his buddies must be wetting their pants with laughter over how easy it was to dupe the West into going down this path.

FU subby for getting me to read this story.

/fearmongering anyone

I wanna know why have to take my video cameras out of my bag, but my D200 and all of the lenses are no problem. Can one of you TSA Gangstas please esplain that one to me?

Hey TSA,

Instead of spending money on lavish parties and new police wanna-be uniforms, how about BUYING SOME BETTER X=RAY EQUIPMENT and stop blaming passengers for you farking shortcomings.

Seriously. You morons have been doing this for over half a decade. Maybe you would pass more than 10% of your bomb component detection tests with better equipment than using the same x-ray equipment the private screeners used.

I didn't know we detained laptops... or anyone for that matter. Huh. Maybe we're doing it wrong at my airport.

Oh, and LessO2, your idea about buying new X-rays? Gee, I don't know WHY the screeners didn't think of it before! I mean... you're such a visionary! A revolutionist, if you will. Why, you need to be appointed to the head of the DHS IMMEDIATELY, and EVERYTHING will be all better!

/Same gripe we've had SINCE becoming federal officers has been the X-ray
//Along with a myriad of other problems
///Don't blame the screeners, we don't make the decisions.
//That's management's forte.
/Slashies for teh win?

floor9: [begin sarcastic troll mode]

Well all these liberal crybabies who are going off whining about their so-called "rights" should have a field day over this one. Um, HELLO - if you don't like it, DON'T FLY! We've got a little something called "terrorism" today that we need to take care of, or perhaps you forgot about a little something called 9/11? If we had this sort of screening in place back then, none of that would've happened. But no, everybody wants to piss and moan about "civil liberties" or some other nonsense. Sure -- I forgot about the third amendment, which states in full "You have a right to bring anything you want into someone else's private property (especially if it's an aircraft of any type, which just like terrorism wasn't even invented when we wrote this so how could we possibly have forseen these circumstances)".

[end sarcastic troll mode]

As someone who spent years traveling for work and carrying a laptop, try pulling your head out of your ass.

I mean seriously.

TSA is a joke.

Period.

SpinStopper: floor9: ...perhaps you forgot about a little something called 9/11? If we had this sort of screening in place back then, none of that would've happened.

Really? On four separate instances since 9/11, I've arrived at my destination to find that I still had my pocket knife in one pocket, and a butane lighter in the other. All this heightened security sure helped a lot.

Believe me, I wasn't stupid enough to point this out to the screeners. I would have gotten that cavity search I was just joking about ;)

2nd'ed.

My swiss army knife has gotten through Atlanta airport before.

Mind you the whole thing is a moot point.

YOU try to take over a plane alone, even with a knife, and NOW because of 9/11 every person on that plane will just body press you. Look at the nutjob that had the bomb in his shoe.

911 was a one trick pony. The only hope of doing that now is with an air freight plane where you only have to overpower a small flight crew.

It is important for the TSA screeners to have a clear view of your laptop. How else can they put their electrical engineering degrees to use and examine the nomenclature of the laptop's printed circuit board design for non-native components?

Quick tip. Remove the metal guard from disposable lighters. Makes getting through the metal detector much easier. Carried through a dozen or so lighters without any problem.

TSA posts new rule "allowing" laptops only in approved bags containing no pockets, buttons, flaps, zippers, buclkes buckles, clasps, or metal. And by "allow" they mean "we can still detain it forever if we feel like it"

Grammar nazi strikes again

CShake: Or take an empty bottle with you and fill it up in the water fountain on the other side. That always works for me.

That's what I do but it pisses me off that I can't bring a diet coke or some gatorade or whatever the fark I want. I can buy a diet coke at the safeway for under a buck (or I can steal a can from work for free); or I can buy one after I get through security for some stupid amount of money.

But really, it's not the inconvenience. It's the sheer stupidity.

MadAsshatter: robisfunky: Israel has it right. They look for terrorists, we look for weapons.

They also profile, we can't have that here.

Yep. We're stupid like that.

Remove all Republicans: re-elect_jimmy_carter: TSA: government sector - security

... We need more LA-NY flights at cheaper rates and less worthless flights to flyover country. ...

That should be FEWER worthless flights.

Unless you mean you want them to be more valuable.

Heamer: They're all thumbnails. I like my children really, really small.

And where shall I send your free internet, good sir?

zarberg: My brother worked for the TSA in Denver, and says it's the most outsourced PoS joke around. He mentioned something once about not being able to count the number of times a screener pulled a few bills out of someone's wallet. I bought a pair of boxers with pockets and keep my cash separate from my wallet and in those pockets when I fly now.

lacrossestar83: but in related news, be careful of security at denver international airport. i don't know how they decide who has to go through the air puffer machine thing that detects for dust from explosives, but they have made me go through it the last two times i've flown out of there. the second time, i didn't pass and had to get the rubber-glove search, no explanation why of course.


I'm flying out of Denver this Saturday, so I'm not getting a kick out of your replies, I'm not getting a kick at all

The TSA reminds me of mall rent-a-cops who follow teenagers around the entire time because, as we all know teenagers a great big thieves and vandals [/sarcasm].

Only instead of just teenagers, the TSA applies that view to everyone. We're all great big thieves, vandals and terrorists.

Fark the TSA. I'm sick of being treated like a criminal simply because I want to fly somewhere, and the mantra of "if you're not doing anything wrong you shouldn't have anything to hide" is a bullshiat justification for giving up our rights.

I love how the TSA has more authority than city police. Apparently the simple act of wanting to fly is probable cause to be searched, detained and have items seized.

Orwell is probably giving a wry smile from his grave.

SpinStopper: You can still carry your laptop in whatever you feel like. You just have to take it out, as usual, unless you're using one of these x-ray 'friendly' bags.

Big deal.


not enough of THIS!

palelizard 2008-08-06 02:47:27 PM
Heamer: OK, got it. What should I name the folders? Something like "puppies" or "rainbows" or "innocuous images of fully-clothed pre-teen children that aren't in any way, shape, or form intended to evoke sexual arousal"?

Lead. Everyone knows x-rays can't go through lead.

I used to work x-ray at checkpoints, you can see right thru most of the cheap lead film bags that you can get at Walgreen's.

Why did we let Bush voters make us into such a nation of pussys?

If any asshole stands up an a plane at this point and makes even vaguely threatening noises the whole cabin is likely to kill the poor dumb bastard before he can utter three sentences.

The ONLY reason 9/11 worked was that passengers had an expectation that the worst that could happen is they'd be diverted to Libya or Cuba or some such and negotiated for or saved by Special Forces commandos.

Now that suicide-by-jet-plane is on the menu, the only way any terrorist can do anything to a plane is to merely blow it up. And he's not going to able to do it with some random liquids he smuggles aboard. Pay attention you C- chemistry students!

If he stands for a fight saying "Sit down or this flight attendant gets it!" the passengers are gonna say "Fine, and your next asshole! Get him!" and they'll beat the bastards to death. This was already demonstrated when a retarded man was nearly killed when he got agitto on a flight not long after 9/11.

All this fear of liquids and lighters and fingernail files are showing just how stupid we are to go along with this TSA nonsense.

I'm not flying again until those guys are out of business.

MadAsshatter: palexc: MadAsshatter: Or you could just buy a water once you get through the checkpoint.

For $4.

They're $2 out of the vending machine IIRC. Then re-fill it when you're done. It's now $1 a bottle. BFD.

Or you can go to a Dollar Store and buy a water botter and bring it through TSA Security empty and refill it past security... which is what I've done in my last two trips.

Bonus: for my last trip I got a good price on Portable Powdered Propel so I brought a bunch of those with me. The TSA didn't care.

Fluffy_the_cactus: Oh, and LessO2, your idea about buying new X-rays? Gee, I don't know WHY the screeners didn't think of it before! I mean... you're such a visionary! A revolutionist, if you will. Why, you need to be appointed to the head of the DHS IMMEDIATELY, and EVERYTHING will be all better!

Relax dude, I'm not talking to you personally. Unless you were the one who instituted this stupid policy.

If you're one of the people who stopped me for having a smaller than quart-size baggie or didn't adhere to the 1" shoe rule prior to August '06 or were just being an asshole, I don't have a problem with you personally.

And if you're professional, pleasant and don't lie to me, as a person, you're alright with me.

The TSA as an organization is a different animal. Mostly a jackass.

skaetur: This whole idea is:

/using a laptop bag with no pockets is dumb, where's your power cord?
//using one just so you don't have to take it out is even stupider.
///shoes removal: 2-3 mins..... laptop removal: .25 seconds

I always fly in flip-flops :)

AuCinaoaMie:
Uniformed US military deployment and they still wanted to confiscate most of our stuff, and search us entirely just like civilians.

My son, same situation. They wanted to x-ray each weapon. No problem with taking the weapons on the aircraft, or the ammo. Just had to x-ray them. He said it was the funniest thing that ever happened to him.

What he was really pissed about, was when he tried to bring back a bottle of water, with an Arabic label, to show us. They wouldn't let him bring it on board. Not even empty.

Who is TSA supposed to be protecting us from again?

BTW, the plane full of armed people who weren't excited about where they were going? Got there just fine. No thanks to TSA.

Chuck Wagon: Quick tip. Remove the metal guard from disposable lighters. Makes getting through the metal detector much easier. Carried through a dozen or so lighters without any problem.

That seems like a pretty stupid thing to do since disposable lighters haven't been banned for about a year or so now.

Fluffy_the_cactus: I didn't know we detained laptops... or anyone for that matter. Huh. Maybe we're doing it wrong at my airport.

Hey Fluffy, are you guys sportin' the new uniform yet? Ours go in effect 9/11 appropos I guess. After we have the oblig. "badge" training of course. What a joke that'll be.

LessO2: Fluffy_the_cactus: Oh, and LessO2, your idea about buying new X-rays? Gee, I don't know WHY the screeners didn't think of it before! I mean... you're such a visionary! A revolutionist, if you will. Why, you need to be appointed to the head of the DHS IMMEDIATELY, and EVERYTHING will be all better!

Relax dude, I'm not talking to you personally. Unless you were the one who instituted this stupid policy.

If you're one of the people who stopped me for having a smaller than quart-size baggie or didn't adhere to the 1" shoe rule prior to August '06 or were just being an asshole, I don't have a problem with you personally.

And if you're professional, pleasant and don't lie to me, as a person, you're alright with me.

The TSA as an organization is a different animal. Mostly a jackass.

Fluffy, much like myself sometimes, can get defensive on these threads due to the sometimes *ahem* less than favorable opinion some folks take of the tsa.

But Less02 is one of the good eggs.

People are confusing TSA screening with Customs and Border Protection screening, i.e., when you cross the border, not when you are flying domestically. I have never heard of the TSA detaining laptops. That is not within their mandate.

LessO2: Seriously. You morons have been doing this for over half a decade. Maybe you would pass more than 10% of your bomb component detection tests with better equipment than using the same x-ray equipment the private screeners used.

X-ray scans for explosives is a joke to begin with. The best they're going to hope to find is the blatantly obvious shadow of a knife or a gun. Circuits on circuits are going to be indistinguishable, even to those who are highly-trained AND have time to look- not just something sliding by for a few seconds.

Anyone with even the most basic knowledge of electronics and explosives could load up a cell phone or laptop or ipod or anything else with everything needed to make a self-contained explosive- charge, detonator, and battery. The chance of actually noticing that a wire is out of place? Practically nil.

The untrained would have a hard enough time telling certain types of small detonator caps from a capacitor if you handed them one, let alone had them try to identify one in a hazy gray outline mixed in with a hundred other parts.

The x-rays aren't for finding bombs. The fact that they can at all is because they get lucky, or the tests are obvious.

Now, bypassing the chemical sniffers... that's a bit harder. Their job is to find the bombs. Doable... yes... just a whole lot harder. Not something even a well-trained Jawa is going to be able to pull off on their own.

TSA Gangstaz..NSFW Language (new window)

Jegred2: I believe that was Cincinnati airport, biggest shiathole airport ever. A-holes putting checkpoints between A-terminal and the rest of the terminals.

It wasn't. Cincinnati security is between ticketing and all of the concourses. There are only two working "terminals" as such at Cincinnati - one Delta + SkyTeam and the other is everyone else - so unless you changed airlines, you didn't have to go back through security unless you misread a sign.

Oh, and there's only one checkpoint in the main terminal unless you're inbound from an international flight.

palexc: Hey, not my fault if you don't have backups. How in the hell do you expect to blackmail people if you don't have backups?

Even with backups, you are getting on a plane and flying somewhere. So you would have to leave your backups in the city you left.

I suppose you could network those backups so that you could access them from anywhere in the world, but then, a determined hacker could eventually gain access to the data, or at least compromise said data rendering it unusable.

piercedgeek: I'm flying out of Denver this Saturday, so I'm not getting a kick out of your replies, I'm not getting a kick at all

Don't worry. If you're flying on Saturday and not already in the security line at DIA now, you won't even make it to the checkpoint before your flight departs.

Mad_Radhu: Why the hell do the run the pilots through the security screening? If the pilot is an Al Queda sleeper agent, you're kinda screwed regardless.

It's a valid question, in fact you may even ask why any flight crew, attendants need to be screened at all.

One possible reason is the answer to a question I'll pose, "What's the most problematic station in all of our nations airport checkpoints and how does this pertain to this query?"

A big fat cookie to who ever answers correctly.

tonguedepressor: Ticketing, impersonation?

lordargent: palexc: Hey, not my fault if you don't have backups. How in the hell do you expect to blackmail people if you don't have backups?

Even with backups, you are getting on a plane and flying somewhere. So you would have to leave your backups in the city you left.

I suppose you could network those backups so that you could access them from anywhere in the world, but then, a determined hacker could eventually gain access to the data, or at least compromise said data rendering it unusable.

http://www.efoldering.com

tonguedepressor: It's a valid question, in fact you may even ask why any flight crew, attendants need to be screened at all.

Read what security expert Bruce Schneier has to say (new window): you need to create a list of people with clearances not to be screened, it needs to be centralized to say energy (which needs to be secured and kept up to date), it needs to change on a moment's notice (hey, we just realized that 24-style the head of Homeland Security is really a terrorist), and then you need to train every single person to deal with these people to bypass, including making it impossible for them to be able to add someone who doesn't belong on the list.

On the other hand, we could just spend a few extra minutes screening everybody.