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(Austin Statesman)   You know how in the movies a person will jump off an overpass onto a speeding train, and ride safely away? Yeah, don't do that   (statesman.com) divider line 70
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21373 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2008 at 2:25 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-07-14 09:20:19 PM
The trick is to jump off the bridge in the same direction as the train, then do a backwards somersault as soon as your feet hit the train.

It takes practice, but I've done it a bunch of times on my XBOX.
 
2008-07-14 10:00:37 PM
Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died.

Hmm. That's quite a puzzler. Perhaps a fall from height, onto metal?
 
2008-07-14 10:17:37 PM
The real secret is to jump on it AFTER it's left the tunnel.
 
2008-07-14 11:35:55 PM
I'm sorry, but after reading the article, the first thing that came to my mine was the "Yeah, don't do that *UNLESS* you want to be a bad ass mofo, matrix style and have the greatest time of your life!! OHH YAHH!"

I've never wanted to jump on to the roof of a moving train... But now I find myself compelled.
 
2008-07-14 11:43:08 PM
i23.photobucket.com

dahmers love zombie: Hmm. That's quite a puzzler. Perhaps a fall from height, onto metal?

It's he sudden deceleration that kills you.
 
2008-07-15 02:29:27 AM
"Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died."

Oooo! I know, I know!
 
2008-07-15 02:30:44 AM
How the hell else are you supposed to escape the iron fist of Tommy Lee Jones?!!!
 
2008-07-15 02:30:57 AM
Third box car midnight train, destination Bangor, Maine.

/Got nothing
 
2008-07-15 02:33:30 AM
Pfft. Train jumping.

The real trick is how to curve the bullet.
 
2008-07-15 02:39:08 AM
Neurochemist: I've never wanted to jump on to the roof of a moving train... But now I find myself compelled.

You're not alone, the first thing that popped into my head was that I think I could do it if I got a good running start. Luckily I'm too lazy to go try it.
 
2008-07-15 02:39:53 AM
I saw someone who did exactly that.

Protip: avoid the pantograph.
 
2008-07-15 02:41:36 AM
When I hear that whistle blowin',
I hang my head and cry.
 
2008-07-15 02:42:17 AM
JerkyMeat: Third box car midnight train, destination Bangor, Maine.

Bangor? I just wanted some head...
 
2008-07-15 02:43:10 AM
sub2change.com
 
2008-07-15 02:48:03 AM
He was pooshed from de breedge for de low low priice of 6000 Dineros
 
2008-07-15 02:48:52 AM
"Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died."

This sounds like one crime with a loco-motive.

WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
We don't get fooled again!
 
2008-07-15 02:49:46 AM
Marley: I saw someone who did exactly that.

Protip: avoid the pantograph.


Protip: Try a diesel next time

Oh wait, no next time, nvrmnd.
 
2008-07-15 02:51:09 AM
www.detroitiscrap.com
 
2008-07-15 02:51:27 AM
But what if there's an alien autopsy being conducted on the speeding train?
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2008-07-15 02:55:23 AM
FTFAMason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died.



Annnnddd..... speculate.
 
2008-07-15 02:56:52 AM
MIguy: Neurochemist: I've never wanted to jump on to the roof of a moving train... But now I find myself compelled.

You're not alone, the first thing that popped into my head was that I think I could do it if I got a good running start. Luckily I'm too lazy to go try it.


You will fall flat on your face. Gravity compels you.
 
2008-07-15 03:08:13 AM
Sorry; If she's leading the way.....

i291.photobucket.com


all bets are off.....
 
2008-07-15 03:13:19 AM
...there is no spoon...

JUMP!
 
2008-07-15 03:29:02 AM
Stopping the train a few minutes after a random call is pretty impressive.
 
2008-07-15 03:31:44 AM
truthlikegold: "Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died."

Oooo! I know, I know!


Maybe they mean he was killed before he "jumped."
 
2008-07-15 03:37:43 AM
He probably thought only of matching the horizontal velocity of the train, maybe 30 mph in a residential area. Apparently, he handled that, since they found him on the roof? But his vertical velocity was likely 60 mph, depending on the height of the overpass. At least try a watermelon first.
 
2008-07-15 03:43:45 AM
Don't ride safely away? So I should do what this chucklehead did instead? No thanks.
 
2008-07-15 04:01:09 AM
He probably thought only of matching the horizontal velocity of the train, maybe 30 mph in a residential area. Apparently, he handled that, since they found him on the roof? But his vertical velocity was likely 60 mph, depending on the height of the overpass. At least try a watermelon first.

Clearly this is a safety concern... And the only way to ensure that people jumping from overpasses on to trains are safe is to regulate the train industry and force them to invent high-tech trains... These trains should have detectors which calculate this vertical velocity and adjust be able to instantly adjust their height to completely absorb the fall. We cannot let the train makers get away with murder.
 
2008-07-15 04:03:03 AM
krackpipe: He probably thought only of matching the horizontal velocity of the train

From an overpass? If he even made it up to 10 mph (fastest sprinters reach ALMOST 30 mph) and hit a train going ~40, that would be like jumping out of a moving vehicle going 30. That doesn't sound fast, but I guarantee you will not land on your feet, and I would not want to be doing a face plant at that speed (and as you pointed out, the height doesn't help).
 
2008-07-15 04:13:13 AM
You guys, he just did it wrong. But I have faith in you. You would do it right. Just run right out and try it. It will be super cool!

All the cool people are doing it.
You know you want to.
Aawwww and I thought you were cool.

/Big fan of the theory of evolution.
//Thinks we have allowed to many cretins to survive to breed & favors "thinning the herd"
 
2008-07-15 04:16:01 AM
Investigator find man dead with shotgun blast to the head, with suicide note beside him, as well as video tape and bullet reciept. They are not sure how he died. Investigators await autopsy.
 
2008-07-15 04:28:07 AM
What if you're repelling onto the train from your firefly class spaceship?
 
2008-07-15 04:30:18 AM
What if you were bitten by a radioactive spider and were trying to save said train from a crazed man with 4 mechanical arms?
 
2008-07-15 04:42:24 AM
hyperspacemonkey: truthlikegold: "Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died."

Oooo! I know, I know!

Maybe they mean he was killed before he "jumped."


They can't specify a cause of death until the coroner makes a determination. Maybe the fall cracked his skull, maybe it broke his neck, maybe the impact tore his aorta, maybe he had a heart attack or stroke before or after hitting the train ...
 
2008-07-15 04:45:42 AM
What if a computer genius and bunch of mercenaries highjack the train to stay mobile while they launch attacks with a hacked military weapons satellite and my hot niece is on board?
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2008-07-15 04:48:27 AM
No CSI shades guy? shame.

Personally, I'm a fan of jumping off of trains into river Chuck Norris in Code of Silence style.
 
2008-07-15 05:33:33 AM
The worst part is that if you land sagely on top of the train that will only be the start of your troubles from what I have seen on TV.

The most impoartnat thing to remember in those situations: If you are fighting on top of a train and your opponent who is facing foreward suddenly drops flat, duck! Don't stand there thinking it is a ruse, don't turn around to see what he saw, just duck. Trust me on this.
 
2008-07-15 06:23:12 AM
Sure, I'm going to fall for that Loki! You trickster.
 
2008-07-15 07:11:42 AM
bk2e: But what if there's an alien autopsy being conducted on the speeding train?

I came here just for this. Thanks.
 
2008-07-15 07:17:41 AM
"When someone says 'no,' I simply see it as an opportunity for them to say 'yes.' Two years ago I actually contemplated suicide. But then, I thought, what a waste for the world. Can you believe that?"

"You shouldn't be ruling out options at your age."
 
2008-07-15 07:41:13 AM
What if a frozen alien body (that stores its memories in its eyeballs) is dug up and then the evil spirit inhabiting the body transfers itself into Rasputin (who was under arrest on the train) and he tries to take over the world?

/testing the nothing is obscure theory
 
2008-07-15 08:01:19 AM
Anyone notice that the section in which the story was posted is called "The Blotter."

/that's all I got.
//Throw Momma from the Train
 
2008-07-15 08:17:21 AM
DontBeStupid: What if a frozen alien body (that stores its memories in its eyeballs) is dug up and then the evil spirit inhabiting the body transfers itself into Rasputin (who was under arrest on the train) and he tries to take over the world?

Not sure, but thats pretty damn close to an Xfiles story arc
 
2008-07-15 08:30:31 AM
Crazy. I live literally right were this happened and had no idea. Apparently city folk and trains don't mix well, because someone died within a mile of the same track last year.
 
2008-07-15 08:30:40 AM
Maxc7001: How the hell else are you supposed to escape the iron fist of Tommy Lee Jones?!!!

You're in jail for tax evasion.
 
2008-07-15 08:47:21 AM
NimbleWalrus: Maxc7001: How the hell else are you supposed to escape the iron fist of Tommy Lee Jones?!!!

You're in jail for tax evasion.


Yeah, but at least Tommy Lee didn't catch his ass.

/Always bet on black.
//And report the income earned from any money won as a result.
///Free Wesley.
 
2008-07-15 08:54:18 AM
Begoggle: "Mason said investigators think the man may have jumped from an overpass onto the train this morning, but are not sure how he died."

This sounds like one crime with a loco-motive.

/Puts on Shades

WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
We don't get fooled again!


FTFY
 
2008-07-15 09:04:49 AM
I don't see why this would necessarily be lethal unless you're jumping from more than a couple stories above the train.
 
2008-07-15 09:22:14 AM
Alien5151: I don't see why this would necessarily be lethal unless you're jumping from more than a couple stories above the train.

People die from falls of six feet. It all depends on how, and upon what, you land (not to mention your physical condition). Throw in the variables of the inevitably drunk or drugged state of the person and the speed of the train, and you have a high chance of lethality.
 
2008-07-15 09:24:40 AM

Loki-L


The worst part is that if you land sagely on top of the train


If you land with great wisdom and prudence on top of the train?


There is a disconnect in there somewhere...
 
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