This is so new and exciting! If only there was a popular sitcom or movie or syndicated comic strip about workplace archetypes and behavior!

I work in an office so I am really getting a kick out of these replies....

done and done

dahmers love zombie 2008-06-22 09:01:57 PM
I don't really have any major problem with my co-workers, but I really feel hurt when there's someone in my office, and she's really, really cute, but pretends to be terribly distant, like she's saying "I don't date people in the workplace", when I know full well that she does, at least she did the other week when I asked her out, and even offered her a piece of my gourmet 75% cacao Scharffen Berger bar, and she was all "I have to groom my cat" but when I happened to be outside her apartment building later on that day she came out and got into a car and I looked and it was Burnside, that asshole from Accounting who keeps talking about me to the boss, saying that I'm not doing my job, but he won't do THAT again, but I'm getting ahead of myself -- anyway, she went with him to the Crab Shack, which is where I told her that I wanted to take her, and she showed up with him and stayed for an hour and twelve minutes and had the appetizer that I always order and she had three Crabby Slammers so I knew the little harlot was planning on getting lucky with Burnside, but boy was she in for a surprise because I'd been loading his coffee with saltpeter for about a month, just a little bit at a time but working up to a pretty big load for a pretty big toad -- but when they went back to his place I couldn't see what they were doing right away because he's got a doorman who was all "Get away from here, you creep stalker", so I called 911 from a pay phone and said he was smoking pot and molesting a little girl in the lobby so they came and while they were talking to him I came in and when I got out on the balcony they had already failed to do whatever the strumpet and her prey were intending to do because they just sat and talked, just talked, for like three hours and forty seven minutes and then he took her home, probably going down Lake to Shoreline Drive because by the time I was able to sneak downstairs and get back to my Vespa and get back to her building she was already home and if he had driven her by any other route it would have taken him longer than nineteen minutes and seventeen seconds, which was how long it took me, so I just grabbed a chili dog with onions and that greenish-yellow relish from 7/11 and went back to my tree stand and watched her sleep but I don't really like it when I have co-workers like that.


I am Dr Phil - please give me a call!!

muck4doo
Fark you! Have some goddamn manners sometime and maybe you can get out of your mothers basement someday!

And you would talk to me about manners?

I bought my mother's house

/Fark off

kilgorn: muck4doo
Fark you! Have some goddamn manners sometime and maybe you can get out of your mothers basement someday!

And you would talk to me about manners?

I bought my mother's house

/Fark off

I was keeding with you. Hence the :p at the bottom.

EsteeFlwrPot: I wanted to chug a bottle of tequilla and gouge out my eyes halfway through your post.

I wanted to do that just by reading the first three or four sentences.

I work with a guy who will walk in my office and stand there while I'm on the phone. He always has this plaintiff expression on his face as if he's begging me to hang up.

/he had a surprised look the day I shoved him into the hall and slammed the door in his face.
//cordless headset FTW!

"m3thod21 2008-06-22 08:16:37 PM
what about the IT guys that think they are god."


But we are. We can change your password, steal your password, steal your emails, steal your files, make sure that important presentation "dissappears" an hour before the meeting. We. Own. You. I suggest you treat us with respect.

fappomatic: I work with a guy who will walk in my office and stand there while I'm on the phone. He always has this plaintiff expression on his face as if he's begging me to hang up.

/he had a surprised look the day I shoved him into the hall and slammed the door in his face.
//cordless headset FTW!

So you were the defendant?

alacy52

That's what I tell myself every single time I fark all day at work and get nothing done. I love it.

The Sidler

ELAINE: All because of this creepy new guy at work. He just - he just comes out of nowhere and he's right next to you!

JERRY: So he just sidles up?

ELAINE: That's right! He's a real sidler.

Needlessly Complicated: They forgot: The Collectors... they're always collecting money for a gift for everyone for every occasion. The worst ones are the ones who go ahead and buy flower arrangements or gift baskets first and assume you wanted to go in on it.

Or the ones that come in every other week selling things for their kids, e.g. cookies, candles, those little credit cards that give you a discount at various restaurants, etc.

Or how about the coworkers that don't understand that it was just a friendly pinch on the ass, and that if they'd just said 'no' a few more times, I'd have eventually stopped groping them. Just because I tell everyone at the office that we're farking, and just because I have your picture on my desktop, doesn't mean that I should be reported to management. God, I hate people like that!

Or the coworker that has an almost inhuman ability to twist any conversation in her immediate vicinity into an anecdote about herself and her many achievements in life, where she keeps it for as long as she can until the topic can steered away or the talking simply ends uncomfortably.

/eyetwitch

zippolight2002: "m3thod21 2008-06-22 08:16:37 PM
what about the IT guys that think they are god."


But we are. We can change your password, steal your password, steal your emails, steal your files, make sure that important presentation "dissappears" an hour before the meeting. We. Own. You. I suggest you treat us with respect.


oh, I am nice to them all, really...actually really friendly with most of them. But there are a few of which we all talk shiat about behind their backs.

zippolight2002: But we are. We can change your password, steal your password, steal your emails, steal your files, make sure that important presentation "dissappears" an hour before the meeting. We. Own. You. I suggest you treat us with respect.

When I went to work with my current employer, the head IT guy was talking about giving everybody read only access to the database the secretaries regularly used. This year it finally happened. I hate him so. goddamned. much.

EsteeFlwrPot [TotalFark] 2008-06-22 06:54:52 PM
I think the #1 most annoying coworker is the one that has a thing for you and makes it so farking obvious. He never leaves you alone, always tries to trap you in conversation when you're obviously busy working, wont stop asking you out to lunch when you've told him no several times and makes you feel overall very uncomfortable. I'm glad I dont work with him directly because if I did I would have quit by now.

I hear ya. Compound that situation by being married & still having someone try to pull that shiat. Had to get mgmt involved & her transfered to another dept.

How about the coworkers that biatch when I spend most of my day Farking instead of working. God, I hate those people too.

sp0rk_of_psychosis: DarthBrooks: What about the Marketing Department?

...or HR...

dahmers love zombie [TotalFark] Quote 2008-06-22 09:01:57 PM

Awesome/10.

I guess I count kinda as the interrupter. I tend to prefer to deal with problems in person rather than email/IM, just because it usually takes too long over those; instead of taking 2-3 minutes of everyone's time when done in person, it takes 4 hours to figure out what dialect of English everyone is speaking and another 8 hours to solve the problem.

Don't forget the constant "I'm over worked" complainer.

Almost all employees that I work with work about 45 hour weeks. Myself and a few others work over 55 (I usually log 70 a week minimum (I love my job)). Everyone is overworked. My TODO list is about 5 years long and I've planned tasks out to the 2 year mark.

There is one employee, though, that ends up working about 35 hour weeks with her long lunches. She has one ongoing task that has no deadlines and all she does is complain.

Oddly enough, she is one of two native Floridians. The other one is very similar. All the hard workers and over achievers? Northerners.

Sparklee: fappomatic: I work with a guy who will walk in my office and stand there while I'm on the phone. He always has this plaintiff expression on his face as if he's begging me to hang up.

/he had a surprised look the day I shoved him into the hall and slammed the door in his face.
//cordless headset FTW!

So you were the defendant?

He had a concussion and was unable to identify me.

dahmers love zombie: I don't really have any major problem with my co-workers, but I really feel hurt when there's someone in my office, and she's really, really cute, but pretends to be terribly distant, like she's saying "I don't date people in the workplace", when I know full well that she does, at least she did the other week when I asked her out, and even offered her a piece of my gourmet 75% cacao Scharffen Berger bar, and she was all "I have to groom my cat" but when I happened to be outside her apartment building later on that day she came out and got into a car and I looked and it was Burnside, that asshole from Accounting who keeps talking about me to the boss, saying that I'm not doing my job, but he won't do THAT again, but I'm getting ahead of myself -- anyway, she went with him to the Crab Shack, which is where I told her that I wanted to take her, and she showed up with him and stayed for an hour and twelve minutes and had the appetizer that I always order and she had three Crabby Slammers so I knew the little harlot was planning on getting lucky with Burnside, but boy was she in for a surprise because I'd been loading his coffee with saltpeter for about a month, just a little bit at a time but working up to a pretty big load for a pretty big toad -- but when they went back to his place I couldn't see what they were doing right away because he's got a doorman who was all "Get away from here, you creep stalker", so I called 911 from a pay phone and said he was smoking pot and molesting a little girl in the lobby so they came and while they were talking to him I came in and when I got out on the balcony they had already failed to do whatever the strumpet and her prey were intending to do because they just sat and talked, just talked, for like three hours and forty seven minutes and then he took her home, probably going down Lake to Shoreline Drive because by the time I was able to sneak downstairs and get back to my Vespa and get back to her building she was already home and if he had driven her by any other route it would have taken him longer than nineteen minutes and seventeen seconds, which was how long it took me, so I just grabbed a chili dog with onions and that greenish-yellow relish from 7/11 and went back to my tree stand and watched her sleep but I don't really like it when I have co-workers like that.


This post is not getting nearly enough love. That is. farking. genius.

No mention yet of The Sycophant. I'm disappointed.

m3thod21: what about the IT guys that think they are god.

The IT guys ARE God.

That said, I know one guy at work who's..pretty much everything in the article and just about everything that's been listed here.

Everyone hates him. (And no it isn't me--I actually DO my work, as opposed to this slacker)

Time Traveler
"dahmers love zombie 2008-06-22 09:01:57 PM
I don't really have any major problem with my co-workers, but I really feel hurt when there's someone in my office, and she's really, really cute, but pretends to be terribly distant, like she's saying "I don't date people in the workplace", when I know full well that she does, at least she did the other week when I asked her out, and even offered her a piece of my gourmet 75% cacao Scharffen Berger bar, and she was all "I have to groom my cat" but when I happened to be outside her apartment building later on that day she came out and got into a car and I looked and it was Burnside, that asshole from Accounting who keeps talking about me to the boss, saying that I'm not doing my job, but he won't do THAT again, but I'm getting ahead of myself -- anyway, she went with him to the Crab Shack, which is where I told her that I wanted to take her, and she showed up with him and stayed for an hour and twelve minutes and had the appetizer that I always order and she had three Crabby Slammers so I knew the little harlot was planning on getting lucky with Burnside, but boy was she in for a surprise because I'd been loading his coffee with saltpeter for about a month, just a little bit at a time but working up to a pretty big load for a pretty big toad -- but when they went back to his place I couldn't see what they were doing right away because he's got a doorman who was all "Get away from here, you creep stalker", so I called 911 from a pay phone and said he was smoking pot and molesting a little girl in the lobby so they came and while they were talking to him I came in and when I got out on the balcony they had already failed to do whatever the strumpet and her prey were intending to do because they just sat and talked, just talked, for like three hours and forty seven minutes and then he took her home, probably going down Lake to Shoreline Drive because by the time I was able to sneak downstairs and get back to my Vespa and get back to her building she was already home and if he had driven her by any other route it would have taken him longer than nineteen minutes and seventeen seconds, which was how long it took me, so I just grabbed a chili dog with onions and that greenish-yellow relish from 7/11 and went back to my tree stand and watched her sleep but I don't really like it when I have co-workers like that."

Oh and I hate the co-workers that send you an email that's a solid block of text ...
j/k, maybe.

m3thod21: what about the IT guys that think they are god.

Were going to have to come to a truce here on this comment. As an IT "guy" you really need to understand that we get crapped on all day for things out of our control.

You bring to my attention someone in my department that is giving you a hard time for no reason and he/she will have walking papers that afternoon after I investigate. You treat them like shiat then its going to take a bit longer and your ass might be the one getting fired. We are trying to help

Ultimately I think it is safe to say were all here to collect a paycheck so we can spend some time with our family. Not to mention keep a roof over our heads.

I'm #6. Unquestionably.

/Except for surfing Fark

I've got this cocksucker in the cube next to me at work that won't stop quoting Austin Powers movies, and constantly talking about his time in high school band. HE IS 38 YEARS OLD.big>

I wish it were legal to kill this man.

fappomatic: Sparklee: fappomatic: I work with a guy who will walk in my office and stand there while I'm on the phone. He always has this plaintiff expression on his face as if he's begging me to hang up.

/he had a surprised look the day I shoved him into the hall and slammed the door in his face.
//cordless headset FTW!

So you were the defendant?

He had a concussion and was unable to identify me.

I have a tall window alongside my office door, so even if I have the door shut - boss stands around outside with dumb look waiting to bother me. I pretend to be on the phone. I've gotten very good at talking to myself.

Does anyone else do the "knock on your desk" to get off the phone? I've gotta go, someone is here to meet with me!!!

/work with older folks, they call and talk forever because it gives them something to do!

EsteeFlwrPot: I've never had the popcorn burner in my office but that's gotta suck.

Oh, it does. I had that last year. And then last week a co-worker burned an English muffin in the toaster so badly, it set off the smoke alarm.

And my office is across the hall from the kitchenette (kick, replies, etc.)

How bout the cucking funt that barges in while you are putting out multiple fires at the same time and she wants to talk about her farking chihuahua or HS senior "football star" son that is running for class president?

I don't farking care!
I have eight hours a day to do my work and you are taking up two of them. Go away.

/I hate tomorrow already

Damn, y'all make me glad I don't work in an office!

and creating a nuisance: This post is not getting nearly enough love. That is. farking. genius.


This is my favorite bit:
just a little bit at a time but working up to a pretty big load for a pretty big toad

I used to work with this HORRIBLE woman who was utterly, irredeemably ugly, whose voice was like Marge's sisters from the Simpsons, and who smoked and drank nasty-ass coffee all farking day long. Further she was rude and surly, lazy, and most disturbingly, would discuss whom she was attracted to (not in the office thankfully). Which was ordinarily not bad except that it led to the thought of her having sex, which literally made. me. retch.

/I just thought I would share with all of you
//you should be happy I have no pics of her to post here

My co-workers are extremely non-technical. Despite the presence of the internet and email in the office over the last 12 years, they still feel the need to print off an email and walk it over to me so I can read it.

Kiribub [TotalFark] 2008-06-22 09:33:41 PM
Oh, and the guy who clips his nails ... in the lunch room.

Got one. The guy who brushed his teeth in the communal sink in the lunchroom.

THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE BREAKROOM!

I have a half eaten chocolate bar in my back pocket right now so I'm really getting a kick out of estee's comments

m3thod21: what about the IT guys that think they are god.

G'head. Run your business without us.

Lizard: Got one. The guy who brushed his teeth in the communal sink in the lunchroom.

I got that, except mine's a woman. Maybe we should hook 'em up?

Lizard: Kiribub [TotalFark] 2008-06-22 09:33:41 PM
Oh, and the guy who clips his nails ... in the lunch room.

Got one. The guy who brushed his teeth in the communal sink in the lunchroom.

Got a worse one. The woman who after lunch walks back to her area while flossing.

/Don't care to meet her in the hall...

The Ice Cream Man: Damn, y'all make me glad I don't work in an office!




I'd envy you if it weren't for Austin summer heat.

lonewolf: m3thod21: what about the IT guys that think they are god.

Were going to have to come to a truce here on this comment. As an IT "guy" you really need to understand that we get crapped on all day for things out of our control.

You bring to my attention someone in my department that is giving you a hard time for no reason and he/she will have walking papers that afternoon after I investigate. You treat them like shiat then its going to take a bit longer and your ass might be the one getting fired. We are trying to help

Ultimately I think it is safe to say were all here to collect a paycheck so we can spend some time with our family. Not to mention keep a roof over our heads.


I should have gave some background on why I made that original comment...here we go:

I was kind of seeing 2 girls in the office off and on, nothing serious they both knew about eachother and knew that I was not looking for anything serious with either of them. Well one IT guy had a serious crush on Girl-A and would talk shiat about me to her, yes he was "that guy"

We use AIM for work and needless to say, that ass jockey gave her a print out of all my convo logs with the other Girl-B.

I knew I could never prove it and also would probably get electronically murdered by his IT buddies if I said anything, so I really only hate that one guy. I respect the IT department as a whole..just pricks like "that guy"

2. The Spotlight Stealer. There is definitely an "I" in "team" according to this glory seeker ...

But apparently, there is definitely an "I" in "company":

Robert Half International is the world's first and largest specialized staffing firm with a global network of more than 360 offices throughout North America, South America, Europe and the Asia-Pacific region.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Just saying ...