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(The Onion)   Tips on keeping cool this summer.   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

3444 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Aug 2001 at 6:52 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

21 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-08-15 08:10:33 AM  
It's funny but it's no... oh wait, it is the Onion.
HPZ [TotalFark]
2001-08-15 08:15:00 AM  
They ran that two years ago.
2001-08-15 08:28:13 AM  
Not really funny
2001-08-15 08:47:06 AM  
I think someone should Photoshop the guy at the fountain.
2001-08-15 09:51:46 AM  
We loves our precious. Yesssss.
2001-08-15 10:27:59 AM  
Strenuous exercise can lead to heat exhaustion. If you must have sex, let the biatch do all the work.
2001-08-15 11:48:38 AM  
This link seems dead as of 11:45, surely we didn't fark the onion?
2001-08-15 12:07:03 PM  
Why don't you tell everybody what the fark you gotta say.>

fark tha onion,
Comin straight from the underground.
Young nubian got it bad cuz I'm brown,
And not the other color so The Onion think,
They have the authority to kill a minority.

fark that shiat, cuz I ain't tha one,
For a punk muthafarka with a ISP and a book,
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail.
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell.

farkin with me cuz I'm a teenager,
With a little bit of gold and a pager.
Searchin my car, lookin for the product.
Thinkin every nubian is sellin narcotics.

You'd rather see me in the pen,
Then me and Lorenzo rollin in the Benzo.
Beat tha Onion outta shape,
And when I'm finished, bring the yellow tape,
To tape off the scene of the slaughter.
bring out the bread and water.

I don't know if they fags or what,
Search a nubian down and grabbin his nuts.
And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none.
But don't let it be a black and a white one.
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top,
Black police showin out for the white cop.

Ice Cube will swarm,
On any muthafarka in a blue uniform.
Just cuz I'm from the CPT, punk police are afraid of me.
A young nubian on a warpath,
And when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath,
Of cops, dyin in L. A.

Yo Dre, I got somethin to say.
fark the
fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion.

M. C. Ren, will you please give your testimony to the jury about this farked up incident.>

fark tha onion and Ren said it with authority,
Because the nubians on the street is a majority a gang.
Hot steppin,
And a muthafarkin weapon is kept in a stash,
For the so called law,
Wishin Ren was a nubian that they never saw.

Lights start flashin behind me.
But they're scared of a nubian so they mace me to blind me.
But that shiat don't work, I just laugh.
Because it gives em a hint not to step in my path.

To the Onion I'm sayin fark you punk.
Readin my rights and shiat, it's all junk.
Pullin out a silly club, so you stand,
With a fake assed badge and a gun in your hand.

But take off the gun so you can see what's up,
And we'll go at it punk,
An I'm a fark you up.

Make ya think I'm a kick your ass,
But drop your gat, and Ren's gonna blast.
I'm sneaky as fark when it comes to crime.
But I'm a smoke em now, and not next time.

Smoke any muthafarka that sweats me,
Or any assho that threatens me.
I'm a sniper with a hell of a scope.
Takin out a cop or two, they can't cope with me.

The muthafarkin villian that's mad,
With potential to get bad as fark.
So I'm a turn it around.
Put in my clip, yo, and this is the sound.
Ya, somethin like that, but it all depends on the size of the gat.

Takin out a police would make my day,
But a nubian like Ren don't give a fark to say,

fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion.

Onion, open now. We have a warrant for Eazy-E's arrest.
Get down and put your hands up where I can see em. adfajfaf
Just shut the fark up and get your muthafarkin ass on the floor.

I'm tired of the muthafarkin jackin,
Sweatin my gang while I'm chillin in the shackin.
Shining tha light in my face, and for what,
Maybe it's because I kick so much butt.

I kick ass, or maybe cuz I blast,
On a stupid assed nubian when I'm playin with the trigga,
Of any Uzi or an AK.
Cuz the Onion always got somethin stupid to say.

They put up my picture with silence,
Cuz my identity by itself causes violence.
The E with the criminal behavior.
Yeah, I'm a gansta, but still I got flavor.

Without a gun and a badge, what do ya got?
A sucka in a uniform waitin to get shot,
By me, or another nubian.
And with a gat it don't matter if he's smarter or bigger.

And as you all know, Fark is the rule.
Whenever I'm rollin, keep lookin in the mirror.
And there's no cue, yo, so I can hear a,
Dumb muthafarka with a gun.

And if I'm rollin off the 8, he'll be tha one.
That I take out, and then get away.
And while I'm drivin off laughin,
This is what I'll say,

fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion.

The jury has found you guilty of bein a redneck, whitebread, chickenshiat muthafarkin website.

Wait, that's a lie. That's a goddamn lie. I want justice! I want justice! fark you, you Fark muthafarkas!

fark the onion,
fark the onion,
fark the onion.
2001-08-15 12:14:31 PM  
"Put out any fires in your home to reduce heat."
fark that, fire rules.
2001-08-15 03:48:46 PM  
shoutz to RobbieFal for rawkin that old skool sound.
Kat [TotalFark]
2001-08-15 04:43:10 PM  
midgettossa, no shoutz, that was just annoying.
2001-08-15 05:47:42 PM  
Lose some weight, you goddamn walrus.
now thats funny.
2001-08-15 07:00:50 PM  
I was gonna post this, but it seems my work has been done for me. This article is great, especially the thing about basting pets. When will they repost the "pet care tips" one again?
2001-08-15 08:01:27 PM  
*yawn* Are they running out of original material at The Onion? They ran this before.
As for the pet care tips, ...
2001-08-15 09:00:57 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available]
2001-08-15 11:02:57 PM  
I idn't read it all, but nevertheless....
"Most Impressive."
2001-08-15 11:52:35 PM  
Thanks Rwg, but upon closer inspection, I already read that one too. Sorry to waste your time.
2001-08-16 12:21:13 AM  
RobbieFal, that was de sheeyaht.

My favorite was the last line.

Lose some weight, you goddamn walrus.

But also, massive laughs from the Gollum line.
2001-08-16 02:08:21 AM  
He left out one of the most important ones for you dudes.
Get yourself one of those ceramic camel ball cooler thingys.
2001-08-16 02:54:02 AM  
Kat just can't appriciate good Gangsta Rap.
2001-08-16 08:44:02 AM  
There's no such thing as "good" gangsta rap. Well, its rare, anyway.

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