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(ABC News)   Johnnie Cochran says shark attack was 'Preventable'   ( divider line
    More: Stupid  
•       •       •

2126 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Aug 2001 at 12:10 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

52 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-08-15 12:33:47 AM  
Yeah sure it was. DON'T GO IN THE WATER.. heheh.. sucks for the victims though but it's too friggin bad.
2001-08-15 12:51:16 AM  
If the Bahamas were smart, they would just ban American tourists right now. Sure they would lose millions of tourist dollars right off, but Americans will just bring their sue happy asses down there and litigate the Bahamas right out of existence. They can always get Canadian tourists. :)
2001-08-15 12:58:51 AM  
hotel should have notified guests about the potential for danger

Warning: Sharks have lots of big, pointy teeth.
2001-08-15 01:02:44 AM  
What do you think is worse The media hype about dog attacks in the past few months, or this crap about all the sharks? Three people get attacked, and it a complete news fest.

The solution seems pretty simple to me, stay outta the damn water ya farkers!
2001-08-15 01:20:17 AM  
Sure was preventable: stay out of the water. Only way to be one hundred percent sure your are safe from sharks. Except for the elusive land-shark....

According to Cochran logic, they also have to state that breatheing the air can be hazardous due to the possibility of "stuff" like oxygen, could be in it. Of course its been years since Oxygen has reached Cochran's brain....
2001-08-15 01:32:57 AM  
Cochran shouldn't be criticizing his own kind. Very unprofessional.
2001-08-15 01:46:59 AM  
Lawyers aren't sharks, they are scavengers of course! Explain to me the lawyer that chases ambulances....
2001-08-15 01:49:42 AM  
i don't see why everybody's ripping into cochran. he's just doing his job. it's not his fault that flimsy-ass cases like this persuade moronic juries.
2001-08-15 02:02:23 AM  
Obviously, this was preventable. Here in Tennessee we have such success at preventing shark attacks that it's hard to say when the last one occurred.
Does anyone besides me think that Johnnie C. must be related to Don King? Similar rhetoric, at least? I can hear him now, "If the man got bit, you cannot acquit!"
2001-08-15 02:50:56 AM  
Cochran's lunacy drives me farking crazy...

but who else has the cojones to go after all the stinking rich? He's just fighting the war against the 1% before it spills into the streets and everybody starts the lunacy for real.

Still... this case is b-b-b-b-bullshiate. I pretty much expect a run-in with some kinda fauna when I go prancing around the ocean. A stingray will put you outta commission for a while too, mmm how 'bout a nice jellyfish. At least ole' boy's gotta decent war story now.
2001-08-15 04:39:12 AM  
Legit cases are one thing but I'd like to be on this jury so I could ask just how it could have been prevented by the resort. Tell the guy he can't go swimming? Uh huh, then he'd sue because that's why he went to the Bahamas. Sheesh, what an idiot.

I backpack in remote places and if I get my ass chomped by a grizzly, my family sure isn't gonna sue anybody for not preventing it.
2001-08-15 04:41:18 AM  
if the child's been bit, you must aquit.

no, wait...that was about that part of that one south park episode? Chewbacca was a wookie, but ewoks lived on Endor...
2001-08-15 05:04:24 AM  
Woman #2: Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.

Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..

Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.

Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..

Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..
2001-08-15 06:49:58 AM  
The sharks are pissed, and they want our women.
2001-08-15 08:11:29 AM  
Cochran: "if they don't kill the fish, the money they must dish"
2001-08-15 08:21:58 AM  
like i asked before , is it possible to sue someone from another country? this whole sueing shiat is dumb.
2001-08-15 08:28:10 AM  
Do you know that if this person was a no name Jo enjoying his vacation and this happend?

"sorry about your leg sir, come back again"
He gets home, collects his ins. check and every body is happy.

but nooo.. Mr. High and pricy has to sue, and of course, NOW its a problem.
2001-08-15 08:45:20 AM  
Clearly he's gone mad with power after getting O.J. off. What an asshole.

And Meat, everyone's tearing into him because he's a whore. Just because he's a lawyer doesn't mean he has to represent every moron that injures themselves with a pickle or a cup of coffee.

How much better and more efficient would the legal system be if it weren't bogged down with this kind of crap?

Greedy people and even greedier lawyers. Makes me sick.
2001-08-15 08:56:05 AM  
Yes Spurt it is possible. I'm not sure of the details, since I have a soul (read I'm not a lawyer), but I beleive the suit has to be filed in a court with jurisdiction over the incident or the defendent. If for example, the hotel is owned by a US company, the suit could be filed in a US court. I also beleive a foreign company can be sued in a US court if someone with standing in a US court (US resident or citizen) is involved, but I'm not sure of the mechanics. The biggest problem would be getting the defendent to show up or if a judgement is made against them, compelling them to pay.

Bottom line, JC will know how to do it, and I'm sure he'll figure out a way to get it into a US court.

Any bloodsucking leaches....errrrrr...lawyers have some specifics here.
2001-08-15 09:28:22 AM  
stupid, stupid
folks should just know that the world ain't a safe place, and it pisses me off that so many people want to live in a world where we're all protected from our own idiocy and thereby restricted from any actual enjoyment of life

anybody in the Florida area, keep an eye out for this:

I'm betting that just this threat of a lawsuit, along with news reports of all the sharks in the area, will cause some hotels & resorts to print up fliers and table placards warning about the dangers of sharks. It would be neat to get samples of these things when they come out. I bet they'll show up by tomorrow, somewhere.

We should have a contest here on Fark to come up with the best warning flier.
2001-08-15 09:32:15 AM  
My entry for warning poster: A photo of the earth, an arrow pointing to the earth, and a caption: "DANGER: Activity in this area may cause injury or death."

That just about covers everything.
2001-08-15 09:46:45 AM  
Cochran also said the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman could have been prevented if they had never been born.
2001-08-15 09:59:54 AM  
"Birth control experts say Johnnie Cochran was 'Preventable'"
2001-08-15 10:09:08 AM  
Spurt: You can sue anyone you want, anywhere you want, for anything. So it seems.
2001-08-15 10:18:52 AM  
"Isn't it true Mr. Shark that you have on repeated accounts used derogatory words when referring to investment bankers?" asked Mr. Cochran in his cross examination.
2001-08-15 10:32:37 AM  
The best part of Johnny Cochran was the wet spot on his mama's sheet.
2001-08-15 10:45:23 AM  
Jesse Jackson should lead a protest on the beach against those sharks.
2001-08-15 10:54:21 AM  
No British. Jesse should lead the protest *in the water* off those beaches.
2001-08-15 11:12:35 AM  
I wonder if JC will claim the shark was a racist becuase he spit him out. "See your honor, this attack was racialy motivated. If the shark was hungry he would have eaten my client, but since he only maimed him, his obvious intent was simpy to attack my client because of his race."
2001-08-15 11:16:51 AM  
I heard that F Lee Bailey will be representing the Shark, their old drinking buddies.
2001-08-15 11:21:15 AM

i found that pretty funny, that you hear all about the Terror of the deep, the sharks, but they hardly kill at all. Only 12 people dead (that was reported) in a 31 year span, give or take a few. that still is great odds, out of the millions that went swimming in those years, with-in the U.S. i got a better chance of getting struck by lightning three times then die from a shark!
2001-08-15 12:00:45 PM  
When I was in highschool a long time ago, my German teacher had been struck by lightning... twice. The second time, his heart stopped, but he was sent up into the air and landed on his chest. The impact from landing on his chest started his heart again, and he lived. Whats odds!

I don't hate J.C. because he is a lawyer: I hate him because he is a pathetic oppertunist that will pull any dirty tricks (read: the repeated use of the race card because his trial was going bad) he has to in order to win a case.

Of course I will probably be sued for slander and hate crimes for simply stating that....
2001-08-15 12:03:00 PM  
And the real problem aren't the sharks: its the idiots in the world that absolutly refuse to take respondisbility. This guy knew there could be sharks in the water (hell, all the news stories should have tipped him off), but he went in anyway. Was he stupid for wanting to swim? No, is he stupid trying to sue a company which had nothing to do with his "accident"? Yes.
2001-08-15 12:24:48 PM  
GodDAMN man...

There is OBVIOUSLY nothing else going on in the world to hype right now... other than sharks.

This sucks. This man is a unliky person... and now he is a PUSSY.

NO ONE HAS: "The right to swim in the ocean unmolested by its inhabitants".

This man is a sissy-fark, and Johnny Cochran is a greedy-no-good-fark.
2001-08-15 12:31:42 PM  
remember that story of the kid from pensacola fl, the shark bit off his arm blah blah. what the frenzying-shark-like-media in a rush to break the story and in weeks to follow, forgot to tell us was that the boy was swimming near his father-in-law, that was fishing. it was murky, and near sunset. the kid was clearly breaking 3 major (DO I LOOK LIKE SHARK FOOD) rules. i'm sure the guy from this story was also doing something a bit foolish.
2001-08-15 12:45:13 PM  
When good sharks go bad...
2001-08-15 12:48:22 PM  
I don't have a link to a site for the actual statistics but, you are less likely to be attacked by a shark than killed by a pig or a coconut falling from a tree. That's right. Each year in the world, more people are killed by coconuts than are even attacked by sharks. So watch out for those coconut trees and if you hear an oink run for it.

Hehe, it reminds me of an old farside of a shark at the beach yelling BEAR!! BEAR!! to scare the people into the water.
2001-08-15 01:14:08 PM  
hrm.....where to start......

1. The best part of johnny cochran ran down the leg of the dog that farked his momma.

2. I say we can still prevent JC by finding the shark and dropping JC right next to to the shark. Make sure JC's all covered in chum too, just to mask the rancid taste.

3. Was this preventable? HELL YES!! People can kill off every natural predator in the world. This would make the world safer for all of us......oh wait, we're predators too. DOH! *bang* Seriously though, this is so freaking laughable it's pathetic. Just seems that the upper 1% feel that should be protected from everything, including mother nature and 'acts of god' (read mother nature).
2001-08-15 02:01:21 PM  
Suing is the American way folks. C'mon and lets all sue. What is even more pathetic is the judge who will have to take this case, a case that has no bidness in the court room. This case should be thrown out on the grounds of cranial rectosis.
2001-08-15 02:13:49 PM  
This is why america sucks, nobody trusts anyone, truely individualist, infact I just got robbed the other day and the video surviellance wasn't on, I wonder if I have a case?
2001-08-15 02:37:51 PM  
fusillade762: lol at that scenario. props from a fellow portlander
2001-08-15 03:09:19 PM  
Hmmmm..Time for the conspiracy theory of the day.

The Discovery Channel has baited sharks in near the coast and has gotten them all worked up to get people to watch Shark Week. Think its just a coincidence that all this happened in the weeks leading up to Shark Week. Need more proof, how about the unexplained congregation of sharks near Tampa during Shark Week. I rest my case. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go out driving, I don't know where I'm going, I'm just gonna follow the secret codes on the road signs.
2001-08-15 03:21:41 PM  

loads of info:

bottom line is:

*UP goes the population... and thus the number of bathers in shallow, turbulent waters where sharks make mistakes... and UP go the shark attacks*

2001-08-15 05:02:35 PM  
QUESTION: Why don't sharks bite lawyers.

ANWSER; Professional courtesy.
2001-08-15 06:04:23 PM  
Get bit by a shark.. get flamed on fark
2001-08-15 06:20:51 PM  
Statistics show that a computer geek like yourself has a much higher chance of bedding a supermodel than being bitten by a shark.

P.S. Do you think that the guy now goes to Seafood Broiler, orders the shark steak, and as he eats, terrifies the other customers by taunting the innocent, flaky filet?
2001-08-15 06:21:41 PM  
Statistics show that a computer geek like yourself has a much higher chance of bedding a supermodel than being bitten by a shark.

P.S. Do you think that the guy now goes to Seafood Broiler, orders the shark steak, and as he eats, terrifies the other customers by taunting the innocent, flaky filet?
2001-08-15 06:30:26 PM  
Johnny Cochran needs to be used as chum. He's nothing more than an ambulance chaser. If he really belived in what he was doing, he'd do pro bono work for some place like the Southern Poverty Law Center or whatnot.
2001-08-15 08:12:47 PM  
I think we should drop the "France surrenders" thing and replace it by repeating "America sues" over and over again. because that's what our country stands for now, right?
2001-08-15 09:32:02 PM  
I82Smart=> that shiat is cracking me uP!

Reminds me of Ben Stiller during the credits of:
"Meet The Parents"

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