Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(SFGate)   Pet macaw from hell. Owner's husband says he's going to put the macaw in a pot with her head still attached so he can look her in the eye while she's cooking   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

51 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2002 at 5:50 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

74 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2002-11-25 12:07:32 PM  
i feel sorry for the kids.

the husband, wife and bird deserve each other.
2002-11-25 12:45:45 PM  
. I don't know why I surrounded myself with animals; I was probably lonely and wanted a boyfriend.
2002-11-25 04:32:03 PM  
this woman is nuts, and Vetbridge... eww
2002-11-25 05:56:36 PM  
Polly want a ow..OW OWWWW...oh shiat....ow, that hurs.. fark.... ow ow. jezus H. Christ, fark.. ow ow.. shiat, motherfark, ow, OW OW.....psssssssssssssssssssssss
2002-11-25 05:59:07 PM  
with the bird's head still attatched..... or the wife's?
2002-11-25 06:02:00 PM  
One large pot o'Ex-Parrot Stew, Comin' right up! go ahead,
make the stew. if you still like birds, get a handfed cockatiel- not too big, affectionate if bought handfed,
good talkers, and they do make noise but they don't SCREAM
all the time. I've had three. cat got one, other two flew
away. have a cat now, so boids would be a nuisance...
2002-11-25 06:02:06 PM  
Take the damn thing deep into the woods and set her free. Then shoot the bird.
2002-11-25 06:05:33 PM  
I had a cockatoo. He would sai "I'm outside" when he was outside and he would tell us to "shhhhh sleepy" when we woke him up.
He would also throw nuts out of his cage to entice the cats to come near him to bit their tails.
He would watch us very closely as we undid the masterlock on his cage and then always hop down and reach out through the cage with both his legs, hainging on to the railings with his beak, to try and undo the lock like we did.
When our cat would jump up on the counter he would yell its name and scare it into getting down. "YAMA!!!"
He was pretty cool, but I'm glad I don't have him anymore.
2002-11-25 06:05:40 PM  
Soon to be pushin' up daisies.
2002-11-25 06:08:22 PM  
I would kill that bird in about 2.5 seconds, if I ever came into contact with it.
2002-11-25 06:08:25 PM  
My boyfriend's X-wife made him get rid of his bird (nowhere near as much of a nuisance) and then left him anyway. She is one of those balistic christians. Her pastor said they "weren't evenly yolked". Turns out the pastor was right, she is nuts, he is not!
2002-11-25 06:14:50 PM  
I love how she points out that the odds of writing a successful novel are ".04 to 1 million" ... why didn't she just make it easy and say 1 to 25 million? The numbers are the same, and 1 to 25 million sounds way more impressive.
2002-11-25 06:17:03 PM  
Easy solution as far as I am concerned.....Polly want an Alka-Seltzer??????
2002-11-25 06:18:33 PM  
If my wife owned this avian menace, I'd just feed it a bit of this.

[image from too old to be available]
The Final Solution:
2002-11-25 06:19:42 PM  
its horrible when you get a pet, become attached to it, then find out it will out live you.
2002-11-25 06:19:44 PM  
She's very cute even though she is nucking futs.
2002-11-25 06:20:49 PM  
I don't know why I surrounded myself with animals; I was probably lonely and wanted a boyfriend.

LOL, that is funny! Don't you usually go looking for a boyfriend rather than animals?
2002-11-25 06:21:33 PM  
I have a wealthy friend who has two of these giant demon birds that wander around his sprawling living room which has high-vaulted ceilings. Their voices are like the sound of doom, especially when they get in screaming competitions.

Their beaks don't softly click shut when they chew on their toys or perch, they snap shut with a huge CLANK like some giant nightmarish lobster-clawed monster.

They are frightening and the patterns around they eyes make them look evil and insane. My friend has somehow grown indifferent to them.

I hate and fear them but I love the hot tub and pool table.
2002-11-25 06:25:34 PM  
$1,400 for an obnoxiously loud chicken.

I will never understand you humans.
2002-11-25 06:26:27 PM  
This woman is a moron. She admits she didn't know the first thing about looking after this animal when she bought it and obviously still doesn't; she is the enabler of the animal's destructive behavior. The freaking bird is smarter than she is.

Hopefully the macaw will deliver the 'beak to the brain' on this woman. I suggest the butt, Gideon, because that's where it's most likely to be.
2002-11-25 06:28:21 PM  
This woman is as sick as any alcoholic or drug addict that can see their habit is ruining their life.....but still can't, or won't, stop.

She and her family are sad, sick, and need intensive psychiatric help.
2002-11-25 06:28:21 PM  
bird abuse story:
During my sophomore year of college, I had two roommates: one,an actual farker on FARK and another guy who was/is an asshat. The asshat guy also had a really annoying bird.

So one day my friend(anonyous farker)and I were all stymied while the bird was loose in the apartment. He came flying up the stairs right at us and we assumed he was attacking, so my friend (anonymous farker) stood at home plate, took a swing with the palm of his hand and sent the bird deep into centerfield and down to the first floor landing. Yes, it was cruel yet gratifying because his wings kept a-flapping while he soared backwards.

I cried from laughing so hard. I'm such a bastard.
2002-11-25 06:29:52 PM  
Not me, mang. If I wanted a high-maintenance pet, I'd date another stripper.

Day 1: parrot training.
Day 7: trained parrot, or mini-thanksgiving.
2002-11-25 06:31:53 PM  
Dear psycho parrot-abusing asshat biatch -

1) Psittacines are wild animals. They aren't domesticated, they don't make good pets. Leave them in the wild.

2) If you absolutely have to have one anyway, there are these obviously alien concepts called "training" and "discipline". Might wanna try those on the kids, too. Your macaw is miserable and so is the rest of your family.
2002-11-25 06:33:01 PM  
MrBadSport: Perhaps because she's a loon?

I'm a vegetarian and I would have no problem killing this godawful stain on bird kind.

I take it she's one of those who believe that this bird is more important that a human. Like those these people
2002-11-25 06:33:52 PM  
I had a caique, vicious little bugger tried to rip my finger off, and you could hear it almost a mile away screeching.

it'd walk over the keyboard and rip keys off, then eat the cables.

I'd be all come back with that P bird!!
2002-11-25 06:36:21 PM  
She sounds like my ex-wife.

The parrot, that is.
2002-11-25 06:38:35 PM  
That is an ex-parrot. It has ceased to be.

2002-11-25 06:39:25 PM  
My cousin had a parrot or something that would call the dog over for it's dinner. When the dog got there and realized that there was no food, the bird would squawk and say "shiattyarse!"

It was only amusing the first hundred or so times, though.
Why anyone would actually want to keep these irritating feathery farkwits, I don't know.
2002-11-25 06:42:35 PM  
No boyfriend would make you climb a 50 ft tall tree.
2002-11-25 06:46:44 PM  
I love my dog.
2002-11-25 06:51:23 PM  
I have to disagree with you staregirl. In a lot of the birds natural habitats, staying is a death sentence. Eventually if they arent domesticated theyll go the way of the dodo. Tho I must say training and discipine are good. Id hate to think what life with my African Grey would be like if he was a screwed up (or in charge) as that macaw.
2002-11-25 06:55:20 PM  
Macaws eat spider monkeys? Somehow I doubt that.
Kiz [BareFark]
2002-11-25 06:58:37 PM  
The problem with pet parrots is that they tend to be social animals in the wild. So they want to interact with other parrots, or failing that, humans will do in a pinch. The more isolated they are, the more likely they are to develop psychological problems. It doesn't help that some species are just plain loud and you really can't get them to "whisper" all the time.
2002-11-25 06:58:46 PM  
I was a pet freak with a boa constrictor, a tarantula, a calico cat, two nesting doves, two dogs and a llama.

No, you were a freak with pets. There's a difference there.

I don't know why I surrounded myself with animals; I was probably lonely and wanted a boyfriend.

And now that you have one (and children, to boot), you keep this stupid-ass bird around at the inconvenience of your family? Sounds like you need to get a divorce and shack up with your fark1n' emu.........

I named her Gideon because she has a voice like a trumpet. In the Bible, Gideon blows a trumpet. [snip] She's a pain in the butt! She orders me around by screaming at the top of her lungs.

Ah, wonderful -- another Bible-thumpin' idiot. Btw, wonderful analogy -- because in real life, Gideon is neither human nor male. Sounds like you could stand a good smiting or two yourself there, slapperchops.

John hates her. He wants to make parrot stew. He says he's going to put her in a pot with her head still attached so he can look her in the eye while she's cooking. John says I care more for her than I do for him, because I run around for her like a concubine. He's got a point. I do.

Sounds like your husband as a good head on his shoulders. What the hell he's doing with you, however, I cannot tell.

I climbed up there to rescue her and, 50 feet above the ground, a branch broke and I fell straight down.

You evaded Darwin once, but I fully expect that you won't outlive your own stupidity.
2002-11-25 06:58:56 PM  
That woman deserves the misery that she's created for herself. She bought that bird for the wrong reasons, didn't train it (it being wild, I'm not sure it CAN be trained the way I think about it), and now keeps it and caters to its whim out of guilt. She deserves every ounce of misery she puts up with.

Her husband can bail out if he wants, but I feel bad for the kids, who will eventually try to get through life in a house with a whacked mom, no peace and quiet, and probably missing a couple digits. Talk about perpetuating a bad situation. Lady, WAKE UP!
2002-11-25 07:08:31 PM  
Monkeyporn: Sounds like the mynah birds our next-door-neighbors had when I was a kid. It would call out "Here, kittykittykitty" in the voice of the lady who fed the cat. The cat would run up and stop by the door, looking around for his bowl of catfood. Then the mynah'd look him right in the eye and say, all low and sexy and taunting, "Meow."

The cat had the last laugh, though. One day they left the birdcage door just a little bit the morning there was nothing but a pile of black feathers and a smug-looking cat.
2002-11-25 07:30:52 PM  
Okay farkers, spot this reference....

"Pengawins is pracktickally chickens"....
2002-11-25 07:36:45 PM  
I farkin' hate birds! I had a girlfriend once who had birds. Stupid parakeets would wake me up at godawful times until I threw my shoes at their cage
2002-11-25 07:39:25 PM  
"Pengawins is pracktickally chickens"....

A 1940s Warner Bros. cartoon?
2002-11-25 07:41:03 PM  
At least she didn't get rid of it. Most pet stores sell these birds as babies just off being hand fed and they're cute and cuddly then, but nobody tells them they become monsters later. (Including attacking everybody besides the person they bond to) Most people don't have the time for them and abandon them.
2002-11-25 07:44:37 PM  
We have one house rule--absolutely no birds. Everything else goes: fish, cats, dogs, poisonous insects, lizards, toads, salamanders, and we'll probably end up with a snake soon. In other words, we love pets, but we're not stupid enough to get a noisy, glorified thanksgiving dinner.
2002-11-25 07:45:10 PM  
8 Ball Bunny (1950)

Bugs: (Scene changes. There's a sign marked "DEEP DEEP SOUTH"
with an arrow pointing in the direction a train is going.
The penguin is resting next to Bugs, both of them sitting
on the edge of an open door on a freight train.)
Me and my big fat promises!
(Penguin moves away from Bugs and starts tearing up again)
All right! All right! If there's one thing I can't stand,
it's to see a pen-gu-in cry!
Hobo: (From the freight car, a hobo is watching the scene)
Me neither! Penguins is practically chickens.
(Picks up the penguin, licks lips, and starts walking away
with him)
And I hates to see chickens cry so much that I has to put
'em out of their misery.
2002-11-25 07:47:37 PM  
Are the birds gonna eat us, Mommy?

Maybe we're all getting a little
carried away by this. Admittedly,
a few birds acted strangely. That's
no reason to believe....

This isn't a few birds! I keep
telling you that! These are gulls
and swifts and crows and....

And what? Vultures? Hawks? Eagles?

Maybe! Is it impossible?


Yes. I have never known birds of
different species to flock together.
The very concept is unimaginable.
Why if that happened, we wouldn't
have a chance. How could we
possible hope to fight them?
2002-11-25 07:50:12 PM  
Ant gets a bottle of homebrew....all I remembered was the
line, not the year and the whoooole dialogue of the 'toon...
sure wish I had an old WB library....
2002-11-25 08:06:34 PM  
Sometimes she laughs, but it's not sincere. Most of the time, she just screams.
thats hilarious...
2002-11-25 08:12:29 PM  
My girlfriend had 2 parakeets when she was in grade school. One day she found the small, cute, meek male parakeet pecked to death. So she BURIED THE FEMALE ALIVE. Ever since she told me that, I've been careful not to harm her current bird, even though the winged shiatbeast deserves it.
2002-11-25 08:21:08 PM  
Tastes like chicken 8)

2002-11-25 08:21:24 PM  
That most Mccaws. I like african greys there more quiet. Well Mine was anyway. Tor, that story I wouldn't piss her off at all. Might find yourself dead.
2002-11-25 08:35:39 PM  
Husband needs to make room in the pot for the wife, she's an idiot to put up with that bird from hell. Guess he's pretty farkin' stupid too, he married her knowing about it. Extremely glad they live nowhere around here.
Displayed 50 of 74 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.