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(LBC 97.3)   Today's fear-mongering headline claims 6-year-old girl "attacked at beach" by jellyfish   (tampabays10.com) divider line 130
    More: Florida  
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8604 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 May 2008 at 5:03 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-05-26 02:56:20 PM  
Jellyfish don't attack. You just get in their way.
 
2008-05-26 02:57:28 PM  
Thinking it was the result of a jellyfish sting, someone quickly sprayed a product called Sting Away all over her body.

Shenanigans, BTW. They probably peed on her, then went Googling for a cover story.
 
2008-05-26 03:05:43 PM  
It was in the gulf, most likely a Man O War.

Which is not, in fact, a jellyfish
 
2008-05-26 03:19:58 PM  
That's an advertisement--not a story.
 
2008-05-26 03:20:15 PM  
FEAR! BUY THINGS!
 
2008-05-26 03:23:35 PM  
The "victim"'s mother is a news producer. Outstanding! MSG is the fix for a man-o-war sting. Been there, done that.
 
2008-05-26 03:26:37 PM  
Adman12: They probably peed on her, then went Googling for a cover story sponsor.

FTFM
 
2008-05-26 03:35:15 PM  
I was once "attacked" by poison Ivy
 
2008-05-26 03:43:22 PM  
C'mon, this has got to be a "sponsored link" or some shenanigans. It's a freakin' advertisement not even worthy of being "not news."
 
2008-05-26 03:56:29 PM  
stevecody: I was once "attacked" by poison Ivy

Oh yeah? Well, last time I got really drunk, my staircase beat the shiat out of me.
 
2008-05-26 04:08:12 PM  
I think the real story here is the empty bikini top in the second picture.
 
2008-05-26 05:05:10 PM  
Adman12: Thinking it was the result of a jellyfish sting, someone quickly sprayed a product called Sting Away all over her body.

Shenanigans, BTW. They probably peed on her, then went Googling for a cover story.


Luckily R Kelly was at the beach
 
2008-05-26 05:06:54 PM  
That damn Sphere is up to no good again.
 
2008-05-26 05:07:54 PM  
Adman12: stevecody: I was once "attacked" by poison Ivy

Oh yeah? Well, last time I got really drunk, my staircase beat the shiat out of me.


You think that's something, the other day I tripped, ground farking jumped out at me. Didn't even see the farker there.
 
2008-05-26 05:08:53 PM  
Love the "gash" on her stomach.
 
2008-05-26 05:08:57 PM  

"According to a paramedic's guide book, if you have what you believe is a jellyfish sting, you should first apply alcohol and then either meat tenderizer or shaving cream."


This is also the same recommendation for trying to date a Maine University woman.

 
2008-05-26 05:09:11 PM  
baka-san: It was in the gulf, most likely a Man O War.

Which is not, in fact, a jellyfish


These (new window) things scare the ever lasting piss out of me. It's why I don't go in the ocean. Well, that and being several hundred miles from the nearest Ocean.

/shudder
 
2008-05-26 05:09:47 PM  
I was attacked by a whole bunch of Portuguese Man-o-Wars at Corpus Christi. There I was, minding my own business in the water when a whole bunch of them ganged up on me and stung the crap out of me.

It's the animal conspiracy, I tell ya.
 
2008-05-26 05:11:28 PM  
I love how they say "Child Attacked At Beach"

Insinuating that the child was a victim of kidnapping or attempted rape or something.

As someone said jellyfish or man o wars don't attack you. You just get in their way.
 
2008-05-26 05:11:49 PM  
Those jellyfishes' neural nets are made for evil, I tells ya!
 
2008-05-26 05:12:05 PM  
jelly donut mmmmmm

what were we talking about?
 
2008-05-26 05:12:30 PM  
My roomba attacked me while drunk this morning.

My liver was attacked by booze last night.

I was mauled by some boiling water for mac and cheese.

A hammer attacked me while hanging some art.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

I could do these all day. But I wont.
 
2008-05-26 05:13:27 PM  
"Mommy" posted a comment to the story

http://www.topix.net/forum/source/wtsp/TFOSAD1547R5QEOQV

#3
 
2008-05-26 05:15:12 PM  
...you should first apply alcohol and then either meat tenderizer or shaving cream.

Hawt.
 
2008-05-26 05:16:34 PM  
DFWPhotoGuy
A hammer attacked me while hanging some art.

Hang some matt next time..
 
2008-05-26 05:17:08 PM  
Adman12: Shenanigans, BTW. They probably peed on her, then went Googling for a cover story.

R Kelley style, eh?
 
2008-05-26 05:19:19 PM  
Not mentioned in the article: those jellyfish are entering our country illegally. When are you libtards going to recognize the damage that gay, terrorist, pot-smoking jellyfish are causing our country?

Clearly another round of tax cuts and beach restrictions is needed to solve this problem.
 
2008-05-26 05:19:31 PM  
And a comment has been added to that news story....
 
2008-05-26 05:19:31 PM  
When I go mountain biking I swear that the trees pull up their roots and step out in front of me Ent style....
Never happens to my buddy, but consistently to me.

Everyone beware
 
2008-05-26 05:20:42 PM  
Oh yeah? Well my butt just GAS ATTACKED ME AND MY CATS!

RUN KITTIES, RUN!

/great, now Bush will try to invade
//ewwwww
 
2008-05-26 05:23:57 PM  
Adman12: Jellyfish don't attack. You just get in their way.

This. I've spent a decent amount of time in the ocean snorkeling, scuba diving, or whatever, and I've only been stung by a jellyfish once, and that was because I squished it against the side of the boat accidentally.
 
2008-05-26 05:24:23 PM  
My monitor was assaulted by coffee... ect ect.
 
2008-05-26 05:25:25 PM  
Adman12: Thinking it was the result of a jellyfish sting, someone quickly sprayed a product called Sting Away all over her body.

Shenanigans, BTW. They probably peed on her, then went Googling for a cover story.


I know! I was there, and I peed on her. Turns out it's also a cure for the stings.

Lucky coincidence for me.
 
2008-05-26 05:26:18 PM  
HMS_Blinkin: Adman12: Jellyfish don't attack. You just get in their way.

This. I've spent a decent amount of time in the ocean snorkeling, scuba diving, or whatever, and I've only been stung by a jellyfish once, and that was because I squished it against the side of the boat accidentally.


Lies you just wanted to watch it squirm and feel all powerful. You know like Bush.
 
2008-05-26 05:27:37 PM  
I was once 'attacked' by a stick, and have a nice scar to prove it!

/Dont break firewood that way
 
2008-05-26 05:29:31 PM  
Crazy Bacon Legs

Peeing on 8 year old girls is a sin!

8 year old boys on the othe hand...



Nope, that's a sin too.
 
2008-05-26 05:30:08 PM  
Adman12 : Jellyfish don't attack. You just get in their way.

Jellyfish don't attack, they just get in your way.

/because jellyfish aren't exactly in a hurry to get anywhere.
 
2008-05-26 05:30:41 PM  
Scruffinator: baka-san: It was in the gulf, most likely a Man O War.

Which is not, in fact, a jellyfish

These (new window) things scare the ever lasting piss out of me. It's why I don't go in the ocean. Well, that and being several hundred miles from the nearest Ocean.

/shudder


I have been lucky, used to live in Galveston. had them float by six inches from my head too many times to remember.
 
2008-05-26 05:32:17 PM  
You'd think there would be some fear mongering stories about marines raping and killing women and children in Iraq...thats the media's true M.O.

$10.00 says that the jellyfish had a no bid contract from halliburton to do the terrorizin'
 
2008-05-26 05:32:31 PM  
This article brought to you by Sting Away.
 
2008-05-26 05:34:44 PM  
irregardless of what happens apply alcohol, stat!
 
2008-05-26 05:34:47 PM  
Meh. Flori-DUH.
The Tardis strong with this one...
 
2008-05-26 05:35:48 PM  
Tofino: This article brought to you by Sting Away.

sting away, apply directly to the sting!
sting away, apply directly to the sting!
sting away, apply directly to the sting!
sting away, apply directly to the sting!
sting away, apply directly to the sting!
sting away, apply directly to the sting!
 
2008-05-26 05:36:23 PM  
^Damn filter stole my" "!

Now I look like the tard.
 
2008-05-26 05:36:56 PM  
Sumdumfarkr: Meh. Flori-DUH.
The Tardis strong with this one...


Tard away aplly dirrectly to the tard...
 
2008-05-26 05:37:03 PM  
Scruffinator: baka-san: It was in the gulf, most likely a Man O War.

Which is not, in fact, a jellyfish

These (new window) things scare the ever lasting piss out of me. It's why I don't go in the ocean. Well, that and being several hundred miles from the nearest Ocean.

/shudder


Heres to you Mr scared of the ocean guy.
 
2008-05-26 05:39:51 PM  
Sooner or later, you are going to see a MLB pitcher
attacked and maimed by a broken Louisville Slugger

/matter of time
 
2008-05-26 05:42:17 PM  
www.pinktentacle.com

Thay took er jerbs!
 
2008-05-26 05:43:31 PM  
stevecody: I was once "attacked" by poison Ivywww.ultimatecoupons.com

Unavailable for comment
 
2008-05-26 05:45:01 PM  
www.mediabistro.com

says "Man up you Nancy!"
 
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