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(Google)   TFer was attacked by several large ducks. They broke the skin with their biting\pecking. Do they carry any diseases I need to seek medical help for? They all got away   ( divider line
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6146 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2008 at 11:43 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2008-05-16 08:51:36 AM  
Revenge is going to be sauce.
tanophoto.comView Full Size

steffensdinners.comView Full Size
2008-05-16 08:53:57 AM  
2008-05-16 08:57:07 AM  
img92.exs.cxView Full Size

Like the stranger said, some days you get the duk, sometimes the duk gets you.
2008-05-16 08:59:12 AM  
Just had to post in here.
2008-05-16 09:01:42 AM  
Duck thread!!

2008-05-16 09:02:29 AM  
Daggett: Yeah, well a lot of folks did call him Two Gun, but that wasn't because he was sportin' two pistols. That was because he had a dick that was so big it was longer than the barrel on that Walker-Colt that he carried. And the only insultin' he ever did was stick that thing of his into this French lady that English Bob here was kind of sweet on. You see, the night that Corky walked into the Blue Bottle and before he knows what's happenin', Bob here takes a shot at him, and he misses because he's so damned drunk. Now that bullet whizzing by panicked old Corky and he did the wrong thing. He went for his gun in such a hurry he shot his own damn toe off. Meantime, Bob here, he's aimin' real good and he squeezes off another. But he misses 'cause he's still so damned drunk, and he hits this thousand dollar mirror up over the bar. Now, the Duck of Death is as good as dead because Corky does it right. He aims real careful, no hurry, and BAM!! The Walker-Colt blew up in his hand which was a failin' common to that model. You see, if old Corky had've had two guns, instead of just a big dick, he would have been there right to the end to defend himself.
Beauchamp: Wait a minute. You mean that English Bob killed him when he didn't even have...
Daggett: Well, old Bob wasn't gonna wait for Corky to grow a new hand. No, he just walked over there real slow, 'cause he was drunk. Shot him right through the liver.

The Duck of Death is coont.
2008-05-16 09:03:29 AM  
img176.imageshack.usView Full Size

He will command the geese to attack you.
2008-05-16 09:07:08 AM  
To eliminate the problem, I recommend 1 to 1 1/2 ounces of either steel, bismuth, or Hevi-Shot delivered at 1200 to 1500 fps.

Suggested delivery device:

[image from too old to be available]
2008-05-16 09:08:58 AM  
Jesus, I need to stay home at night and catch these threads.
2008-05-16 09:10:36 AM  
Smell the Glove: That reminds me of the time I was driving home from work one day...
I have to drive through a neighborhood that has a lake. Tons of ducks hang out by this lake all the time and I guess people feed them because they have no fear of people. Anyway, one day there was a big ol' turtle in the road and since assholes haul ass through there I pulled over to pick up the turtle and take him back to the lake. So I went and go the turtle, which took both hands, and headed on back to the lake. The ducks just swarmed me. There must have been a dozen or more and had me completely surrounded.
I don't know what I did but these farkers just went into a frenzy pecking and biting the shiat out of me. I couldn't do anything because I didn't want to drop the turtle who by now was struggling to get out of my hands. Besides it was so farked up that I really didn't even know what to do. It was a scene.
The best part was since it was "rush hour" there were so many cars that drove by honking and slowing down to watch this fool get mauled by ducks while holding a turtle. It must have made the greatest conversation starter for dinner that night.

But anyway to answer your question they broke the skin a few times but I never got sick.

I figure they saw the turtle (or saw a large dark ovoid object in your hands) and since they were trained to associate humans with being fed without effort.

The ducks concluded "Here is a human holding something that looks like a food object. Why is that human not dropping it to feed us?!? I'll go up and quack at that human to get the human to drop the food. QUACK! (pauses) QUACK QUACK! (pauses) WHERE IS THE FOOD? I quacked and humans know that when we quack we want the free yummy human food! I think I'll peck this human to get the human to drop the food. (pecks human) DROP THE FOOD! DROP THE FOOD! (pecks human some more) FOOD! (pecks) DROP THE FOOD YOU MEAN HUMAN!"

// Just figuring.
2008-05-16 09:24:49 AM  
In religious Daoism, one of the punishments in hell is getting your liver pecked out by ducks.
2008-05-16 09:26:10 AM  
Oh, GOD, I'm so sorry I missed this thread last night.

Though I was pleased to see that within the Boobiess, subby had
the bird flu, rabies, and duckAIDS
2008-05-16 09:31:40 AM  
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2008-05-16 09:42:12 AM  
:D :D :D
How did this happen?
2008-05-16 09:42:46 AM  
How come subby didn't duck?
2008-05-16 09:43:17 AM  
I'm a bit late on this, and not going to read through all the *cough* jokes, so, assuming this is serious. First thing is to let wounds like this bleed, unless that would be life-threatening (like I said, I'm late coming in). Then wash with soap and water. Add peroxide. Dry. Bandage. Keep clean.

And don't go to the centracare in Sanford, you might end up with rabies shots. I got bitten by an iguana and the nurse treating me spent a long time asking around the office whether they carry rabies. Keeping in mind that this is just down the road from the zoo so they probably get a slightly higher animal injury rate than the average centracare {even forgetting that central Florida does have its share of rabies scares).
2008-05-16 09:50:27 AM  
YouWinAgainGravity: if you got your ass kicked by ducks, just go back to bed for a week

When I was young, my family bought a duck and a goose, for reasons not terribly clear to me. They were the most vicious animals I've ever known. I think we eventually sold the little bastards to someone who wanted to eat them.
2008-05-16 09:55:14 AM  
Gridlock: He will command the geese to attack you.

Hey, that reminds me - they're suppose to have started the second season of CG.

/Must be fan subbed by now
//Bittorrent ho!
2008-05-16 10:02:10 AM  
Too bad Alistair Cooke is dead.

/trying to be obscure, but I trust some Farker will know...
2008-05-16 10:20:59 AM  
[image from too old to be available] VS. [image from too old to be available]


Should have chose a Mudkips
2008-05-16 10:30:49 AM  
Belltower: Too bad Alistair Cooke is dead.

/trying to be obscure, but I trust some Farker will know...

Sadly, I do.
2008-05-16 10:32:42 AM  
Krizzose: To eliminate the problem, I recommend 1 to 1 1/2 ounces of either steel, bismuth, or Hevi-Shot delivered at 1200 to 1500 fps.

Suggested delivery device:

Not big enough.

/Seen a goose waddle away after a blast from an 8 gauge blew off tail feathers
2008-05-16 10:40:02 AM  

"I Want A New Duck"

Woh oh

I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night

I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat

One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape

I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink

I want a new duck
One that won't steal my beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here

One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down baby

Get it?
*** ****
*** ***

I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce

I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt to much
One that won't smell too fowl

One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah

***** (*** ** **)
[lots of quacking sounds]
2008-05-16 10:51:01 AM  
I have to sympathize with subby...I've seen ducks that intimidated me.
2008-05-16 11:01:28 AM  
jvl: What the... you know that you can outrun the ducks by walking, right subby? If you're in a wheelchair, you can outrolls them. I mean, were they like flying after you?

Anyway.... things to check for: ruddy spots, cinnamon-teal bruises, ringed neck, golden eyes, or if your nose senses a strange smew. If you get really looney about this or it gets to be a mergansey, just scoter yourself into a hospital. It's a special mallardy, so expect them to give you a blue bill. Don't try to scaup the treatment early!

+1 someone sponsor this guy, I'm too cheap.
2008-05-16 11:04:13 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2008-05-16 11:05:23 AM  
He shoulda ducked.
2008-05-16 11:16:08 AM  
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2008-05-16 11:25:01 AM  
sandi_fish: He shoulda ducked.

Beatcha to it by twelve posts.
2008-05-16 11:32:07 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2008-05-16 11:41:48 AM  
Hahaha, Smell the Glove.

Several years ago, on my way into work, I spotted a momma duck and babies attempting to cross a very busy road. I did not want to find dead baby duckies on my commute home so decided to encourage them to cross quickly. Luckily, they were not in a fighting mood and just wanted to get the hell away from me. I got them all across the road safely and saw no corpses later that day. Maybe I ought to be more cautious in the future.

/my son loves ducks...the plush, cuddly kind
//I has a turtle...extremely dumb creature, but I love her.
2008-05-16 11:46:28 AM  
My duck story:

I went golfing with a co-worker and his roommate up in Valencia. The foursome in front of us was teeing off, and the last guy hits this low line drive into this (gaggle?) of ducks. *THWACK* The ball bounced out of there onto the fairway and all the ducks took off.... except one.

At least the end was quick for it.
2008-05-16 11:50:53 AM  
Eugene, Oregon is wanted for questioning.
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2008-05-16 11:55:51 AM  
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2008-05-16 12:03:06 PM  
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nobody else had the animated gif!
2008-05-16 12:12:58 PM  
One night, my pet sheep Miss Nibbles gave me a sloppy lovebite and it was sooooo embarrasing. Golly.
2008-05-16 12:19:27 PM  
are you a woman or child? why didnt you kick and punch the ducks!?
2008-05-16 12:25:35 PM  
Where's the pic of the baby ducks falling into the sewer?
2008-05-16 12:27:40 PM  
RocketRay: My duck story:

I went golfing with a co-worker and his roommate up in Valencia. The foursome in front of us was teeing off, and the last guy hits this low line drive into this (gaggle?) of ducks. *THWACK* The ball bounced out of there onto the fairway and all the ducks took off.... except one.

Did he get a birdie?
2008-05-16 12:40:30 PM  
An tSaoi: Where's the pic of the baby ducks falling into the sewer? Full Size

2008-05-16 01:11:22 PM  
swarms909: Eugene, Oregon is wanted for questioning.

I came here to say this.

This duck has a violent history (new window)

/not a rickroll
//this is a duck roll!
2008-05-16 01:21:01 PM  
Get them some bread from subway. Its free for ducks you know.

"Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck."
2008-05-16 01:35:44 PM  
Just posting to say I was here.

/epic this thread is, yes.
2008-05-16 01:41:44 PM  
I'm absolutely astonished that nobody has responded with:

You're probably gonna catch chirpies - but don't worry, it's tweetable.
2008-05-16 01:51:06 PM  
Rhombic: This is why I pay $5 a month.

Me too.

Oh wait.
2008-05-16 01:52:59 PM  
Here's a field manual I found. Maybe it'll have some info for you.

ecx.images-amazon.comView Full Size
2008-05-16 01:55:49 PM  
Azyraphyle: There's a chance you could develop down syndrome.


/quacked me up
2008-05-16 01:59:42 PM  
Ambassador Londo Mollari : But this - this, this, this is like being nibbled to death by... what are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet... go 'quack'...
Ambassador Vir Cotto : Cats.
Ambassador Londo Mollari : Cats. Being nibbled to death by cats.
2008-05-16 02:03:41 PM  
LineNoise: And yes, I am fully aware of the complete inanity of this story, and my actions leading to it.

Did you not even think of fighting back? I mean, they started it!
2008-05-16 02:11:49 PM  
Beerinator: When I was four my Dad took me to the zoo. There were geese wandering around freely. Three of them attacked me. I grabbed one and swung it at the other two.

See, now THAT'S how you handle a bird gang attack.

Hardcore at four!
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