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(Daily Mail)   Office worker awarded $10,000 because her boss farted in her general direction. No word on whether he will taunt her some more   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 259
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21288 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2008 at 10:56 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-05-15 12:21:51 PM  
So what is it about getting older that makes you fart so? I just had this discussion with a friend last night (in the grocery store, too). We used to make fun of oldsters who walked by, going "poot-poot-poot" as if to propel themselves about by gaseous means. Now it's US who are going "poot-poot-poot" and trying to look nonchalant.

Any thoughts?
 
2008-05-15 12:21:55 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu

Until the tears roll down my cheeks, your stories make me laugh! The phonetic rendition of the 'elevator fart' alone is a masterpiece.

Someone, please post the gif of Orson Welles clapping. Please.
 
2008-05-15 12:22:15 PM  
No one can question the Captain.
i221.photobucket.com
 
2008-05-15 12:22:40 PM  
This dude wrote a whole blog about his intestinal problems..

http://www.jobschmob.com/showBlogEntry.cgi?id=10075&type=SP
 
2008-05-15 12:23:22 PM  
Norman Greenbaum: So what is it about getting older that makes you fart so? I just had this discussion with a friend last night (in the grocery store, too). We used to make fun of oldsters who walked by, going "poot-poot-poot" as if to propel themselves about by gaseous means. Now it's US who are going "poot-poot-poot" and trying to look nonchalant.

Any thoughts?


It explains why old people have dogs as pets, instead of gerbils.

/nobody ever blames the gerbil
 
2008-05-15 12:24:56 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu: ....Judging by the floor indicator, they were going all the way up to the 20th floor, and I just hear this long, drawn out scream slooooowly fading away as the elevator goes up.

That is an absolutely excellent story. :) You've just made my day! Thanks.

/all her Selectabase are belong to us?
 
2008-05-15 12:25:34 PM  
Women don't fart (or poop). It's just asinine to think otherwise.
 
2008-05-15 12:25:55 PM  
Farting and Brizilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Discuss.

/My poor, poor sparring partners.
 
2008-05-15 12:26:04 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu you are my farking hero!
 
2008-05-15 12:26:34 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu:
I was pretty proud of myself. But I guess I owe them too.

Very funny
/in a evil way
 
2008-05-15 12:26:51 PM  
atate_esq: Farting and Brizilian Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Discuss.

/My poor, poor sparring partners.


//My poor, poor spelling.
 
2008-05-15 12:31:00 PM  
atate_esq: Farting and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Discuss.

/My poor, poor sparring partners.


And doesn't a large gymnasium echo the sound nicely?

/judo farts FTW
//and giggling ensues
 
eno
2008-05-15 12:32:10 PM  
a second time. he will taunt her a second time.

Perfect opportunity poorly played.
 
2008-05-15 12:32:54 PM  
Anyone else ever been alone in their cube or office with nobody around, relieve some major pressure silently, and then have someone walk in to talk to you just as you finish?

What does one do in that situation? From either side of the, er, equation?


Throughout my career that has seemed to be nothing short of a sure-fire way to get someone to show up in my blast radius immediately after I uncork one. It actually makes me pretty mad. I could be alone for an hour and then as soon as I think it's safe and decide to let the kids out to play, someone always pops around the corner and decides they just now have to have a conversation with me about something. If they get all uppity about it, I blame them for showing up at the wrong time.
 
2008-05-15 12:33:39 PM  
FTFA : He enjoys swimming in the Black Sea.
 
2008-05-15 12:33:50 PM  
r0cj07p: Anyone else ever been alone in their cube or office with nobody around, relieve some major pressure silently, and then have someone walk in to talk to you just as you finish?

What does one do in that situation? From either side of the, er, equation?

Throughout my career that has seemed to be nothing short of a sure-fire way to get someone to show up in my blast radius immediately after I uncork one. It actually makes me pretty mad. I could be alone for an hour and then as soon as I think it's safe and decide to let the kids out to play, someone always pops around the corner and decides they just now have to have a conversation with me about something. If they get all uppity about it, I blame them for showing up at the wrong time.


If letting the kids out to play, is anything like dropping them off at the pool, you're doing it wrong.
 
2008-05-15 12:35:33 PM  
If you don't like the job, resign. Nothing was forcing her to stay, she could have walked out the moment she didn't like it.

But no, this is the Nanny State where business owners have to pander to every whim of the employee that they pay, and the government will back this up with force.
 
2008-05-15 12:35:42 PM  
Best advice I've ever heard. If you need to cut one discreetly, go stand by an old person. They will get blamed, and likely will actually think they're responsible.
 
2008-05-15 12:35:47 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu: [...] and I just hear this long, drawn out scream slooooowly fading away as the elevator goes up.

Thanks. I just had three people stop into my cubicle to see what was so funny.

I ripped one on an escalator once and a kid a few feet behind me got smacked in the back of his head by his mom for it. Still kind of feel bad about that to this day.
 
2008-05-15 12:35:54 PM  
Meh...farting at her would be hard to prove. The evidence eventually dissipates. That is, unless you push too hard. Then the evidence in your drawers is irrefutable.

/likes leaving one in the elevator at work for the next person
//had a moment of silence when they renovated the mens room at work and removed old reliable, the toilet I'd been shiatting on for almost 12 years....
 
eno
2008-05-15 12:36:47 PM  
NaugahydeDonkey: office fart bingo

office fart bingo... I know I'm late to the thread bu8t... there has to be a PS opportunity here.
 
eno
2008-05-15 12:39:58 PM  
We have an intern who I gie work to. Twice I invited him into my cube to show him what to do on the computer, and twice he's unleashed hell's fury unto my senses.

Once could be an accident, though I don't understand complete lack of control.

Twice is just passive/aggressive. Maybe he has a fetish or something. I don't want to know.

I just email him now. Maybe that was the intent?
 
2008-05-15 12:41:02 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu: The other day, I was at the mall, riding the escalator up. The previous day, despite Mrs. PCoC's protestations, I'd had burritos with copious amounts of beans for both lunch and dinner. I was now paying the price for those meals. A little ways from the escalator's end, the pressure had become too great. Since there wasn't anyone immediately behind me, I let one rip. It burned coming out--I knew immediately it was going to be one of those really rank ones, dense, with a lot of hang-time. I got off the escalator and then hung around to watch the results. People would come up, smiling, happy in the orgy of stimulus-check spending. Then they'd pass through the Cloud of Death, and their whole mood would change. They looked like they'd been punched in the gut. "Oh!" said one old lady, who then started wiping her eyes. The best was this black lady who yelled out, "Oh, that is NAS-ty!" and then tried fanning it away.

So anyway, I must owe around $100k to the people I gassed. If you were in the Pentagon City mall Tuesday, I'm sorry. Email me and we'll work out a payment plan.


so that was YOU?
 
2008-05-15 12:43:08 PM  
one time after a really big lunch at taco hell, I went to the gym with a friend, he suggested we have a sparring match (it's an MMA geared gym.) He regretted it when I got him in a head scissors and released my very own chemical warfare agent...
 
2008-05-15 12:43:27 PM  
Lock'n Load: Just another day at the officeorifice

FIFY
/pet peeve

/Yea, I know it stank, butt hey, it's a fart thread.
 
2008-05-15 12:43:37 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu: I just remembered another couple people I owe money to. Years ago, I was in this hotel, and I'm taking the elevator down (yeah, I seem to have this recurring problem with gas on people-movers). I'm alone so around the tenth floor I let one rip. It was a lot bigger than I thought it would be, and the gas flow just won't stop. I'm watching the floors count down 9...8...7...6 and all the while my ass is going FLIBBERAPPAPPAPPAPPAPPOOOOOOOOOOOOT. I'm worried the doors are going to open and I'll still be ripping it. Finally around floor 2 it ends. I've been holding my breath all the while.

When the doors open, I get out, and by some miracle no one is waiting. I got away with it! Just then a mom and her kid come running around the corner and hop in the elevator. I stop just to see what happens. As the doors close I hear mom go, "Oh my GOD!!!" And then, as the elevator lifts off, the kid starts screaming--you know, one of those real high-pitched, echolocation kind of screams that only kids under the age of 5 can do. Judging by the floor indicator, they were going all the way up to the 20th floor, and I just hear this long, drawn out scream slooooowly fading away as the elevator goes up.

I was pretty proud of myself. But I guess I owe them too.


I'm pretty sure I've heard you tell that one before, but it's freakin hilarious every time.

Beverage of your choice on me if you're in Denver in the next month or so, or in the Norfolk, VA are after the end of June.

/not going anywhere near an escalator or an elevator with you though.
 
2008-05-15 12:43:53 PM  
septic_mouth: wage0048: THIS is why women simply don't belong in the workplace.

AMEN

SHe works there for 2 months and expects everyone to change because she's such a farking biatch.


Urm... I agree that complaining about the farting and such is ludicrous. I would just buy the jackass a package of corks for his bum. The comments about women drivers are harmless, too. I would just threaten to park on his balls if he didn't shut it. But making her wear a badge that says she's simple... that goes into the whole humiliation thing and is highly inappropriate.
 
2008-05-15 12:44:23 PM  
purple helmethad a moment of silence when they renovated the mens room at work and removed old reliable, the toilet I'd been shiatting on for almost 12 years....

Maybe they wouldn't have removed if you had shiat in it for 12 years.
 
2008-05-15 12:47:29 PM  
nihilspawn: Prank Call of Cthulhu you are my farking FARTING hero!

/mine too
 
2008-05-15 12:48:39 PM  
masterskip: purple helmet had a moment of silence when they renovated the mens room at work and removed old reliable, the toilet I'd been shiatting on for almost 12 years....

Maybe they wouldn't have removed if you had shiat in it for 12 years.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That's funny right there -
 
2008-05-15 12:48:41 PM  
I started quoting the entries I found hilarious, but I got about halfway through the comments and had way too many. Good job, everyone!
 
2008-05-15 12:50:06 PM  
ReverendJasen: ...suddenly stood up with a horrified expression and ran to the bathroom to escape. Mr Douchecanoe was gagging himself, likely in shock a woman could do such a thing

Mr. Douchecanoe is my new favorite word
 
2008-05-15 12:50:33 PM  
i've never laughed more from reading fark than I have reading this thread. Thank you.

and whoever asked about farting in the cubicle while no one was around... Story of my life.
 
2008-05-15 12:52:31 PM  
Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted (poots) unavailable for comment.
 
2008-05-15 12:53:44 PM  
In the wintertime a few years back I was at a happy hour with some friends and I had to let one rip. I walked over in front of the doors to the establishment started the fart and then trailed it slowly back to the table I was standing at. Just then some people came in the exterior doors to the bar and a huge gust of wind blew in and transported my cloud to the other end of the bar. I could see when it hit one table as they all started arguing and pointing at each other. It was cool and the closest I've ever come the "throwing" a fart at someone.
 
2008-05-15 12:55:17 PM  
FTFA:Mrs Bailey said colleagues leered at female passers-by and joked that women couldn't park cars

THEY CAN'T!!!

/drive, sometimes
//danica patrick not included
///park, NOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2008-05-15 12:56:02 PM  
Norman Greenbaum: So what is it about getting older that makes you fart so? I just had this discussion with a friend last night (in the grocery store, too). We used to make fun of oldsters who walked by, going "poot-poot-poot" as if to propel themselves about by gaseous means. Now it's US who are going "poot-poot-poot" and trying to look nonchalant.

My priest tells a story about his younger days, when he was the assistant rector to a very, very old priest. During the Mass, the senior priest would hold up the wafer and say, "This is my body, etc. etc. etc.," and then he would genuflect. He was so old that the assisting priests would have to help lift him up afterward. My priest talks about how they could ever-so-faintly hear the old duffer farting as they helped him up: pffthp, pffthp, pffthp. Then he'd do it again with "This is my blood . . ." He says by the end of the Mass, all the priests behind the altar were just in tears trying not to breathe in too deeply, but the old guy never once seemed to even notice he was farting, much less the effect it had on others.
 
2008-05-15 12:56:12 PM  
i just farted at my desk, so i'm getting a kick out of these replies!

/seriously
 
2008-05-15 12:57:34 PM  
techmom:

atate_esq: Farting and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Discuss.

/My poor, poor sparring partners.

And doesn't a large gymnasium echo the sound nicely?


The pew (pun intended) in church has that certain je ne sais quois.
Nearly shat myself laughing when my buddy Torch let that one ripper go in church.
He was in the second row I was in the back the reverberation was a thing of beauty.
 
2008-05-15 12:59:07 PM  
I once cleared an entire room. One of my coworkers let one rip so I retaliated and it was really really rank. They had to turn the fan on it was that bad.
 
2008-05-15 12:59:40 PM  
kidsizedcoffin: r0cj07p: Anyone else ever been alone in their cube or office with nobody around, relieve some major pressure silently, and then have someone walk in to talk to you just as you finish?

What does one do in that situation? From either side of the, er, equation?

Throughout my career that has seemed to be nothing short of a sure-fire way to get someone to show up in my blast radius immediately after I uncork one. It actually makes me pretty mad. I could be alone for an hour and then as soon as I think it's safe and decide to let the kids out to play, someone always pops around the corner and decides they just now have to have a conversation with me about something. If they get all uppity about it, I blame them for showing up at the wrong time.

If letting the kids out to play, is anything like dropping them off at the pool, you're doing it wrong.


99% of the time no. But every once in a while...
 
2008-05-15 01:00:27 PM  
nikilds: FTA: Mrs Bailey even had a beach ball thrown at her head when she complained about sexist banter - which had included colleagues leering at female passers-by and joking that women couldn't park cars.

Okay that would piss me off more than the farting.

I hate when people touch my head. Much less throw inflatable balls at it.



what about other types of balls?
 
2008-05-15 01:01:54 PM  
Prank Call of Cthulhu:

Your tales about passing gas,
Really tickled this lass.
Good thing that the linger
Kept you from pointed finger,
Your fart stories are such a BLAST!

/My slashies have gas
 
2008-05-15 01:07:48 PM  
i13.photobucket.com
 
2008-05-15 01:07:53 PM  
Molavian: Newfielad: Check out the link on the side bar. Very NSFW.

Yeah, at the farking Vatican. Sheesh.


All the links are great "I can't concentrate in flat shoes," explains high-heels addict Victoria Beckham.

The image of Posh "concentrating" -- that's comedy gold.
 
2008-05-15 01:07:57 PM  
The best one was when I had Kim Chi for lunch and me and my friend were at the supermarket. I let a silent but really nasty one rip. She yelled out at me and was pretty pissed that I tried to gas her. I thought it was funny as hell. She still gives me a hard time about it.
 
2008-05-15 01:08:18 PM  
masterskip

taht comment made me think of a story that happened a few years ago at work.
My group worked in a particular corner of the building where there wasn't too many women. B/c of this, the nearest men's bathroom got quite a lot of use. One day i go in there, and in the handicapped stall is a murder scene. That is except for blood and a body, its crap. There is crap on the toilet, on the floor, the walls, behind nooks and crannies you couldn't get to unless you tried. It was a scene of death and destruction that you usually see in horror movies.
Every week it happens once or so to the extent that a facilities email is sent out saying that this is a professional workplace and we're all adults and the such. This does nothing to deter it.
Long story short, i went in one day and it was clean. I go out to the kitchen across the hall and see a guy go in (a guy we suspected), after he leaves i go back in. Same scene, same crap. Apparently, he was an older fellow who didn't really care about anything, and he had a colostomy bag that needed emptying. He wasn't so good at emptying.

The end.
Guess you had to be there, but you don't really want to have been there
 
2008-05-15 01:09:39 PM  
The receptionist where I work is so uptight, only dogs can hear her farts. Doesn't stop them from making the entire front half of the building smell like death though.

Of all the nasty, paint-peeling farts I've encountered over the years, the worst seem to come from prissy, purse-lipped, biatchy middle-aged women.
 
2008-05-15 01:09:43 PM  
Molavian: Newfielad: Check out the link on the side bar. Very NSFW.

Yeah, at the farking Vatican. Sheesh.


img175.imageshack.us

Kinky!
 
2008-05-15 01:11:46 PM  
Does lighting a match really work? And in the event of no matches, is a cigarette lighter an acceptable substitute?

There's this one girl at my martial arts studio who, according to rumour, has been known to drink beer prior to class, due to the really bad farts that they give her. Also according to rumour, she farted so bad that she was asked to leave. Hence, she does this intentionally.
 
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