To avoid having the nail cut off by a doctor with a pair of sidecutters, soak a sterile cotton ball in hydro-peroxide. Take a toothpick and spin a little bit of the cotton ball around the end. Put this under the nail and start twirling it in to raise the nail until you can't take the pain anymore. Wait a few minutes and do it again with another piece. Pour hydroperox all over the whole toe. Wrap some loose gauze around it. Let it sit like that for 4 or 5 hours and then repeat. If you do it right it should be like brand new in a week.

I hope that really works because if i have to hear my fiancee whine about his stupid ingrown toenails one more time I am going to amputate both of his big toes.

I never get them because I'm better than all of you. Fa fa fa.

Everyone I know has had to get the surgery, if you have insurance its covered. You may as well do it

I got one cut out by a doctor. The "Surgery" took about 5 minutes. A lot better than trying to pry it out myself with no anesthesia..

I've had three ingrowns that got so bad they had to be taken out by a doctor.

Don't mess around - if it's painful and in the least bit risk of getting infected, go to the doctor.

It's a very quick process and totally painless aside from the initial anaesthetic shot.

They take it out down to the root of the nail - it won't come back.

-l

When I was a wee lad, I was having a problem with ingrown toenails. After getting numbed up in the toes, the doc ended up burning the corner nail-bed with acid, apparently causing that part of the nail bed to be cauterized and not grow any more nail.

It worked like a charm, and I've never had a problem since.

A word to the wise: an ingrown that I ignored for many years led to an infection of the leg that landed me 10 days in the hospital, several weeks of couch-time afterwords and scars that will make strong men weep. Full blown Cellulitis (an infection of the inner tissues) is interesting, as you can stand in place for 10 seconds an leave a nice little puddle of pus behind you.

I am not kidding. Been there, done that.

Don't fark around - get'm fixed.

take a needle nose pliers and life the edge of teh toe nail up. Then slide a small piece of cotton ball soaked in peroxide into the edge of the nails.

Repeate as often as necessary

then take a soft piece of plastic, cut a piece, about 1/2 inch long and 1/8 inch wide. Crazy glue it on top of you toe nail. This will prevent the nail from growing inward.

OK, this is one really disgusting thread esp. after Doctechnical's post. I wonder what will be the next "advice" post will be. How to surgically remove your own hemorrhoids?

Go to the farking doctor, dammit!

I am currently having a severe heart attack. Does anybody here have a good home remedy for it?

Both of my big toenails were ingrown for about a year. They got so infected that it became hard to walk more than a few steps.

The initial local injection from the podiatrist was unpleasant, and the procedure involved some wincing. However, I kept waiting for the toes to hurt again after the local wore off, but it didn't happen. They never hurt again, not a bit. The doc said I was very lucky that I didn't develop a staph infection or life-threatening sepsis. I sent the doc a X-mas card that year for the first time ever.

Don't wait anymore!

What?

I've had 3 sides of both big toes get cut out by a doctor, and the third one is very ingrown right now. I hate to get it done again beacuse the shot is a bastard and then the 3 days with that big thing on your toe and the acid shoved into the nail bed.. eww I'll wait till it erupts first.

Bryan

Wldncrzy14: Dr. Pepper.

I don't really have much advice (even thought I've been getting ingrown toenails for the last five years or so), but I just want to give a big FARK YOU to everyone who's never had to deal with one of these. Srsly.

Anyway, my solution is usually to just let 'em grow out and try to ignore the pain. Trimming them will only make it worse.

Amputate at the knee.

In my professional opinion, the best way to deal with a hangnail is to remove it from the neck down.

Okay, seriously...is Fark THIS hard up for links???

-Hyatus
"da da da"

Having to deal with those damn nails on BOTH my big toes.. this is what I do, and since ive done it like 100 times, all I can say is that it doesnt hurt as much after the first few times.

Get a pair of those nail cutters and cut a vertical line in the middle of the nail. Then with your fingernails, pull towards the ingrown side until you reach the overgrown skin. Then grasp the upturned nail with your cutters (clippers whatever) and pull the nail out while going in a downward motion. This WILL sting and bleed like a motherf*#ker but it will come out (usually with the buried nail being like 4 times thicker than the rest, and with some skin.. yum) and proceed to use any strong alcohol like substance to disenfect (iodine, astringent ect..)

a few days later (after it has healed) to avoid this re-occuring, soak your feet regularily in epson salt which I believe makes the nails grow upwards and outwards, i dunno I dont use it since in a masochistic way I like to do the above procedure... I look forward to it, like halloween.

Oh and if your affraid to cut yourself and bleed, your a puss... that is all

I'm currently having a problem as well. All of the liquor stores are closed and I have no more booze. What should I do about this?

Commodore69

Drink any of the following, in order of best to just plain desperate:

1) NyQuil
2) Cough Syrup
3) Mouthwash
4) Nail Polish Remover
5) Drain Cleaner

also, try inhaling the gas that comes from aerosol canned food products, whiffets rule.

The second step after removing from the neck down is to dry the head in a paper sack in a dark place for three weeks and then smoke the head in your favorite bong.

Wait...I'm not a people surgeon. whoopsie. anyone know a good malpractice lawyer?

Had no problem till a couple of years ago when I ran over my foot with the electric lawnmower. Luckily the leather workboots I was wearing gave me enough protection that I just shattered the bone in my big toe. After a couple weeks the nail fell off completely. The bone had to heal by itself, there's basically nothing you can do otherwise and the nail also grew back over the course of a year although it never grew back the same as it was originally. Now it's much more arched and not as flat as the one on my other uninjured foot and seems to grow under much more easily. It's harder to trim properly and does cause some discomfort from time to time.

Bottom Line: Never Drag your Lawnmower towards you to get over the Higher Grass and run over your Foot! That was about the most Painful thing that I ever felt, I don't remember as much pain from my Major Motorcycle accident!

I had one cut out when I was in the 8th grade and the doctor told me he dug it completely out down to the root. Except that he didn't. Now part of my nail grows straight up and not forward like it's supposed to.

Oh Also, I highly recommend taking a cup of neo citran combine with a fat chronic blunt.

strong anti-histamines can be substituted for neo citran..

wow, Im like the martha stewart for the deranged...

"Mixing medicines... its a good thing"

Ingrown toenails... thank god there's no boobie links, lord knows I hate looking at that stuff. I'd rather be discussing this... no... wait...

I've had a few ingrown toenails, due to bad cutting practices and tight shoes. Here's what I've found: The nail corner is digging into the skin, so nothing will improve until you can keep more injury from occurring. I do this by pushing a little bit of toilet paper under my toenail with a small flathead screwdriver. After a few days of this, you start being able to push more in, as the nail disconnects in the area from the flesh underneath it. Just keep a little toilet paper under there at all times, enough to keep the nail from digging in, changing it every few days. Should heal nicely, mine did.

To prevent getting them, don't cut the corners of your toenails short, leave them like 1/16" long, or about 2 mm for our metric friends.

Kurt-roges

It's hard to masturbate with ingrown toenails - they keep cutting my dick.

you're screwed Commodore69. My solution is to start with a half-bottle of Cap'n Morgans...then pour the rest on the nail and start a-slashin' at it with electonical style wire cutters. Then peroxide and whiskey (being out of the Cap'n at this point).

Then I drink Dr. Pepper 'til I piss purple.

While were on the subject,

Does anyone know a cheap home remedy for removing genital warts? i tried burning them with a soldering gun but they just grow back...

that should help Kurt-roges get his groove on.. (your welcome buddy)

Thanks RandomHero.

*shuffles off to find Foaming Pipe Snake and a pint glass*

Soak your toe in Dr Pepper.

Inbred toe what?

Worst. Thread. EVER.

Coming soon to theaters:

Commodore69 stars in "My Ingrown Left Foot (how it cuts my d#@k)"

Sounds like something Miramax would put out..

Wow, one of the few things I have a story about.

*Story gets graphic, don't read if your squeamish*

The year is 1994 or 5. I get a horrible hangnail on my foot. It gets so bad, my sock is bloody after PE. I can barely play tennis anymore, something I was doing 4-5 times a week. At the time I was chasing a #1 rank for the Sacramento Region. My HMO denies requests for a nail removal for a year, even though my Mom works for them! I spent a day each week removing my nail to a stump to try to easy the pain. This involved me using my fingers to pull my nail while blood would be oozing out. Not one of my fondest memories. My toe was now showing a huge bulge and was starting to get infected. My HMO finally gets me access, and they remove a good chunk of what's left of the nail. Thank god the infection cleared up, or it could have been way more serious. I was given no pain killers while it happened, and to this date was the most painful experience of my life. The problem didn't go fully away, and I pretty much gave up sports and gained a whole lot of weight due to inactivity throughout Junior High and my first 2 years of H.S. Finally after a 3rd removal process, things got better. The pain finally went away into my first year of college.

I find out later that even though my HMO blamed me (while i was in pain) for cutting my nails improperly; that some people have their nails grow incorrectly no matter how they are cut. This is more of a problem for youth I see, as I've now met a few people who went through a similar thing when they were in Jr. High / High School . The best way to deal with this is not to cut your nails short, as your skin will push the nail away with time. Keep em long (but not too long), and you'll be fine. If you have a hangnail now, don't cut it. Just soak it in water, and go to the pediatrist if it doesn't clear up in a week.

Although it sucked to cut short my "athletic career," I look back at the amount of time I spent on it and am glad I didn't take it any further. It was a hell of a lot of fun, but I wouldn't be enjoying myself if I were doing it professionally (coaching most likely). Not that game programming was all it was cut out to be. Sheesh I'm already grizzled at age 20.

Oh yeah; fark you Kaiser. Worst HMO ever, I hope all the board of directors have to deal with the shiat I went through to get a farking $50 procedure. Farker Seeking Advice: Pony up the cash, biatch at your HMO, and get the removal. If you get an infection, you could lose a limb, or even worse...

The best health care is not getting sick.

Ahh, my favorite time of day to Fark. Never fails to amuse!!

RandomHero: step one: spray the inside of a used toilet paper tube with glue.

Step two: adhere sandpaper to the inside of said tube.

Step three: click on a boobies link and whack-away!!

Step four: Chug an entire fifth of Cap'n Morgans. Cut with Dr. Pepper if desired.

19Cranes That's a picture from my senior year of medical school.

I stick my foot in a bucket of Dr. Pepper till it stops fizzing. Then the ingrown part is easy to chew off, and it tastes sweet!

Thanks Grunthos

Now I am as smooth as an actor in a Jeremy Davies/Paul Reubens video

Thanks, Jokestress. Just when I thought this thread was warped to the limit.

Boy, I should have finished dinner BEFORE reading this thread. Yuk!

It's reassuring to know that when you don't want to spend the money for a relatively inexpensive medical procedure, there's always the alternative of internet message boards.