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(Chicago Breaking News)   New system at airport funnels passengers into three aisles: green for beginners, blue for intermediate travelers and black for advanced passengers   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 291
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12060 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2008 at 1:01 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-05-08 02:05:26 PM
Jeffrey.Rodriguez: ExJerseyGirl: Well, we already have our shoes off, let's use those to beat them.

You have to beat them to death with their own shoes.

But that's another story alltogether.


That's another story...Alltogether.
 
2008-05-08 02:05:47 PM
This Is Bold Text: I flew at Midway on Monday. I've been flying every other weekend for almost a year now, and the lines are a major annoyance. It was nice to have the 'advanced' line there.

PROTIP: To speed things up, if you're wearing a jacket, put all your metal objects in your jacket pockets. Then you just need to take off your jacket and your shoes, and can put everything back n as you're walking to your gate. You barely even have to slow down.


You know, I never thought about that. I've always grabbed a few buckets and stepped to the side when I've reached the front of the line. That way the line keeps moving while I'm taking out my keys/belt/DVD player/wallet/cell phone/spare change/shoes.
 
2008-05-08 02:06:01 PM
Tr0mBoNe: Brown line for foreigners.

AWESOME
 
2008-05-08 02:06:03 PM
ThisIsntMe: While this appears to be a brilliant idea, I sufferred through it flying out of MCO in Orlando last week. Despite my spouse and myself flying at least once per week on business for the last 5 years,we were 'forced' into the Family line by virtue of the fact that we had an 8 year old and a three year old flying with us. Despite all four of us being capable of undressing and taking out laptops in under ten seconds we had to wait twenty minutes to get to the x-ray machine. Trying to classify people based on appearance has never worked, will never work and shouldn't even be tried. I will say that there should be a businessclass/first class lane at every airport. Those passengers are generally faster than any of the others.

The obvious solution to the issue that you describe is create a ranking system. Don't base it off visual inspection but base it off something akin to Credit Score....use a formula based on number of times you've flown within a certain time frame etc. Make it like gaining Experience Points in an RPG. The more XP and better you perform, the "better" line you can get in.
 
2008-05-08 02:06:20 PM
Doesn't matter - when the price of a ticket is $700 plus because of jet fuel, those "Beginners" won't BE at the airport.
 
2008-05-08 02:07:49 PM
liam76:
it is no different than being mad at someone who goes to the boarding line and doesn't have their ticket out. There is a process there that isn;t that complicated it may be stupid or asinine...


That's right damnit, you should have your boarding pass in one hand, your shoes in another hand while taking your jacket off with another hand and removing your laptop with the other hand. How do people keep farking up this simple process for everyone's safety?

/fly a lot, very pissed at the obnoxious and obviously useless triple showing of boarding pass crap
 
2008-05-08 02:07:57 PM
Do you really think the people who should use the green line are going to know they should use the green line?
 
2008-05-08 02:08:23 PM
ThisIsntMe: While this appears to be a brilliant idea, I sufferred through it flying out of MCO in Orlando last week. Despite my spouse and myself flying at least once per week on business for the last 5 years,we were 'forced' into the Family line by virtue of the fact that we had an 8 year old and a three year old flying with us. Despite all four of us being capable of undressing and taking out laptops in under ten seconds we had to wait twenty minutes to get to the x-ray machine. Trying to classify people based on appearance has never worked, will never work and shouldn't even be tried. I will say that there should be a businessclass/first class lane at every airport. Those passengers are generally faster than any of the others.

How were you forced? Was it a polite ask or were you told. I am wondering what would happen if someone doesn't want to go in the "slow" line.
 
2008-05-08 02:10:25 PM
amanogowa: Lay overs.

And late trains.


departs:
"Houston, TX
(HOS)
9:50 pm
09-MAY-08 "

arrives:
"Seattle, WA
(SEA)
8:45 pm
12-MAY-08 "

...which is 70hrs, 55min, INCLUDING layovers.

As for lateness, I find it hard to beleive that even Amtrak would be over 4 days late on a
 
2008-05-08 02:10:29 PM
liam76: I am wondering what would happen if someone doesn't want to go in the "slow" line.

They would go to the "special line." The one where they paw through your bags and do a pat down search on you.
 
2008-05-08 02:11:17 PM
Thorny4Pie: TSA

Thorny4Pie: TMBGfreak: Knowing that I can't change anything about the TSA, this is wonderful news.

My strategies:

Never wear a belt when flying.
Quick on and off shoes
All metal objects in a ziploc bag
Carry matches so I don't have to go get a lighter to smoke when I land
Organized carry-on in case of search to make it go faster

FYI - Lighters are now allowed through - just sayin..


Not only are they allowed, you can carry em in your pocket w.o alarming the walk-thru. Always could.

You know what alarms the walk-thru 96.5 percent of the time?

For guys, it's cell phone and then belts, or both.
For women, it's cell phone then belts then big ass jewelry.

I don't know why but guys always think they have to run their wallet through the x-ray.
I always hand em back to them and when ask, "But won't it alarm?"
I answer them, "Not unless you have a gun or a sword folded up in it."

*SNORT*
 
2008-05-08 02:12:15 PM
If we separate people into categories, only criminals will have speedy trips through security lines?
 
2008-05-08 02:12:51 PM
Surpheon: That's right damnit, you should have your boarding pass in one hand, your shoes in another hand while taking your jacket off with another hand and removing your laptop with the other hand. How do people keep farking up this simple process for everyone's safety?

I'm going to assume it's cool if I appropriate that line for personal use next time I hear somebody saying good things about the TSA.
 
2008-05-08 02:12:57 PM
Surpheon: That's right damnit, you should have your boarding pass in one hand, your shoes in another hand while taking your jacket off with another hand and removing your laptop with the other hand. How do people keep farking up this simple process for everyone's safety?

/fly a lot, very pissed at the obnoxious and obviously useless triple showing of boarding pass crap


What do people travel with where this is that hard? While checking in (or taking the bus/train to the terminal) I take off my jacket and put belt, wallet, cell phone etc into carry-on, and put my liscence in my hand. When you get to the "buckets" it shouldn't take you more than 20 sec to take off your shoes and take out your laptop, you are doing it wrong.

/only farktards wear nice shoes flying
 
2008-05-08 02:13:17 PM
By the way.. anybody try to get into the statue of liberty lately?

Talk about idiotic
 
2008-05-08 02:13:36 PM
Sammy Jenkins: What's silly about that? I farking hate being in line behind farking flyover state airport noobs.

Well, golly gee. We's ain't used to them big aeroplanes. My tractor is comfortable, but when I need to fly out to see my big city cousin in New York, I gets nervous. All them lines and foreigners and people moving so quickly. It's intimidatin'. I tried to find an airplane travel video on these here internets, but I couldn't. And the teevee just don't seem to get nothin' but static when I turn the dang thing on.

/rolls eyes
 
2008-05-08 02:13:52 PM
tonguedepressor: Not only are they allowed, you can carry em in your pocket w.o alarming the walk-thru. Always could.

My lighters always set them off. I generally use an all metal lighter. Occasionally a zippo which would piss me off if it got taken. Glad to hear they are allowed now.
 
2008-05-08 02:14:43 PM
MugzyBrown: By the way.. anybody try to get into the statue of liberty lately?

Talk about idiotic


Is it bad that I thought you were talking about GTA IV at first?
 
2008-05-08 02:14:54 PM
liam76: ThisIsntMe: While this appears to be a brilliant idea, I sufferred through it flying out of MCO in Orlando last week. Despite my spouse and myself flying at least once per week on business for the last 5 years,we were 'forced' into the Family line by virtue of the fact that we had an 8 year old and a three year old flying with us. Despite all four of us being capable of undressing and taking out laptops in under ten seconds we had to wait twenty minutes to get to the x-ray machine. Trying to classify people based on appearance has never worked, will never work and shouldn't even be tried. I will say that there should be a businessclass/first class lane at every airport. Those passengers are generally faster than any of the others.

How were you forced? Was it a polite ask or were you told. I am wondering what would happen if someone doesn't want to go in the "slow" line.




The TSA agent pointed to the Family line as we moved towards the business travellers line and said,"All families travelling together must go through that line."

I replied that we were business travellers and the fact that our children were with us would not change the way we went through security.

At that point she pointed again and said," If you don't comply with a TSA rule I will be forced to call security and have you removed from this area."

I would call that being forced, how about you?
 
2008-05-08 02:15:36 PM
tonguedepressor: I don't know why but guys always think they have to run their wallet through the x-ray.
I always hand em back to them and when ask, "But won't it alarm?"
I answer them, "Not unless you have a gun or a sword folded up in it."

*SNORT*


I used to have a metal ID from Zimbabwe that would set it off, os now no wallet is habit. However I have seen TSA "agents" ask people tot ake them out.
 
2008-05-08 02:18:29 PM
ThisIsntMe: At that point she pointed again and said," If you don't comply with a TSA rule I will be forced to call security and have you removed from this area."

I would call that being forced, how about you?


That is f'ed up. Don't they say the system is voluntary?

That is the biatch about traveling with kids. Alone I wouldn't care about them delaying me. I would want their name, and the name of the supervisor if they thought that type of behavior was ok, but once you are with kids you don't want to get seperated, delayed etc.
 
2008-05-08 02:18:30 PM
liam76: tonguedepressor: I don't know why but guys always think they have to run their wallet through the x-ray.
I always hand em back to them and when ask, "But won't it alarm?"
I answer them, "Not unless you have a gun or a sword folded up in it."

*SNORT*

I used to have a metal ID from Zimbabwe that would set it off, os now no wallet is habit. However I have seen TSA "agents" ask people tot ake them out.


Yeah, I started taking out my wallet after they got pissed off at me when I didn't.

I hate the TSA.
 
2008-05-08 02:19:13 PM
People always wear a few layers because sometimes your plan is about 85 degrees and sometimes you have to stand outside in the Ohio winter.

So I take off my coat and I'm wearing something like this:

images.delias.com

something that isn't baggy, and that I'm wearing a minimal shirt under

and they demand I take it off. Guess thats what I get for not dressing like a homeless person?

In all honestly, I do very much enjoy a good, chaotic airport.
 
2008-05-08 02:19:20 PM
Toothpase

Soda

Aftershave
 
2008-05-08 02:20:15 PM
testaclese: Protip: If you are carrying *no* carryon at all, and are wearing a second layer of clothing, like a sweater that isn't easily removed, this will flag you for secondary screening.

So will wearing a military dress uniform. Trust me, I know.
 
2008-05-08 02:21:13 PM
I'd be really tripped out if I was actually flying to go on a ski trip and came across this for the first time.
 
2008-05-08 02:23:38 PM
fredklein: amanogowa: Lay overs.

And late trains.

departs:
"Houston, TX
(HOS)
9:50 pm
09-MAY-08 "

arrives:
"Seattle, WA
(SEA)
8:45 pm
12-MAY-08 "

...which is 70hrs, 55min, INCLUDING layovers.

As for lateness, I find it hard to beleive that even Amtrak would be over 4 days late on a



But if one train is late, and you miss the connection, you might easily have a day wait until the next connecting train leaves, etc, etc.
 
2008-05-08 02:24:09 PM
spidermilk: People always wear a few layers because sometimes your plan is about 85 degrees and sometimes you have to stand outside in the Ohio winter.

So I take off my coat and I'm wearing something like this:



something that isn't baggy, and that I'm wearing a minimal shirt under

and they demand I take it off. Guess thats what I get for not dressing like a homeless person?

In all honestly, I do very much enjoy a good, chaotic airport.


I volunteer to pre-search you before any flights to help streamline your TSA experience. Just kidding - it wouldn't help streamline the TSA experience.
 
2008-05-08 02:25:45 PM
Arrgh, fark ate my Less Than symbol.


As for lateness, I find it hard to beleive that even Amtrak would be over 4 days late on a (less than) 3 day trip.
 
2008-05-08 02:27:18 PM
They've been doing this in Salt Lake for a while. Seems faster.
Protip: in SLC, if the lines are long, go through security in the international termiinal (terminal 2, not the Delta part). Much faster.

Also...I've been wondering about this for a while. If the average life expectency of a person is ~75+ years and we've extended the average wait in security lines x%, how many minutes/hours/days/years of life are being lost each day? I know it's an apples to dolphin shiat comparison, but I'm sure that after not too many days/weeks we'd exceed the 3K lives lost in 911 in real, human time. I'm probably an ass for thinking about it this way, but it makes sense on some level.

And to that...the last time I flew out of SLC, a TSA guy gave me a card to take through the line to time it...and the timestamp was off eight minutes in their favor. i.e. when they recorded my time, it appeared that I was in line eight minutes less than I was. Anecdote, I know, but still...going to run the numbers now if anyone's interested.
 
2008-05-08 02:28:25 PM
"Good4u
2008-05-08 01:09:42 PM

So what I'm getting from this article is that the new system resembles the system used for skiing..."

As a snowboarder I don't give a shiat and will just ride all over the place upsetting your lines!
 
2008-05-08 02:29:38 PM
miracledirt: Congratulations to all of you that are well-practiced at following silly airport rules. I'm sure the behavior detection officers will be quite satisfied.

Yes, I make the effort to pass the checkpoints efficiently, but I hardly feel smug about it.


It's just the latest Fark subculture to emerge. I think the one before that were the ones who drink only $30 bottles of beer that were handcrafted by deaf-dumb-blind Belgian Monks during the New Moon Phase that print their labels in hybrid of Sanskrit & Esperanto.
 
2008-05-08 02:30:48 PM
LandOfChocolate
I think the rule should be that if you want to carry it on, it should be small enough that you keep it in your lap. Otherwise, check it.


Agreed! If your "carry-on" has a handle and wheels CHECK THE FARKING THING. Nothing pisses me off more about flying than people that are too lazy or too retarded to check their damn luggage. I really wish airlines would get more draconian about enforcing their carry-on allowance rules.
 
2008-05-08 02:31:22 PM
Thousands
Standing
Around
 
2008-05-08 02:33:21 PM
machone: nka

I know right...those things are scary. I think the 5 year plan is to create an underground trolley/mini metro (like Dalls?) to transport folks from terminal to terminal.
 
2008-05-08 02:36:38 PM
Hmmm. I thought the fact that I packed efficiently into a small carry on that fits the airline's rules and also happens to have a handle and wheels was a win-win. I shoot straight into line with a pre-printed boarding pass and no wait to check in and straight out to my destination when the plane lands. Those passengers checking luggage have one less person to wait behind. And my bag, being within regulations, fits into the overhead compartment without trouble. Boy do I feel stupid acting like a lazy 'tard!!1!
 
2008-05-08 02:36:58 PM
Scorched Colon: I really wish airlines would get more draconian about enforcing their carry-on allowance rules.

One farking rule the airline should enforce that they don't. I travel with a small backpack that has my computer, MP'3 player, extra tooth bursh, bowers, and depending on destination a swimsuit. Just because it can fit in front of me doesn;t mean it should especially not if they want me to put it down there because people in my row have carryon's the size of friggin hockey bags.

Xaneidolon: And to that...the last time I flew out of SLC, a TSA guy gave me a card to take through the line to time it...and the timestamp was off eight minutes in their favor. i.e. when they recorded my time, it appeared that I was in line eight minutes less than I was. Anecdote, I know, but still...going to run the numbers now if anyone's interested.

Should have passed it back.
 
2008-05-08 02:37:59 PM
Scorched Colon:

Agreed! If your "carry-on" has a handle and wheels CHECK THE FARKING THING. Nothing pisses me off more about flying than people that are too lazy or too retarded to check their damn luggage. I really wish airlines would get more draconian about enforcing their carry-on allowance rules.


My carry-on has a handle, wheels, and easily fits in the overhead bin. Why won't I check it? Well, there was the time Delta lost my bag and I had to go to dinner with a group of KPMG partners. Wearing jeans. And there was the time I flew to Amsterdam and didn't have my bag for 24 hours. And the time I flew to Colorado and had to delay my trip to the mountains for a day because they lost my bag...
 
2008-05-08 02:38:09 PM
I think the rule should be that if you want to carry it on, it should be small enough that you keep it in your lap. Otherwise, check it.

Somehow, they created a spot down by your feet under the seat in front of you.
That way, there is room for the drop-table and a chance to sell you beer like it's a ball game.
 
2008-05-08 02:39:22 PM
ThisIsntMe: I replied that we were business travellers and the fact that our children were with us would not change the way we went through security.

And why shouldn't it?

You're now traveling with slow, easily distracted little people who might otherwise clog up the "black" lanes.

Its easier from a policy standpoint to say "families" in this line, obvious business travelers in that one. They don't have time or the care to grill you about your previous travel experiences
 
2008-05-08 02:39:43 PM
As long as they leave my employee line alone, I don't care what they do with everyone else.
 
2008-05-08 02:40:03 PM
Each time we take our shoes off to go through security, the terrorists win again.
 
2008-05-08 02:40:04 PM
idrow: What color is the line for terrorists? That would make identifying them so much easier.

They're on the charter flights now. Too much hassle to fly regular commercial these days.
 
2008-05-08 02:40:34 PM
amanogowa: But if one train is late, and you miss the connection, you might easily have a day wait until the next connecting train leaves, etc, etc.

If you look at the actual schedule, you'll see that there is a long layover after the first leg (tx to ca), which means the train could be 4 or 5 hours late and you'd still be able to get the bus (yes, BUS!) for the next leg of your trip. The rest of the connections are tighter (15 min, 34 min), but these are short trips, where the likelyhood of a serious delays is small.

For instance, the bus is from Union Station LA, to Bakersfield. This is a 111 mile, 1 hr, 48 minute trip according to google maps. They schedule 2 hours, 45 minutes.

Whatever. It may take longer, but it sure is more convenient. And, when the oil eventually runs out (or becomes so expensive that flying is impractical except for the Super-Rich), the only remaining method of long distance travel will be... electric TRAINS. SO, why not use the trains now, too?

/totally not a plug for Amtrak.
 
2008-05-08 02:40:44 PM
Scorched Colon:
Agreed! If your "carry-on" has a handle and wheels CHECK THE FARKING THING... I really wish airlines would get more draconian about enforcing their carry-on allowance rules.


Well, they're starting to charge for checking more than one bag and have already brought down the maximum bag weight allowed to 50 pounds (which pissed me off since my well-packed one bagger for two weeks tends to be right around 55 if I have a pair of hiking/x-c ski boots in there). I'm sure that won't make the carry on thing worse...
 
2008-05-08 02:42:15 PM
rising fuel costs + failing airlines + failing economy = unfordable air travel.

enjoy it while it lasts. hopefully we'll get our head on straight and fix our rail system. then we might wise up and start using local mass transit as well. who knows...

biatch all you want, it's only going to get worse. they'll come up with more stupid rules...

this country needs and enema.
 
2008-05-08 02:43:05 PM
fredklein: It may take longer, but it sure is more convenient.

And cheaper- Amtrak: $245 Cheapest Flight? $624
 
2008-05-08 02:48:29 PM
Ran some numbers. That 8 minutes I referenced above is ~140 human lifetimes (based on 2006 govt. numbers of fliers per year). Maybe double that if you want to talk about time left in the average flier's life.

So...if everyone were to spend an average of 24 minutes more, per flight, with airport security since 911, we'd be talking 1960 or so lifetimes taken by increased security. Wonder if we've saved that many. Also wonder if my math is straight.

I also realize that this is a specious argument on a lot of levels but conceptually it's interesting.
 
2008-05-08 02:50:21 PM
Yeah, my math was bad in at least one spot. Went with just the 8 minutes, not the 24 minutes I intended to. Should read:

So...if everyone were to spend an average of 24 minutes more, per flight, with airport security since 911, we'd be talking 5880 or so lifetimes taken by increased security. Wonder if we've saved that many.
 
2008-05-08 02:52:03 PM
machone: nkanofolives: I live in NoVa which means that I must leave from Dulles.

WTF is with those bus things that move people between the terminals. Scary (and smelly) riding on those. I keep feeling like one day it's gonna flip on it's side when making the turn!


Why, those aren't bus things! They're mobile lounges! Relax and lounge!

/I hear they're being phased out.
 
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