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(Something Awful)   The SA goons fark with Jehovah's Witnesses. What would you do to fark with Jehovah's Witnesses? (voting enabled)   ( divider line
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168 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Nov 2002 at 4:57 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

205 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-11-19 06:06:55 PM  
Somebody hit a soft spot Fuque?

Yes, actually I was raised as a jehovah's witness. However, I hated it and didn't fall for a word of it.
It has developed into a pet peeve of mine that 9 times out of 10 when someone claims to hate jehovah's witnesses they will immediately follow it with some claim or immitation that instantly reveals their whole claim as a bold faced lie. For instance, its quite popular to do an impression saying something like "your soul will be damned to hell!"

Why waste time pretending to hate something? If you actually spoke to one they would give you plenty of reasons to factually hate them.

2002-11-19 06:07:08 PM  
You know what always works?

Look them straight in the eye and say, "Your ideas are very interesting. I have been thinking along those lines myself lately. And wondering how I can bring the glory of God into my life. Perhaps you have some literature I can peruse while I make you a cup of coffee. Come on in."

No really. They'll pack up their sh*t and run.
2002-11-19 06:07:34 PM  
Pretend like it's fraternity or sorority rush. Ask them if they're planning a party that can top the twelve kegger that the Kappa Lambda Nu's threw last Friday night. If they persist, tell them that you are sorry, but you are holding out for that bid from Kappa Lambda Nu and wish them luck in finding pledges.
2002-11-19 06:08:16 PM  

Regardless of whatever we may or may not know about them, how farking annoying is what they do? I think that's what I hate, personally... the religion thing is periferal. They're a plague even more maddening than telemarketers because they are RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FACE, ON YOUR PORCH.
2002-11-19 06:08:16 PM  
11-19-02 06:04:57 PM M0nkz0r
Nice to see so many racist are left in the world. You guys should be proud. Last time I read the farking fark forums. (except for photoshops)

I'm sorry where did you see anything racist? Most people are just arguing that they dont like a religion becauses it imposes itself upon them. So what do you think about telemarketers? If you dont like them, then by your own screwy rational you yourself are racist.
2002-11-19 06:08:59 PM  
One that has to be realized it that Jehovah's Witness' and Mormons are one of the last 'Door-to-door Salesmen' still around.

The hostility that people harbour towards them would be the same towards a vacuum cleaner salesman (if they still existed)

Then again some of the people just don't like religion here.

To each his own. Get over it.
2002-11-19 06:10:35 PM  
Now I am not supporting Jehovah's Witnesses in any way, but my girlfriend is/was one. She was disfellowshipped (meaning she did stuff the church doesn't like so they asked her to leave), and she has explained a lot of things so they make more sense now. I don't believe any of it, but I understand more. So I would just say "no thank you" if they come here.
2002-11-19 06:11:00 PM  
I was a door-to-door missionary (Mormon). Want to know the most effective way to get missionaries off your doorstep? It's pretty creative and unique. You say, "I'm really not interested." If once doesn't do the trick, twice certainly will. I gained a new understanding of how many liars there are in this world when I went "tracting". Being honest and direct will do the trick, and there is no need to get worked up about anything.
2002-11-19 06:13:13 PM  
Just tell the J-Dubs that you have a V-Dub and that's all the religion you need.
2002-11-19 06:15:32 PM  
Ok not so much racism, but im sick of hate. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and it's driving me insane and this just happened to set me off, but hate without understanding is ignorance and that's what really pissed me off. How many Jehovah's wintesses do you actually know? I mean truthfully know. Every one i've known have been very nice people and were really good friends. So they come to your door once in a while trying to tell you about something they are passionate about, that's no reason to hate them. I'm sick of this world and it's stupid people.
2002-11-19 06:19:27 PM  
Regardless of whatever we may or may not know about them, how farking annoying is what they do? I think that's what I hate, personally... the religion thing is periferal. They're a plague even more maddening than telemarketers because they are RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FACE, ON YOUR PORCH.

I think my statement is being taken too personaly. I'm not saying that you have no right to dislike them. My point really is that this article is crap from the very beginning.

Also, I think you're fooling yourselves to believe that it ends with your irritation at their door-to-door style. As BoneStorm said, you get humiliated, threatened, and mistreated for your beliefs. It doesn't end there. Most of the problems I encountered were outside of "witnessing." For instance the neighbors that regularly tried to maim or murder me because they knew they could get away with it. I recall the time that not only did the neighbor boy get away with holding his mother's dirty hypodermic needle to my brother's neck, but the police saw fit to demand inspection of our bible to make sure it wasn't a "witches bible."

Another source of humilation was school where the teachers were as much or more a source of humilation than the other students. In a small town the shopkeepers will know who you are and refuse to sell to you or rip you off. Everyone shiats on jehovah's witnesses and their children, regardless of whether or not they are standing on their doorstep.

2002-11-19 06:19:50 PM  
BoneStorm: " Please spare us your sob story.... I mean I myself am polite but firm to these people-- but the vast majority of the people that you visited didn't want you there, and it is a fundamentally exploititve act to sell religion door to door. So get off your high horse.

and M0nkz0r, we'll miss your sense of humor most.
2002-11-19 06:20:37 PM  
I had an old couple visit me several times, often at like 8 am, I was in high school, it was summer. Who gets up at 8 am?

Anyways I saw them pull up in the street one morning, hopped up, put Slayer Reign in Blood on the record player (yes I had it on vinyl, still do actually) And popped onto the song where he screams 'Enter to the realm of Satan' as loud as the thing would go... It was summer and the windows were open. They stopped dead in their tracks and turned around and left. Never did see them again.
2002-11-19 06:21:40 PM  

As fun as it is to answer the door naked (my stepdad's favorite) I've found the quickest way to be rid of them is the same as with a telemarketer - a quick, polite, "No thank you"

You think they have the equivilent (sic) of a telemarketer's "No call" list?

2002-11-19 06:22:21 PM  
I'm sorry, but I just dont find it funny. Good for you for finding it funny, let the world brainwash you more. Conform, be popular. Have at it.
2002-11-19 06:24:31 PM  
I'm less confrontational and judgemental than I used to be... Many years ago, my method for dissuading Jehovah's Witnesses from coming to the door was to stand in the driveway, The Pipe firmly clenched in a smile, and the Book of the SubGenius close at hand.

Worked like a charm.
2002-11-19 06:24:49 PM  
Actually, I had a door to door vacume salesman come to my house about a year ago. They didnt bother me that much because he at least cleaned the carpet before I kicked him out.
2002-11-19 06:25:26 PM  
Practically every door in my office building requires a SecureID badge for access. Well, one day I saw this guy standing outside a door, he'd obviously fogotten his badge.

Remembering one of my favorite Seinfeld eps, as I opened the door to let him in I jokingly asked "You're not a Jehovah's Witness are you?".

Long story short, he was. And I almost got rung up on discrimination charges.

As to what to do to them, just make EVERYBODY A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS. Then they wouldn't have anyone to harass anymore.
2002-11-19 06:25:49 PM  
True story... Invite them in and have intense theological discussions, all the while serving them Kool-Aid made with Vodka. Hilarity ensues...
2002-11-19 06:26:08 PM  
It's my right to harass anyone that disturbs me at home, be it by phone or in person. I had a telemarketer call me and ask to speak to the adult that makes purchases in the house. I'm mid twenties and live with my fiance. I told him that person wasn't home. He asked the persons name, I said Bob(not my name). He asked when is a good time to reach Bob, I said weekday afternoons(never anyone home then). I like being an ass. Telemarketers must hate their jobs.
2002-11-19 06:26:43 PM  
I had one come to me quite a few times. Since I'm an agnostic, they seem to think that that's an opportunity. However, all the arguments he put forth were full of flawed reasoning, and kept referring to quotes in the bible. I told him before he can use the bible, he has to prove to me the bible is truly the word of god. Well, he kept referring back to the bible. He came back several times, even brought experts, and never was able to come up with convincing proof. They would use arguments like:

JW: The bible is very old, and very few documents have survived that long.

Me: Yah, that's because early christians burned them.

JW: Archeologists have recently uncovered corroborating evidence of many historical facts that are in the bible.

Me: That just proves that it's old. We're not arguing about that.
2002-11-19 06:27:29 PM  
Anyways, eventually he gave up, and I haven't seen him for several years. So, it does work to ask complicated questions, but it takes awhile.
2002-11-19 06:31:17 PM  
I've never had a Witness for a friend, but I've had Mormon friends. Good friends, I mean, too, not just acquaintances.

I still treat all proselytizers as fair game. I know enough about the more common faiths that I could screw with their heads (ie, Actually, I knew you were coming, because I had a weird dream in which a man dressed in white came up to me, and a glowing lizard on his shoulder told me you'd come here today. I was told to tell you that . . . .), but I'm not that mean.

That seems like cheating.

Instead, I always say, "Come on in, if you want. I'd like to talk to you about God."

And I do. I've convinced three pairs of Witnesses and two pairs of Mormons that they can't be sure that there's a God, and, if there is, they can't really be sure it's the real God. They left very depressed, but, hey, I didn't go to their house. They came to mine.

Two pairs of Mormons left without having their minds changed, and one pair of Witnesses left early, upset but not, I think, swayed. You can't win 'em all.

The sad thing is that most evangelical faiths don't prepare their followers for intelligent debate -- they shield them from the world rather than preparing them to deal with it. As a result, they usually can't debate religion for crap. They haven't been exposed to enough different theological ideas.

Now, I don't fark with people's religious beliefs in general, but if they come to my door and want to talk about God, they're fair game.
2002-11-19 06:31:50 PM  
SuperGlue / Contact cement on the doorbell........
2002-11-19 06:40:19 PM  
Dannynoonan7: - Thank you very much! I now have to clean water off the wall, keyboard and monitor...some funny shiat!!!
2002-11-19 06:41:15 PM  
Why would you do anything to someone who knocks at you door that you might later regret?

It's pretty awkward to go over to your parent's house for dinner and learn that they also invited over the nice folks that you had exposed yourself to/ yelled at/threatened/lied to/argued with/spat on.

Believe me, it does happen.

A "no thanks" or "Come in and have a soda, but I don't want to discuss religion" is much more neighborly and is less likely to end up backfiring and embarrassing you.
2002-11-19 06:41:25 PM  
get away with holding his mother's dirty hypodermic needle to my brother's neck, but the police saw fit to demand inspection of our bible to make sure it wasn't a "witches bible."


Where the fark are you from? I'm in backwoods Alberta and even our cops don't check to see if I have "witches bible"

2002-11-19 06:44:44 PM  
I believe most of the people posting on here haev an insane obsession to be liked. They hate people with conviction because they have none. They despise people with passions because they have nothing in their useless, pathetic, downward spiraling lives to enflame any passion.

Those of you who so fiercely "protect" their (or their parents', more likely) property are exactly why these people go door to door in the first place.

They think they can save you. They think they can help you to find a path out of your parents' house and onto some sort of path that will bring you some happiness. If you're there already, tell them to buzz off, you have all the answers and there is nothing they can do to make you any happier.

The truth is that to turn people away who have no ill intentions toward you for reasons of ignorance tells the rest of us that inside all of this guff about property and religion, there lurks a scared, faithless, sad and lonely person who deserves to be without a future.

This isn't about God or religion. I honestly don't care if people make fun of my former religion, hell, I've made some jokes myself. This is about equal time. Let's have some Roman Catholic bashin! Let's make fun of the Jews! Come one, those funny curly braids!
2002-11-19 06:46:47 PM  
best J-dub dispersal:
time: summertime, evening
place: Fraternity house
mental state of 90% of us at the time: quite fitshaced
Song playing at the time: AC/DC : highway to hell

all we had to do was open the door. "Hi- we'd like to talk
to you about.... *I'm on the highway to hell, highway to hell*.... J-dubs do a prompt about-face, and go away.

had a nice older couple hit my door at 8:30 on saturday- all
I did was tell them "Sorry, I'm not interested". it was
direct, polite, and simple. and that was all it took.
the pledge of allegiance will work for the pushier ones...
2002-11-19 06:48:26 PM  
Standards are so messed up now. It's fine to make fun of Jehovahs Witnesses, but then you get to Jews and it's not fine at all. Because they were in the haulocaust, oh, but wait... Jehovah's Witnesses were in the haulocaust too. Now what? Is it still OK? Ack.. Who cares, nothing I can say will make you people less stupid.
2002-11-19 06:51:14 PM  
To those defending the behavior of JWs...

Everyone is entitled to their own religion. They are not entitled to yammer about it to me, at my door, on my phone, or in my mail. I am equally pissy about salespeople and advertizing in general. It's all the same. People trying to tell me what to think because they are just certain they are right. Newsflash - all religions are opinions. You are more than entitled to yours. I am entitled to mine.
I won't try to tell you that I think you are full of shiat, because I don't appreciate people telling me that. Which is exactly what you are telling me by telling me your religion is the only way.

Consideration for the beliefs of others. That is why people don't respect JWs. You don't get respect unless you give it.
Preach your ideas to those who want to hear them. Those who don't want to hear them won't believe you anyway, and you just create bad will. Those who do want to hear them will find you. How do you think alternative religions gained popularity? Wicca, paganism, atheism, agnosticism, etc - none of those preach to others. People find them. Those who seek and want to hear will find you. If they like what they hear and it makes sense, they'll believe. If not, you've done what you could. Move on.
2002-11-19 06:51:25 PM  
I used to let them talk to my mom who's been in theology classes. She would run rings around them for hours until they realized they'd been there all afternoon, thus saving the neighbors from their rants. However, dinner would be a little late....

As an adult, I just say, "Sorry. I'm number 144,001. There's no more room at the inn according to you guys. I'm late for my paganism classes..." Slam.
2002-11-19 06:51:49 PM  
And now days it's hilarious to hurt a person's feelings, to see someone get hurt, to make fun of different groups. Oh, it's all in fun all in fun.
2002-11-19 06:52:42 PM  
Fine as a link, but ripping off SA's idea seems pretty lame.

"Let's have the same exact discussion in OUR forum that THEY had in THEIRS!"

2002-11-19 06:53:11 PM  
Where the fark are you from? I'm in backwoods Alberta and even our cops don't check to see if I have "witches bible"

A redneck mountain town in colorado. Not south park.

I have always assumed that the "witch's bible" thing was purely for the purpose of harassment though. I find it hard to believe that they actually thought it would be a witch's bible or that they had any legal recourse if it was.

The cops were corrupt. They enjoyed harassing a religious minority like everyone else.

That's a really good point M0nkz0r. You almost never hear about jehovah's witnesses and the holocaust.

2002-11-19 06:53:50 PM  
Religion is a very personal thing and I simply don't like the idea of trying to push your ideals/beliefs on others. Whether this be on television or a pair of missionaries at my front door, I do not think it's called for.

What works best for me is a simple, "No thank you, I'm Catholic."
2002-11-19 06:54:33 PM  

You're trying too hard.
2002-11-19 06:55:23 PM  
Nick06fbi - it's not funny or clever, but last time I had JoHos here I told them that we already had our 'religious orientation'. They thanked me for taking the time to consider god. Never checked that my alignment wasn't 'no thanks I'm athiest' and left.
2002-11-19 06:55:52 PM  
People only care about themselves and nobody else and im farking sick of it. Because people only care about themselves my girlfriend gets treated like a farking slave where she lives and there's nothing I can do about it. NOTHING. I've tried everything I can, but it hasn't helped anything at all. I'm sure you all find that hilarious now don't you. Laugh it up, it's hilarious. I'm extremely depressed and sad because of it, oh I bet you're on the floor laughing now arent you? Here comes the funniest part, she probably won't graduate this year. Oh, it's just too funny to say anymore. I'll just shutup now.
2002-11-19 06:57:18 PM  
11-19-02 06:04:57 PM M0nkz0r
Nice to see so many racist are left in the world. You guys should be proud. Last time I read the farking fark forums. (except for photoshops)

Hmmm...I would think that with that outlook, you might want to stay away from most of the photoshop threads as well...
2002-11-19 06:57:41 PM  
M0nkz0r, if you were so certain of your faith, it would not so easily be shaken by the taunts of others. Perhaps you need to do a little inner searching yourself.
2002-11-19 06:59:09 PM  
I don't know if I believe in anything anymore. I believe people are scum, that is all.
2002-11-19 06:59:35 PM  
M0nkz0r needs some happy pills!

chill dude, it ain't that bad.

trust me.

god loves you.
2002-11-19 07:00:40 PM  
11-19-02 06:55:52 PM M0nkz0r
Whats this stuff about you girlfriend? You've gone and made me all confused now.
2002-11-19 07:00:43 PM  

I bet half the people here biatching about joke-hovah's witnesses at their door are going on to the next thread only to demand prayer in school.

What gives you the idea that nobody is allowed to come anywhere near your house anyway? What is wrong with you that you can't handle people coming to your door? You live in a city don't you? I think some of you might belong in the woods, alone with the animals. If a bear comes to the door you can answer it nude.
The fact is you have a door. You have a sidewalk leading to that door. You probably even have a bell for people to ring when they reach the door and a little mat in front that says "welcome." I find it hard to swallow that JW's are really as big an imposition as some people are claiming. Perhaps you're just too happy to do what's expected of you. Your eagerness to fullfill the role of cliches created by generations before you is just too overwhleming.

2002-11-19 07:01:51 PM  
Sorry, I got off topic.
2002-11-19 07:04:37 PM  
It seems sad to me that Jehova's Wittnesses get such a bad wrap, and people do (or claim to do) such mean spirited things to them. I am not a JW myslef, but I have several friends who are JW's and they're the coolest people I know. From what I understand, they believe that they know the correct interpretation of the Bible (as do many religons), and because of their beliefs and actions they are guaranteed a place on a paradise Earth after the armageddon. It is also part of their beliefs that it is their duty to go and try to enlighten people about their religon, to try and help them obtain a place on this paradise Earth. Basically in a nut-shell when they go door to door, it's in the sprit of
"Hey we found this wicked sweet deal with God, you want in?"
2002-11-19 07:05:48 PM  
Maybe its just the alcohol, but for the last half hour or so this thread has become more and more confusing. I mean, we have Fugue talking about bears and door mats and stuff and M0nkz0r from Kansas bringing up his girlfriend being treated like a slave and not graduating... I don't know. I'm going to go lay down know, my liver hurts.
2002-11-19 07:09:43 PM  
all right M0nkz0r, you have my interest piqued. what is the going on with your girlfriend?
2002-11-19 07:11:55 PM  
My wife grew up as a witness, so technically I am farking with them.

Fortunately she overcame the brainwashing.
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