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(Chicago Breaking News)   "Prostitutes are a product, like cereal," said one man. "You go to the grocery, pick the brand you want and pay for it. It's business." One box of Milfy Charms, please   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 487
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14475 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 May 2008 at 12:39 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-05-06 09:32:15 AM  
General Mills doesn't make "swallow my whole load, please".
 
2008-05-06 09:32:20 AM  
Be sure you get the first serving though, you don't want to get left with the dust at the bottom of the box.
 
2008-05-06 09:35:14 AM  
I hate it when there's just the brown ones in the bowl, and no marshmallows.

/ew
 
2008-05-06 09:40:29 AM  
Can I have teeny poofs?

In Soviet brothel grocery store, breakfast cereal swallows YOU.

Can't it be like coffee? I'd like mine extra dark, with sweetener and cream on the side ?


/express elevator to hell, please?
// Making jokes that don't even make sense anymore
 
2008-05-06 09:41:40 AM  
Cinnamon Skank Crunch?
Frosted Mini Tits?
Fruit Loops? Oh, that one's taken already.
 
2008-05-06 09:53:04 AM  
Count Skankula?
Cheery Hos?
Crackin' Crunch?
Poon Flakes?
Deez Nuts?
 
2008-05-06 10:04:00 AM  
And you get a little "prize" at the end of every box.


teh Herp
 
2008-05-06 10:08:16 AM  
They are the expression of entrepreneurial spirit

.
 
2008-05-06 10:08:36 AM  
Aw, shoot! It looks like they're out of the regular Crackhead Puffs brand and I'm going to have to buy generic.

*kicks dirt*
 
2008-05-06 10:14:28 AM  
I'd like a Diet Coke and a Whores Over My Hammy, please.
 
2008-05-06 10:36:20 AM  
Silly rabbit... Trix is for whores!
 
2008-05-06 10:39:02 AM  
Turnin' Trix?
Frosted Cheerios?
Sugar Smack That Ass?
 
2008-05-06 10:42:24 AM  
Prostitutes aren't a product. They provide a service. It's not comparable to cereal, it's more like selecting a lawn service or a family doctor.

FTA:
researchers have only the crudest grasp of why men buy sex.

That's not true at all. There's a decent amount of research on the subject, mostly psychology and sociology. Sex is a resource. We all want it, but not everyone can get it through the conventional means. Some people work honest 9-5 jobs to get money, other people work under the table, and others break the law (like, for instance, becoming a prostitute). Some people buy their food, some people grow their own food, some people dine-n-dash. Some people get sex by meeting a person at a club, getting set up on blind-dates, or a whole host of other means. Some people get it by buying it. It isn't a boys-will-be-boys thing either. It's satisfying a natural urge. We just live in a culture where women, for the most part, get to choose who gets sex and when, so women don't usually have to resort to soliciting a whore.

While the survey, which is not peer-reviewed, is likely to draw criticism from some academics...

And that's where I'm done reading. Sorry, but while I recognize that good research sometimes doesn't get published in peer-reviewed journals, I also recognize that more often it's bad research that doesn't. This is most likely just pushing some political agenda, and whether it's for a good cause or not is irrelevant. If it's good research, you can usually find a reputable journal to publish it in.
 
2008-05-06 10:45:40 AM  
Nestea Plunge: General Mills doesn't make "swallow my whole load, please".

frosted nut cheerie-ho's
 
2008-05-06 10:51:42 AM  
Dingleberry Morning?
 
2008-05-06 10:57:47 AM  
Superfly Smacks?
Honey Bunches of Ho's?
Apple Jack-offs?
Banana Nut Crunch? (no change needed)
Cream of Meat?
 
2008-05-06 10:59:09 AM  
*motorboating sounds*
"He likes it! Mikey likes it!"
 
2008-05-06 11:18:07 AM  
That's just ridiculous. I've never stabbed a box of cereal after I was done with it.
 
2008-05-06 11:22:55 AM  
Yeah, and like cereal, some come with a prize inside...
 
2008-05-06 11:28:01 AM  
Sybarite: That's just ridiculous. I've never stabbed a box of cereal after I was done with it.

Just for you...

i35.photobucket.com
 
2008-05-06 11:35:13 AM  
I prefer the ones that contain extra bran.

/No, I'm not going to tell you if I'm talking about cereal or prostitutes.
 
2008-05-06 11:51:42 AM  
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

An onion is a common garden vegetable and a hooker is an often tragic figure whose circumstances or choices have led to a life where dignity is discarded and the most intimate act is for sale.

Or is it nobody cries when they chop up a hooker? I forget.
 
2008-05-06 11:57:00 AM  
UberDave: Yeah, and like cereal, some come with a prize inside...

Technically, the prize is coming inside
 
2008-05-06 12:09:41 PM  
There's a big difference. I can fit LOTS of boxes of cereal in my trunk.
 
2008-05-06 12:09:55 PM  
Sybarite: That's just ridiculous. I've never stabbed a box of cereal after I was done with it.

I can many boxes of cereal in my trunk. To fit more than two hookers you have to cut them up into a bunch of pieces.
 
2008-05-06 12:10:33 PM  
14 seconds. Damn it.
 
2008-05-06 12:21:05 PM  
Is that a purple horseshoe in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
 
2008-05-06 12:39:30 PM  
Chuck Wagon: 14 seconds. Damn it.

Great minds...
 
2008-05-06 12:42:11 PM  
Cornhole Flakes?

/hangs head in shame.
 
2008-05-06 12:42:34 PM  
Chuck Wagon: Sybarite: That's just ridiculous. I've never stabbed a box of cereal after I was done with it.

I can many boxes of cereal in my trunk. To fit more than two hookers you have to cut them up into a bunch of pieces.


Turn in four feet as proof of purchase and you get your next one free
 
2008-05-06 12:43:00 PM  
PROSTITUTIES. They don't snap, crackle, or pop. They just lay there in the bowl and bang.
 
2008-05-06 12:43:30 PM  
I like my women like I like my beer:
Expensive, Exotic, with an easy to peel off label.
\Seemed apropos
 
2008-05-06 12:44:02 PM  
Crusters?
 
2008-05-06 12:44:28 PM  
Oh_Enough_Already: I propose that some of us farkers pool our meager funds and start a porn website.

Who's to say some of us don't already. ;-)
 
2008-05-06 12:44:34 PM  
I'm surprised and ashamed at the lack of "box" jokes in this headline.
 
2008-05-06 12:44:35 PM  
The win in this thread is part of a balanced breakfast.
 
2008-05-06 12:45:19 PM  
Honey Bunches of 'Hos?
 
HBK
2008-05-06 12:45:36 PM  
rubi_con_man: Can I have teeny poofs?

In Soviet brothel grocery store, breakfast cereal swallows YOU.

Can't it be like coffee? I'd like mine extra dark, with sweetener and cream on the side ?


/express elevator to hell, please?
// Making jokes that don't even make sense anymore


NTTAWT
 
2008-05-06 12:46:07 PM  
Not prostitute related but still funny as hell

supercolonblow.files.wordpress.com

/hotlinking like a bastid
 
2008-05-06 12:46:11 PM  
Oh_Enough_Already: I propose that some of us farkers pool our meager funds and start a porn website.

I'm down.
 
2008-05-06 12:46:34 PM  
Prostitutes are a product, like cereal

YOU KILL THEM (new window)
 
2008-05-06 12:46:58 PM  
wembley: Not prostitute related

No, but it could be.
 
2008-05-06 12:47:36 PM  
Sybarite: That's just ridiculous. I've never stabbed a box of cereal after I was done with it.

Dammit.

I wanted so hard to find a shot of Toucan Son of Sam from Green Jello but can't. oh well.
 
2008-05-06 12:47:57 PM  
The kids cereals are only available off the shelf in Thailand sadly though.
 
dls
2008-05-06 12:49:54 PM  
This should be a Photoshop thread.
 
2008-05-06 12:49:56 PM  
So the Bunny Ranch is analogous to the Variety Pack?

Captain Crunch is for the masochists, tastes so good but scratches the fool out of you mouth.
 
2008-05-06 12:50:10 PM  
IdBeCrazyIf: The kids cereals are only available off the shelf in Thailand sadly though.

If that's what you are after:

1. Buy pack of Marlboro Reds (they hardly see anything but Basic's these days)
2. Head to trailer park.
3. Buy the child of your choice.
 
2008-05-06 12:50:18 PM  
i261.photobucket.com
 
2008-05-06 12:51:32 PM  
Guys, stop treating those girls as if they were objects to be sold. These are real human beings actually trying to earn/work an honest livin'. Unlike you all posting on fark instead of actually working, in fact, you may be the actual whore here.

//I'm no better
 
2008-05-06 12:52:08 PM  
nopokerface: If that's what you are after:

1. Buy pack of Marlboro Reds (they hardly see anything but Basic's these days)
2. Head to trailer park.
3. Buy the child of your choice.


Those the bag varieties though... they just don't seem the same and leave a funny after taste.

...like aquanet and stale beer
 
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