Wait...it's something about a 12-inch pianist, right?

0ops...

A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."

How are The Smith in this deal?

And that's why you never show the cash first when you're buying off of Craigslist.

/Used to date the niece of Taiwan's new president
//She was cr-a-zy!

that story is missing a rabbi and a farmer's daughter.

How come in the Flintsone's cartoon there were no black people?


cuz back then they were still monkeys

Man, sucks to be Taiwan.

I hadn't thought about it until they brought it up, but China's busy buddy-ing up to everyone while Taiwan's slowly getting hedged out.

Pretty soon China will be able to invade and the west won't do dick about it.

eff ewe,

A bear walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer here."
Frustrated, the bear again asks for a beer.
Bartender says, "I told you once, we don't serve bears beer here."
The bear loses it and eats the lady on the barstool next to him and demands a beer.
Bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer, especially ones on drugs."
"Drugs?" Inquires the bear.
"Yeah," says the bartender, "That was a bar-biatch-you-ate!"

Get it? AH hahaha!

and the guy says "that's not a horse!"

I like how they did not do intelligence background checks on the guys "because they were introduced by a trusted friend". There are times when politeness can be costly ...

According to Mr Chiu and Mr Huang, the two middlemen refused to return the funds and the government now says that both have since gone missing.

They probably sent it to some guy in Nigeria.

Witty Handle 2008-05-02 07:56:18 PM
eff ewe,

A bear walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer here."
Frustrated, the bear again asks for a beer.
Bartender says, "I told you once, we don't serve bears beer here."
The bear loses it and eats the lady on the barstool next to him and demands a beer.
Bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer, especially ones on drugs."
"Drugs?" Inquires the bear.
"Yeah," says the bartender, "That was a bar-biatch-you-ate!"

Get it? AH hahaha!



*golf clap*


Well played fine sir, I admire the cut of your jib and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

/Used to date the niece of Taiwan's new president
//She was cr-a-zy!


No you didn't.

North Korea walks into a bar with a duck on its head, and the rabbi says, "Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed him."

TheBigJerk: Man, sucks to be Taiwan.

I hadn't thought about it until they brought it up, but China's busy buddy-ing up to everyone while Taiwan's slowly getting hedged out.

Pretty soon China will be able to invade and the west won't do dick about it.

I think we're already at that point.

Yes, sir, I did. Terrible, terrible decision.

Kilby: Yes, sir, I did. Terrible, terrible decision.

No shiat? Any good?

The US sold Taiwan to the Chinese a long time ago.

wow an FT.com link.

/great paper

Sounds like "intelligence checks" were definitely lacking, all around.

My favorite joke:

Why is the Champs Elyssee lined with trees?

Anyone?

Anyone?


Because the Germans like marching in the shade.

ha HA! Making fun of other countries!

governing taiwan:

SERIOUS BUSINESS

So this seal walks into a club...

Bad times, my friend, bad times. One particularly intense moment was sitting down to eat a delicious home-cooked dinner, only to have her run off and lock herself in the bathroom because she'd "done such a bad job! It's so awful!"
I played the "Aw, no, it's good! You can come out now" role for a few minutes, then said fark it and went back to the table to finish eating.

/Would say more, but needs to put on his tin-foil hat first.
//Um, hello, Mr. CIA man. What can I do for you?

It's just a bullshiat move for someone in the outgoing DPP government to steal 30 million before incoming President Ma takes over.

The DPP are about as corrupt and immoral as you can get. They'll steal a pram out from under a baby if given half a chance, then turn around and blame the KMT and their oppressive ways for making them take up a life of crime.

An old cowboy walks into a saloon.

Walks right up to the barkeeper and says, "AH wanna FREE drank".

Barkeep (wiping the bar) says "Waal mister, you aint gonna getta free drank in this heah saloon, Ah suggests you mosey yore dumb ass outta heah and find a free drank somewherez else".

Cowbow slowly shakes his head back and forth, smacks his hand down on the bar and says "AH WANNA FREE DRANK, and ah wants it NOW".

Barkeep, (starting to get annoyed) leans over the bar and says, "Mr, I tole you you aint gonna get no free drank in this place and if'n you continue to make a spectackle of yorsef heah I'm gonna have to call the manager and have him throw you outta heah!"

Cowboy leans right into the barkeeps face, looks him straight in the eye and says real slow, "Ah wants my free drank, an one way or t'other ah'm gonna gets mah free drank, and if'n ah dont gets my free drank, ah'm gonna drank that thar fukkin cuspidder o'er thar in the conah".

Barkeep slowly leans back and smiles, "Waall mister, you c'n go raght ahead and drank that fukkin cuspidder if'n yah wants to, thats the ONLY free drank yer gonna get in MY place".

Realizing he'd been challenged, the cowboy straightens up, tips his hat back, and strolls over to the spittoon and picks it up and without much ado, lifts it to his lips and starts chugging the contents.

The barkeepers eyes bug out of his head. It takes him several tens of seconds to fully comprehend what he's seeing, and by this time the cowboy had the attention of everyone in the room.

Barkeep finally sputters, "ALRIGHT mister, yah c'n have yer free drank, thats the most disgusting gawdawful thang ah've EVER seen anyone do".

Cowboy keeps swallowing, juice running down the sides of his chin.

Barkeep says "DAMMIT MISTER, QUIT DRANKIN THAT SPITTOON an' ah'll give you a free drank cause yer make'n ever'one in the place bout to puke up mah floor! PLEASE mister"!

After another few seconds, the cowboy leans over and puts the spittoon back down on the floor and, wiping his chin on his sleeve, moseys back to the bar. Says. " Heh, I TOLE you ah'd get my free drank one way or t'other".

Barkeep leans way back and says, "Dammit mister, ah tole you you'd getcher free drank, why din't you stop?'

Cowboy leans over the bar and says, "coodn't stop, was all in one long strang".

Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical
technique and the fact that silicone breast implants have
been determined to be perfectly safe, a California cosmetic
surgery practice is opening a new office where breast
augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about
30 minutes.

They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."

Deathfrogg

Cowboy leans over the bar and says, "coodn't stop, was all in one long strang".

That's not funny. I was hoping for a big payoff after reading that mingin' drivel. You fail.

Three old-timers after a Veteran's Day parade are in a bar reminiscing about absent buddies.
The first says "Remember Bob Reilly? He was our regimental clown. Took an MG round in the chest in the Ardennes."
The others nod and say "Poor Bob."
Another says "What about Pete McMahon? He stayed in the army and got killed in Korea. Nicest guy you ever met." The others nod and say "Poor Pete."
The third said "You guys remember Jack Mitchell? Greatest ladies man I ever met. He was run over, shot, and then stabbed to death by three jealous husbands in '62."
The others nod and say "Lucky Jack."

TheBigJerk: Man, sucks to be Taiwan.

I hadn't thought about it until they brought it up, but China's busy buddy-ing up to everyone while Taiwan's slowly getting hedged out.

Pretty soon China will be able to invade and the west won't do dick about it.

I totally feel for them. I once gave a guy $50 for a sack and never saw him again. Lucky for him.

A priest, a rabbi and the Dali Lama walk into a bar.

so the bartender goes: "What is this? A joke?"

We're paying foreign aid in cash now? That's just totally irresponsible, even for the government.

"Chiu I-jen, deputy premier, said the government gave the funds to [Ka-]Ching Chi-ju,..."

/Chi-ju? Ahhh soo...CHEAT YOU! I see what you did there!

TheBigJerk Man, sucks to be Taiwan.

I hadn't thought about it until they brought it up, but China's busy buddy-ing up to bullying everyone while Taiwan's slowly getting hedged out.

FTFY - China is using muscle not diplomacy to squash Taiwan's recognition. Chiang Kai-shek didn't help much when he refused to accept the two China policy that would have allowed Taiwan to stay in the UN along side China.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I need a beer and a mop."

/veal, etc.

skunkmaster: The DPP are about as corrupt and immoral as you can get.

I'm sure the KMT has "mislaid" quite a bit of money in its time, especially back when no opposition was watching. You don't get to be the world's richest political party by being honest. Back in the day, many KMT bigwigs treated government coffers as their personal cashbox. And the French bribery scandal was a lot bigger than $30m.