Uh, wouldn't it make more sense to find God after say, winning the lottery or hitting a supermodel? You know, something good?

If I got hit by lightning I'd think God was pissed off at me about something. I prefer my revelations on the less painful side.

Bedraggled caffeine addicts sprint towards sanctuary in an adjacent cafe, casting puzzled glances in response to the railing voice pouring down the stairwell from two storeys above

whoa. This entire article is written like that police blotter, "The Arcata Eye".

God: This guy just can't take a hint!

*hurls another lightning bolt*

Actually, I retract that last statement. The Arcata Eye is written way better than this POS.

I was in the grocery store today and overheard this guy on his cell phone saying to someone, "Well, maybe God wants you to go take that trip to Greece -- maybe God wants you to, you know, go out, get active. Did you ever consider God might be telling you to...".

Anyway, me of little faith thought maybe God should serve this guy a nice cup of STFU. Then I wondered what this dude would think of Fark.

This guy needs to be thrown in a mental hospital

Always some bozo. How religions get invented.

God drinks Dr Pepper.

It is always nice to see another guy stealing from the religiously needy....preachers are all evil, all they want is money in exchange for a nice pep talk!!

I wish somebody would have shot HIM in the foxhole...

/shot in the foxhole
shot in the foxhole
shot in the fox hole

I would find God too if He started to shoot lightning at me... Find him and Kick His Butt!!!

Oh, sure Mr. Omnipotent Being, just keep throwing electricity all over the place. You'll get Yours, don't you worry...

``I thought I was losing my marbles. My heart was going 100 miles an hour . . . I ran through the swamp . . . I'd never had a Christian upbringing . . . and all of a sudden I had this inner compulsion to go to a church.''

I think this statement sums up your standard looney gone fundamentalist scenerio. He probibly ran into church, smelling something awful, freaking out the ol' ladies, bending knee and asking: "God? Whazzup? ... You trying to kill me?"

elf up

And thus, CAP and Chick find a new friend.

It's also a voice that _ decades after their emancipation _ brands as sinners women who do not submit to their husbands' wishes.


Uhh..ok. Being a lesbian, I take offense to that.

Whenever I see one of these eejits railing about how women are supposed to be so meek and submissive, I feel like saying, "Sorry about your penis..."

As if I needed more evidence for my theory that religion is a tool to control the thought-processes of the masses...

;)

I know a guy who was struck by a fundamentalist, so he started a lightning church.

Dannion Brinkley was much cooler.

He started predicting the future. Born Again: Played out. Old and busted. Becoming Nostradamus: New hotness.

It's all a Voodoo trick. The guy's name is Loa, y'know the voodoo spirits.

Wow_what_a_great_way_to_make_money_on_his_behalf!_

Well, all of you who hate Christianity, rejoice. Asshats like this guy are only hastening his demise. Anyone who puts more stock in a thrice-translated work of human hands than in their own heart and spirituality deserves the sad, pathetic life they end up leading.

Are there any branches of the Church left that actually pay attention to what CHRIST himself said, instead of what his idiot followers reinterpreted his words to mean?
Hint: If something you're advocating is contradicted by the words of Christ, YOU AREN'T CHRISTIAN.

/angry ex-Christian rant

Maveno

Well, insultingly enough he's actually *FAR* more offended by you...I mean, heck...your "pieces don't fit". Though, I rebut that I have seen a few girl-on-girl videos where the pieces worked pretty well...and then there's prosthetics of the "snap-on" sort. Besides, this guy must have no clue how to please a woman. There are other BETTER ways than a penis. HAHAHAHAHA

(I'm trying to stay out of religious flamewars so I'll just say...)

Someone needs to post a picture of that skunk-striped guy from The Great Outdoors that was hit by lightning 66 times. If getting hit by lightning once is enough to convert a guy think about what getting hit 66 times will do to someone. He'll think he is God.

:)

Technically, he found Zeus (or rather, Zeus found him).

WizardX

I read an interesting article in the SD Union Tribune yesterday. It's about this christian author who is the top selling novelist now, he writes fiction about the end times. But the jist of what he said is that Christianity is easy if you strip out all of the BS. He actually echoed something I tell christians who try and convert me to their flavour:

#1 Admit you are a sinner
Well, according to the Bible's rules, we are all born into sin, therefore we are sinners. So, fine, I have no problem agreeing with their statement. I can't prove it true or false one way or another, and I don't care enough to figure out something that isn't provable, so I agree. I am a sinner. Sin is a christian term, and it's their rules, so by their rules, I am a sinner.

#2 Accept Jesus (died for your sins).
Yes, I believe he died for my sins. Some guy named Jesus, 2000 years ago was killed by Pilate, and it's well documented he told everyone and their brother "I am dying for all of you/mankind."

#3 Live your life by the teachings of Christ/10 Commandments/etc

Well, no christian does, and they all get forgiven...but I do a good job. I don't kill. I don't covet my neighbor's wife. She smells like Ukranian food all the time and is really old. I don't steal. I don't even link to images hosted by other sites. I click Popup ads sometimes just to be safe.

So, this guy said the same thing, and if you believe those things, you go to heaven. And he's not some fatalist. Makes you wonder why people get to engrossed in scripture when there's a simple 3 step process that goes directly to the heart of the matter.

what if god smoked cannibus

"Hint: If something you're advocating is contradicted by the words of Christ, YOU AREN'T CHRISTIAN."

man, i am all over that. i know so many people who should called themslves followers of st. peter instead of followers of christ. the 2 guys had a lot of different things to say about some things. i'd go with the guy whose name is also the name of the movement, not some guy who never met him...

Peter_hook: where in the Bible does it say that lebians offend God? Besides, if there was a God, I think He/She/It'd be more offended by people not using the gift of Reason all humans were given in blindly following some text that was retold orally for centuries before being written down, then given countless revisions and translated several dozen times into many languages. I think God would rather have us come to the conclusion that He/She/It doesn't exist if we come to that conclusion on our own, than just STFU and listen to what some old codger who's not supposed to have ever known what an orgasm feels like spoonfeeds me as the truth.

Besides, any God that would be offended by lesbians, even if they are butch, just ain't worth worshipping. Keep enjoying life Maveno; I'm sure you're making use of your gifts a lot more than any fundy who's afraid of dancing and holding another person's hand will ever do.

didn't mean for my last post to sound as pissy as ended up being, just trying to raise a possible point...

Maveno

Furthermore, I have never heard of a man that can vibrate, rotate, have a pearl chamber and the little thing that buzzes the clitoris, all for $89...you know which vibrator I am talking about. I love watching women see that for the first time. They are like a man about to be served prime rib after 3 days of starvation. I've heard them just moan looking at it. Ahh...sex shops are so fun!

Crotchrocket Slim

Don't ask me, I didn't say it. Read the article. Sorry about your girth problem, btw...hehehehe J/K...love the name. Too bad the Bible doesn't have more lesbian stuff, it would spice up a tragically boring book (except for all of that psuedo-real apocalpyse stuff "written" by "John" *COUGHceasarromansCOUGH*

Warchild Then he'd just be a black spot on the ground ;)

damn, I should read a little bit more closely before I post. Glad to see you're being one of those "cool" Christians that actually cares about what Jesus actually wanted. Oh well, I think my little rant's still apropos to the article, right?

Uh, fundy's (and organized religion in general) sucks! Hate the sin, not the sinner and stuff!

BTW, here is the article of the guy who unseated John Grisham as the #1 Fiction novelist. He writes about the rapture, end times, return of Jesus, etc. and just signed like a $45 MILLION dollar deal to do a few books. But he echoes what I said about "how to be a christian in 3 easy steps". The nice thing is that for a fatalist, he sure isn't fire and brimstone and all negative. He's quite pragmatic about the whole thing, not alarmist at all. A very good read:

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/uniontrib/fri/currents/news_mz1c15lahaye.ht ml

and that was one of the better goofs on my handle Peter_hook. Of course, it's obvious that it's all good coming from someone as laid back as you man :)

Crotchrocket Slim

See, that's it...am I a christian? To those that believe the whole religion is a farce, I cannot be. But if you just go with their 3 little rules, you are. I don't profess to be a christian, I just realised I was their definition by default.

YOU MIGHT BE A CHRISTIAN AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT!

-Jesus Foxworthy

i just want to offer this alternate headline:

Guy gets struck by lightning, finds way to convince himself that everything is going to be ok when he dies, make money, and have people worship him at the same time.

What a retard. I've been hit by lightning twice and I haven't found Dog yet...

There was a guy I knew in the Navy who had been struck by lightning. He couldn't wear a watch or carry a walkie-talkie, cell phone, or beeper because they would quit working on him. Freaky.

From the article:
Surely just a novel twist on the old wartime saying: ``There are no atheists in foxholes''?

This is inaccurate. This is not an 'old wartime saying'. This is a tired and false old canard.

One of the better threads I've seen on religion in awhile, not near so many flames. I've always tried to go by Christ's words.
"Judge not lest ye be judged."
I think that a bunch of Holier Than Thou's are going to be surprised one day.
But, it's all based on faith anyway and just what kind of person you are.
If you're a prick and a dirty dealer, you'll get yours regardless of what name is on your membership card.

It is nice to see Christians going back to basics. Christian fundamentalism is not always such a terrible philosophy to a hold too. Throughout the history the church, many problems arose, including corruption in the Church, from an anti- sola scriptora (Scripture alone) basis. The Fundamentalist is supposed to go by what their scripture, which for the Christian religion would be the Holy Bible or the Jewish Tanahk with New Testament scripture. Keeping true to their early scripture would allow one to better evaluate the religion, instead of looking at the changing institutions that have moved away from their scripture.

The are many here who hate the religion of Christianity, and the reason why they do is primarly because they are taught to by our humanistic society in which our culture lives in. And to make a correction to what some else here said the Christian Bible is not an "thrice-translated work." The standards of the Bible can be used to help benefit society. I could give countless examples but I know many of you would not accept them and do to lack of space I will not.

If this man is abiding by what his scripture truly says, then we in no place to judge falsely against this man. The Christian religion is not "a tool to control," but a personal relationship with your God- the Creator of the Universe. Some have tried to turn this religion in a way to control, but there are other ways to do so as well. Lets instead of disusing talk about spirituality and talk more about righteous. For what a persons has in their heart about others and God is what truly matters in this world. IF ANY OF YOU DESIRE TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN DETAIL THEN YOU CAN REACH ME AT cdj­2an­a­duccnau­edu. And have a nice day everyone.

Kurmudgeon: Unless you just turn to dirt after you die. In that case if you're a prick you just made a mess of things while you were here.

Surprisingly I agree with Zen_Monkey.

In addition, the critique that Christianity is all about making money rings totally hollow to me. I've been to two churchs of the fundamentalist variety (one Pentecostal) and the only time they asked for money was through an offering (i.e. give what you feel compelled to) and all of the money went to upkeep of the church facilities and social work programs. Neither pastor got a salary (one was a farmer, the other was a retiree on a pension) both supporting themselves solely through their jobs.

And the critique that Christianity is only for the mindless weak masses (describing the "masses" as weak and mindless, I won't even get into) totally neglects the fact that nearly all of the great geniuses of Western culture were either deeply commited Christians (Messianic Jews) or Jews (Einstein, Pascal, Newton, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Leibniz, Descartes, ...).

I was hit by a car and started an body shop

thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightning.....