FARK.com: (3557316) And the No. 1 threat this week: Bears. The bear from Semi-Pro kills trainer for making him a part of Semi-Pro

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		And the No. 1 threat this week: Bears. The bear from Semi-Pro kills trainer for making him a part of Semi-Pro (variety.com)		122
		More: Scary

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13701 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2008 at 6:42 AM | Favorite | share:

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Yergela		2008-04-23 03:55:57 AM

Someone has been warning us for some time now:

img176.imageshack.us

kntgsp		2008-04-23 04:41:41 AM

FTFA:

The Department of Fish and Game will decide the bear's fate after an investigation

Investigation?! IT'S A BEAR! THEY EAT MAMMALS What are they going to do, take statements from the bear? from the trainer?

Here, I'll help you out:

Bear: "RAAAAAAAAAAWR" (translation: tasty human)
Randy: "..................." (translation: I'm hamburger)

Randy Miller also said, "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished,"

The best trainers back up their speeches with demonstrations.

And the highlight:

"You can train them and use as many safety precautions as you can, but you're still taking a chance if you're putting yourself in contact with them," Richards said. "It's still a wild animal. Even though it may appear that the bear attacked for no reason, there was a reason. I'm sure Randy understands why it happened. They're not cold-blooded killers."

I started reading that and thought "my god, could Denise Richards be saying something intelligent?!" But then she gets to "I'm sure Randy understands why it happened. They're not cold-blooded killers."

He doesn't understand anything sweetie...he's bear cage fertilizer now.

Big teeth for biting. Sharp claws for mauling. ~750 PSI of bite force on the canines. I'd say it's safe to assume those particular items were meant for killing things.

What are you going to do, feed the damn thing tofu? (cue picture of futurama lion)

skinink		2008-04-23 06:44:29 AM

The bear from Semi-Pro? I didn't see any dangerous big hairy gays in that movie.

inconnu		2008-04-23 06:45:14 AM

Basically, everytime you interact with any kind of big predator in captivity like a bear or a tiger...If you roll a 1 on the proverbial D20 of life, it's going to fark you up. No matter what level you are.

Barakku		2008-04-23 06:47:39 AM

Why you looking at me? I'm a bear!

/It'll be called "Hey, it WAS you investments!"
//Obscure?

solitary		2008-04-23 06:47:55 AM

Cindy Beavers.

Narf!

black_knight		2008-04-23 06:48:42 AM

Iorek Byrnison wanted for questioning?

QuintessenceX		2008-04-23 06:54:58 AM

FTFA "You can train them and use as many safety precautions as you can, but you're still taking a chance if you're putting yourself in contact with them," Richards said. "It's still a wild animal. Even though it may appear that the bear attacked for no reason, there was a reason. I'm sure Randy understands why it happened. They're not cold-blooded killers."

That's because they're warm-blooded killers...

ohmyvariousgods		2008-04-23 06:57:37 AM

I'm tired of these constant bear attacks. It's like a freaking country bear jambaroo around here.

cubsfan07		2008-04-23 06:59:20 AM

Phil Herup		2008-04-23 07:05:54 AM

These bears are dangerous and should be banned from the earth.

www.yosemite.org

Prohest		2008-04-23 07:11:18 AM

Personally I really enjoy when wild caged and "forced to do lame tricks" animals wastes a trainer....

You try kidnap anyone, lock it up in a cage and constantly poke it with a stick while throwing offensively small pieces of food at while screaming commands at it (Mostly NO!).. It is sure as feck not gonna make them feel happy, and who can blame them for eventually killing the jerkoff that torments them?

RealFarknMcCoy2		2008-04-23 07:13:07 AM

Wow - this headline is SO much less amusing than mine. :-(

/yeah, I went there
//really, really far better headline

MaxxTx		2008-04-23 07:14:51 AM

Can't say as I blame the bear, he just did what every actor wants to do to their manager after they realize they were just forced to appear in a Will Ferrell "comedy".

ohmyvariousgods		2008-04-23 07:16:59 AM

MaxxTx: Can't say as I blame the bear, he just did what every actor wants to do to their manager after they realize they were just forced to appear in a Will Ferrell "comedy".

win

BigG		2008-04-23 07:20:34 AM

ohmyvariousgods: MaxxTx: Can't say as I blame the bear, he just did what every actor wants to do to their manager after they realize they were just forced to appear in a Will Ferrell "comedy".

win

Parroting the headline is a win?

I wonder if a trained parrot has ever killed its handler.

Barking farker		2008-04-23 07:23:18 AM

Bears live to bite...that's all they do.

Bubbalew		2008-04-23 07:31:17 AM

kntgsp: FTFA:

Except Randy wasn't the one eaten. It was his cousin Stephan.

/I RTFA

Kettch		2008-04-23 07:33:39 AM

question: which kind of bear is best?

pestluvr		2008-04-23 07:40:06 AM

Timothy Treadwell very obviously unavailable for comment.

Jean-Puc_Licard		2008-04-23 07:41:12 AM

RealFarknMcCoy2: Wow - this headline is SO much less amusing than mine. :-(

/yeah, I went there
//really, really far better headline

Come on then - out with it, hand over the funnier headline.

Sharpie Sherpa		2008-04-23 07:42:14 AM

Gotta love the name of the place: Predators in Action. They clearly saw this coming.

Archie Goodwin		2008-04-23 07:44:30 AM

Kettch: question: which kind of bear is best?

The naked lady kind.

Whaddya mean that's not what you meant?

Pythagoras		2008-04-23 07:45:33 AM

This thread needs more Colbert/Bears pics.

spittman		2008-04-23 07:46:51 AM

To quote Chris Rock "That bear didn't go crazy that bear went bear", although I believe he was talking about Tigers. Don't kill the bear, put it in a zoo, give hime some steak and leave him alone.

ignite ice		2008-04-23 07:48:24 AM

Sad that the bear is going to be put to sleep, as they always are in these cases. Sigh. How ridiculous. You try and tame a bear and then use it for your entertainment (yes, you), and it does a little biting, you get pissed, and kill it.

idrow		2008-04-23 07:49:53 AM

Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.

NickPappagiorgio		2008-04-23 07:50:05 AM

Apparently, Rocky burned the cooldown on his trinket and hit the trainer with a 1300 mangle crit.

debriefing_and_cocktails		2008-04-23 07:50:16 AM

Nestea Plunge		2008-04-23 07:53:14 AM

See what happens?

fireclown		2008-04-23 07:54:45 AM

And to think that the democrats wanted to outlaw bear wrestling in Iowa a few years back.

ohmyvariousgods		2008-04-23 07:58:02 AM

idrow: Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.

That's the homeowner tax.

idrow		2008-04-23 08:05:41 AM

ohmyvariousgods: idrow: Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.

That's the homeowner tax.

Well, anyway, I'm still outraged.

doglover		2008-04-23 08:09:07 AM

Hey, Timothy Treadwell would be be on this bear's side... if he hadn't been eaten to death by a grizzly whose territory he was camping in.

In all honesty, though, this poor bear just had a bad day. How many farkers ever hit someone? It's the same thing. The difference is you haven't got a mouth full of razor sharp teeth for a fist. I'm sure the same bite on another bear would not even be incapacitating, let alone fatal.

As a former zoo worker, I'm also sure that the late trainer Randy would agree it's not the bear's fault. A trained bear is a prisoner in many ways. It can't be left unattended in captivity cause it'll starve and it can't be let out into the wild because it'll starve or only be able to steal food from humans.

Must be a lot of stress, so it makes sense if it has a bad day sometimes. With animals more than twice as strong as a human, a bad day can result in tragedy through no fault of the animal.

EmployeeOfTheMinute		2008-04-23 08:09:29 AM

/Not impressed

Molavian		2008-04-23 08:10:09 AM

kntgsp: What are you going to do, feed the damn thing tofu? (cue picture of futurama lion)

i184.photobucket.com

Rodeo360		2008-04-23 08:14:33 AM

I, for one, feel that is is only a small price to pay to lose one's life so that we may have real bears in movies instead of fake ones. Rany's life was sacrificed so that we all could laugh at funny bears doing funny stuff in funny movies. IF there were more Chipmunk trainers out there, that Alvin movie would have been waaayyyy better.

dreadprophet		2008-04-23 08:15:37 AM

Are you aware that bears are godless killing machines?

media assassin		2008-04-23 08:18:03 AM

Anyone have the link to the Colbert Report "threat-down: bears" segment? Can't find it on the website.
Thanks.

Egalitarian		2008-04-23 08:19:12 AM

BigG

I wonder if a trained parrot has ever killed its handler.

two part answer:

a) Final Exit XVIII: Pet Store Panic

b) a psycho robot parrot can be trained to kill others with its embedded laser. See the Dr. Who episode "Pirate Planet".
i154.photobucket.com

Uncle Pooky		2008-04-23 08:19:48 AM

Kettch: question: which kind of bear is best?

FALSE. Black bears.

Bears eat beets.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

wrek		2008-04-23 08:23:48 AM

kntgsp: Randy Miller also said, "If one of these animals gets a hold of your throat, you're finished,"

The best trainers back up their speeches with demonstrations.

Thank you kntgsp for the smiles! :)

fireclown		2008-04-23 08:26:09 AM

EmployeeOfTheMinute: /Not impressed

www.nfb.ca

/not impressed by that hippie treadwell
//wonders if they ever met.
///That's right, MCSTYMIE, I went right to Hurtibise again. What of it?

Nestea Plunge		2008-04-23 08:27:08 AM

Every now and then, wild animals need to assert themselves by killing you, to remind us that they are not our buddies.

Nestea Plunge		2008-04-23 08:28:39 AM

Tim Treadmill must have tasted awful. Stringy hippie meat scented of patchouli.

bittersweet		2008-04-23 08:30:34 AM

FTA: "trained animals that turn on their handlers are often destroyed."

I hate that term. It sounds like they are going to shove a bomb up his ass and detonate.

Surly_Duff		2008-04-23 08:30:38 AM

FTA: "Denise Richards, who works with wild animals at Moonridge Zoo, a sanctuary for injured and homeless wildlife in nearby Big Bear Lake, said trained animals that turn on their handlers are often destroyed."

Was I alone in being completely weirded out that they got Denise Richards, of all people, to give a quote for this story? Other than boobs and psycho-behavior, what is that gal an expert in?

Mangoose		2008-04-23 08:30:46 AM

I believe this falls under the definition of justifiable homicide.

Barakku		2008-04-23 08:34:18 AM

bittersweet: FTA: "trained animals that turn on their handlers are often destroyed."

I hate that term. It sounds like they are going to shove a bomb up his ass and detonate.

I wasn't supposed to....poor fluffy...

xanadian		2008-04-23 08:34:29 AM

skinink: The bear from Semi-Pro? I didn't see any dangerous big hairy gays in that movie.

Back when I was in the Navy, one of the "duties" as the george ensign was to dress up as the ship's mascot during unrep...which, in my case, was a bear. But, in my case, they kept me in the suit for a little while longer. I guess I was a popular bear.

And, I guess, the CO knew what I was before I did.

Scary.

/not a 'bear,' tho, really...
//or a 'cub'

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