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(4Utah.com)   Holy crap -- stop the farkin' presses   (abc4.com) divider line 185
    More: Sappy  
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57409 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2008 at 6:39 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-04-01 07:04:00 PM
Cats are awesome, God exists, and I'm not a virgin.
 
2008-04-01 07:07:22 PM
Soupysales: It is also interesting to note that the miracle took place in the parking lot of a church.
Fark you and your shiatty reporting. Would you make some witty comment if they were outside a Chinese restaurant? Or make a pussy joke if they were outside a strip club?


That's when I closed the window. I've never wanted to slap a reporter so badly as just then.
 
2008-04-01 07:07:50 PM
xip_80: I can't believe they rescued it. What a waste of time. I'm the decider! I'm just goin' to oblitifry it when I get home...

THIS
 
2008-04-01 07:08:13 PM
pbfcomics.com

/obligatory
 
2008-04-01 07:09:31 PM
It'd been funnier if the dog ate them.
 
2008-04-01 07:13:35 PM
spqr_ca: Headline made me laugh, the asshats who put them there did not. I farkin' hate people who do shiat like that.

I concur, though am conflicted. Some asshat left a box of kittens at my vet (so it better than a dumpster), and I ended up with the one they kept as a "vet cat", who didn't quite work out for them since he was batshiat psycho.

If you have to abandon them, do it at a vet.

img361.imageshack.us

He's a fatty.
 
2008-04-01 07:14:01 PM
img183.imageshack.us
 
2008-04-01 07:15:11 PM
One of he males afer he's grown up:
www.djcresswell.com
 
2008-04-01 07:17:36 PM
yay kittens!!!
 
2008-04-01 07:21:01 PM
Soupysales: It is also interesting to note that the miracle took place in the parking lot of a church.

Fark you and your shiatty reporting. Would you make some witty comment if they were outside a Chinese restaurant? Or make a pussy joke if they were outside a strip club?


HEY! Don't make fun of my Gramma's writing! She doesn't want to clip coupons! She wants to write. Be FARKING supportive!
 
2008-04-01 07:23:34 PM
Mieeewsday!
 
2008-04-01 07:29:58 PM
This is considered a miracle? Some dude found Kittens, I find em on the bottom of my boot all the time.
 
2008-04-01 07:30:56 PM
FarkinFarker, is that Ron Paul?
What a bastard.
 
2008-04-01 07:31:33 PM
www.redfuzzyjesus.com
 
2008-04-01 07:31:54 PM
ah, remninds me of the time I was at a BBQ, and my wife found a litter of kittens in the bathroom, in a baking pan.


almost all the kittens got adopted from the BBQ, excpet one blackone, we saved it for my mother in law.(thatwas my wifes idea)
 
2008-04-01 07:37:29 PM
Open_Mouth_Inert_Foot: ah, remninds me of the time I was at a BBQ, and my wife found a litter of kittens in the bathroom, in a baking pan.


almost all the kittens got adopted from the BBQ, excpet one blackone, we saved it for my mother in law.(thatwas my wifes idea)


So, what you're saying is that everyone went home hungry??
 
2008-04-01 07:39:31 PM
If I don't miss my guess, there are three perpetrators here, who live with Grandma Ida and their dear old Grandpa Ned.
 
2008-04-01 07:44:03 PM
Open_Mouth_Inert_Foot: ah, remninds me of the time I was at a BBQ, and my wife found a litter of kittens in the bathroom, in a baking pan.


almost all the kittens got adopted from the BBQ, excpet one blackone, we saved it for my mother in law.(thatwas my wifes idea)


What?
 
2008-04-01 07:44:24 PM
Stop th farkin' prsss indd -

Thr's a Luthran church in Salt Lak City?
 
2008-04-01 07:44:40 PM
Rev. Skarekroe: FarkinFarker, is that Ron Paul?

I don't know who it is, but it's one of the oldest 'owned' pics that I have.
 
2008-04-01 07:46:05 PM
img257.imageshack.us
 
2008-04-01 07:51:45 PM
How many of the kittens already had captions?
 
2008-04-01 07:54:08 PM
What a cute video
 
2008-04-01 07:54:44 PM
ABC must have a whole lot of sappy writer ...people. I mean, that happens like ...almost every freakin' day!
 
2008-04-01 07:56:24 PM
icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com

Hello Anna, this is for you!!
 
2008-04-01 08:00:40 PM
i221.photobucket.com
If the wife doesn't get home soon.....I can't promise that I won't.
 
2008-04-01 08:00:46 PM
I think it's plainly obvious that the Lutheran Church needs to be burned.
 
2008-04-01 08:02:49 PM
Okay Mathers, here comes the Fark:

88% of all kittens die very young and in a very nasty fashion, because only 12% of them are adopted into human homes.

Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.
 
2008-04-01 08:06:40 PM
Nothing ever changes. Farking Mormonsferalboy.com
 
2008-04-01 08:11:06 PM
olddinosaur 2008-04-01 08:02:49 PM
Okay Mathers, here comes the Fark:

88% of all kittens die very young and in a very nasty fashion, because only 12% of them are adopted into human homes.

Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.""




//i hear thet hoomins will be getting spayed...
i23.tinypic.com
The Cat Kingdom believes that hoomins fark too much without thinking it throo..
 
2008-04-01 08:12:05 PM
So no one said , hey these might be wild or feral?
In a cardboard box behind a dumpster sounds like a great place for a cat to give birth.

Mom cat was probably out scrounging supper.
 
2008-04-01 08:13:01 PM
olddinosaur: Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.


O RLY? I know I shouldn't feed trolls, but all nine of my guys are fixed and only go outdoors during their Supervised Outdoor Playtime sessions. Same with all my friends' are relatives' cats.

Of course, some people are irresponsible. Some people in any given group are idiots.

Because this thread needs more cat pics, here are Orion and Andromeda, who were part of a litter of six left in a box outside a pet store nine years ago. Strangely, they still like boxes.
img.photobucket.com

(No, they don't have tails.)
 
2008-04-01 08:13:51 PM
ihasahotdog.wordpress.com
 
2008-04-01 08:14:59 PM
Will the reporter breaking the story be responsible for the demise of those kittens?

www.abc4.com
 
2008-04-01 08:15:32 PM
It is also interestin' to note that the miracle took place in the parkin' lot of a church. I'm the decider!

A more impressive miracle would have been GOD PREVENTING THEM FROM BEING DUMPED IN THE FIRST PLACE!
 
2008-04-01 08:15:49 PM
olddinosaur: Okay Mathers, here comes the Fark:

88% of all kittens die very young and in a very nasty fashion, because only 12% of them are adopted into human homes.

Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.


All the ones in my neighborhood are fixed, and the cats that die are usually adults that get taken by coyotes.

I guess responsible animal ownership and Texans don't mix or something.
 
2008-04-01 08:16:57 PM
Woops, that "I'm the decider" part shouldn't have been included in my post. Damn cut and paste.
 
2008-04-01 08:17:36 PM
i31.tinypic.com
Leafe my nuts alone, foolisch hoomins!
 
2008-04-01 08:23:24 PM
i266.photobucket.com">

Was saving this one for Caturday, but....
 
2008-04-01 08:28:29 PM
Rootbzzr: Will the reporter breaking the story be responsible for the demise of those kittens?

You can have her, personally it looks to me like her and Priscilla Presley had the same plastic surgeon...
 
2008-04-01 08:28:53 PM
olddinosaur: Okay Mathers, here comes the Fark:

88% of all kittens die very young and in a very nasty fashion, because only 12% of them are adopted into human homes.

Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.


You are the most cranky, unpleasant, asocial asshole, motherfarker I have ever had the mistfortune to run across. Just unplug all your shiat and get on with the unibomber plans will you you old fark?

Better yet, just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. They call that the "face off lottery", of course you wouldn't know that, you don't listen to the young folk anymore.
 
2008-04-01 08:31:15 PM
jafiwam: Better yet, just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger.

Did someone step on your lawn?
 
2008-04-01 08:34:52 PM
olddinosaur

I sure hope that's an April Fool's joke.
 
2008-04-01 08:39:25 PM
jafiwam: olddinosaur: Okay Mathers, here comes the Fark:

88% of all kittens die very young and in a very nasty fashion, because only 12% of them are adopted into human homes.

Cat owners know this, but let their animals breed anyway. They also fail to keep them penned in, and let them roam all over the place, bothering people and breeding indiscriminately.

Talk to a cat owner and tryt to get him to show some respect, it is like talking to a brick wall.

You are the most cranky, unpleasant, asocial asshole, motherfarker I have ever had the mistfortune to run across. Just unplug all your shiat and get on with the unibomber plans will you you old fark?

And please for gods sake, stay off his lawn.


Better yet, just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. They call that the "face off lottery", of course you wouldn't know that, you don't listen to the young folk anymore.
 
2008-04-01 08:43:09 PM
Finally! A story with a happy ending!!!
 
2008-04-01 08:46:31 PM
How did we not see this coming? We should have been prepared!

/USA! USA! USA!
//Tired, can't wait for this day to be over
 
2008-04-01 08:48:39 PM
This reminded me of the archy and mehitabel poems I read in high school. Rereading the following poem I can't believe it was in the school library. This was before disposable prom babies. For those not in the know, Archy is a cockroach poet and Mehitabel is a cat.

mehitabel and her kittens
By Don Marquis, in "archy and mehitabel," 1927


well boss
mehitabel the cat
has reappeared in her old
haunts with a
flock of kittens
three of them this time

archy she says to me
yesterday
the life of a female
artist is continually
hampered what in hell
have i done to deserve
all these kittens
i look back on my life
and it seems to me to be
just one damned kitten
after another
i am a dancer archy
and my only prayer
is to be allowed
to give my best to my art
but just as i feel
that i am succeeding
in my life work
along comes another batch
of these damned kittens
it is not archy
that i am shy on mother love
god knows i care for
the sweet little things
curse them
but am i never to be allowed
to live my own life
i have purposely avoided
matrimony in the interests
of the higher life
but i might just
as well have been a domestic
slave for all the freedom
i have gained
i hope none of them
gets run over by
an automobile
my heart would bleed
if anything happened
to them and i found it out
but it isn t fair archy
it isn t fair
these damned tom cats have all
the fun and freedom
if i was like some of these
green eyed feline vamps i know
i would simply walk out on the
bunch of them and
let them shift for themselves
but i am not that kind
archy i am full of mother love
my kindness has always
been my curse
a tender heart is the cross i bear
self sacrifice always and forever
is my motto damn them
i will make a home
for the sweet innocent
little things
unless of course providence
in his wisdom should remove
them they are living
just now in an abandoned
garbage can just behind
a made over stable in greenwich
village and if it rained
into the can before i could
get back and rescue them
i am afraid the little
dears might drown
it makes me shudder just
to think of it
of course if i were a family cat
they would probably
be drowned anyhow
sometimes i think
the kinder thing would be
for me to carry the
sweet little things
over to the river
and drop them in myself
but a mother s love archy
is so unreasonable
something always prevents me
these terrible
conflicts are always
presenting themselves
to the artist
the eternal struggle
between art and life archy
is something fierce
my what a dramatic life i have lived
one moment up the next
moment down again
but always gay archy always gay
and always the lady too
in spite of hell
well boss it will
be interesting to note
just how mehitabel
works out her present problem
a dark mystery still broods
over the manner
in which the former
family of three kittens
disappeared
one day she was taking to me
of the kittens
and the next day when i asked
her about them
she said innocently
what kittens
interrogation point
and that was all
i could ever get out
of her on the subject
we had a heavy rain
right after she spoke to me
but probably that garbage can
leaks so the kittens
have not yet
been drowned

archy

/ This poem would probably be banned now.
// But only because it contains the word gay.
 
2008-04-01 08:55:07 PM
Uchiha_Cycliste: I can see how that can happen when you get off on dead cats.
You start out slow pop one off, see/feel/sense a kitten die. then I bet yo get really turned on, adn then BAM! another kitty kicks the bucket, and so on and so forth... I'll bet its easier to support your habit than |x| jim |x| 's


That comment got this song stuck in my head:


When the game of life makes you feel like quitin'
it helps a lot if you kill a kitten

Mark my words, cause from where I'm sittin'
You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten

There's no crime that you'll be commitin'
I know the law, you can kill a kitten.
If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'
Youll get plenty when you kill a kitten

Feed it turpentine, or break its spine,
Crush it with your shoe, as long as you...
Kill a kitten

If the one you love isn't quite as smitten,
She'll like you better when you kill a kitten
To quote the bible, cause that's where it's written
If ye loveth Jesus, yee must kill a kitten

Flush it down the can, hit it with your van,
Drown it in a lake, bake a kitty cake
Throw it at a train, make it snort cocaine
Stick some TNT up its cat booty
Do what you must do, as long as you...
Kill a kitten
 
2008-04-01 08:56:59 PM
JoeJitsu: Stop th farkin' prsss indd -

Thr's a Luthran church in Salt Lak City?


Yep, and I've been there as an LDS missionary. Had a decent chat with the pastor (somehow came as a referral). Nice church, interior, et al.

//follow-up: Stop the farkin' presses - They have LDS missionaries in Salt Lake City?
 
2008-04-01 08:57:08 PM
Exsanguinater:


archy

/ This poem would probably be banned now.
// But only because it contains the word gay.

interesting read
 
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