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(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)   Two construction workers decide to "borrow" homeowner's kayak without telling him, or even knowing how to swim. Darwin, as always, is the ultimate policeman   (tampabay.com) divider line 88
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14263 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2008 at 8:51 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-03-31 07:56:37 AM
Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin

.
 
2008-03-31 08:14:17 AM
Hope the homeowner didn't pay them in advance for the stucco work.
 
2008-03-31 08:54:12 AM
I'm a kayaking construction worker, so I'm really getting a kick...
 
2008-03-31 08:57:43 AM
Paddling the school's canoe without permission? That's a-paddlin'
 
2008-03-31 08:57:58 AM
where are the p'shopped pictures of darwin's head on a police officer's body?
 
2008-03-31 09:01:13 AM
"It looks like it's going to be a recovery."

/Great line.
 
2008-03-31 09:01:18 AM
Thank you Darwin!
 
2008-03-31 09:01:26 AM
Oh_Enough_Already: Who doesn't know how to swim in this day and age and why don't they?

It's really remarkably simple and easy.

Or even just how to float . . . these guys must not have had any survival instincts at all.


And who doesn't bring a life jacket to the lake, especially while using a kayak, those things turn over very easy.
 
2008-03-31 09:02:05 AM
Homeowner gets sued in 5... 4... 3...
 
2008-03-31 09:02:48 AM
Steal a kayak and you can't swim?
img1.fark.net
 
2008-03-31 09:02:54 AM
I didn't RTFA, but based on the headline, it sounds exactly like something my uncle-in-law would do (he's an unlicensed, alcoholic general contractor in south Florida).

He used to do shiat like this all the time. He'd even borrow homeowner's vaccuums, tools, etc.

One time I showed up to a condo we were remodeling and he was passed out on the owner's bed after drinking a bottle of cheap champagne that was left in the fridge. Another time he was laid out on the tile floor at another job after a nice breakfast of scotch and soda.
 
2008-03-31 09:03:09 AM
www.tropicarium.se

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present "Darwin!"
 
2008-03-31 09:03:14 AM
I'm not going to make any comments about the cleansing of the gene pool.
 
2008-03-31 09:03:43 AM
i177.photobucket.com
"You have the right to remain silent..."
 
2008-03-31 09:08:11 AM
photos.imageevent.com
 
2008-03-31 09:08:14 AM
cubsfan07: Maybe it was your uncle-in-law. Have you called him to check?
 
2008-03-31 09:12:16 AM
clit hero: cubsfan07: Maybe Hopefully it was your uncle-in-law. Have you called him to check?


Fixed.
 
2008-03-31 09:13:50 AM
DistendedPendulusFrenulum: Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin.

Stupid people do have that annoying tendency to breed early and often.
 
2008-03-31 09:14:47 AM
All I have to say is...

I hope they didn't breed.
 
2008-03-31 09:14:50 AM
This happened at 2:50 PM? Maybe I'm just an asshole, but kill yourself on your own time, Goddamnit. You should be working at 2:50. If you want to kayak yourself to death, wait until 5:01.
 
2008-03-31 09:16:55 AM
I hope the kayak was OK.
 
2008-03-31 09:16:58 AM
DistendedPendulusFrenulum: Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin.

Sure you can... it stops them from adding more precious snowflakes, now doesn't it?
 
2008-03-31 09:23:06 AM
DistendedPendulusFrenulum: Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin

If there is anything us Farkers know, its irony and Darwinism.
 
2008-03-31 09:23:08 AM
Cue Nelson Munch....
 
2008-03-31 09:23:56 AM
how could you go out on a lake with a freakin kayak and not no how to swim, that is just stupid beyond belief.
 
2008-03-31 09:24:32 AM
haha, and spelling the word "know" like "no" is stupid beyond belief too..
 
2008-03-31 09:24:35 AM
Wow. Just wow. I take my jet skis out there (Moon Lake) all the time.
 
2008-03-31 09:26:53 AM
Maybe they had diving apparatus taped to the bottom. Or maybe towed behind. Then they capsize, "drown" and are free to now commit murders as they wish, living a life of luxury on the spoils of their crimes.

I saw it happen in "Murder, She Wrote" once.

/Well the episode did have a faked death and murder, no living off spoils though
 
2008-03-31 09:28:17 AM
mc706: Wow. Just wow. I take my jet skis out there (Moon Lake) all the time.

Ya...hic...umm...need any...stucco work done?
 
2008-03-31 09:31:11 AM
howdyyall9999: mc706: Wow. Just wow. I take my jet skis out there (Moon Lake) all the time.

Ya...hic...umm...need any...stucco work done?


Sure, I can use some stucco work, just promise not take my jet skis out for a joy ride...
 
2008-03-31 09:36:52 AM
Headso: how could you go out on a lake with a freakin kayak and not no how to swim, that is just stupid beyond belief.

Methinks the contractors also "borrowed" several six-packs and/or a bottle of Glenlivet from the homeowner beforehand...
 
2008-03-31 09:41:32 AM
Psycho Zombie Monkey: Cue Nelson Munch....

Um... Muntz?
 
2008-03-31 09:42:15 AM
I really enjoyed this story, my day is not so gloomy now.

^_^
 
2008-03-31 09:47:26 AM
"Authorities said the men could not swim and didn't bring along any flotation devices in the kayak."

I can't really conceive this.
Even animals can swim without having been taught.
Even a dead body floats.
 
2008-03-31 09:54:12 AM
Begoggle: Even a dead body floats.

Well, then they'll be learning how to float any time now!
 
2008-03-31 09:54:17 AM
Begoggle: "Authorities said the men could not swim and didn't bring along any flotation devices in the kayak."

I can't really conceive this.
Even animals can swim without having been taught.
Even a dead body floats.


They were contractors. Contractors are full of shiat and they don't float.
 
2008-03-31 09:54:39 AM
Begoggle: "Authorities said the men could not swim and didn't bring along any flotation devices in the kayak."

I can't really conceive this.
Even animals can swim without having been taught.
Even a dead body floats.


Trouble is, when you can't swim and you get dumped into water, you freak out and tense up. You increase your density and sink, then you freak out even more and start flailing, which doesn't really help you stay afloat, but does make you really tired.

The toughest part about teaching children to swim is to get the little farkers to RELAX. Once you're calm, floating is really easy (unless you're skinny).

/Swim instructor
//Every kid should learn to swim. Once preschool rolls around, sign em up!
\_o_/ Drowning slashies!
 
2008-03-31 09:58:49 AM
DistendedPendulusFrenulum: Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin

.


Sure you can, hopefully the mother had some better genes and those got passed onto the kid.
 
2008-03-31 10:04:30 AM
Begoggle: "Authorities said the men could not swim and didn't bring along any flotation devices in the kayak."

I can't really conceive this.
Even animals can swim without having been taught.


I had to teach my dog to swim.

And there's no way he would think to bring a flotation device on a kayak, so these guys are no dumber than my dog.

/T'ain't sayin' much--he's a Great Dane.
 
2008-03-31 10:14:56 AM
PrincessOfPenguins: Homeowner gets sued in 5... 4... 3...

thinking the same thing...
 
2008-03-31 10:22:11 AM
FTFA:Divers with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission and Sheriff's Office searched for the men until nightfall, Doll said.

Rescue workers were expected to begin the search again this morning.


Why waste time looking for em, they'll re-surface in due time.
 
2008-03-31 10:24:22 AM
Biff Spiffy: I'm a kayaking construction worker, so I'm really getting a kick...

Well I construct kayaks so I'm getting a bigger kick.

/got nuthin
 
2008-03-31 10:26:27 AM
DistendedPendulusFrenulum: Not to put too fine a point on it, but if they've already reproduced, then you can't call Darwin.

Where does it say they have children at in the article?
 
2008-03-31 10:30:36 AM
How do two people that don't know how to swim convince one another to give it a shot? I can see one moran doing it, but wouldn't some sort of thought process kick in when your coworker says that he's going for a swim and you know he doesn't?

Or maybe the lowest common intelligence brought them to this point.

Also aren't lakes still very cold down there this time of year? Didn't they dip their fingers in the lake to gauge how much shrinkage would occur if they happened to flip over? Kayaks flip over easily.
 
2008-03-31 10:30:41 AM
Oh_Enough_Already: Who doesn't know how to swim in this day and age and why don't they?

It's really remarkably simple and easy.

Or even just how to float . . . these guys must not have had any survival instincts at all.


Well, it was probably the weight of the tool belt and the work boots, the jeans, etc. Once all that crap gets wet, it's tough to float. And of course they could swim. How do you think Cubans make it the last 200 yards to Florida?
 
2008-03-31 10:33:36 AM
stirfrybry: Begoggle: "Authorities said the men could not swim and didn't bring along any flotation devices in the kayak."

I can't really conceive this.
Even animals can swim without having been taught.
Even a dead body floats.

They were contractors. Contractors are full of shiat and they don't float.



Of course we float! We just do it on triple-decker yachts bought and paid for with all the money we steal from whiney biatches like you!

imaginit.rand.com
 
2008-03-31 10:34:04 AM
Did these men not have names!?
 
2008-03-31 10:36:45 AM
lelio: Also aren't lakes still very cold down there this time of year?

Well, they're warm enough to attract all you freaking Northerners. But yeah, keep telling people the water is cold, the weather is freezing and the alligators are everywhere. Oh, and they don't really play baseball here in the Spring. That way, less of you elderly Yankees will come down here AND DRIVE 35 MILES AN HOUR IN THE FAST LANE ON THE FREEWAY.
 
2008-03-31 10:37:40 AM
kiyote: Did these men not have names!?



Bob and Bob...
 
2008-03-31 10:40:06 AM
How do you keep your kayak from tipping?
Paint it black.
/rimshot
 
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