/collectively approve

oh man. i just bought a new picnic rug, but there's no way i'm letting her out of the house with this animal on the loose

Fark was made for stories like this.

/also made for stories about 3 guys digging up the high school hottie who died a few weeks earlier so they could have sex with the corpse.
//also made for stories about guys who try to have sex with dead deer in front of day care centers
///also for making my day

At least he didn't get his balls stuck in it.

tgregory: kiddie porn

Swedish kiddie porn

/FTFY

Rule 34, indeed.

was he having wait for it... wait for it.... 2x4 play

"We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly. Damn that table got back!" - Shakespeare (Closet Furniophile)

kingMountain: "who's your umbrella, biatch?! who's your umbrella?!"

wow...it'll be hard to top that one.

Apok451: Ms.Maus: So when do we get an Ohio tag?

Shhhhh! We are trying to be lowkey here in Columbus! You are ruining it for us!

we don't want to know these people

(waiting for Picnic Bench + BBQ + PhotoShop + 'You gonna get raped' caption)

Arabian Picnic

i guess, just like sir mix-a-lot, he likes 'em round and big.

So the neighbor started filming this guy in his bedroom before he went out to the porch... and no one bothers to ask why? Also, "he lives near an elementary school" didn't seem like a valid concern... do 1st graders and tables have so very much in common? Am I missing something? ...Just checking...

Norad: A: 15 minutes before a person realizes they've run out of crack.

kingMountain: dude. lol.

Fellows: Nabb1: I'll admit, I've thought about it, but my grill would get jealous.

Patio Menage a trois?

That's hot.

PullmyHair: I want that one!

/can you imagine all those nice, thick juicy steaks after a long cold winter?

We've got the finest cuts of meat you've ever seen! See these delicious morsels wild and without dressing! Rare and pink, medium or aged and well done - no matter your preference we've got them all!

See them getting grilled over and over again with raging hot coals! We've got big black grills, petite smokers and trashy tramps that really know how to stoke a fire!

It's hot, hot, hot!

silentstone7: do 1st graders and tables have so very much in common? Am I missing something? ...Just checking...

Neither want to be farked by a creepy old man?

Nos_Felix: chairs having sex

Link (new window)

Yea, omma git me a bit o that citronella oil from that there lamp and luber up reel guud!

(You have got to be shiatin' me)

Trixie_Belden: Link (new window)

:(

... Kinda glad that didn't work actually...

Buttsecks?

Man caught having sex with a his picnic table (with mugshot goodness)

FTFY Subby

I love you, table!

/not obscure

Heineken Skywalker

He looks like a patiophile.

This post is full of win.

yeah, but can it make him sammich after?

silentstone7: So the neighbor started filming this guy in his bedroom before he went out to the porch... and no one bothers to ask why? Also, "he lives near an elementary school" didn't seem like a valid concern... do 1st graders and tables have so very much in common? Am I missing something? ...Just checking...


You're only assuming that it was his neighbor was filming him in his house, or that the guy didn't know someone was filming him. It could have been a jilted GF or BF that filmed him... a homeless drifter who he hired for the express purpose of filming him farking his furniture, or even that dirty whore of a tripod he's had his eye on (and then presumably someone found the DVD's somehow).

tweaksfo: I think it is safe to say his day could have been MUCH worse...

Oh god, that was an epic thread. Do you have the link?

Wandered in to make splinters remark.
--Farkers faster, I'll have to go with "boring" quip.

Was he peckering a new hole in the table or was a drill involved?

Woodpecker!

bonefish: Oh patio table... what nice legs you have. You're a little flatter than the sofa but that's ok, not being lost in the folds all the time. Nasty nasty table.

Wasn't there something about Chachi boning Joanie on the couch and only the couch was getting any? oh yes, here it is: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2007/01/scott-baios-babealog-proposal.php

As I have my d*ck caught in the top drawer of my office desk at this moment, I am getting a kick out of these replies.

/"co-ordinate with the bookshelves... yeeeah, that's the way"

FARKING HYSTERICAL!!! Excellent work zoomddy!!!! *applause applause* Live this down! Valdes may not.

PullmyHair: Fellows:

Grills Gone Wild
Grills Gone Wild 2
Grills Gone Wild: Spring Break


I want that one!

/can you imagine all those nice, thick juicy steaks after a long cold winter?



FAP FAP FAP

Trixie_Belden: Nos_Felix: chairs having sex

Link (new window)

Link (new window)

HAHA it works now! SFW even

Being creepy aside.. are there no horny drunk people around?

farkin_noob: Being creepy aside.. are there no horny drunk people around?

he seems like the type of guy who keeps to his shelf.

farkin_noob: Being creepy aside.. are there no horny drunk people around?

Don't be mistaken, he lacquered the table up first.

This is pretty much what I imagine all you Farkers look like

mrtron: So many poor jokes about this.

I respect this man's choice in partners. Why deal with a wife when a picnic table can solve all your needs?

Ok, this is just demanding a top ten list why a picnic table is better than a woman. Farkers, get to work.

Off the top of my head: A picnic table won't betch about holding your beer.

Plan A: Privacy fence...get one

Plan B: shoot neighbor

Ex-Republican: This is pretty much what I imagine all you Farkers look like

/speak for yourself

How old is the table?

this is what happens when all the teachers start going for younger guys.

I'd do him.

/straps chair to his back.

How many things do you have to fark before you move on to picnic tables?

CREATE TABLE NEIGHBOR.SEXYTIME_TABLE
(
WANG_ID INT AUTOEROTIC SEED(FLOOR),
STROKE_COUNT LONG
)
ON PATIO