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(WOAI)   Pallbearers' Rule No. 1: Don't fall in the grave. Pallbearers' Rule No. 2: If your fellow pallbearer fails to follow Rule No. 1, don't drop the coffin on him   (woai.com) divider line 61
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14917 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2008 at 12:44 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-03-25 10:43:06 PM
This way you don't have to dig a new hole and you save money in the graveyard.
 
2008-03-25 11:11:59 PM
FTA: "News 4 spoke with Dick Tips, the owner of the cemetery, but..."

Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.
 
2008-03-25 11:22:42 PM
That sounds like something me and my brothers would do, since we are the poster children for spastic moments.
 
2008-03-25 11:50:54 PM
What's rule #3? No going through the dearly departed's pants looking for loose change?
 
2008-03-25 11:59:13 PM
That's a grave mistake. The whole experience must've left him with a coffin fit.

Can ya dig it?
 
2008-03-26 12:37:16 AM
Woo-hoo!

2 for 1.
 
2008-03-26 12:39:09 AM
ScubaDude1960: FTA: "News 4 spoke with Dick Tips, the owner of the cemetery, but..."

Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.


heh. heh-heh. ha. Ha. HA-HA! HAHAHA! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In other words: this.
 
2008-03-26 12:48:11 AM
ScubaDude1960: Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.

Maybe they wanted him to grow up to be a mohel?
 
2008-03-26 12:49:33 AM
The real question is, did the casket pop open from falling? If so, that could be really farkin traumatic, what with being trapped under a box of death and staring at the preserved dead face of someone.
 
2008-03-26 12:49:48 AM
NightOwl2255: What's rule #3? No going through the dearly departed's pants looking for loose change?

Rule number #4 is to wait until after the funeral is over before hitting on the widow.
 
2008-03-26 12:50:12 AM
A casket is heavy. When I helped bury my gramps I was all "Whatever you do, don't drop the coffin! Do NOT drop the coffin!" and the casket just kept getting heavier and heavier...

/made it to the hole
 
2008-03-26 12:51:18 AM
Monty Python's undertaker sketch, anyone?
 
2008-03-26 12:52:54 AM
I bet that cast a pall over the proceedings.
 
2008-03-26 12:56:12 AM
ScubaDude1960: FTA: "News 4 spoke with Dick Tips, the owner of the cemetery, but..."

Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.


Thanks. Soup all over the keyboard.
 
2008-03-26 12:56:29 AM
AppleDane: A casket is heavy.

No kidding. My dad passed a couple weeks ago, and his casket was heavy as hell. He's going into Arlington this Thursday, and I'm pretty sure the Marines do all the lifting for the burial, but just in case they don't, I'm bringing a hand truck.
 
2008-03-26 12:58:10 AM
NightOwl2255: What's rule #3? No going through the dearly departed's pants looking for loose change?

Not unless they're only mostly departed.
 
2008-03-26 01:00:51 AM
"I don't want to go on the cart.. I feel happy"

/got nothin
 
2008-03-26 01:01:23 AM
Dick Tips makes me giggle like a little school boy and I can't stop.

/Dick Tips
//Dick Tips
 
2008-03-26 01:04:25 AM
Could they put quotation marks around a few more words in the story, please?

/Dick Tips
 
2008-03-26 01:04:51 AM
GBmanNC: Dick Tips makes me giggle like a little school boy and I can't stop.

/Dick Tips
//Dick Tips


Must be a Catholic school boy.
 
2008-03-26 01:09:02 AM
I got a tip you can dick.

Wait.
 
2008-03-26 01:09:24 AM
i184.photobucket.com

yeah, a casket is heavy... it's all dead weight

/got nothing
 
2008-03-26 01:11:16 AM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That's a grave mistake. The whole experience must've left him with a coffin fit.

Can ya dig it?


You, sir, are my hero.
 
2008-03-26 01:12:38 AM
AppleDane: A casket is heavy. When I helped bury my gramps I was all "Whatever you do, don't drop the coffin! Do NOT drop the coffin!" and the casket just kept getting heavier and heavier...

/made it to the hole


Caskets are really freaking heavy. I was a pallbearer for my grandpa recently along with some of his war buddies. Those guys were really strong, thank god, because if they weren't I probably would have dropped the coffin and gave grandpa a laugh were ever he is.

\my apologies for the run on sentence
 
2008-03-26 01:17:12 AM
I would rather have a dick tip than no dick tip at all.
 
2008-03-26 01:17:18 AM
ScubaDude1960: FTA: "News 4 spoke with Dick Tips, the owner of the cemetery, but..."

Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.


I havn't laughed that hard since I got a call from a customer who gave his name as " last name Hunt, first name Michael. " but at least he tried to cover it up.
 
2008-03-26 01:19:14 AM
I bet "Dick Tips" is just a nickname he picked up at the cemetery.
 
2008-03-26 01:23:52 AM
No fair! He got a head start!
 
2008-03-26 01:23:59 AM
the american dream, swim the river at midnight,dodge the spotlight,Profit.
 
2008-03-26 01:31:38 AM
They must have updated the rule book - I thought Rule #1 was: You do not talk about pallbearing club.
 
2008-03-26 01:44:02 AM
Of course, funeral homes need rules too. I propose: "If you accidentally make the hole too wide, ducttape and astro-turf aren't going to help."
 
2008-03-26 01:46:50 AM
I've carried 5 loved ones to their graves (great grandma, grandma, grandpa, best friend, best friend's mother) and all of the coffins have been ridiculously heavy -- either due to my emotion or poor engineering on the part of the coffin architects.
While walking the coffins, the only thing going through my mind is how incredibly heavy the casket are and that I'm struggling to hold them amongst the other pallbearers -- I can understand the tunnel vision that could have brought this man into a hole.
On a side note -- Watching the honor guard perform a 21 gun salute for a full-bird colonel is a sobering experience - it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you honor guard.
 
2008-03-26 02:26:29 AM
I had to go outside in the middle of reading this article because I was laughing so hard over the name Dick Tips. The headline for this article could have been so much better.

"Someone actually has the name Dick Tips"

"What kind of job would you expect a man with the name Dick Tips to have?"

"Coffin tips, man blames Dick"
 
2008-03-26 02:40:47 AM
Should have left this job up to a pro...

santoagostinho.wunderblogs.com
 
2008-03-26 03:22:23 AM
one of my bigger fears
 
2008-03-26 03:31:23 AM
Dick Tips, I lol'd and lol'd again. I can't stop laughing, and I just told my co-worker, who is now also laughing non-stop.

/Dick Tips
//Lol
 
2008-03-26 03:56:24 AM
Summer funerals are the worst. Not only is there the weight of the coffin as noted, but you're sweating and the damn handle is sliding around in your hand.

They should keep a rosin bag in the hearse for this kind of situation.
 
2008-03-26 04:08:09 AM
theozzone.com
/approves
 
2008-03-26 04:21:44 AM
ScubaDude1960:
FTA: "News 4 spoke with Dick Tips, the owner of the cemetery, but..."

Dick Tips? Dick Tips? Your parents must really hate you to name you Dick Tips.


It's even better: his full name is Robert D. Tips. Rub-her D tits.

He owns the Fairmount Hotel.

He's was in a play where he:
1. Worea cape
www.sacitypages.com

2.Pardoned a goat
www.sacitypages.com

and 3)starred along side Tom Green.
www.sacitypages.com
 
2008-03-26 05:33:43 AM
Could somebody please post the Mad Magazine cartoon of pallbearers carrying a coffin on a sheet of ice? Thanks.
 
2008-03-26 07:42:29 AM
I hope I am never a pallbearer again.

Carrying a casket 50 yards up a hill with the body rattling inside did not sit well with me.

Broktun
 
2008-03-26 07:58:30 AM
Rule #6: Resist the urge to join the 21 gun salute with your new glock 40. Especially if you've just dropped an in-law down the corpse hole.
 
2008-03-26 08:43:46 AM
"Dick Tips, glans to meetcha!"
 
2008-03-26 08:44:07 AM
This should be a classic Fark article. First you have an article about dropping people in huge holes that were intended for stiffs, then you interview someone named Dick Tips.

haha!
 
2008-03-26 09:03:04 AM
You know, I'm buried alive right now, so I'm kind of getting a kick out of some of these posts.
 
2008-03-26 09:15:18 AM
img204.imageshack.us

Unavailable for comment
 
2008-03-26 09:17:54 AM
If you have to die in a freak accident, I think this would be the most convenient one.
 
2008-03-26 10:16:48 AM
That "was" an "interesting article" but something "about it" made me "feel" like it was "suggestive" rather than "factual."
 
2008-03-26 10:24:46 AM
Rule number one of pallbearing, you dont talk about pallbearing.
 
2008-03-26 10:35:05 AM
this happened to a guy when we were pall bearing for AF Base honor guard. For some reason in florida they dig pretty big holes for the caskets and the mock-ups where you place the casket is super high off the ground. Guy fell in and then climbed right back out without missing a beat. Never lost his bearing either. I was right across holding the other corner and had to hold in my laughter. Would have been bad form at this solemn event.
 
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