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(Daily Mail)   Millions of people face being stranded at Mornington Crescent over Easter as British railways decide a holiday weekend is the best time to do major overhauls of its lines   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 127
    More: Asinine  
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2497 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2008 at 9:24 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-03-16 10:35:31 PM
In that case I'm going to pull the Chav Card at Dagenham Heathway. Here I come with my gold chains and £1 cider
 
2008-03-16 10:38:51 PM
Let me just cut to the chase: Mornington Crescent is the Brit equivalent of Calvinball.
 
2008-03-16 10:39:53 PM
TheCharmerUnderMe:

Push.


Oysters open. Word to any novices playing: do try to avoid stations with a Venbacker number indivisible by 3, it makes things complicated when the more experienced players have to make up for these sorts of things.
 
2008-03-16 10:40:36 PM
*Applauds Enthusiastically*
 
2008-03-16 10:46:07 PM
shiat.

No wonder my ancestors didn't want to get ruled by you whankers.
 
2008-03-16 10:47:54 PM
FrancoFile: Let me just cut to the chase: Mornington Crescent is the Brit equivalent of Calvinball.

No. Calvinball is a fictional game consisting of overly complex rules where are generally made up (and ignored) on the spot as needs dictate. Mornington Crescent is a strategy game of wit that has been around for centuries. I'm afraid that the rules would take far too long to summarize in a thread, but a basic understanding of the game can be had by watching a match. In fact, most of the non-tournament players will be happy to allow you to join in and try some maneuvering of your own. If you'd like to join our mini-match here, you're more than welcome. We'll give you a friendly correction if you play out of bounds or try to use any of that claptrap from Smythe-Davis et al. vs. Whackerton Livery Ltd.
 
2008-03-16 10:47:54 PM
We don't play Mornington Crescent in my area. The rules have been dumbed down too much for the Americans. Plus your damn rail systems are a mess. I prefer "Kings Cross". Its like 3rd edition of the original but has improvements on 3rd turn selectors and a slightly more linear approach to the rapid accumulation problem.
 
2008-03-16 10:49:26 PM
kroonermanblack: Er, seriously, what's going on? Are you two just making it up, or is there a movie you're quoting back and forth from?

Dude. It's pretty obvious - it's a word game , based on place names, that they play in Britain. It seems like it's similar to fleem, only they play it backwards.
 
2008-03-16 10:52:04 PM
DarthBrooks: semiotix: I wonder how many people read that and actually got the joke.

Great - give the WHOLE THING AWAY, why don'tcha? Criminy.

(Leeds isn't playable until July, pickle-brain - - "Queensway's too Soon, Leeds after June," remember?).


I meant, I wonder how many people got the joke that fishrag The Daily Mail was making, with their snarky little "TransPennine route" bit. Seriously, a dick joke in a Mornington Crescent game? That's chav-tastic even for them.

As for what I put in spoilertext, I was and am dead serious, mate. Check your calendar--it's a leap year. Oh yes, they have those every four years now.
 
2008-03-16 10:54:22 PM
wtf
 
2008-03-16 10:56:52 PM
renationalisation anyone?
 
2008-03-16 10:57:48 PM
Cheesy Rat: Who the fark cares? It's Britain.

I'm Britain, and so's my wife.
 
2008-03-16 10:58:21 PM
goeniegoegoe: FrancoFile: Let me just cut to the chase: Mornington Crescent is the Brit equivalent of Calvinball.

No. Calvinball is a fictional game consisting of overly complex rules where are generally made up (and ignored) on the spot as needs dictate. Mornington Crescent is a strategy game of wit that has been around for centuries. I'm afraid that the rules would take far too long to summarize in a thread, but a basic understanding of the game can be had by watching a match. In fact, most of the non-tournament players will be happy to allow you to join in and try some maneuvering of your own. If you'd like to join our mini-match here, you're more than welcome. We'll give you a friendly correction if you play out of bounds or try to use any of that claptrap from Smythe-Davis et al. vs. Whackerton Livery Ltd.


So sorry, but you're in a poetry zone. Your post is invalid becase it is not composed in a recognized rhyming or metrical pattern. You lose 1 brazilian points.
 
2008-03-16 10:59:19 PM
Is it possible to cross-link to Monument Station now under the 2007 Hellgate: London convention? Or do I have to defeat the boss in Angel Passage first?
 
2008-03-16 11:07:59 PM
Erbo: Is it possible to cross-link to Monument Station now under the 2007 Hellgate: London convention? Or do I have to defeat the boss in Angel Passage first?

A risky strategy, given how close you'd come to getting lost in Monument and winding up at a circumvent crossover shunt in (shudder) Aldwych.

Let's all say it together: Aldwych is always a dangerous move.

I'll take a semi-lateral commuter ascent to Green Park according to the Edgware Road variant of 1142. It was a favorite of Thomas Becket, according to the Prosser Biformative Treatise.
 
2008-03-16 11:10:07 PM
ENGLISH mofos!!! Speak it.
 
2008-03-16 11:10:29 PM
These are my favorite Fark threads. Someday I'll learn how to play.
 
2008-03-16 11:10:50 PM
As a Yank... may I say... Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

What the hell is going on in here?
 
2008-03-16 11:13:57 PM
sombreradoraloca: Let's all say it together: Aldwych is always a dangerous move.

No kidding. That's the dark level where you have to wear the headlamp to see anything. Hard to spot fellbores in that.
 
2008-03-16 11:16:12 PM
Dispector: As a Yank... may I say... Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

It's a sophisticated game of cunning wit.

Did you notice my +4 Dollis Hill move? That's where the pros (me) seperate themselves from the amateurs (40below).

It's not that hard, and while the Winston-Waal run can be good in the right situation, it's worth noting that once Vauxhall's been played, and the game becomes a parallel points game, that it immediately becomes a liability, and the only real way to avoid it is to pull a Mullington Reverse to Brandonberry, once the shiat has hit the fan.
 
2008-03-16 11:18:57 PM
Dispector: As a Yank... may I say... Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

What the hell is going on in here?


Excuses, excuses. I'm an American and I was the '86 Triples champion. That was the year they played in Belgravia. I can't go into details, but it was quite the fete.
 
2008-03-16 11:21:32 PM
sombreradoraloca: I was the '86 Triples champion

I thought I knew your playing style, are you the one that invented the lateral cross loop?
 
2008-03-16 11:24:12 PM
earthwirm
ENGLISH mofos!!! Speak it.


And AMERICAN mofos speak American.

I fail to see your point.
 
2008-03-16 11:27:35 PM
goeniegoegoe: Did you notice my +4 Dollis Hill move? That's where the pros (me) seperate themselves from the amateurs (40below)

I beat you and your loathesome race in my first move, Dutchie. Look up. Look all the way to the top, where stuff is in green text. That's pure win. Again. If you're lucky, I won't spit on you from the top of the podium.
 
2008-03-16 11:30:58 PM
40below: If you're lucky, I won't spit on you from the top of the podium.

If you didn't already lawyer up after your last attempt at raping the respected IMCS board of directors I suggest you do now. This is a flagrant abuse of the gentleman game that is MC.
 
2008-03-16 11:33:14 PM
sombreradoraloca: Let's all say it together: Aldwych is always a dangerous move.

Right you are. I'm going to take my chances and jump into the Dollis Hill.
 
2008-03-16 11:36:47 PM
Mornington Crescent
 
2008-03-16 11:37:16 PM
mayberebecca: wait, where are we now?

Juylie: Right you are. I'm going to take my chances and jump into the Dollis Hill.

I am sorry ladies, this is a man game. So I will have to ignore your comments and move on to Edgware Road (+2 on Sloane Square).
 
2008-03-16 11:37:35 PM
Juylie: Right you are. I'm going to take my chances and jump into the Dollis Hill.

You poor fool.
 
2008-03-16 11:39:47 PM
deevo: Mornington Crescent

I am sorry, while we do allow liters to participate in these threads, they can not claim MC. (Drewston 54543 para 6.a)
 
2008-03-16 11:43:48 PM
goeniegoegoe: I am sorry ladies, this is a man game. So I will have to ignore your comments and move on to Edgware Road (+2 on Sloane Square)

Apparently you FAILED to read the latest updated pamphlet from the IMCS dated 13.03.08, in which it explicitly banned females EXCEPTING those who were playing while naked, or playing on those days ending in "y". It's in subsection (t) of paragraph 73 in the "Notes" section. Not my fault you can't keep up.

Having said that, Euston Square to Moorgate.
 
2008-03-16 11:46:57 PM
Juylie: Having said that, Euston Square to Moorgate.

I am willing to try to MC with you, although the 13.03.08 document is still under consideration, and I filed several complaints.

That said, Euston Square (+3).
 
2008-03-16 11:49:15 PM
I'll Winchester into Clap Junction with a quick transfer into Vikki, mind the gap [+2.4 play] while swinging by Paddington for some soup, grab an H&C out to Liverpool Street, take any old reroute out to the Bridge, and hop on a FCC to Ely in time for a pint near Oliver's hut.

/I also touch the comprehension pole thus rendering this meaningless to everyone.
//As an aside, I also thought of the game.
 
2008-03-16 11:53:22 PM
goeniegoegoe: I filed several complaints

I know you did, and I filed counter-complaints to your complaints, but seeing as no one has attempted to use the rules of a new guideline before they have been fully considered in the past, there is nothing to say that I cannot abide by those rules--YET. We shall see how they decide.

And seeing as I am a n00b, I will retire and leave you gentlemen to spar amongst yourselves. Now that us wimmins have been granted the rights to vote, and, more recently, the right to leave the kitchen, MC is the last and final frontier for the suffragists.

/often thought of the most effective way to use the Waterloo gambit
//alas, tis for another night
 
2008-03-16 11:56:40 PM
Hmm.. I really should have worked in a semi-lateral shunt in there. Well, I will throw in Rowen's gambit for my next move, as allowing according to the Granlibakken-Hut Convention of 2004, see page 37 of the convention proceedings, sections D4.62-.67 excluding section .65 as per the Benet Street vs Seeley decision of 1995.
 
2008-03-16 11:57:10 PM
goeniegoegoe: sombreradoraloca: I was the '86 Triples champion

I thought I knew your playing style, are you the one that invented the lateral cross loop?


Yes, it's a variation on a tactical strike by Lear. I'm surprised you remember it, you certainly study your Grand Slams. I used it against Bislington in a friendly match in the late '90s, but it's been out of favor ever since Trellis came up with a way to circumvent the cross-exchange to Notting Hill by Bond Street on the F and C.

I'll play Blackhorse Road through open aims.
 
2008-03-17 12:00:10 AM
I am shocked that noone has gone for a Nextian-map approach and used the Grav Tube exit, but then I guess the potential delay due to SO-17 involvement does make it a little risky.
 
2008-03-17 12:01:33 AM
sombreradoraloca: Yes, it's a variation on a tactical strike by Lear.

Excellent, not to brag here but I studied with him during the Oxford MC summer class of '98. Great chap, although he sure liked his Guinness (but alas, everyone has their faults).

I am moving to East Acton (which gives me a +3 on the imminent Parkley/Worthington loop you were trying to achieve).
 
2008-03-17 12:05:05 AM
goeniegoegoe: sombreradoraloca: Yes, it's a variation on a tactical strike by Lear.

Excellent, not to brag here but I studied with him during the Oxford MC summer class of '98. Great chap, although he sure liked his Guinness (but alas, everyone has their faults).

I am moving to East Acton (which gives me a +3 on the imminent Parkley/Worthington loop you were trying to achieve).


Damn, that's cunning. I tip my hat to you. I'll try for a double-shot leap-back to Kensington and call it a night. Good luck--and watch those commuters in the morning. They're liable to get all huffy about the Flyte variations. Lord knows we don't need their fancy trendy ways--rules are rules, for God's sake.
 
2008-03-17 12:06:49 AM
sombreradoraloca: I tip my hat to you.

Indeed kind sir, a tip of the hat to you too.

Once we get amateurs (like 40below) away from this game it might get quite enjoyable again indeed.
 
2008-03-17 12:07:56 AM
You know, I know nobody actually likes to invoke the Montserrat-Barbados clause from the house rules from the 2003 All-Caribbean tournament in Trinidad. I understand that. It's perfectly legal, though, so you can all go kiss my ass when I play Heathrow Terminal 4.
 
2008-03-17 12:14:41 AM
haikupoet: the Montserrat-Barbados clause

Wow, I can't believe you went there. Lets keep this a friendly game, there's absolutely no need to mention the Trinidad tournament here!!
 
2008-03-17 12:16:38 AM
(Cut to an upper-class drawing room. An elderly man lies dead on the floor. Enter Jasmina and John.)
Jasmina: Anyway, John, you can catch the 11.30 from Hornchurch and be in Basingstoke by one o'clock, oh, and there's a buffet car and... (sees corpse) oh! Daddy!

John: My hat! Sir Horace!

Jasmina: (not daring to look) Has he been...

John: Yes - after breakfast. But that doesn't matter now... he's dead.

Jasmina: Oh! Poor daddy...

John: Looks like I shan't be catching the 11.30 now.

Jasmina: Oh no, John, you mustn't miss your train.

John: How could I think of catching a train when I should be here helping you?

Jasmina: Oh, John, thank you... anyway you could always catch the 9.30 tomorrow - it goes via Caterham and Chipstead.

John: Or the 9.45's even better.

Jasmina: Oh, but you'd have to change at Lambs Green.

John: Yes, but there's only a seven-minute wait now.

Jasmina: Oh, yes, of course, I'd forgotten it was Friday. Oh, who could have done this.

(Enter Lady Partridge.)

Lady Partridge: Oh, do hurry Sir Horace, your train leaves in twenty-eight minutes, and if you miss the 10.15 you won't catch the 3.45 which means ... oh!

John: I'm afraid Sir Horace won't be catching the 10.15, Lady Partridge.

Lady Partridge: Has he been... ?

Jasmina: Yes - after breakfast.

John: Lady Partridge, I'm afraid you can cancel his seat reservation.

Lady Partridge: Oh, and it was back to the engine - fourth coach along so that he could see the gradient signs outside Swanborough.

John: Not any more Lady Partridge... the line's been closed.

Lady Partridge: Closed! Not Swanborough!

John: I'm afraid so.

(Enter Inspector Davis.)

Inspector: All right, nobody move. I'm Inspector Davis of Scotland Yard.

John: My word, you were here quickly, inspector.

Inspector: Yeah, I got the 8.55 Pullman Express from King's Cross and missed that bit around Hornchurch.

Lady Partridge: It's a very good train.

All: Excellent, very good, delightful.

(Tony runs in through the french windows. He wears white flannels and boater and is jolly upper-class.)

Tony: Hello everyone.

All: Tony!

Tony: Where's daddy? (seeing him) Oh golly! Has he been... ?

John and Jasmina: Yes, after breakfast.

Tony: Then ... he won't be needing his reservation on the 10.15.

John: Exactly.

Tony: And I suppose as his eldest son it must go to me.

Inspector: Just a minute, Tony There's a small matter of... murder.

Tony: Oh, but surely he simply shot himself and then hid the gun.

Lady Partridge: How could anyone shoot himself and then hide the gun without first canceling his reservation.

Tony: Ha, ha! Well, I must dash or I'll be late for the 10.15.

Inspector: I suggest yOu murdered your father for his seat reservation.

Tony: I may have had the motive, inspector, but I could not have done it, for I have only just arrived from Gillingham on the 8.13 and here's my restaurant car ticket to prove it.

Jasmina: The 8. 13 from Gillingham doesn't have a restaurant car.

John: It's a standing buffet only.

Tony: Oh, er... did I say the 8.13, I meant the 7.58 stopping train.

Lady Partridge: But the 7.58 stopping train arrived at Swindon at 8.19 owing to annual point maintenance at Wisborough Junction.

John: So how did you make the connection with the 8. I3 which left six minutes earlier?

Tony: Oh, er, simple! I caught the 7.16 Football Special arriving at Swindon at 8.09.

Jasmina: But the 7.16 Football Special only stops at Swindon on alternate Saturdays.

Lady Partridge: Yes, surely you mean the Holidaymaker Special.

Tony: Oh, yes! How daft of me. Of course I came on the Holidaymaker Special calling at Bedford, Colmworth, Fen Dinon, Sutton, Wallington and Gillingham.

Inspector:' That's Sundays only!

Tony: Damn. All right, I confess I did it. I killed him for his reservation, but you won't take me alive! I'm going to throw myself under the 10.12 from Reading.

John: Don't be a fool, Tony, don't do it, the 10.12 has the new narrow traction bogies, you wouldn't stand a chance.

Tony: Exactly.

/Sketch
 
2008-03-17 12:17:23 AM
You know, I know nobody actually likes to invoke the Montserrat-Barbados clause from the house rules from the 2003 All-Caribbean tournament in Trinidad. I understand that. It's perfectly legal, though, so you can all go kiss my ass when I play Heathrow Terminal 4.

Although it is a legal move, I counter with the Brooks-Jean Variant on those rules, invoking the Blair-Jetpack delay, requiring a reroute to Luton, which is exempted in this case from the disqualification due to being too distant.

/thats right, I broke out the Brooks-Jean Variant.
 
2008-03-17 12:24:32 AM
Why are we even acknowledging the Dutch here? They play some variant Zuder Zee variant that no one in the First or Second World acknowledges.
 
2008-03-17 12:24:57 AM
goeniegoegoe: haikupoet: the Montserrat-Barbados clause

Wow, I can't believe you went there. Lets keep this a friendly game, there's absolutely no need to mention the Trinidad tournament here!!


What, you'd rather I invoke the Drunken Irish-American Urban Redneck clause and play Andrew Square? Last I checked the MBTA Braintree branch is specifically forbidden under those circumstances. And you know what happens there -- the Nelson-Meldrew clause is triggered and it's time to dig out a Paris Metro map from the 1970s... believe me, I just saved you a whole hell of a lot of trouble.
 
2008-03-17 12:26:08 AM
I'm taking the Arthur Dent bypass to Fenchurch Street Station.
 
2008-03-17 12:30:27 AM
Given the mention of MBTA and the Paris Metro, I invoke the Fforde Clause of the PBR Meeting Rules, the next three plays must involve the SFMuni system, taking note that Hybrid routes are subject to flip-switch delays and the 22-Filmore/38-Geary Connection is subject to a -4score due to futility.

/Don't make me demand the use of the NEB/AatII option.
 
2008-03-17 12:39:43 AM
Alured Popple: Given the mention of MBTA and the Paris Metro, I invoke the Fforde Clause of the PBR Meeting Rules, the next three plays must involve the SFMuni system, taking note that Hybrid routes are subject to flip-switch delays and the 22-Filmore/38-Geary Connection is subject to a -4score due to futility.

/Don't make me demand the use of the NEB/AatII option.


Hey, you were the one who invoked Brooks-Jean. If you want to go play with cable cars... well, it's your funeral. I've never seen anyone invoke the Fforde Clause and actually win -- I mean, let's be honest -- first one into the BART gauntlet is almost always the last one out.
 
gcc
2008-03-17 12:44:23 AM
Its a bypass! You've got to build bypasses!
 
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