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(The Chattanoogan)   In response to Georgia's attempted land grab across their shared border, the Mayor of Chattanooga responds by sending them much-needed water. Fark: A single truckload of water. Bonus: pens the best proclamation in city history   ( chattanoogan.com) divider line
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37361 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2008 at 2:54 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-02-26 11:37:43 AM  
Oh snap!
 
2008-02-26 11:44:09 AM  
Just a few more of those to make up for the last 150+ years and we will be good.
 
2008-02-26 11:47:23 AM  
ROCLAMATION

WHEREAS, it has come to pass that the heavens are shut up and a drought of Biblical proportions has been visited upon the Southern United States, and

WHEREAS, the parched and dry conditions have weighed heavily upon the State of Georgia and sorely afflicted those who inhabit the Great City of Atlanta, and

WHEREAS, the leaders of Georgia have assembled like the Children of Israel in the desert, grumbled among themselves and have begun to cast longing eyes toward the north, coveting their neighbor's assets, and


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

What the fark is wrong with you Southerners? My husband wants to move back home to Alabama or Tennessee. The more I read about that shiat down there the less I want my kids to admit to anyone they are from the South.
 
2008-02-26 11:57:38 AM  
Gwendolyn: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

What the fark is wrong with you Southerners? My husband wants to move back home to Alabama or Tennessee. The more I read about that shiat down there the less I want my kids to admit to anyone they are from the South.


Did you read the whole thing? It's pretty funny. "Whereas, it is feared that if today they come for our river, tomorrow they might come for our Jack Daniels or George Dickel..."
 
2008-02-26 12:00:45 PM  
Gwendolyn: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

TFA: NOW THEREFORE, In the interest of brotherly love, peace, friendship, mutual prosperity, citywide self promotion, political grandstanding and all that

I liked that clause best.
 
2008-02-26 12:08:02 PM  
I stay out of Northern Georgia on account of the Squidbillies.
 
2008-02-26 12:16:40 PM  
Georgia wouldn't have as much of a problem with water if Coca-Cola wasn't sucking up their precious resource. For 2004 Coke's total worldwide water usage was close to 75 billion gallons of water with 63% of that water disposed of as waste water due to cleaning of bottles and machinery. Source: Link (new window) Seems like they could work on that loss ratio somewhat by reclaiming and filtering that!
 
2008-02-26 12:21:22 PM  
Ok To clarify, I was laughing at the resolution, and then the second part of my post is directed at the ass hats in Georgia who think the answer to their water needs it to try and annex a river instead of actually curbing growth to a reasonable and manageable pace or adopting strict conservation measures.
 
2008-02-26 12:24:10 PM  
ceruleanblu: Georgia wouldn't have as much of a problem with water if Coca-Cola wasn't sucking up their precious resource. For 2004 Coke's total worldwide water usage was close to 75 billion gallons of water with 63% of that water disposed of as waste water due to cleaning of bottles and machinery. Source: Link (new window) Seems like they could work on that loss ratio somewhat by reclaiming and filtering that!

I've been saying this for some time.. but.. when you really look at it.. how much of that water really came from Georgia anyway. It is worldwide water use that the article speaks of. Still.. even if 1% of that were in Georgia...it would make a dramatic difference.
 
2008-02-26 12:35:43 PM  
ManRay: Just a few more of those to make up for the last 150+ years and we will be good.

I dunno, managing your growth so that you didn't create a crisis in fixed resources probably would have done some good too.
 
2008-02-26 12:39:17 PM  
matt23983

I've been saying this for some time.. but.. when you really look at it.. how much of that water really came from Georgia anyway. It is worldwide water use that the article speaks of. Still.. even if 1% of that were in Georgia...it would make a dramatic difference.


Agreed. I did look but simply couldn't find info for Georgia specifically.
 
2008-02-26 12:39:24 PM  
Or, Georgia could maybe improve their water usage habits. They start grabbing water from the Tennessee, and Northern Alabama suffers as well since our water source is the Tennessee as well. Not to mention the fact that the Tennessee supplies power through hydroelectricity and water for nuke plants, both of which would be reduced by Georgia stealing water.
 
2008-02-26 01:06:19 PM  
Nabb1: Did you read the whole thing? It's pretty funny. "Whereas, it is feared that if today they come for our river, tomorrow they might come for our Jack Daniels or George Dickel..."

Holy hell.. it actually says that!! ahahaha awesome
 
2008-02-26 01:14:52 PM  
Dr.Knockboots: Holy hell.. it actually says that!! ahahaha awesome

Hehe, if Georgia cuts of my supply of Dickel, they'll be hell to pay.
 
2008-02-26 01:15:54 PM  
Nabb1: Gwendolyn: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

What the fark is wrong with you Southerners? My husband wants to move back home to Alabama or Tennessee. The more I read about that shiat down there the less I want my kids to admit to anyone they are from the South.

Did you read the whole thing? It's pretty funny. "Whereas, it is feared that if today they come for our river, tomorrow they might come for our Jack Daniels or George Dickel..."


Unlike Southerners, Northerners have absolutely no sense of humor about themselves.
 
2008-02-26 01:22:47 PM  
GAT_00: Or, Georgia could maybe improve their water usage habits.

The water is not for us, it's for the mussels downstream in Florida.
 
2008-02-26 01:34:10 PM  
FLMountainMan: Unlike Southerners, Northerners have absolutely no sense of humor about themselves.

Have you seen the North? For the most part it's a wasteland shiathole. The people are assholes and it matters more what you do for a living, rather than who you are. This is a way for northerners to make their horrible existence more bearable.
 
2008-02-26 01:35:27 PM  
KellyLockhart: Oh snap!

I'll see your "oh snap" and raise you a

i51.photobucket.com

Truly funny. ;)
 
2008-02-26 01:59:29 PM  
When will those stupid hillbillies learn to wear their stillsuits instead of selling them for meth? It's bad enough that Baron Harkonnen is mismanaging the water supplies in the first place, but jeez people, show some responsibility.
 
2008-02-26 02:03:33 PM  
Cagey B: When will those stupid hillbillies learn to wear their stillsuits instead of selling them for meth? It's bad enough that Baron Harkonnen is mismanaging the water supplies in the first place, but jeez people, show some responsibility.

Yeah....a Californian lecturing others on "water responsibility".
 
2008-02-26 02:37:44 PM  
The entire proclamation is 100% comedy gold!

PROCLAMATION

WHEREAS, it has come to pass that the heavens are shut up and a drought of Biblical proportions has been visited upon the Southern United States, and

WHEREAS, the parched and dry conditions have weighed heavily upon the State of Georgia and sorely afflicted those who inhabit the Great City of Atlanta, and

WHEREAS, the leaders of Georgia have assembled like the Children of Israel in the desert, grumbled among themselves and have begun to cast longing eyes toward the north, coveting their neighbor's assets, and

WHEREAS, the lack of water has led some misguided souls to seek more potent refreshment or for other reasons has resulted in irrational and outrageous actions seeking to move a long established and peaceful boundary, and

WHEREAS, it is deemed better to light a candle than curse the darkness, and better to offer a cool, wet kiss of friendship rather than face a hot and angry legislator gone mad from thirst, and

Whereas, it is feared that if today they come for our river, tomorrow they might come for our Jack Daniels or George Dickel,

NOW THEREFORE, In the interest of brotherly love, peace, friendship, mutual prosperity, citywide self promotion, political grandstanding and all that

I Ron Littlefield, Mayor of the City of Chattanooga, Tennessee, Do hereby Proclaim that Wednesday, February 27, 2008 shall be known as "Give Our Georgia Friends a Drink Day"
 
2008-02-26 02:57:16 PM  
Georgia, stop issuing building permits if you can't supply the folks moving in with water. That's one of the great benefits of being about to control the contructoin of new housing!
 
2008-02-26 02:57:23 PM  
amazing_live_seamonkeys: FLMountainMan: Unlike Southerners, Northerners have absolutely no sense of humor about themselves.

Have you seen the North? For the most part it's a wasteland shiathole. The people are assholes and it matters more what you do for a living, rather than who you are. This is a way for northerners to make their horrible existence more bearable.


You're both totally wrong and stupid. The West is the Best! That rhymes and you know it does. Admit it!
 
2008-02-26 02:58:15 PM  
I came to this thread for pictures of hot girls from God-forsaken small towns.

Deliver.

That's all.
 
2008-02-26 02:58:18 PM  
Gwendolyn

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

What the fark is wrong with you Southerners?


When did having a sense of humour become a defect?
 
2008-02-26 02:58:54 PM  
This man should be reelected in perpetuity.
 
2008-02-26 02:59:57 PM  
ceruleanblu: Georgia wouldn't have as much of a problem with water if Coca-Cola wasn't sucking up their precious resource. For 2004 Coke's total worldwide water usage was close to 75 billion gallons of water with 63% of that water disposed of as waste water due to cleaning of bottles and machinery. Source: Link (new window) Seems like they could work on that loss ratio somewhat by reclaiming and filtering that!

I didn't know that Coke bottled everything in Atlanta and then shipped it all over the world. How cost effective! How efficient! How profitable!
 
2008-02-26 03:01:03 PM  
FLMountainMan: Cagey B: When will those stupid hillbillies learn to wear their stillsuits instead of selling them for meth? It's bad enough that Baron Harkonnen is mismanaging the water supplies in the first place, but jeez people, show some responsibility.

Yeah....a Californian lecturing others on "water responsibility".


And ka-zing.

My favorite quote ever will forever be "There's more intelligence in Boston than there is in everything below the Mason-Dixie line combined."

/guy was as much of an asshole as he sounds
//he was also a narcissist
///keep the sense of humor strong, y'all
 
2008-02-26 03:01:32 PM  
Pre-emptive water war. You are either with Atlanta or against Atlanta.
 
2008-02-26 03:02:08 PM  
www.blockbuster.co.uk
"Your water. Give it to us."
 
2008-02-26 03:02:42 PM  
GAT_00: Or, Georgia could maybe improve their water usage habits.

It sounds like they're doing everything BUT water conservation. But then again it's a Republican state, so conservation and thinking ahead go out the window.
 
2008-02-26 03:03:39 PM  
Georgia wouldn't have as much of a problem with water if Coca-Cola wasn't sucking up their precious resource. For 2004 Coke's total worldwide water usage was close to 75 billion gallons of water with 63% of that water disposed of as waste water due to cleaning of bottles and machinery. Source: Link (new window) Seems like they could work on that loss ratio somewhat by reclaiming and filtering that!

Coca-Cola operates a worldwide independent bottling and distribution network. That means that the coke you have in your fridge was probably bottled in your state. They produce syrups and powders that licensed bottlers use to mix coca-cola, carbonate and bottle it. They have several plants worldwide that they own that produce the syrups. There are probably more Coke owned syrup production facilities in New York, than Georgia, and there are certainly more bottling operations in bigger states.

Just because Coke's HQ is in Atlanta, and it was founded there, doesn't mean that GA produces more coca-cola than any other state.

/Dad worked for coke for a long time. Been to many bottling plants, in many states.
 
2008-02-26 03:03:40 PM  
moops: GAT_00: Or, Georgia could maybe improve their water usage habits.

It sounds like they're doing everything BUT water conservation. But then again it's a Republican state, so conservation and thinking ahead go out the window.


Nice troll! 4/5
 
2008-02-26 03:03:46 PM  
That proclamation is nine kinds of awesome.
 
2008-02-26 03:04:31 PM  
ManRay: GAT_00: Or, Georgia could maybe improve their water usage habits.

The water is not for us, it's for the mussels downstream in Florida.


Iffn ya use all that there water for the mussels, ye'll have none leftover fer the brains.

/explains a lot about Florida.
 
2008-02-26 03:04:36 PM  
[The Proclamation]

Did you stay up all night writing that?

/Nah, I got to bed around 1, 1:30.
 
2008-02-26 03:05:06 PM  
Facetious_Speciest: Gwendolyn

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

What the fark is wrong with you Southerners?

When did having a sense of humour become a defect?


THIS.
/You Yanks gotta quit sniffin your own farts. They don't smell that great.
//srsly
 
2008-02-26 03:05:32 PM  
moops: It sounds like they're doing everything BUT water conservation. But then again it's a Republican state, so conservation and thinking ahead go out the window.

No the drought is caused by homosexuals. That needs to be offset by the prayers of good, God-fearing Christians. If there's no water it just means you're not praying hard enough. And you masturbate too much.
 
2008-02-26 03:05:44 PM  
What's the downside to the entire South becoming a desert wasteland?

Oh yeah, they'll move to the North.
 
2008-02-26 03:06:04 PM  
Like such as South Carolina and the Iraq like such as?
 
2008-02-26 03:06:05 PM  
FLMountainMan: When will those stupid hillbillies learn to wear their stillsuits instead of selling them for meth? It's bad enough that Baron Harkonnen is mismanaging the water supplies in the first place, but jeez people, show some responsibility.

Yeah....a Californian lecturing others on "water responsibility".


Somebody has never read Dune.
 
2008-02-26 03:06:37 PM  
I hope this becomes some kind of quirky tradition in the future. Every year Chattanooga sends Georgia a truck load of water, even after the drought lifts, and the news outlets will run "made for Fark" articles about the origin of the tradition. And we'll all get to tell our crotchfruit how we remember the beginning of it all. Sweet.
 
2008-02-26 03:06:51 PM  
DrForrester: What's the downside to the entire South becoming a desert wasteland?

Oh yeah, they'll move to the North.


Strange, to me it seems every Northerner I know cant wait to retire, move to the South then complain about it.
 
2008-02-26 03:07:08 PM  
amazing_live_seamonkeys: FLMountainMan: Unlike Southerners, Northerners have absolutely no sense of humor about themselves.

Have you seen the North? For the most part it's a wasteland shiathole. The people are assholes and it matters more what you do for a living, rather than who you are. This is a way for northerners to make their horrible existence more bearable.


I've lived in both, and they're both fine. As for wastelands, I couldn't believe a "Tennessee barn" was considered something worth advertising in the real estate market there.
 
2008-02-26 03:07:16 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Atlanta will have plenty of water soon enough.
 
2008-02-26 03:07:19 PM  
Cagey B: When will those stupid hillbillies learn to wear their stillsuits instead of selling them for meth? It's bad enough that Baron Harkonnen is mismanaging the water supplies in the first place, but jeez people, show some responsibility.

Lighten up, Francis, I'm just funnin' ya.

Also, I'm a Northern Californian. I live where the water is :)
 
2008-02-26 03:07:25 PM  
Oh Johnny Reb! What will you do next!?
 
2008-02-26 03:08:15 PM  
Ooops. Fail on my part. That last post was meant to quote FLMountainMan.
 
2008-02-26 03:09:12 PM  
amazing_live_seamonkeys
Have you seen the North? For the most part it's a wasteland shiathole. The people are assholes and it matters more what you do for a living, rather than who you are. This is a way for northerners to make their horrible existence more bearable.

As someone who grew up nine miles from Canada in northern MN I am getting a kick out of your reply.

Our horrible existence included clean skies, clean and plentiful water, peaceful Canadians across the border, and zero hurricanes per year on average.

Plus the Union never had to send the army here...
 
2008-02-26 03:09:46 PM  
Not enough water in the drought. Keep groeing and there won't be enough water in a wet season. GROWTH.
 
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