You could piss the bed every night until she gets the hint and moves out.

Another Pretentious Nickname: Mushrooms in the soup? An absolutely legitimate reason to end a relationship. Mushrooms are the carrion-birds of the vegetable realm. Eaters of the dead. Repulsive.

If you weren't from Ohio I would swear you were my friend Brian. Word for word, I could imagine this anti-fungus tirade spewing forth from his mouth; it's exactly his sort of tone and word choice as well. Amazing.

/You picky eaters are funny. I love fungus, myself.
//Well, some of it.

mjk42:

If that doesn't work: "MY sister your brother your son is tighter."


FTFY

THE MUSHROOOMSSSSS!!!!! He has mushrooms...WTF

I just figured out who wrote this article!



The penguin always faced due North!

tweekster: Zombie Hitler: Wait, colors outside of red and white should be seperated? Really?

I keep my darks and white separated, otherwise the whites come out all torn up.

Yeah, I separate the hell out of whites, but I never knew the other colors should be separated as well. Feel like a bit of a fool here.

But, what does Uma.com have to say about it?

Oprah . . .
Uma.
Uma . . .
Oprah.

Wait, so if you don't like her dog you are narcissistic?

/You picky eaters are funny. I love fungus, myself.

I like to enjoy a fungi myself.

Zombie Hitler: tweekster: Zombie Hitler: Wait, colors outside of red and white should be seperated? Really?

I keep my darks and white separated, otherwise the whites come out all torn up.

Yeah, I separate the hell out of whites, but I never knew the other colors should be separated as well. Feel like a bit of a fool here.

I was hoping for a that's racist kid reply but oh well.
I pretty much have 2 piles, darks and lighter colors. Occasionally i have to do reds but those are so rare. None of the colors have mixed or caused problems.

jgilb: gbiewer: My favorite sterotype - that all artists, carpenters, & racers are needy and will move in with you and take your money like a sponge.

Nice.


Not all, but many choose their jobs based on a innate laziness or the opportunity to avoid being an responsible adult.

Wow. Really? I mean, I can understand if you think artists are lazy & just don't want real jobs (you're completely wrong, but I'm aware of the prejudice), but carpenters? You agree that carpenters are lazy asses avoiding adult responsibilities? Go work for Oprah.

How confused you are six months later when you've realized his pager goes off every time you get naked, but he's still sending you roses and talking teddy bears.

Why the Fark would you bring a pager to bed with you??? And where would you hang/keep it? That alone would make me think that she's nutz.

I keep my darks and white separated, otherwise the whites come out all torn up.

Cue the "that's racist" kid.

What I don't understand is how Oprah got so popular in the first place...

Oh right, women (or gay men, I guess) not wanting to think for themselves

I'd just tell a girl that i wanted to do a three-way with me her mom...

and her dad.

And that i want her to video tape it.


/i dont know what i'd do if she said yes

overlord_mike: I'd just tell a girl that i wanted to do a three-way with me her mom...

and her dad.

And that i want her to video tape it.


/i dont know what i'd do if she said yes

You would say "The Aristocats"

This article would be insulting if it weren't so funny. In the real, non-Oprah world, some men and women do NOT want sex on the first date. Some people feel sex is a serious, very personal act and want to wait until marriage (or at least there is an engagement). In this day and age people who feel that was are probably in the minority but they do exist.

/Don't EVEN get me started on single women with kids.....

There is a word for people like Oprah.

coont.

lukelightning: I like to enjoy a fungi myself.

Exactly. Yummy.

Lee451: This article would be insulting if it weren't so funny. In the real, non-Oprah world, some men and women do NOT want sex on the first date. Some people feel sex is a serious, very personal act and want to wait until marriage (or at least there is an engagement). In this day and age people who feel that was are probably in the minority but they do exist.

/Don't EVEN get me started on single women with kids.....

shut your mouth.

overlord_mike 2008-02-25 01:57:02 PM
I'd just tell a girl that i wanted to do a three-way with me her mom...

and her dad.

And that i want her to video tape it.


/i dont know what i'd do if she said yes

Sounds like you should go get yourself some vasaline, duct tape, paper bags and some whiskey. Just think of England and do it for the queen.(in you)

skepchick: Wow, to think I just posted about a stupidly sexist quiz from those geniuses at Oprah: How to be More Manly. But, yeah, this might take the cake.

Sorry, but I'm going to have to go C again: Tell him to cut it the hell out. Later, we can talk about what annoyed me and why he should not be such a dick in the future.

You're an idiot.

Why the Fark would you bring a pager to bed with you?

And who the heck still has a pager?

/aside from Dennis the Beeper King.

GoodyearPimp: If that doesn't work: "MY sister your brother is Your DEAD grandad thinks I'm tighter."

FTFY

Harmania: jgilb: gbiewer: My favorite sterotype - that all artists, carpenters, & racers are needy and will move in with you and take your money like a sponge.

Nice.


Not all, but many choose their jobs based on a innate laziness or the opportunity to avoid being an responsible adult.

Wow. Really? I mean, I can understand if you think artists are lazy & just don't want real jobs (you're completely wrong, but I'm aware of the prejudice), but carpenters? You agree that carpenters are lazy asses avoiding adult responsibilities? Go work for Oprah.

Yeah, there was this one carpenter that was so lazy he learned how to walk on water just so he could avoid having to build a boat. I mean, it's not like he wasn't a carpenter and didn't already have a bunch of wood and nails..

And then the dude uses some magic trick to turn a spare loaf of bread into fish, just because he was too damn lazy to go fishing. I mean, how lazy to you have to be to avoid FISHING?

flying_dropkicker: Gwendolyn: flying_dropkicker: In other words, give her everything she wants when she wants it, and don't ever criticize anything she does or even thinks of doing.

Here's another one of my secretes to a happy marriage. Pick your battles. Do you really need to tell them it's a stupid idea to try and make their own bookshelf instead of just buying one at Lowes? Do you really give a shiat if they don't separate colors before doing the laundry. As long as nothing shrinks what does it matter long as it gets done.

Are you saying that colors are supposed to be separated? Psssh. Everything at once, cold water, no problems.

I agree. Wash everything in cold water and you don't need to separate. The only separating I do is when I'm really low on time and..say underwear or socks maybe. Then I separate out my underwear and just washing that. My girlfriend, however, will separate just about everything, and it takes five loads to do what I would in two.

But like mentioned above, pick your battles. We've agreed that I was dishes and she does the laundry. Fine by me. It isn't my time she's wasting by sorting everything out.



Also, as far as the dog thing goes. Yes ladies, we don't want the dog on the bed. Why? Because your dog is either so big that it takes up too much room for us to sleep comfortably, or it's so small that we're afraid we're going to crush it in our sleep.

Dirtybird971: How confused you are six months later when you've realized his pager goes off every time you get naked, but he's still sending you roses and talking teddy bears.

Why the Fark would you bring a pager to bed with you??? And where would you hang/keep it? That alone would make me think that she's nutz.

Yeah really; if i got a hot naked women in front of me there are only 3 reasons that i wouldn't have sex with her:

1. The house is on fire (not fark today so i can live to fark another day)

2. she has bad hygiene (or as i call it stinky fish syndrome)

3. she has a penis

i think that dude is gay and in denial.

I don't know why you guys are getting so worked up over these. I think a lot of them are just supposed to be tongue in cheek humor.

The Guy Who Had the Happiest Childhood This Side of the Beav
His mother was perfect; his father never smoked or drank or cheated. He hates the way his friends blame their parents for everything, when he and his seven brothers and sisters had love pouring down on them from the moment they woke in the morning until they went to bed.

However refreshing this might sound the first time you hear it, listen carefully for a voice that is trying to convince itself, listen for the creak and crack of a personal mythology in the throes of shattering. When it comes crashing to the ground, it's going to make a very big noise, and most likely your relationship will come crashing down with it.

I read this, read it again, and I still have no idea what this means.

Everyone is screwed up, therefore if a guy suggests that he led a relatively normal childhood, run away?

If this passes for honest and sincere advice today, I'm stewing up a huge turd that should win me the Pulitzer and the Nobel in self-help.

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the logistics, Wettner, but I'll go ahead and say that I hit rock bottom and you started digging.

Oprah makes money by propagating that women shouldn't think for themselves. She knows that women are driven a lot by emotion and exploits this characteristic to the fullest extend.

6. The Technically Still Married and oh, these aren't my sister's kids, like I said, these are mine. And by "separated" I mean my husband is serving 5 to 12 for assault and battery.

RockyMtnMan: You know what, I would like to add something that grates on my nerves.

Young mothers (those under 30), you messed up and got pregnant/married a loser. I don't know many guys (more like none) that want to take care of another guys child. If you feel you need to play the field, at least warn us on the first date.

To clarify: Most single women over 30 have a child, or at least a man will assume that by default.

Turnabout here...

Young men (those under 30), you messed up and knocked up your high school/college girlfriend(s). I don't know many women (more like none) that want to have to deal with your babys momma and be a weekend parent if they don't have any kids of their own yet. If you feel you need to play the field, at least warn us on the first date.

To further clarify: Most single MEN over 30 have child support payments and exes to deal with, or at least a woman assumes that by default

eeedlef: I wasn't gonna comment on that one, but yea, you're absolutely right. I actually had a great childhood: good parents, lived in an ok middle-class neighbourhood, had to earn my way, but never worried about where we'd live, or if I'd go hungry, parents taught me lots, went to hockey games and played sports with my father, watched movies and chatted with my mother, etc. I still get along with my parents great to this day.

Does this mean I'm a horrible person and my wife should divorce me, then?

kar98 wrote

2. The Changer: Claims to love you for what you are, but already has plans to change you all over. Wants you to trade your imported sports coupe for a minivan. Mutters about hair cuts or letting same grow.

A woman hopes that he will change, while a man hopes that she will not. Both are doomed to be disappointed.

drunkennewfiemidget: There is a word for people like Oprah.

coont.

That's what I like to call her.

tweekster: Zombie Hitler: Wait, colors outside of red and white should be seperated? Really?

I keep my darks and white separated, otherwise the whites come out all torn up.

Whoa, I feel horrible for laughing so damn hard at that. Very nice.

Yeah really; if i got a hot naked women in front of me there are only 3 reasons that i wouldn't have sex with her:

1. The house is on fire (not fark today so i can live to fark another day)

2. she has bad hygiene (or as i call it stinky fish syndrome)

3. she has a penis

i think that dude is gay and in denial.


1. How close is the fire? I mean, if the kitchen is on fire and I'm in the bedroom, I got a couple minutes at least.

2. How bad is it? Is it bad enough to not get blown by her?

3. If "she" is smoking hot, I might make an exception.

Andulamb: Good thing she threw in well-adjusted men there at the end so there'd be absolutely no question that all men suck.

THIS.

gorgor: Advice for Oprah.
NSFW (new window)

Wow... do not want

flyinghouse99: I don't know why you guys are getting so worked up over these. I think a lot of them are just supposed to be tongue in cheek humor.

*clicks for profile*

yup. a woman.

overlord_mike 2008-02-25 02:02:21 PM
Dirtybird971: How confused you are six months later when you've realized his pager goes off every time you get naked, but he's still sending you roses and talking teddy bears.

Why the Fark would you bring a pager to bed with you??? And where would you hang/keep it? That alone would make me think that she's nutz.

Yeah really; if i got a hot naked women in front of me there are only 3 reasons that i wouldn't have sex with her:

1. The house is on fire (not fark today so i can live to fark another day)

2. she has bad hygiene (or as i call it stinky fish syndrome)

3. she has a penis

i think that dude is gay and in denial.

Awwww...poor overlord mike, is someone a little cranky today?? I didn't mean that you have a Queen in you. But if you were offended it stands to reason that you aren't sure. Trust me, I am not gay. (and I don't really think anyone named "overlord" is either. Now "Underlord" is a different story.)

Alright folks, I now feel the need to write the man's equivalent to this article:

So you meet a great new girl. Everything might seem like it's going well, but if she exhibits any of the below traits, you may want to get out before it gets really ugly.

1: She has, or is believed to have a vagina.

The end.

fark that article is mindnumbingly stupid on so many levels.

Acharne: Oprah is to women what Maxim is to men... a collection of evolving negative, asinine and projected stereotypes about men.

Oprah, go Fark yourself, sincerely, Acharne.

So freakin' agree.

unclebobscircus
gorgor: Advice for Oprah.
NSFW (new window)

Wow... do not want

Fat chicks give the best head because they're hungry.

drunkennewfiemidget: Alright folks, I now feel the need to write the man's equivalent to this article:

So you meet a great new girl. Everything might seem like it's going well, but if she exhibits any of the below traits, you may want to get out before it gets really ugly.

1: She has, or is believed to have a vagina.

The end.

fark that article is mindnumbingly stupid on so many levels.

If it were not for point 1 I would have no reason to talk to women.

Okay... so who the fark is left?

Especially with #10, stay away from the ones that grew up in a loving and supportive family?

Oprah, you're an idiot, so is your entire staff.

drunkennewfiemidget: Alright folks, I now feel the need to write the man's equivalent to this article:

So you meet a great new girl. Everything might seem like it's going well, but if she exhibits any of the below traits, you may want to get out before it gets really ugly.

1: She has, or is believed to have a vagina.

The end.

fark that article is mindnumbingly stupid on so many levels.

Um...I don't know about you, but to me that is one of their few redeeming qualities

Dirtybird971:

Awwww...poor overlord mike, is someone a little cranky today?? I didn't mean that you have a Queen in you. But if you were offended it stands to reason that you aren't sure. Trust me, I am not gay. (and I don't really think anyone named "overlord" is either. Now "Underlord" is a different story.)

HUH?

i was making a joke, albeit a kinda lame one.

Oprah Winfrey...Negro Woman from the South.