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(UPI)   Jessica Simpson film No. 1 at the box office last weekend. No, really it was. Okay, so it was the Ukraine, but when else will that headline ever work?   (upi.com) divider line 58
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6379 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2008 at 5:08 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-02-20 11:20:53 PM
It'll work when she does a hardcore lesbo film with cameos from Scarlett, Portman, and *insert your favorite here*
 
2008-02-20 11:28:31 PM
My first thought was of 3 guys in heavy coats sitting on tin chairs in front of a small canvas screen saying "This is what we traded 6 boxes of needles and 2 boxes of bandaids for?"
 
2008-02-20 11:45:54 PM
In Soviet Ukraine, movie watches you!
 
2008-02-21 12:12:47 AM
Heroic Poser: My first thought was of 3 guys in heavy coats sitting on tin chairs in front of a small canvas screen saying "This is what we traded 6 boxes of needles and 2 boxes of bandaids for?"

Easy, there. Ukraine is a middle-income state.
 
2008-02-21 03:12:34 AM
... that would explain what happened to the moon...
 
2008-02-21 05:10:29 AM
"The film grossed $253,008 from Feb. 14-17 in the Eastern European country."

Well, that should about cover the catering bill they racked up during production.
 
2008-02-21 05:13:13 AM
The Ukraine is weak ... it's feeble! (new window)

/not a Rick-Roll
 
2008-02-21 05:29:14 AM
The Ukraine was the name used by westerners to refer to the region of the former Soviet Union that today comprises the nation of Ukraine.

/The more you know...
 
2008-02-21 05:49:31 AM
She has a movie out?
 
2008-02-21 06:00:08 AM
dukes of hazard was #1 wasn't it? =P
 
2008-02-21 06:08:51 AM
Optamystic: The more you know...

"Reegion"? The Ukrainian SSR (the weak, but nevertheless accepted, basis for "The Ukraine") was a republic - a country. Had it's own seat in the UN and everything (although of course controlled by the Kremlin). If "The Ukraine" was a "region" of the Soviet Union, then Scotland and Wales are "regions" of Britain, not countries.

The real reason that westerners say "the Ukraine" is because they are parroting old very deliberate russian-soviet propaganda that tried to consciously marginalize the exisence of Ukraine as something seperate from Russia. Even today, your average "enlightened" European often fails to fully differentiate the two.
 
2008-02-21 06:11:53 AM
Bomb Head Mohammed: If "The Ukraine" was a "region" of the Soviet Union, then Scotland and Wales are "regions" of Britain, not countries.

They are. And they are. You could even describe them as "States". English is weird.
 
2008-02-21 06:12:31 AM
thamike: Easy, there. Ukraine is a middle-income state.

img184.imageshack.us

Ha ha, the Ukraine. Do you know what the Ukraine is? It's a sitting duck. A road apple, thamike. The Ukraine is weak. It's feeble. I think it's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.
 
2008-02-21 06:20:10 AM
AaaPha: They are. And they are. You could even describe them as "States". English is weird.

Well, yes and no. But the word "region" is a poor choice, since it's like saying "here's Gordon Brown - a humanoid with two arms and two legs" rather than "here's Gordon Brown - Prime Minister." And, while strictly speaking it's no more incorrect than calling any other bit of geographu a 'region', it's a particularly poor choice in the case of Ukraine since so many people continue to be confused as to the exact status of Ukraine, despite it being one of the largest independent countries in Europe. Your use of the term "region" in what was intended to be a bit of useful information to people, didn't help the situation any more than a wikipedia entry describing Gordon Brown as a vertebrate would.
 
2008-02-21 06:25:16 AM
Hmmm... a thread about Jessica Simpson evolving into a discussion of geopolitical semantics... Curious

bigpicture.typepad.com

There, that's better.
 
2008-02-21 06:43:10 AM
LonMead: Hmmm... a thread about Jessica Simpson evolving into a discussion of geopolitical semantics... Curious



There, that's better.


You're doing God's work there, LonMead. Good job.
 
2008-02-21 06:47:33 AM
Now I want to visit Ukraine and see what it's like there, I know jack about it (other than they apparently like Jessica Simpson.) The fiance is vegitarian though, and I think that might be pretty difficult in eastern europe.
 
2008-02-21 06:49:55 AM
call me when she doesn't occasionally look like a tranny.

/is it sharp knees if i likes mah womens not to look likes mens sometimes?
 
2008-02-21 07:00:12 AM
You're a Mean Drunk R2D2: The fiance is vegitarian though, and I think that might be pretty difficult in eastern europe.

at the risk of spoiling a good thing, visit lviv. if krakow is the new prague, then lviv is the new krakow.

not for the first time traveller, but vegetarians would have no probems.
 
2008-02-21 07:07:58 AM
Bomb Head Mohammed:
Cool! I'll do some research. Thanks.
 
2008-02-21 07:11:10 AM
HotKarl: call me when she doesn't occasionally look like a tranny.

/is it sharp knees if i likes mah womens not to look likes mens sometimes?


Mkay, I'm going to have to call shenanigans here. Say what you will about the fact that she's air-headed, vapid, a so-so singer, and a terrible actress, but one thing you can't deny is that the girl is smoking hot. If her body was 'mannish' then all men would be gay.
 
2008-02-21 07:19:48 AM
kid_icarus: HotKarl: call me when she doesn't occasionally look like a tranny.

/is it sharp knees if i likes mah womens not to look likes mens sometimes?

Mkay, I'm going to have to call shenanigans here. Say what you will about the fact that she's air-headed, vapid, a so-so singer, and a terrible actress, but one thing you can't deny is that the girl is smoking hot. If her body was 'mannish' then all men would be gay.



img92.imageshack.us
 
2008-02-21 07:31:35 AM
dj_bigbird: In Soviet Ukraine, movie watches you!

This!
 
2008-02-21 07:34:04 AM
kid_icarus: HotKarl: call me when she doesn't occasionally look like a tranny.

/is it sharp knees if i likes mah womens not to look likes mens sometimes?

Mkay, I'm going to have to call shenanigans here. Say what you will about the fact that she's air-headed, vapid, a so-so singer, and a terrible actress, but one thing you can't deny is that the girl is smoking hot. If her body was 'mannish' then all men would be gay.


look hard. her eyebrow area. sometimes, in certain pics she looks like a dude. (i'm talking mag covers i've seen) not like some crappy cellphone pic someone took on tmz or something.

her BODY is smoking hot. her face isn't. her face is decent and fine most of the time. but like i said, there's times when she looks way to mannish for me. sharp knees comments and all that. i just don't like mah girl to look like a man if i look at her funny. if that makes me a big homophobe or closet homo whatever. i likes womens to look like womens. i'm not against the androgenous (sp?) looks, but when she looks like it, she looks like a goddamn hooker tranny on the side of the road done up nice, but the closer you get, the drunker your buddy needs to be.

FWIW: i've proved this theory to a friend of mine who is a goddamn jessica simpson fanboy. and even he agreed to that.

/not picky, but if i'm gonna fantasize, i'd rather do it right.
 
2008-02-21 07:36:42 AM
IRONY tag applies. If there is one place on earth where you can look down a random street and see Simpson-level hotness it's Kiev. I swear Chernobyl switched all the good genes to hawt. The country is inhabited by four foot five hunchbacked, bubushka wearing crones and six foot two miniskirted supermodels. It's insane.
 
2008-02-21 07:37:29 AM
farm1.static.flickr.com
you're telling me that right pic doesn't look a little mannish? like if you met that in a dark alley in SanFran and it told you it was j.simpson, you'd automatically go to town?
 
2008-02-21 07:54:26 AM
Optamystic: The Ukraine was the name used by westerners to refer to the region of the former Soviet Union that today comprises the nation of Ukraine.

/The more you know...


My great-grandmother was from The Ukraine. She called it The Ukraine all her life. And she was no fan of the Russians...so on this matter, I defer to her. I'll always call it call it The Ukraine.

/The more YOU know
 
2008-02-21 08:09:00 AM
strangeguitar:
It'll work when she does a hardcore lesbo film with cameos from Scarlett, Portman, and *insert your favorite here*

Yes, please.
 
2008-02-21 08:18:48 AM
Funny you should say that.

/obscure?
 
2008-02-21 08:21:13 AM
fireclown: The country is inhabited by four foot five hunchbacked, bubushka wearing crones and six foot two miniskirted supermodels.

shhhhh.
 
2008-02-21 08:23:13 AM
The Ukraine? Is that near the Iraq? Maps! That's what we need!

/yes, I know
 
2008-02-21 08:25:05 AM
The title of this story is proof that the end is near....Ithink somewhere in book of revelations it said something about right before the return of Jesus, Jessica Simpson would have a #1 box office movie.
 
2008-02-21 08:49:05 AM
HotKarl: you're telling me that right pic doesn't look a little mannish? like if you met that in a dark alley in SanFran and it told you it was j.simpson, you'd automatically go to town?

Yeah. I'm sure your woman is way hotter.
 
2008-02-21 08:52:55 AM
Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton should make a movie together.

I don't know why. I sure wouldn't watch it.
 
2008-02-21 08:56:22 AM
'Box Office' being the operative word here. They have only one movie theater. Getting that record isn't so difficult.
 
2008-02-21 08:59:04 AM
cryinoutloud: Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton should make a movie together.

I don't know why. I sure wouldn't watch it.


I dunno, if it's anything like Paris' other movies, I'm pretty sure I'd watch it, for maybe 5 or 10 minutes.
 
2008-02-21 09:11:38 AM
cryinoutloud: Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton should make a movie together.

I don't know why. I sure wouldn't watch it.


I'd last about a minute, maybe 2
 
2008-02-21 09:12:27 AM
Was that movie even released in the US? I thought it was direct ot dvd.
 
2008-02-21 09:20:47 AM
As a Ukrainian I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
/Srsly
//Never really got the the either, always been Ukrayna
///No "the" in Russian
 
2008-02-21 09:30:03 AM
It's been said before, but Jessica Simpson is dumber than a sack of hammers. Even in her 5-second cameo in that "age-defying cream" infomercial, she sounds functionally retarded.

I might be a homo, too, but she doesn't do anything for my nether regions, either. You're welcome to her. Some guy already told me that Scarlett was too chunky for him in another thread, so I'm covered.
 
2008-02-21 09:58:10 AM
Pontus and the Nail Drivers: HotKarl: you're telling me that right pic doesn't look a little mannish? like if you met that in a dark alley in SanFran and it told you it was j.simpson, you'd automatically go to town?

Yeah. I'm sure your woman is way hotter.


i'm currently single, so technically no. but my last SO looked like a woman, all the time. so yes she was way hotter.

we get it, you're such a winner you'd hit anything resembling a lady in a dark alley in sanfran regardless of what might be dangling 'tween the legs. that's fine with me, someone has to bang those pre-ops in sketchy bathrooms and keep thailands' tourism going.
 
2008-02-21 09:59:56 AM
HotKarl: you're telling me that right pic doesn't look a little mannish? like if you met that in a dark alley in SanFran and it told you it was j.simpson, you'd automatically go to town?

You mean I'm not supposed to go to town on Jessica Simpsons I meet in dark alleys? shiat...

/I'd dominate her box office...
 
2008-02-21 10:01:29 AM
interesting aside ... there's a girl from Ukraine (she doesn't use 'the' either) who works as an intern in my office.

and oh my god, she's hot. blonde, blue eyes ... possibly the best ass i've ever seen. best part? she likes me for some reason. and believe me ... i look at that girl and go WANT. the worst part? i have a girlfriend.

damn it.
 
2008-02-21 10:01:51 AM
FTA: Russian and Ukrainian audiences have an even bigger urge for escapism than Americans.

What are the trying to escape from? bad remakes?
 
2008-02-21 10:19:18 AM
Call me crazy, but I think she looks better and less mannish without makeup.

i127.photobucket.com

/doesn't mind the zits
//it makes her seem more like a normal person
 
2008-02-21 10:23:33 AM
this_is_ace: interesting aside ... there's a girl from Ukraine (she doesn't use 'the' either) who works as an intern in my office.

and oh my god, she's hot. blonde, blue eyes ... possibly the best ass i've ever seen. best part? she likes me for some reason. and believe me ... i look at that girl and go WANT. the worst part? i have a girlfriend.

damn it.


Ukraine girls are absolutely amazing.
 
2008-02-21 10:28:34 AM
kid_icarus: HotKarl: call me when she doesn't occasionally look like a tranny.

/is it sharp knees if i likes mah womens not to look likes mens sometimes?

Mkay, I'm going to have to call shenanigans here. Say what you will about the fact that she's air-headed, vapid, a so-so singer, and a terrible actress, but one thing you can't deny is that the girl is smoking hot. If her body was 'mannish' then all men would be gay.


I am sorry I do find her smoking hot. She is a so-so blond, way overrated and not naturally beautiful. The fact that she is as dumb as a doorknob reduces her hotness by about 100. Blond does not automatically equal hot. Plus she has no curves.
 
2008-02-21 10:35:36 AM
CheeseEatingBulldog: I am sorry I do find her smoking hot. She is a so-so blond, way overrated and not naturally beautiful. The fact that she is as dumb as a doorknob reduces her hotness by about 100. Blond does not automatically equal hot. Plus she has no curves.

I'm sure she'll never love again after she hears about this. She'll be absolutely devestated.

/why exactly are you defending your position? It's your opinion, man. No one's going to take it away from you, I promise
 
2008-02-21 10:47:42 AM
I'm a fan of using the word 'the' for some countries, most notably Urkraine and Sudan. What I'm not so big a fan of is when you see it on restaurant menus. It's tough to order. I mean, you'll get something like The Pig, a succulent barbecue-filled kaiser roll that comes with a pickle spear and fries (I'm in the Midwest) but I have to say to the server 'I'll have a The Pig, please'.
 
2008-02-21 10:47:57 AM
you're telling me that right pic doesn't look a little mannish?

You know if you had people taking an average of 50 pictures a day of you in various locations, lighting, and angles, chances are we'd eventually get a picture of you looking like Mona Lisa.
 
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