Dr. Sylvan Stool

What an unfortunate name. Is Califonia still part of the USA? Sometimes I forget

All that liberal angst backs up after not being able to ban handguns and so spills out of control, like this. It's true, all of it, I swear. You're a good state, California, but you have no idea what the real world is like, having been a girl, at some, I bet, Ivy league school, where they are permissive about stuff, and about people who do this. But I know, because I went to Bob Jones University, which is where you go if you are the real thing, conservative, I mean. I know how people can get twisted by false gods and how a life of crime awaits all those who get weak and experiment with drugs, atheism and candy.

Now, I'm not sure how many kids forget how to chew food. I'm not a parent, and my childhood was 15-18 years ago, depending on age, but I think I refused to swallow anything really large, I liked to chew. Have kids changed where all of them swallow or something?

No more gumdrops?

:(

Fun Toy
Banned because of 3 Stupid Kids

All hail the Onion!

Man, I practically grew up on gel candies. I had no idea I was such a daredevil! A chubby, poor-complected daredevil!

This article just made my day!

p.s. I am a professional. Yeah, I've lost that weight now, but I retain the skills that allow me to safely down 1/2 lb. of gel candies from the bulk food store in a sitting.

How is this asinine?

Not only are they frigging disgusting, they also KILL! I've gotten chunks of that nasty stuff swinging on my uvula for hours.

Stupid kids. Can't they eat real candy?

Very funny CoolBeans, what are you 14 yrs old? ;)

I've got a better solution, ban kids.

If a kid is dumb enough to eat without swallowing then its simply removing its defective genes from the already stagnant pool were in.
Its natural selection kids, its the bottom of the farking food chain. /leary

"I've been taking things out of children's throats for 40 years," Stool said. "And I'm tired of it."

That's right, Stool. Let the little bastards choke to death.

OMFG! I am so glad I don't live in California anymore. How can we evolve if the stupid people are forced to live, thereby allowing them to procreate? I wonder how long it will take for Californians to return to swinging in trees? Err. Never mind.

Oh, sick... just imagine some grossly overweight, snot-faced, drooling 2-1/2 year old lazily mouthing one or two of these, ultimately oozing gel-flecked slobber all over their face, hair, and clothes.

I don't want children.

"I've been taking things out of children's throats for 40 years," Stool said. "And I'm tired of it."

GASP! You mean that children have been choking on things for 40 years?! Who could have imagined something like that? Obviously, had there been a label on all these candies/toys none of these heinous chokings would have occured... I know every child I've ever met takes the time to read all the instructions and warnings before popping it into their mouth

Of course, dog food, dust bunnies, remote controls, books, and any other of the 1000's of things kids put in their mouths would need to be labeled also...

I LOVE those gelly thingies! They don't sell them here anymore...now I have to slip the nice lady at the asian food market an extra couple bucks for the ones hid under the counter ;-)

Let's just put a label on the whole state instead, cover all our bases

Ok, next, why don't we just label all food with a choking hazard. Gonna have to label coins as well, keys, bottle caps, paper, and more or less anything that is smaller than the size of a medium sized pumpkin, as they all present choking hazards.

I'm sorry, but this whole "protect the public" bullshiat is starting to get farking crazy. If things keep going this way, the government will pass so many laws that fun will be essentially outlawed.

Ok, maybe not to that extreme, but how farking ridiculous can you get. Anything that you can put in your mouth is a potential choking hazard. Hell, might as well BAN the production of 99.9% of all cleaners and stuff like Draino, because even if you don't choke on it, you're still almost definitely going to die.

Anyone else think of hedwig, chewing on a gummi bear?

"The taste is completely unlike a gummi bear, yet strangely familiar and somehow sweeter. 'I feel so optimistic'."

It's asinine because, back in the day, PARENTS decided what was safe for their kids and didn't let them have things that might choke them. This is just another idiotic excuse for the gummint to parent children and absolve idiot "adults" of any guilt associated with not being careful about what went into the kid's mouth. Last I heard, there weren't too many 2-year-olds buying their own candy. Or opening it up for that matter.

/personal responsibility rant

They should put an "unsafe for children" label on Michael Jackson and catholic priests...

They should put an "unsafe for children" label on Michael Jackson and catholic priests...

man yeah whenever my mom would take me to the oriental store i'd get a bag or whatever of those gell candies. i was like 6. I never choked. :P i used to inhale that stuff. better than jello.

Congressman Mike Honda says the federal government needs to regulate...

You can put ANYTHING at the end of that sentence, and it would be true.

Sometimes it's difficult living in the "government must protect us from ourselves" capital of the world.

At least it keeps him from proposing to repeal the 2nd Amendment for a few hours today...

chocking = choaking = choking

dumbasses. the parents should be responsible for what can and cannot be eaten in certain age groups. i know i am.

To those who say it isn't asinine, specifically...

"Well, they aren't saying the candy can't be sold to kids or their parents, just that a warning label will be added. Parents will still have the responsibility of purchasing the candy, deeming it safe for their kids and giving it to them.

I still don't see where it's asinine to label a choking hazard a choking hazard."

...I quote from this article:

"After the Mercury News report, the FDA banned the thimble-shaped gel candy from the United States, prodded companies to issue some 30 recalls and ultimately seized millions of dollars in candy from warehouses."

They aren't trying to just label it. If you actually READ the article, it says these candies were BANNED from the UNITED STATES, not just labeled, and not just from California. They succeeded in making a candy ILLEGAL because some idiot parents gave it to their idiot kids. fark the kids. Obviously, they can't compete in our society if they don't know how to chew. And fark the parents, if they can't take the little, tiny bit of responsibility to regulate for themselves what their kids can and can't have.

And a news flash to the damn ultra-liberals and the government who is ready to regulate: CANDY IS NOT JUST FOR KIDS. Adults eat it too.

Great. We're one step closer to banning fish and poultry and substituting all foods - both adult and child - with a thick green mush.

It's PEOPLE!!!

Just two days ago... Sunday, to be exact... I was at a Halloween party with kids present. One of them started choking on a piece of small candy. He was really choking, not just coughing. One of the parents gave him the Heimlich, and he threw up what was stuck in his windpipe. If a parent wasn't sitting right next to him and noticed, he would have died. It's a real problem. I know this is FARK, and I'm probably stupid for trying to be serious with you guys, but this is a real problem. I don't know if labels will solve it, but it's no joke.

Jorma1: yes, label or no label, WHO GAVE HIM THE CANDY

Was it some adult lacking in common sense?

Or did the kid snarf it himself.

Either way, I don't think a label would have helped, idiot adults don't read warning labels. They would say something akin to "it's just candy".

I remember when I was a kid, my mother wouldn't let me have gum, or jawbreakers, because of the potential of me choking on it.

She also would smash hard candies, breaking them into small pieces before giving them to me. I grew up on a tiny island 14 miles long, and my mom knew better than these asshats, no need for a warning label or anything. She learned from my grandmother.

Whatever happened to passing on parenting skills.

If they croak, I say good riddance, those are exactly the types that we don't need on the planet. uncle chuck (Darwin) would be sad.

</draconic>

Like I am sure the avg Californian gives a rats ass. In their homeland they gladly scraped the burnt chocolate off of spent fuel rods and liked it. California=out of touch, out of time.

Didn't President Bush just sign a pretzel-ban bill or something recently?

Mike Honda is nothing more than a hand puppet.

May I suggest the following tag...

I wonder what Dr. Stool hands out on Halloween

Jeeeeesus christ... Does everyone need the government to post sticky notes on every god damn thing we do in this country? Do parents/adults have half a brain not to let children who bearly know how to swallow suck down this nipple (tasty) looking thing? (obviously not)

A sad reality to this story was when my girlfriends parents and I were at the circus a few weeks ago. These idiot people behind us were letting their little girl suck on ice. Now... everyone knows how easy ice can shoot down a wrong hole. Hell, if you try hard enough, you could send ice shards shooting out your eye. Long story short... eventually the little girl choked (for a second) and the farking parents were so puzzled on how she chocked on ice?! Then they were angry at the place for selling ice in such small pieces. Ugh... If i had a gun...

"The kid who eats too many marbles doesn't grow up to have kids of his own... Think of it as passive eugenics." -George Carlin

What ever happened to survival of the fittest?

>What ever happend to the survival of the fittest?

The government is now showing them how to survive with warning lables.

Let's ban oxygen! When mixed with organic compounds it's such a huge fire risk!

Dumbest statement in the article:

"Currently, the agency does not test any food sold in the United States for choking dangers, despite the fact that thousands more children choke on food than on toys each year."

Could this be because, oh, I don't know, food is more likely to be eaten than toys? That is, after all, it's primary purpose. A person's odds of choking on something go up astronomically when it's put in their mouth, and while some kids will put some toys in their mouth, all kids will put food in their mouths.

Unless, of course, you think kids should be strapped in bed and fed intervenously. I can't help but suspect that this what some people are leading to.

And TheGrayCat:
"I still don't see where it's asinine to label a choking hazard a choking hazard."

It's assinine because it's redundant. All food is a choking hazard if you don't chew properly and/or don't swallow properly. Those gel candies might have a high viscosity that makes it hard to remove them, but if the kids had been smart enough to chew, the problem wouldn't have come up. The viscosity breaks down quite quickly in the human mouth if given half a chance.

Teach the little morons some table manners, and it won't happen.