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(SFGate)   29 things to be happy about. Yes, booze is there   (sfgate.com) divider line 110
    More: Interesting  
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19482 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2008 at 2:44 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



110 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2008-01-26 01:03:10 PM  
FTA:10) Dolphins love sex. Frequent, kinky, aggressive, even violent. Homosexual, bisexual, incestuous, you name it. Sometimes with other species. Sometimes gang-rape style. Sometimes in frothy orgies. Sometimes (sort of) with humans. Yes, dolphins.

So, swimming along and all of the sudden I'm being gang raped by dolphins and this is supposed to make me happy? I know this is from the Gate, but seriously...

/Do Not Want Dolphin Rape
 
2008-01-26 02:33:53 PM  
Can you get much more left wing? I mean I know its the SF Chronicle, but still wow
 
2008-01-26 02:48:34 PM  
As usual, #4 skipped right over Ron Paul...

I almost forgot all about it when I got to the dolphins though...
 
2008-01-26 02:48:54 PM  
FTA: 2) Here is this ingenious new alarm clock. It has an Internet connection that hooks directly into your bank account. If you oversleep, it begins to withdraw funds from your account. And donate them. To groups you really, really despise. Ten minute oversnooze? Fifty bucks goes to the GOP. Oversleep a half an hour? There goes $100 to the NRA, the Heritage Foundation, the Bush Presidential Library (for all the crayons). Sleep till noon? Five hundred bucks to the Aryan Nation or National Right to Life or the Lindsay Lohan Cocaine Fund. Because nothing is more motivating than abject hate. Except, of course, abject love. But that's a completely different gizmo.

DO NOT WANT.
 
2008-01-26 02:49:50 PM  
Four things are all that are necessary for happiness.

Boobies
Beer
Sandwiches
Sleep

That is all.

/also, maybe a video game or two
//maybe
 
2008-01-26 02:51:00 PM  
6) Gentle Giants rescue.

I love Gentle Giant! Free Hand was an incredible LP.
 
2008-01-26 02:52:20 PM  
24) Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain."

???
 
2008-01-26 02:53:08 PM  
You can tell it's the SF Gate when it automatically assumes its readers must hate the GOP as a whole and Right to Life foundations. That sort of blatant bias makes it hard to read the rest of it.

/actually does dislike the GOP and is pro-abortion
 
2008-01-26 02:53:28 PM  
Then you're like, wait a sec, you know what? Screw the Gray Lady; Google should buy General Motors, Wal-Mart, Coca-Cola, Kraft and Dow and Viacom and pretty much all of North Korea and just wipe them all away and replace them with nice organic flowerpots and solar farms and really big trampolines. How much better!

Because THAT won't screw up the economy

/maybe my sarcasm meter is off
//hard to tell with a writer who seems this crazy
 
Bek
2008-01-26 02:57:03 PM  
raistlinknight curse you for already posting what I came in here to say.
 
2008-01-26 02:58:05 PM  
Ok I went through this, and 1) has a link to an article by the same authour, 11), 14), 15) are summaries that are linked to SFGate articles by other authors, and 17) is just a straight link to another SFGate article.

Not to mention the whole thing is absurdly over the top in its left-wingedness.

I think this link and this thread should be required reading for any Farker that goes on about Fark's "Right-wing bias".
 
2008-01-26 02:58:08 PM  
Remember those horrible times in the 1990's when our biggest worries were blowjobs and what to do with a huge budget surplus?

Truly horrible times those were...

/sigh!
//Farking republican traitors.
 
2008-01-26 03:01:50 PM  
Wow, Bush criticism, a BrokeBack mountain reference, praise of having a black president and the phrase "women and minorities".

Pleasae, tell me this was cross-posted from the Onion.
 
2008-01-26 03:01:52 PM  
has anybody noticed that this news report distributed by a supposedly respectable news organization has a left wing bias?
 
2008-01-26 03:02:15 PM  
WTF? Stop greenlighting whining libtard happy lists.
 
2008-01-26 03:02:33 PM  
Ennuipoet
www.whale-images.com
Flipper says: How you doin?
 
2008-01-26 03:03:30 PM  
To all complaining about bias - it's an opinion piece. Opinions are different than factual information because they are subjective and can have bias. Duh.
 
2008-01-26 03:04:10 PM  
That whole car door thing?

So... what happens when you're in an accident which destroys the car's electrical system? How do you get out of the car?

/This entire list is made of fail.
 
2008-01-26 03:06:24 PM  
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin
 
2008-01-26 03:06:49 PM  
Wow, could this be any more liberal?

Calling Guiliani a tyrant?

/Hillary is much more power hungry
 
2008-01-26 03:07:29 PM  
#30 - Mark Morford's Notes & Errata = Or A Retard Rents & Forks Mom

/was he serious?
 
2008-01-26 03:08:12 PM  
Here's a 30th...the author will probably die of AIDS or Blunt Rectal Trauma.
 
2008-01-26 03:09:21 PM  
#2 scares the heck out of me. I'd be broke, fast.
 
2008-01-26 03:09:59 PM  
Ennuipoet: FTA:10) Dolphins love sex. Frequent, kinky, aggressive, even violent. Homosexual, bisexual, incestuous, you name it. Sometimes with other species. Sometimes gang-rape style. Sometimes in frothy orgies. Sometimes (sort of) with humans. Yes, dolphins.

So, swimming along and all of the sudden I'm being gang raped by dolphins and this is supposed to make me happy? I know this is from the Gate, but seriously...

/Do Not Want Dolphin Rape


content.answers.com

Unavailable for comment

/obscure?
 
2008-01-26 03:11:48 PM  
Swampthing in Korea: Wow, Bush criticism, a BrokeBack mountain reference, praise of having a black president and the phrase "women and minorities".

Pleasae, tell me this was cross-posted from the Onion.


I agree, that was so leftist it bordered on parody. Geez.
 
2008-01-26 03:12:58 PM  
I wonder if this fellow makes a donation to the DNC or the Socialist Party?

/Moderate Liberal
//Doesn't like President Bush either but damn...
 
2008-01-26 03:15:27 PM  
FishingWithFredo: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin



He also said, "There are more old drunkards than old doctors."

/poor richard
 
2008-01-26 03:15:32 PM  
Hey, Absinthe is on the list at least. That's something we all can appreciate!
 
2008-01-26 03:16:53 PM  
What a waste of electrons.
/flush
 
2008-01-26 03:17:58 PM  
Tedious after the first 4.
Downright monotonous after the the first 7.
Whoopty farkin doo...
 
2008-01-26 03:19:06 PM  
Here's a nice summary:

1) Fark Bush.
2) The GOP is bad.
3) Random celeb shiat.
4) The GOP is boring.
5) OMG Google!
6) ... Dogs?
7) O'Reilly sucks.
8) Indirectly fark the GOP.
9) Yay, more free liberal media!
10) Bestiality!
11) Let's look smart.
12) Let's attack some nutbag IDers.
13) OMG! Bottled water NOOOO!
14) Old people.
15) fark the GOP.
16) Organic, nomnomnom.
17-25) Let's get lazy!
26) fark Bush!
27) Haha, the GOP is wrong.
28) Everything sucks, and it's the GOP's fault.
29) OMG NO MOAR BUSH!
 
2008-01-26 03:21:26 PM  
Democrat/liberal = Godlike
Republican/conservative = tool of Satan

/nuff said
 
2008-01-26 03:22:19 PM  
Bith Set Me Up
not obscure at all, it was my first instinct but i couldn't find a shot of hank pressed against the glass, so I went with the flippper thing, it is one of the deepest regrets of my life
 
2008-01-26 03:26:45 PM  
The 'Jerry O'Connell channels Tom Cruise' (new window) link is pretty funny though...
 
2008-01-26 03:28:03 PM  
Absinthe is the only thing on that list to be happy about... the rest is all crap and the author should be fired!
 
2008-01-26 03:32:02 PM  
JonnyBGoode: Swampthing in Korea: Wow, Bush criticism, a BrokeBack mountain reference, praise of having a black president and the phrase "women and minorities".

Pleasae, tell me this was cross-posted from the Onion.

I agree, that was so leftist it bordered on parody. Geez.


The front page of the Chron is so leftist it borders on parody.
 
2008-01-26 03:33:53 PM  
JKrischke: Wow, could this be any more liberal?

Calling Guiliani a tyrant?
911! 911!
/Hillary is much more power hungry

I was in the whitehouse 8 yers so by osmosis i am qualified
 
2008-01-26 03:34:19 PM  
I like this one (new window)

But why does that guy have a whale for a head? Or am I just too high?
 
2008-01-26 03:35:47 PM  
#30 I'm not this guy. The highs and lows of my day have nothing to do with global warming, capital hill, or the economy.

My list would include:

blowjobs
cheesecake
bombay saphire
 
2008-01-26 03:37:06 PM  
FishingWithFredo: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin


I don't think Franklin ever said this. I think the closest thing he said was: "Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards; there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy."

"I didn't say half the things I said."
- Yogi Berra
 
2008-01-26 03:40:10 PM  
Hi. Can anyone here tell the difference between an opinion piece and a news article?

/just wondering
 
2008-01-26 03:40:42 PM  
Author is a PoopyHead. That is all.
 
2008-01-26 03:43:29 PM  
it's not an opinion piece, it's fark.
 
2008-01-26 03:45:02 PM  
Ruby7: Hi. Can anyone here tell the difference between an opinion piece and a news article?

/just wondering


nope, leave, we're bashin teh gays and libruls here, dont need none of you's's fancy book logic

//but seriously why the hell did i read that
/I am pretty excited about the dolphin sex though
 
2008-01-26 03:47:02 PM  
From another article linked on the dolphin sex page:

WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you.

Goddamnit, what the hell.

http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html

WHAT THE HELL.
 
2008-01-26 03:47:12 PM  
That article... Just confused me...
 
2008-01-26 03:48:56 PM  
raistlinknight: You can tell it's the SF Gate when it automatically assumes its readers must hate the GOP as a whole and Right to Life foundations. That sort of blatant bias makes it hard to read the rest of it.


Yea I stopped reading at number 1
 
2008-01-26 03:50:12 PM  
Two observations about dolphins:

1) They are kinky motherfarkers.

2) They are beasts. (So how do they engage in beastiality? Isn't that something only humans can do - engage in sex with animals which aren't human? Or do they mean they sex it up with other species?)
 
2008-01-26 03:50:18 PM  
No, sorry, booze is not on this stupid list. It's obvious the writer of the article and the submitter have never had a real adult beverage. Absinthe does not count. It is a gay, hippie bullshiat wannabe that should remain in gay, hippie Europe.
 
2008-01-26 03:53:49 PM  
I'm supposed to be happy that Shrillary could be President?
NOT
 
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