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(Some Guy)   Farker Drjacabo's sister is getting married on Saturday, and he's been asked to give a toast, but he's got a block. So help the kid out. Voting enabled. Link goes nowhere   ( divider line
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91 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2002 at 1:32 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

170 Comments     (+0 »)
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2002-10-22 01:38:22 PM  
Over the lips,
Past the gums,
Look out tonsils,
Here he comes!

Actually, forget this. This really doesn't apply to anyone who's married.
2002-10-22 01:38:54 PM  
I recommend white bread. wheat toast is just so dry
2002-10-22 01:39:05 PM  
I'd like to congratulate the happy couple and hope the groom enjoys sleeping with her as much as I did.

Oh, and get her to do that thing with her tongue that I used to like so much.
2002-10-22 01:39:14 PM  
Here's to my sister. I thought nobody would ever marry you. I guess I was wrong.

Here's to my new brother-in-law. What the fark were you thinking?!?
2002-10-22 01:39:32 PM  
To all those who wish us well, the rest can goto hell!
2002-10-22 01:40:39 PM  
dont give a toast you cheap bastard, give a toaster!
2002-10-22 01:40:39 PM  
scream: "Are you ready for some Judas Priest style heavy metal?" Then soil yourself and pass out.
2002-10-22 01:41:12 PM  
2002-10-22 01:41:12 PM  
Dear Sis,

Remember, that time, when you had those warts that you where worried about . . . .

Well, heres to positive results.
2002-10-22 01:41:55 PM  
To help we really need a little bio and a picture of your sister.

I had to toast my brother and sister-in-law. He is short and clumsy, she is shorter and clumsier. After a few niceties I had everyone raise their glasses to their future family of tall graceful children.
2002-10-22 01:42:06 PM  
"I would just like to say how happy I am that my sister and I won't have to share a bedroom anymore..."
2002-10-22 01:43:01 PM  
Vote for this entry if you think that several hundred farkers will still click the link despite the words "Link goes nowhere."
2002-10-22 01:43:49 PM  
Well, I think we should ask DrToast... he's got a graduate degree in this kinda thing.
2002-10-22 01:44:15 PM  
May our wives never be widowed
May our children never have the faces of our neighbours
May our dicks always be harder than our lives

this is more all purpose
2002-10-22 01:44:43 PM  
To the three rings of marriage:

The engagement ring;
The wedding ring;
and the suffering.
2002-10-22 01:44:54 PM  
Let the groom give the toast:
2002-10-22 01:45:36 PM  
Works better if you were related to the groom but, from a comic who's name I can't remember:

"Just realize that when you get married, there's no longer "your" money and "her"'s all "her" money."
2002-10-22 01:45:54 PM  
I recommend white bread. wheat toast is just so dry

2002-10-22 01:46:50 PM  
"Here's to the birth of a beautiful healthy baby in 4 months."
2002-10-22 01:47:05 PM  
Family tradition is to use this.
2002-10-22 01:47:32 PM  
Here's to swimmin with bowlegged wimmin...


Here's to the breezes which blow through the treezes to reveal the area that teases, pleases, and diseases, oh Jesus! what a snatch, down the hatch.
2002-10-22 01:48:46 PM  
I recommend wheat toast:

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 01:48:56 PM  
Congratulations to the bride and groom. Your marriage proves to the world that love can overcome a bad case of herpes.
2002-10-22 01:49:00 PM  
I lub you guys....gimme a hug sis *hic*.....Danny boy *urp* I lub 'dis guy.....*hic* so anyways *urp* here's to a long and *BAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRFFFFFFFF* ! I'm OK I'm OK ! Hey ! what are you...*hic* *urp* *RE-BAAAARRRFFFF*

/you get the picture
2002-10-22 01:49:00 PM  
A basket of love and a cradle of kisses,
A pocketful of dreams and your most cherished wishes,
A rainbow in the sky and gold shining in your hearts,
With smiles and tears, this is how your marriage starts.

Warm arms hugging you and a roaring fire that lasts,
The sharing of your future and the honoring of your pasts,
Growing old together with joy and growing more in love,
The sweet earth under your feet and blessings from the heavens above.

Now if you believe that shiat, the groom and I will be handing out your checks... please pay your bar tab and leave.

Otherwise, ORGY!!!
2002-10-22 01:49:13 PM  
Sis, instead of marrying this one, I think you should just have an abortion like you did all those other times.
2002-10-22 01:50:10 PM  
To my sister, on this wonderful day;
And to my new brother, I have this to convey;
The love you have is beautiful, but not the only thing;
My sister is marrying you for your bling bling
2002-10-22 01:50:10 PM  
Friends may come
Friends may go
Some friends peter out, you know
But we'll be friends
Until the end
Peter out or peter in.

Use this only if you're from one of the incest states.
2002-10-22 01:50:17 PM  
If everyone would look under their seats I have attached naked photos of me and the bride doing it.... FARK YOU and FARK YOU...

oh wait...

shes my sister? well... I like that story.

2002-10-22 01:50:17 PM  
My uncle once gave a toast when his duaghter got married. He talked about PMS and how women use it as an excuse to be biatches.

Do that.
2002-10-22 01:52:05 PM  
Announce to the crowd that now that your friend is married, all the women with keys to his apartment need to give them back. Prearrange a few women to come up to the table to drop off keys. Then have an elderly woman come up and drop off a set, then after those laughs die down have a GUY return his set.
2002-10-22 01:52:15 PM  
...."To the future ex-Mrs.DrJacabo"....
2002-10-22 01:52:18 PM  
Here's to hoping she's as good in bed as her sister.

Ah, I got nothin.
2002-10-22 01:52:46 PM  
Here's to the happy couple. Heather could never have chosen to marry a more intelligent, witty, attractive, and successful man than Brian. So why in the HELL she chose to marry Mark is beyond my comprehension. He has the personality of sludge, and is the most loathesome waste of flesh I have ever met. Brian, I toast your early demise, and may your prenuptial agreement be airtight enough to hold up uncontested in court.
2002-10-22 01:52:48 PM  
Here's to proposing with your man-juice.
2002-10-22 01:53:11 PM  
Here's to panties, not the best thing in the world, but damn close to it.
2002-10-22 01:53:14 PM  
May the wind at your back not be from the cabbage you had for lunch.
2002-10-22 01:53:15 PM  
I give it 6 months. 8 tops.

Who wants in on some of this action?
2002-10-22 01:53:29 PM  
"they're gonna fvck"
2002-10-22 01:53:34 PM  
"I'd hit it"

Then when his family looks at him in horror he says.

"Hey man, if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family."
2002-10-22 01:53:42 PM  
To my new brother-in-law. Remember one word. HONOR

If you can't cum in her
Cum on Her
2002-10-22 01:53:53 PM  
"you can have my sister. I hear she's pretty good..."
2002-10-22 01:54:11 PM  
"Que verguenza!"
then puke...
2002-10-22 01:54:14 PM  
Pour yourself about four fingers of hard liquor, straight. Take up the glass, lock your new brother-in-law in your steely unwavering gaze, and say through clenched teeth: "If you ever make her cry, I'll kill you". Then toss down the drink.

That should give the SOB something to think about.
2002-10-22 01:54:22 PM  
To absent friends, and present friends, and friends who bring presents -- the best kind of friends!
2002-10-22 01:54:36 PM  
Marriage is an institution that requires committment.

So before you get married you should be ready to be committed to an institution.
2002-10-22 01:55:14 PM  
Here I boast
Broken hearted
Came to toast
But only farted
2002-10-22 01:56:03 PM  
To the groom: "Dude, when i set you up with my sister, I was just trying to get you laid... i didn't know she'd pull the whole 'I'm pregnant' trick on you! sorry about that..."
2002-10-22 01:57:25 PM  
yeah, this was a bad idea.
but i'll definatly post some pics on sunday.
2002-10-22 01:58:43 PM  
I used to like them Young and Tender, Now I like them Ten and Younger.
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