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(Daily Princetonian)   Princeton student who was assaulted with an Orangina bottle for his Scientology beliefs now claims that he was abducted by extraterrestrials. Bonus: Article written by Tom Cruise   (dailyprincetonian.com) divider line 89
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17574 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2008 at 8:53 AM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-01-16 08:54:06 AM  
The satire tag. Use it.
 
2008-01-16 08:55:55 AM  
If I had a dollar for every time...

Oh, wait, no, that never happened to me.

/FSM have mercy on us all
 
2008-01-16 08:56:27 AM  
Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..
 
2008-01-16 08:58:45 AM  
Hope he is prepared to save every zig for great justice.
 
2008-01-16 08:58:47 AM  
If that isn't satire, Nava needs to be expelled for being an idiot, or Thomas Cruise needs to be expelled for writing a crappy lie about that Nava kid.
 
2008-01-16 08:59:51 AM  
Damn, that wasn't even funny.
 
2008-01-16 09:00:22 AM  
Yossarian22: Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..


Yeah, I watched this yesterday. Notice how the guy never says anything about anything? He never answers any direct questions and basically laughs maniacally throughout the whole thing.

Scientology = Crazy people in a cult


/Agnostic
 
2008-01-16 09:02:12 AM  
Edrondol:

Scientology Every Religious Group = Crazy people in a cult

FTFY
 
2008-01-16 09:02:18 AM  
www.dcsnacks.com

I'm looking into the future. I forsee emergency room visits across the country this weekend.
 
2008-01-16 09:02:53 AM  
Wow, painful. Another college student learns that writing funny satire actually requires a bit of effort. Ouch, still painful.

Glad it's not real, that would have been a waste of a perfectly good orangina bottle.
 
2008-01-16 09:03:39 AM  
Yossarian22: Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..


Wow. Kind of reminds me of thoes Star Wars geeks or Trekkies.
 
2008-01-16 09:05:16 AM  
Edrondal,
The music throughout the clip made me pensive but to listen to this batshiat crazy megastar ramble made my thetans quiver within.
 
2008-01-16 09:05:25 AM  
Control_this: I'm looking into the future. I forsee emergency room visits across the country this weekend.

Not if you take the cap off.
 
2008-01-16 09:06:18 AM  
I looked up and saw this giant tractor beam coming down toward me from a spaceship overhead," he said. "It was a trap.
 
2008-01-16 09:08:55 AM  
And what part of this (FTFA):

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internets.


is giving you all so much trouble?
 
2008-01-16 09:08:57 AM  
FTA: "I was just out for a walk, minding my own business, looking for a brick wall that would be suitable for my nightly head massage," he said.

...
 
2008-01-16 09:09:14 AM  
Leave Scientology alone! *sob*

Or at least learn to properly write teh funny.
 
2008-01-16 09:09:47 AM  
"All your base are belong to us." Either this is satire, or the guy was abducted by Farkers. I was waiting for ceiling cat to show up. Oh, and whats up with the brick wall/nightly head massage comment. And why was this the first story I read this morning... I need more coffee, dammit!!
 
2008-01-16 09:10:24 AM  
i89.photobucket.com
 
2008-01-16 09:11:05 AM  
orbister: And what part of this (FTFA):

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internets.

is giving you all so much trouble?


Isn't it pathetic that such an obvious, bad "satire" piece needs a disclaimer in this day and age?

/the piece ain't exactly an Orson Welles War of the Worlds radio broadcast
//although both took place in New Jersey
 
2008-01-16 09:11:25 AM  
orbister: And what part of this (FTFA):

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internets.

is giving you all so much trouble?


No, it's the fact that it's not very funny.
 
2008-01-16 09:12:17 AM  
FROM THE ARTICLE:

Recently, he said, he received emails with menacing messages including "life as you know it will be destroyed," "mankind is doomed" and "all your base are belong to us."

Not excerpted were the statements "you cannot survive make your time", "ceiling cat is watching you", and "o rly?".
 
2008-01-16 09:12:37 AM  
Recently, he said, he received emails with menacing messages including "life as you know it will be destroyed," "mankind is doomed" and "all your base are belong to us."

Coffee, meet monitor.
 
2008-01-16 09:15:14 AM  
And there was no actual connection to scientology except for the poor author who was named after Tom Cruise when he was born.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/archives/2007/12/14/news/19743.shtml

Sigh, a missed opportunity for commedy.
 
2008-01-16 09:15:38 AM  
Yossarian22: Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..


Holy shait. That is freaking weird.

I wonder what 'I would not hesitate to put ethics on someone else' means?
 
2008-01-16 09:17:42 AM  
Thetans? In my anus?
 
2008-01-16 09:17:48 AM  
Steward, another glass of Lithium for Mr. Cruise, please.
 
2008-01-16 09:20:36 AM  
Yossarian22: Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..


Well, I'm glad HE KNOWS, because I couldn't tell WTF he knew.

He doesn't really say anything of substance, does he? Of course, it was a bit hard to judge, as everything was presented without any real context.

He came across as quite egomaniacal, and he kept using Bush's line, i.e. 'you're either with us or against us.'

Tom Cruise acts like a Southern Baptist, just better-dressed.
 
2008-01-16 09:21:13 AM  
kornkobI wonder what 'I would not hesitate to put ethics on someone else' means?

Hell if I know. The assertion that 'As scientologist WE can bring about world peace and change criminals' sorta makes me want to hand out Tom Cruises address at the federal pen. "When you guys get out Tom would like to throw a party for you."

very close to the matt lauer freak out on the psychology topic. YOU do not understand the criminal mind, Tom Cruise does!
 
2008-01-16 09:22:03 AM  
Is that the sweet smell of FAIL?

Make with the pictures already.
 
2008-01-16 09:23:39 AM  
hawkmoon523: "All your base are belong to us." Either this is satire, or the guy was abducted by Farkers. I was waiting for ceiling cat to show up. Oh, and whats up with the brick wall/nightly head massage comment. And why was this the first story I read this morning... I need more coffee, dammit!!

orbister: And what part of this (FTFA):

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internets.

is giving you all so much trouble?
 
2008-01-16 09:24:48 AM  
Apperently the original student in question is a conservative college student who first claimed being assualt. He then admitted making this up.

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/12/18/conservative-liar-of-the-day-francisco- nava-princeton-student-admits-to-staging-attack/

------------

It started with a David Horowitz type college story:
........
An alleged physical attack on a Princeton University student who is leading a movement to instill conservative moral values among undergraduates is rattling the campus here. A politics major from Texas who is a junior, Francisco Nava, said he was physically attacked Friday, beaten, and rendered unconscious by two black-clad men about two miles from campus, he told the student newspaper, the Daily Princetonian, in an interview...read on
........
That would have been pretty terrible if it had actually been true. Just when you thought some Conservatives couldn't get any creepier.
........
A student at Princeton University who said he was beaten unconscious by two black-clad assailants Friday has said that he fabricated the assault, and that he sent e-mail death threats to himself, three other Princeton students, and a prominent conservative professor at Princeton, Robert George, police said today.
........
The guy beat himself senseless. The proverbial "black menace" attacks the poor and sensitive Conservative-who only wants to bring a little joy and morals to the land. I'm sure the NRCC will take a hard look at Mr. Nava. And what does that tell you about religion in politics?
........
According to friends, Mr. Nava grew up as a devout Roman Catholic and converted to Mormonism. He served on a two-year mission trip to Russia with the Mormon Church.
........
Oh, look-Brit Hume is using it today with an update: "Little Outrage over Little Outrage Over Student Beating at Princeton University."

--------------

Not really material for Fark unless you add a silly headline.

oh wait ...
 
2008-01-16 09:25:07 AM  
fark_say_waaa: Every Religious Group = Crazy people in a cult

FTFY


Sorry, you just failed your troll final exam. Thanks for playing, better luck next time, etc. etc.
 
2008-01-16 09:29:26 AM  
Opelia's snorkelHe came across as quite egomaniacal, and he kept using Bush's line, i.e. 'you're either with us or against us.'

just remember, only a Sith deals in absolutes.
May the force be with you..
The Force versus Scientology
Force wins...they get to carry lightsabers.
 
2008-01-16 09:31:36 AM  
skaya: Sigh, a missed opportunity for commedy.

Oh, I didn't realize this was a SuperDeluxe article.
 
2008-01-16 09:33:07 AM  
I see deductive reasoning remains alive and well at fark.com.
 
2008-01-16 09:33:39 AM  
skaya: Apperently the original student in question is a conservative college student who first claimed being assualt. He then admitted making this up.

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/12/18/conservative-liar-of-the-day-francisco- nava-princeton-student-admits-to-staging-attack/

------------

It started with a David Horowitz type college story:
........
An alleged physical attack on a Princeton University student who is leading a movement to instill conservative moral values among undergraduates is rattling the campus here. A politics major from Texas who is a junior, Francisco Nava, said he was physically attacked Friday, beaten, and rendered unconscious by two black-clad men about two miles from campus, he told the student newspaper, the Daily Princetonian, in an interview...read on
........
That would have been pretty terrible if it had actually been true. Just when you thought some Conservatives couldn't get any creepier.
........
A student at Princeton University who said he was beaten unconscious by two black-clad assailants Friday has said that he fabricated the assault, and that he sent e-mail death threats to himself, three other Princeton students, and a prominent conservative professor at Princeton, Robert George, police said today.
........
The guy beat himself senseless. The proverbial "black menace" attacks the poor and sensitive Conservative-who only wants to bring a little joy and morals to the land. I'm sure the NRCC will take a hard look at Mr. Nava. And what does that tell you about religion in politics?
........
According to friends, Mr. Nava grew up as a devout Roman Catholic and converted to Mormonism. He served on a two-year mission trip to Russia with the Mormon Church.
........
Oh, look-Brit Hume is using it today with an update: "Little Outrage over Little Outrage Over Student Beating at Princeton University."

--------------

Not really material for Fark unless you add a silly headline.

oh wait ...


Meh, sounds like standard College Republican tard-o pranksterism to me.

/anyone for an affirmative action bake sale?
//hey, it was mildly amusing the first 8 times we tried it
 
2008-01-16 09:35:39 AM  
Yossarian22: just remember, only a Sith deals in absolutes.
May the force be with you..
The Force versus Scientology
Force wins...they get to carry lightsabers.


And a "Live long and prosper" to you, good sir!
 
2008-01-16 09:42:44 AM  
I liked this from your profile:First crush on a guy: Mr Spock
Ophelia
And a "Live long and prosper" to you, good sir!

And a "Live long and prosper" to you, good sir!i216.photobucket.com
 
2008-01-16 09:44:47 AM  
kc987654: Control_this: I'm looking into the future. I forsee emergency room visits across the country this weekend.

Not if you take the cap off.


Wanna bet? Fapping with a bottle builds up one hell of a vacuum.

/saw a girl carried of a restroom on a stretcher with just such a predicament
 
2008-01-16 09:45:37 AM  
kc987654: Control_this: I'm looking into the future. I foresee emergency room visits across the country this weekend.

Not if you take the cap off.


Wanna bet? Fapping with a bottle builds up one hell of a vacuum.

/saw a girl carried of a restroom on a stretcher with just such a predicament
 
2008-01-16 09:52:37 AM  
"Meh, sounds like standard College Republican tard-o pranksterism to me."
........

yep, and the UFO article was the follow up update, from the joke issue.

now let's see if the author get reprimanded for religious discrimination. It's Princeton, after all.
 
2008-01-16 09:53:12 AM  
Yossarian22: I liked this from your profile:First crush on a guy: Mr Spock
Ophelia And a "Live long and prosper" to you, good sir!



Just let me...right click, save
Suprised I didn't already have that in my collection.
Ah, the man makes my knees watery and heart fluttery in such highly illogical ways.
Thanks, Yossarian22!
 
2008-01-16 09:54:38 AM  
Yossarian22: Link (new window)
the tom cruise indoctrination video. If you liked watching this loon attack Oprah's couch then you'll love this..


Wow.... Its like hes on acid or something.
 
2008-01-16 09:58:46 AM  
img26.picoodle.com
 
2008-01-16 10:04:12 AM  
It's so sad when people who don't know how to be funny try to be funny.
 
2008-01-16 10:05:45 AM  
Anyone else notice the alien bore a passing resemblance to Kang and Kodos? (Except with extra eyeball goodness.)
 
2008-01-16 10:11:20 AM  
Wow.... Its like hes on acid or something.

Cyborg77
, I have watched the video twice and am not sure if its the hangover I have OR the lunacy that Cruise has but I am missing something. He does seem scitzoid..more so than normal. But who am I to judge...he farks Katie Holmes and has a gajillion dollars...all I have is sanity.

Ophelia Suprised I didn't already have that in my collection.
Ah, the man makes my knees watery and heart fluttery in such highly illogical ways.
Thanks, Yossarian22


You are a trip. Is it Mr. Spock, or Leonard Nimoy in general that gets you so hot and bothered? If its Leonard may I suggest some copies of 'In Search of' for the next romantic adventure with su esposa.
 
2008-01-16 10:16:54 AM  
Ophelia,
happy hunting..Link (new window)
 
2008-01-16 10:19:51 AM  
Edrondol: He never answers any direct questions and basically laughs maniacally throughout the whole thing.


i129.photobucket.com
 
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