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(The Sun)   Angry passenger steals train's keys   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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3903 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2002 at 6:23 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

31 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-10-21 06:27:24 AM  
Slayer - Take this train and shove it!
2002-10-21 06:30:37 AM  
Okay If he gets it home where is he going to park it?
2002-10-21 06:42:27 AM  
I just have this mental image of the guy snatching the keys and hysterically running up and down the platform, waving them in the air shouting "weeeheeeeheeeeeheeeeeheeee" in a Homer Simpson voice.
2002-10-21 06:42:52 AM  
It was going fine until he locked the keys in it. You know how hard it is to find a wire hanger these days?
2002-10-21 06:44:41 AM  
>FUMING John Cain was so angry with a nightmare rail >journey that he nicked the train's keys in protest.

Oh, that'll help.

>He went off the rails after it took TEN HOURS to travel >from Liverpool to Cornwall.

Uhm, yes, that's how long it takes. Fly next time.

>But the Virgin train did not stop long enough for them to >gather their luggage and get off.

Perhaps they should have

A) opened the doors
B) used the emergency stop button

>The doors slammed shut and carried them from Par in >Cornwall another five miles to St Austell - where tiler >John hit the roof.

Teehee, 'Par'

That's the smallest train station in the universe. They were trying to get to Newquay, I bet.
2002-10-21 07:10:04 AM  
And to think that Richard Branson was voted in the top 100 'Great Britons' by BBC viewers.

Bet John Cain doesn't agree with that......
2002-10-21 07:24:42 AM  
Par for Newquay, the wanker's capital of the world. If there is a British version of the Florida tag, that would be it.
2002-10-21 07:32:30 AM  
Richard Branson rocks. His airline in Australia gave me a free flight to where ever i wanted in Aus. All i had to pay was my taxes. so my 3 night holiday cost me $400 on accom and flights :D

bargain :D

(i stayed in a good hotel since i had money to burn)
2002-10-21 07:33:13 AM  
That's what you get when you rely on pubic transport
2002-10-21 07:37:35 AM  
Next time, they should try gathering their shiat when it is announced they are pulling into the station- not wait til the doors start closing. Yep, everybody else's fault; not mine.
2002-10-21 07:42:49 AM  
Amy Bassinger steals Twain's Chi?
2002-10-21 07:56:20 AM  
Trains in the UK piss me off. I can not believe how expensive they are.

I had a little win yesterday though. I went to see London Irish play Edinburgh, (Rugby)in Reading. A mere 25 minutes outside London, but a whopping £21 cost journey. I had to take my girlfriend and given that i would have to pay for her ticket and train and food and beer, she would have cost me an extra £55 (approx usd$82).

However, I managed her to sneak her through the train gate using the old 2 through the turnstile at one time trick; and saved the cost of the rail journey. She doesn't drink much so it was quite a cheap day.

And no i don't feel guilty, given the times i have left my season pass at home and had to buy a new ticket or had to get my season ticket replaced and been charged admin levies.
fark 'em.
2002-10-21 08:00:11 AM  
It seems like this guy was tame compared to some. I have seen windows broke and guards assaulted on Virgin services.

I once travelled on 8 virgin trains in one week. 3 of them were late by over half an hour, one was on time but lost 1 hour from birmingham to truro, one was delayed for 3 (count em) hours while we waited for train crew and the others were delayed by up to 20 mins.

To make matters worse i have to take a journey to work everyday to birmingham new street. It takes ten minutes from where i live, but the station is now owned by Virgin. Guess which brand of train gets prority over my local service? Cue waiting for the DELAYED services, platform changes and huge snarl ups. And they have increased the frequency of the virgin trains so it is just getting worse.

If i ever met richard branson i would hit him square in the forehead. Or possibly a pistol whip or a biatch-slap. I know its not directly at fault, but if he wh0res his ugly bearded face around so much what do you expect? I hold him responsible for everything bad that happens at virgin. I stalked him for six months after i found a pube in my virgin cola.
2002-10-21 08:13:07 AM  
Beardy rich coont.

Goatman, help a yank out here. What do you mean by that? Beardy? Does that mean he has, like, a beard? Or does it mean more, or something else altogether? I have a beard; am I beardy? Is Santa Claus beardy? Did the rebirth of the goatee in the '90s cause things to get beardy?
2002-10-21 08:22:36 AM  
Virgin bad? Pussies. Try South West Trains!
Yay! An extra 15 mins taking a 20 mile detour
( Reading - Waterloo via Ascot and Hounslow vs Reading - Waterloo via Ascot and Richmond ).

At least their trains now have wheelchair access( a ramp to sit on the roof ), so they're now within the law...
2002-10-21 08:25:24 AM  
Hytes "the beardy" Xian - hehe
2002-10-21 08:39:50 AM  
okay, then:
FLA "the bushy" Chickie! - double hehe
2002-10-21 08:47:03 AM  
Its just going to get better in the UK.

Autumn time = more leaves on tracks
2002-10-21 09:05:50 AM  
Your wonderful answer raises, of course, a new question. And that really gets my goat, man, because I have to go to work now. Still, before leaving, I shall ask: bugger's grips?

I had better have an answer untethered when I get home. I would hate to have to get beardy on your ass.
2002-10-21 09:28:00 AM  
If Virgin's such a pain, throw it a good fvck. Most virgins can be pissy and whiney. Fvck em a few times, they calm right down and begin behaving like normal people.
2002-10-21 09:28:28 AM  
Goatman- Also see Face Fannies.

Forbes jnr squeeled as Wainthrope grapped his face fannies as he made his wasy up the marmite highway-source Suck THAT Jennings (1953)

Profanisaurus is god.
2002-10-21 09:32:47 AM  
In defence of Virgin: just like the airline business, the rest of the industry hates these new guys showing up and telling them how it's done. So, Virgin Trains get very low priority in signalling, and come somewhere below cattle trucks in the pecking order.

They've spent millions on 150mph trains, and shiatty companies like SW Trains get to stick their forty year old stock in front of them all the time.

That is all.
2002-10-21 09:34:12 AM  

That isnt the kind of fanny you have over there. That is why we laugh uproariously when you refer to a 'fanny pack' in films and such. Although we call it a 'bum bag' which i suppose is equally as funny.....
2002-10-21 09:35:30 AM  
Hytes, may be of use to you in deciphering this often confusing code.
2002-10-21 09:42:59 AM  
Actually, coming to think of it go to and go to the profanisaurus. You will never wonder about british profanity again. For example:

quimby n. Middle person in a threesome. See also lucky Pierre.

quumf v. To sit in waiting outside a public library in Blyth, for example, and sniff ladies bicycle seats as soon as possible after their owner has dismounted and gone inside. Also to snudge.

scrotum pole n. Old Red Indian erection at the foot of which lie John Wayne's hairy saddlebags (qv), and around which Madam Palm and her five sisters (qv) do ritual dances to precipitate spunk-fall.

Kojak's roll-neck n. Foreskin. Based on the slap headed lolly sucking 70s TV detective.

arsecons n. Of information technology, those computer keyboard symbols used illustratively to indicate the condition of an arse. e.g. Normal arse (_!_) Lard arse (__!__) Tight arse (!) Sore arse (_*_) Slack arse (_o_) etc.

So never be in doubt again!
2002-10-21 10:04:48 AM  
Hytes: Na, I would be "the baldy" - weeeeeeeeee
2002-10-21 10:53:30 AM  
A scouser stealing some keys? Wow, that's news....
2002-10-21 11:46:09 AM  
No ticket.
2002-10-21 11:53:20 AM  
Riding that train, high on cocaine, Casey Jones you'd better watch your speed.
2002-10-21 12:27:03 PM  
Slightly off topic, but this story reminds me of something sad/funny I witnessed a few weeks ago.

I commute to work by train every day, and I'm usually one of the first people off the train coming home. As I was getting in my car, I looked back at the train to see a very touching site: apparently an older couple had been taking their time getting off the train and got slightly separated. The woman stepped off with some luggage, and while the gentleman had turned around to grab more luggage, the doors closed.

What got to me was seeing the two of them "touch" each other through the window on the train doors. They didn't look upset or frantic or anything -- just bemused. Finally, as the train was starting up, the woman just sort of threw up her hands and walked off while the man stood looking kind of sad in the window.

The next train stop is only about 10 minutes' drive away, so I'm assuming she just drove to pick him up there. But the vision of him leaning on the door staring out as the train rolled off is etched in my mind.
2002-10-22 09:08:35 PM
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