I thought the first rule was not to talk about it?

/Monkey steals the peach is chock full of win.
//Would make a great fark handle too.

Also:

1) Don't give it up
2) Don't let it down (your guard)
3) Don't run around
4) Don't hurt him

nopokerface: When the Hobbits wouldn't make with the fellatio?

ROFL! Little farkers.


/Have a good weekend man!

Nobody 'wins' a fight. Ever.

Um......yes, they most certainly do.

I Said: exi: #1 thing to remember if you want to win a fight: Get the first punch in.

If you have come to the point where it looks like a physical confrontation is inevitable don't be reactive. And don't aim for the chin, that's movie fighting. A good smack right on the nose will produce pain, blood, tears and a sudden unwillingness to continue in many a bully.

I like a good, open hand biatchslap. Let me explain:

1) you have shown him, and everyone else, that you think he's a biatch.

2) Even if you lose, you biatchslapped him.

3) He now has a huge, red, hand-shaped welt on his face.

That's pretty good logic there.

1) Bring a gun.

pull her hair out

1. Step on the guy's foot.
2. Push him over backward.
3. Run like hell.

Andrew Wiggin: Don't bring a trashcan full of brains to a zombie fight?


/graaagh! (new window)

SherKhan: Fights are great examples of chaos theory* in action.

* Unless I'm misusing that term. Then I'm a just moran. Got a problem with that? *sucker-punch!*

Well, I guess I do get people riled up pretty easily

If you need to be told not to put your thumb inside your fingers when making a fist, you really shouldn't be fighting at all. Actually, you shouldn't even be allowed to walk around pretending to be a member of the male gender. Go hand in your male equipment at the local bar and kill yourself.

Isuldirs: xaks: Nobody 'wins' a fight. Ever.

Um, ya they do.

exi: #1 thing to remember if you want to win a fight: Get the first punch in.

Not necessarily.

/Used to fight
//a lot

If it weren't for all the crap one must go through in our current system of laws, I'd be inclined to agree with you. Sadly, a thorough asswhuppin, once a right of passage into manhood, has fallen by the wayside as the wussies turned into lawyers.

I've gotten my ass beat a couple of times. I learned to watch my friggin mouth if I couldn't back it up. I actually *miss* the occasional bar brawl...those are FUN until some candyass can't take a hit and pulls a .38, then it gets ruined for everybody.

Nowadays it just ain't practical to punch first. Le them swing first (notice I didn't say 'hit you', I said 'swing') in front of witnesses...THEN proceed.

1. Knee to the nuts
2. Run

Follow these steps:

1) Gently set down your Zima.
2) Reach waaaaaay back and grab some air.
3) Punch him, using all of your body weight, directly in the Cowper's Gland.
4) Pick up your Zima and continue the conversation with your mother.

2 targets take them out you win.

1.Eyes - poke, scratch, claw, hit.

2.Nuts - poke, pull, slap, stomp.

I'll stick to the swing, swing, tussle, head butt, stomp method.

What ever happened to a good old fashioned kick in the nuts?

1) there is no object so benign it cannot become a weapon
2) there is no place so barren it does not contain a weapon
3) there is no fight so winnable you do not want a weapon

Crewmannumber6: BlindRaise: Ground and Pound!! Oh and he says put your strong foot forward which is BS considering your strong foot and strong arm are usually the same and you want your strong arm cocked back to unleash wollymops.

Actually for a right handed person, I believe the left leg is stronger, as in doing a layup;jumup off your left leg, extend with your right arm.

I acually thought that was a good read, one rule I've learned: you have to know how to fight on the ground, that where they usually end up.

I don't know about that, think about which foot you would kick a soccer ball with I think that would be your strong foot, i'm a righty and I kick with my right.

FTA:

You should keep your feet about shoulder width apart, with your "strong" foot slightly forward.



You're doing it wrong...

tramis:

2.Nuts - poke, pull, slap, stomp.


...kick

Get some training.

Punching power does come from rotation of the core, jabs though, which are for setting up distance and set up other shots are from the shoulder.

Keeping the hands are arms close to your body help protect and don't telegraph your punches like haymakers do.

Learn the Muay Thai side / thigh kick.

Learn some take down defense like the sprawl. Lots of bar fighters seem to be ex high school wrestlers.

Too bad the website didn't know how to fight. Farked in less than 4k hits?

A random comment - a friend of mine taught me (and proved to me by doing it) that when grappling, if you poke at your opponent's rectum, he will let go of you to get away from your fingers/thumb. I don't know how well this would work in an actual fight, but it seems like a reflex.

The comment section has some funny remarks

Isuldirs: Have a good weekend man!

Same to you.

Blues_X

I keep a copy of the book that's from (Ninja Mind Control) on my work desk. Oddly enough, nobody yells at me in my office.

uh, never use the big looping hook or uppercut unless your opponent is pretty drunk (or unaware that he's in a fight, i guess). use jabs. i agree with the "pop 'em in the nose" school of thought. a quick jab to the face (not the chin, not the top of the head, the face) will usually slow down most folks not on some kind of substance or used to being hit in the face.

rule #2 - always make sure you stay on your feet. always always always. keep 'em both on the ground (the no kicking thing in tfa is good advice).

if you bust someone's nose and they just look at you and smile.... run. well, unless you're completely psychotic, too... in which case, have fun and try to stay on your feet.

/i can't even remember the last time i was in a fight
//seriously. i got told about it later, but i don't remember it too well.

ALL OF YOU ARE FORGETTING THE FIRST RULE

overlord_mike: A random comment - a friend of mine taught me (and proved to me by doing it) that when grappling, if you poke at your opponent's rectum, he will let go of you to get away from your fingers/thumb. I don't know how well this would work in an actual fight, but it seems like a reflex.

The comment section has some funny remarks

I've never thought of UFIA as a combat technique, but I guess it could work.

Kimbo Slice

this is what you want to do in this situation

/guy is an animal

Open palms, elbows, hard kicks straight into the knees, instep and groin.

Fists break on heads.

Dispector: I haven't been in a fight for quite a few years now, but the one thing I always did was have the mentality that it was a fight for me life. People seem to fight a lot harder when they think they're going to die.

/2 cents

arrrrrrrrgh

I live in a college town so sometimes I encounter drunks with nothing to do but start trouble. Last time, I left my house to walk my dog in the park. It was dark out and my dog is black (not that there's anything wrong with that) so they didn't see him. I hear one guy say to the other "yeah, let's get that one." And then they start approaching me. My dog promptly flipped the fark out, and I hear the other one say "shiat, he has a dog!" So they turned around and walked away without altercation. Drake got steak that night.

// My only real fight advice is to put your keys in your hand with the metal sticking out of your knuckles like spikes
// Go for the eyes, ladies

Screw all that noise.

Fist Fight
1) Take the hit (or 5)
2) Call cops, act hurt
3) Profit!

If they have weapons
1) Run
2) Run more
3) Don't get stabbed, shot, or beaten with your own leg

That is all

/ Who friggin' fights past high school?

nopokerface: When the Hobbits wouldn't make with the fellatio?

ROFL! Little farkers.


/Have a good weekend man!xaks: If it weren't for all the crap one must go through in our current system of laws, I'd be inclined to agree with you. Sadly, a thorough asswhuppin, once a right of passage into manhood, has fallen by the wayside as the wussies turned into lawyers.

I've gotten my ass beat a couple of times. I learned to watch my friggin mouth if I couldn't back it up. I actually *miss* the occasional bar brawl...those are FUN until some candyass can't take a hit and pulls a .38, then it gets ruined for everybody.

Nowadays it just ain't practical to punch first. Le them swing first (notice I didn't say 'hit you', I said 'swing') in front of witnesses...THEN proceed.

Oh ya, honor has fallen by the wayside to be sure. If ya fight in uncontrolled situation, your asking for trouble. I used to train MMA and we would always have some great fights after a day of training. 6oz gloves and a mouth guard and we would have at it. Difference was it was in a controlled environment and no malice behind the punches.

/only been in 3 "street" fights in 10 years.
//usually defending a drunk pal

Pre-emptive headbutt for the WIN!!

/never fails when I daydream...

MisterRPG:
// My only real fight advice is to put your keys in your hand with the metal sticking out of your knuckles like spikes
// Go for the eyes, ladies

i would also suggest one of those mini mag-lite flashlights, too. perfect thing to make a fist around.

that + keys sticking out = win.

Don't bring a watermelon to a hypotenuse fight.

/mad libs

4) Identify target

Always get the first punch in.

I Said: IAmAGodWarrior: Kimbo Slice

this is what you want to do in this situation

/guy is an animal

Guy is also huge and well trained.

so am i and every other farker.

/except that im even more huge, and better trained.

//im pretty much a god of fist fights

dj_bigbird: # Prevent the mount - don't let them get on top of you.
# Get on your side or belly
# Scramble like hell to get out of there.

What? If they get on top, give them side mount? Or on the back? What the fark? This guy is a dumbass. Giving the side mount or letting them get on your back is suicide.

There's so much fail in this article, to properly fisk it would take a decade.

Agree. Never give up your side or back. If they get mount, close the distance and if you don't know how to defend from the back scramble to get back up. But don't turn over.

Also the part about strong foot forward is from the old Jeet Kune Do teaching. Boxing and MMA teach to keep your strong side back.