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(   Scientists discover headbands like those worn by tennis players can protect you from steel beams fired at your head   ( divider line
    More: Unlikely  
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740 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Oct 2002 at 10:03 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

47 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-10-18 10:05:38 AM  
someone's gotta do it, might as well be now

still no cure for cancer
2002-10-18 10:06:06 AM  
so how long before you get a 50 quid fine for not wearing your headband??
place your bets now!
2002-10-18 10:06:14 AM  
no wonder Bjorn Borg has no brain damage to this very day.
2002-10-18 10:06:19 AM  
I hate tennis.
2002-10-18 10:07:04 AM  
In other news if you wrap yourself in 5 layers of bubble wrap you're less likely to get hurt falling off the roof of your home.
2002-10-18 10:08:09 AM  
and actually it protects your head from injury when your head is fired at steel beams, not the other way around.
2002-10-18 10:08:30 AM  
Maybe Tuddle from The Monsters of the Midday.
Russ, I know you are reading...
2002-10-18 10:08:47 AM  
Unfortunately no one ever fired a steel beam at John McEnroe's head.
2002-10-18 10:09:38 AM  
Marquis: still plenty time for that
2002-10-18 10:11:17 AM  
When they said "steel beam" I imagined one of the industrial construction beams being fired at a very frightened volunteer from a cannon...

But as it's a "safety" thing, I guess it'll become mandatory. Daft.
2002-10-18 10:13:03 AM  
You have more chances of having a stell beam fired at your head then Your head been fired at a stell beam. Anyway don't forget your headband.
2002-10-18 10:13:43 AM  
Waiting for screen cap from the Simpsons episode where they go to the car show and the Germans have a tape running of their crash test dummies that aren't really dummies...
2002-10-18 10:14:21 AM  
DC Sniper Surrenders.
2002-10-18 10:14:21 AM  
What will this news do to sales of Mike's Hard Lemonade?
2002-10-18 10:15:12 AM  
I know "steel" is the word of the day, thank you.
2002-10-18 10:17:21 AM  
I guess it might reduce brain damage by a third if you have a brain similar to the retards who believe this cr@p.
2002-10-18 10:18:50 AM  
If car drivers are that worried, why not just wear a full on racing helmet? Or at least a motorcycle helmet.
2002-10-18 10:21:12 AM  
You cannot be serious.
2002-10-18 10:21:12 AM  
3xD: most car drivers probably are worried. But I bet half of them dont even put a seat belt on
2002-10-18 10:21:17 AM  
What about falling anvils?

"An anvil's black and shiney...
...and very heavy too..."
2002-10-18 10:23:37 AM  
Sad, isn't it Eat_My_Shorts? I don't start the car unless everybody's seat belt is on. I also never ride my bike (motor and peddle) without a helmet. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for a helmet.. but that's another story (=
2002-10-18 10:24:57 AM  
On a scale of 1 to 10 in useful medical discoveries, with 10 being the cure for all cancers and 1 being a cure for scrotum itchiness, this is a -37.
2002-10-18 10:25:22 AM  
I can picture sometime in the immediate future socker mom's and a whole mini-van load of kids wearing gay tennis bands driving down the roads.

Don't show any mother's this article... it just leads to the 'Christmas Story' syndrom where moms bundle up the kids so freaking much they can't even move.
2002-10-18 10:26:49 AM  
Why would anyone in his right state of mind fire human heads at steel beams. It doesn't make sense. You can also claim that it is proven that when your're not in a car, there is less chance of being involved in a car accident. I don't need no headband to figure that out....
2002-10-18 10:31:40 AM  
Every time I read an article about a useless science discovery I bang my head on a wall. Now I wear a head band! Thanks, Mr. Scientist!
2002-10-18 10:32:02 AM  
3xD: I know where you are coming from. Been in too many near death experiences involving motor vehicles to not wear my belt. Having said that, the only reason my brother is still alive is because he didn't wear his belt.
Having said that, if he wasnn't going at 120mph when his car went into the field he probably would have been ok :)
2002-10-18 10:33:30 AM  
Don't forget your headband.
And don't forget to bob and weave the next time you fill your friggin' gas tank. \
And it is always safer to open your anthrax laden mail in a sound proof room.
But make sure you walk your dog 23 years ago with a leash and don't say your electric company SUCKS, especially in writing.
And in the future wear your laser proof goggles because they are trying to deflect an asteroid.
Did I leave anything out?
Oh yeah, don't forget to wear your d*ck desensitizing condom so you'll last 20 seconds instead of 15.

2002-10-18 10:33:51 AM  
What's wrong with a helmet?
2002-10-18 10:37:28 AM  
Nothing like a little head trauma paranoia on a Friday a.m.
*ties pillow to head with rope and gets into car*
2002-10-18 10:40:41 AM  
Don't forget your tinfoil hat, too.
2002-10-18 10:42:07 AM  
Johnny Knoxville {betcha I didn't spell that right) will be the first to test this one out...
2002-10-18 10:43:38 AM  
backItsASquirl! : perhaps someone could 'accidently' swap the safe headband for an actual tennis head band. now that would rock.
2002-10-18 10:46:40 AM  
He doesn't always wear a headband
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-18 10:51:17 AM  
I wonder who paid for all this testing?

Hmmm....Maybe the Headband manufacturer? Talk about creating a niche for your product.

HEADBANDS SAVE LIVES!!! Now, buy our headbands.

This reminds me of a joke:

A man goes to a toothbrush company and tells them that he is the best salesman they have ever seen. He says to give him a case full of 200 toothbrushes and he will be back tomorrow, having sold them all. They agree and the next day he comes back. All 200 were sold. Now, he does this every day for 2 weeks. Finally, the people at the toothbrush company get suspicious. They have a detective follow the "salesman" after he picks up his latest case. The detective follows him into the park and under a walking bridge. Here he sees a small table with a sign that says "Free Fudge". So, the detective walks up and says he'll try some. The man gives him a piece and he puts it in his mouth. The detective immediatly spits it out and says "Man, that takes like shiat!"

The other man then says "You wanna buy a toothbrush?"
2002-10-18 11:19:17 AM  
fark that! I ain't gonna wear no damn donut helmet in my own car. See, this is what happens when you try to put everyone in those tin-can death traps. Rather than make cars that can survive an impact, we find a way to pretend like the problem doesn't exist.

Now, I might add a 10-point roll cage and a 5-point safety harness. That would be cool.
2002-10-18 11:19:47 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-18 11:21:55 AM  
An in other news, scientists discovered that wearing a HELMET and NECK BRACE while you drive reduces the risk of head and neck injuries by 90%.

And in other, other, news, scientists discover that building a thick rollcage and protective metal frame in tot he car, and providing a four point harness reduces the risk of injury even further.

Seriously, this is nuts. I mean even if it is true, nobody's going to agree to wear a silly looking headband while they drive. I'd rather wearing a racing hemlet and neck brace.

And a full body racing suit... Vroooom. :-)

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-18 11:31:46 AM  
Is it legal to not wear seatbelts in America. I heard that a while ago. Probably not true.
2002-10-18 11:36:09 AM  
Damn you DedParrot, I was about to make the tinfoil joke...

Headbands may save lives but only tinfoil stops them from reading your mind.

Now I have to sit in the corner and sulk
2002-10-18 12:09:04 PM  
Now now now... The real question is...

When do we start firing steel beams at John Romero's head?
2002-10-18 12:22:03 PM  
Depends on the state, in Cal it is not legal, though we have a thing called a Highway funding bill which says you have to have X in order to get money, last thing was a standard Blood alchol
limit (.10 or .08) I think so not to sure it has not been attached to that.
I would love to drive a car where helmet and racing suit would be a good idea (and not look totally out of place)
2002-10-18 12:27:27 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-18 12:59:25 PM  
" I would love to drive a car where helmet and racing suit would be a good idea (and not look totally out of place)"

I was just thinking how farking funny would it be to like dress in a full racing suit like I'm weating there and jsut drive aorund in it, and you pull up to a stoplight and there's a cop there and you look over to him and give him a thumbs up. :-)

Okay they'd probably pull you over. :-) But it would be worth it. :-)
2002-10-18 01:00:56 PM  
On second thought they'd probably arrest you for something stupid like not being able to hear what's going on around you.

Of course they don't arrest asshats with huge subwoofers blasting so loud they can't hear anything. :-)
2002-10-18 01:47:06 PM  
Deadduke-Hahahahah I love
2002-10-18 01:51:00 PM  
Ahh, but are they effective as a hat of meat?

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-18 01:54:49 PM  
Eat_My_Shorts: Lol...Launch Weeman outta cannon covered in headbands...

Any time I hear that word, I think of HairBands...Hmm...
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