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(one really bored federal inmate)   Happy birthday to the greatest frivolous lawsuit writer in America: Mr. Jonathan Lee Riches©   ( news.justia.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

17437 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2007 at 4:37 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



123 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2007-12-27 12:23:50 PM  
WTF?

Anyone care to elaborate on this whackjob?
 
2007-12-27 12:30:14 PM  
Some inmates take up litigation as a hobby to pass the time. So they sue anything and everyone everywhere for anything and everything. This guy simply perfected the art.

The real beeotch of it is, most often the filing fees are waived for filing in forma pauperis (indigent) and the prison pays for postage. So they do it for free.

I know. My job includes defending a lot of inmate suits, so I anticipate getting a kick out of any replies.
 
2007-12-27 12:31:51 PM  
I call BS on the headline. Jack Thompson takes that cake.
 
2007-12-27 12:50:16 PM  
Muhahaha, this is pure gold:


Jonathan Lee Riches vs. Randy Weaver, et al:

Plaintiff sued Randy Weaver, Vicki Weaver, Kevin L. harris, Lon T. Horiuchi and Arthur Roderick for "Shooting My Mind to Death." Plaintiff alleged that Randy Weaver was after him because plaintiff had a computer affair with Vicki Weaver on internet chat lines. Randy Weaver alleged then hired sharp shooters to surround FCI Williamsburg to scope out plaintiff's life. Plaintiff stated that he had survived 628 assassination attempts in the last 6 months. Plaintiff also charged that Randy Weaver killed an FBI analyst in front of Home Depot and whose murder was blamed on John Muhammed. Plaintiff also alleged that Randy Weaver killed Michael Jordan's father, as well as President Kennedy. Plaintiff added that Weaver wants him to wear lipstick and name change to Victoria Weaver II.


628 assassination attempts in 6 months? That averages out to 3.5 attempts per day. Sounds like his hitman is in the wrong line of work.
 
2007-12-27 12:53:09 PM  
Holy smokes, it only gets better:



Riches v. National Aeronautics and Space Administration et al:

Plaintiff sued the National Aeronautics and Space Administration "NASA", John F. Kennedy Space Center, Lisa Nowak d/b/a "Space Astronaut", Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and the Space Shuttle Challenger for NASA Harassment. Plaintiff seeks the return of copyrighted and patented material belonging to Jonathan Lee Riches, i.e., jet fuel, space suits, moon rocks, mercury, DNA from pluto. Plaintiff also moves for a TRO prohibiting defendants from launching any material away from Earth without plaintiff's written permission. Plaintiff claims that defendants are in a major conspiracy to defraud American tax payers and Congress, and that he learned this through his sexual relationship with Lisa Nowak who brought secret documents to him in prison. Plaintiff also asserts that his ex-girlfriend Lisa Nowak told him that the Mars rover isn't at Mars, but in an Arizona desert to make people believe NASA has been to Mars to justify federal funding. Nowak also allegedly told plaintiff that the International Space Station is a trailer that was bought from a Miami Winnebago dealership for $1,200.


He patented DNA from Pluto? This guy is full of win.
 
2007-12-27 12:55:48 PM  
Has he announced plans to vote for Edwards?
 
2007-12-27 12:58:37 PM  
Riches v. Jena 6 et al

Plaintiff sued the Jena 6 for "Loss of My White Rights" and sought $100 million in white gold and the White House. Plaintiff alleged that defendants hung a white noose in his cell at FCI Willaimsburg, told the FCI Williamsburg dentists not to fix his white fillings, fed him tainted White Castle hamburgers, turn his cell mate into Snow White, called him the white Suge Knight, burnt him with Great Whites pyrotechnics, made him suffer whiteouts, gave him white phosphorus, subjected him to low white blood cell counts, and that Vanna White won't write. Defendants also allegedly turned plaintiff into a white collar criminal and sent Whitehouse prosecutors after his white skin.


I lol'd.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2007-12-27 01:03:52 PM  
He's suing the Uniform Commercial Code. Will process be served by slipping the summons between the pages of a UCC volume?
 
2007-12-27 01:18:43 PM  
"space astronaut"

Is there another kind of astronaut?
 
2007-12-27 01:22:47 PM  
Normally I would hate an asshat like this...but his lawsuits are hysterical.
 
2007-12-27 01:28:52 PM  
DonnyBaker: "space astronaut"

Is there another kind of astronaut?


Diaper-wearing-girlfriend-wacking?
 
2007-12-27 01:50:09 PM  
Plaintiff seeks a temporary restraining order against Defendants Benazir Bhutto,

Good luck with that.
 
2007-12-27 01:51:32 PM  
This dude needs to start writing episodes of Law & Order...I'd pay good money to see what he comes up with. These case descriptions are amazing.
 
2007-12-27 02:36:47 PM  
ZAZ: He's suing the Uniform Commercial Code. Will process be served by slipping the summons between the pages of a UCC volume?

Ugh.....getting Contracts flashbacks again.
 
2007-12-27 03:36:50 PM  
Riches v. Steinbrenner

Go get 'em!
 
2007-12-27 03:37:18 PM  
Riches v. I-35W Bridge, August 20, 2007 October 9, 2007

Plaintiff alleges that he wrote letters to the Governor of Minnesota in the past about bridge cracks on the I-35 West Bridge and the Governor responded back "Mind your business kid." Plaintiff now asserts that he is entitled to relief under the Whistleblowing Act. Plaintiff also alleges that the defendants are in a vast conspiracy to sabotage bridges around the country, that the defendants placed obese people besides the victims on I-35W to place a strain on the concrete, that the defendants sabotages I-35W to justify more federal funding at the expense of taxpayers, that defendants are in a conspiracy with Alaska Senator Ted Stevens to build a bridge to nowhere, and that he suffered psychiatric trauma from watching buildings fall on YouTube.

Ha!
 
2007-12-27 03:55:49 PM  
Locke3k This dude needs to start writing episodes of Law & Order...I'd pay good money to see what he comes up with. These case descriptions are amazing.

Couldn't possibly do much worse than the current (well, ok, current-but-on-strike) writers are. Show might be better as a comedy...
 
2007-12-27 04:11:11 PM  
Plaintiff alleged that defendant Billy Joel the Singer is his step-father, and sent him to defendant Vision Quest Psychiatric Facility in Franklin, Pennsylvania. Plaintiff alleged that Vision Quest forced him to sleep in teepees with no UFO radar defense system. Plaintiff also alleged that Italian hitmen made him sign an omerta silence oath, Vision Quest made him travel around the country in horse and buggies like the Amish, and "We Didn't Start the Fire" was in the stingrays head when it killed the croc master Steven Irwin.


That's gold.
 
d23 [BareFark]
2007-12-27 04:17:13 PM  
Plaintiff (a/k/a "Litigator Crusador") alleged that defendant Jeff Gordon conspired with Barry Bonds, Michael Vick and others to drive his life insane, create madness in the world, and use #24 as a weapon of mass destruction. Plaintiff further alleged that defendant tied him to the bumper during the Talladega race, took Kit from Night Rider, used his #24 car in illegal car fights at Jiffy Lube Express, and used the #24 to hit Juan Valdez's horse. Plaintiff seeks a preliminary injunction to prevent defendant from driving off without paying at Sunoco stations.

oh holy fark.
 
2007-12-27 04:46:50 PM  
noYOUare: Plaintiff seeks a temporary restraining order against Defendants Benazir Bhutto,

Good luck with that.


Came in here to say just that!
 
2007-12-27 04:47:13 PM  
Riches v. Woolston et alOctober 16, 2007November 5, 2007
Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches sued Defendants Philip Woolston, Steve Jobs and Apple Computer Inc. alleging sexual harassment with Apple gadgets.


Sometimes a drink holder is more than a drink holder. Let's not imagine anything bad with the mouse. Especially the Apple Puck.
 
2007-12-27 04:48:04 PM  

The best -

Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches sued Defendants Philip Woolston, Steve Jobs and Apple Computer Inc. alleging sexual harassment with Apple gadgets.


iWonder what they iDiddled him with?
 
GCD
2007-12-27 04:49:59 PM  
Riches v. Craig et al September 7, 2007 October 10, 2007

Plaintiff seeks $99 billion dollars, a public warning system if defendants appear on television, and an order that defendants register as sex offenders. Plaintiff complains that the actions of defendants have caused irreversible damage to his mind and made him sick. Plaintiff further alleges that he is afraid to use airport restrooms because Senator Craig might be lurking in the restroom stalls soliciting sex by attempting to play "footsie" with unknown male patrons while relieving themselves.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
 
2007-12-27 04:50:11 PM  
Impressive. Most impressive.
 
2007-12-27 04:50:18 PM  
Scratch this one off the list: Riches v. Bhutto et al
 
2007-12-27 04:50:28 PM  
Wikipedia (pops)
 
2007-12-27 04:52:06 PM  
Plaintiff alleged that Beckham uses satellite precision guided soccer balls that are remote-controlled by British agent James Bond and Pakistani intelligence.

I knew it!
 
2007-12-27 04:52:19 PM  
Plaintiff sued Bob Woodward and Ann Coulter for political corruption. He alleged that Bob Woodward was sleeping with First Lady Laura Bush and that Ann Coulter was sleeping with President George W. Bush to obtain and share White House secrets, so that defendants can write about them in their books. Plaintiff claims to have learned about this conspiracy in a poker game with various former politicians who are now incarcerated. Plaintiff also alleges that Ann Coulter plans to write a book titled "How to Sleep with a War Criminal." Plaintiff moves to stop any future books defendants write so that Sandy Berger at the National Archives can examine for leaked information.

Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches© d/b/a "Lawsuit Sleuth" sued defendants Martha Stewart d/b/a Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc., Floyd Landis a/k/a Tour de France Champion, KMART Corporation and E.T. the Extra Terrestrial. Plaintiff alleged that defendants have conspired to have Floyd Landis pedal his bike into the South Fork dam while E.T. uses his magical powers. Plaintiff further alleged that Landis has a state of the art Huffy bike that transforms into a flying missile, which will be used to breach the dam and have a flood of water rush into FCI Williamsburg and flush plaintiff into the Bermuda Triangle.


/Comedy gold!
 
2007-12-27 04:53:34 PM  
Some of the best defendants:

Riches v. Sigma Alpha Epsilon et al
Riches v. Putin et al
Riches v. Hurricane Katrina et al
Riches v. 843-387-9400 et al
Riches v. Dick Clark New Year Rockin' Eve 2008, et al
Riches v. Somali Pirates
RICHES v. WATERGATE et al
Riches v. Harris


Wait a minute, look at that last one. Is he suing me?!
 
2007-12-27 04:54:40 PM  
TFA: October 17, 2007--MOTION for Temporary Restraining Order by Jonathan Lee Riches. (fap)

Guess there's not a lot to do in court...
 
2007-12-27 04:54:43 PM  
I think this is good cause it shows the the US need to get rid of this type of bullshait
 
2007-12-27 04:54:48 PM  
This (new window) is my favorite defendant list. It's about time somebody held WKRP, tsunami victims, FARC, The Doobie Brothers, Tammany Hall, the planet Pluto, and Lambeau Field accountable
 
GCD
2007-12-27 04:55:52 PM  
Wanna bet that FARK.COM will receive a lawsuit from this guy shortly?

/$5 dollars
 
2007-12-27 04:56:32 PM  
Ok. Next time I go before a judge, I am SO Saying "Your Honor, Litigator Crusader for the Plaintiff".

/It's just damn catchy is all.
 
2007-12-27 04:56:42 PM  
One of his defendants should get in on the joke and counter sue him for slander.
 
2007-12-27 04:57:09 PM  
I like this one the best.

Plaintiff charges that defendant Theodore John Kaczynski is trying to unabomb his life because plaintiff won't return his manuscript that he received from the Washington Post. Plaintiff also alleges that defendant is rounding up all the Teds in the world to hurt him, including Ted Kennedy, Ted Bundy, Ted Turner, Bill and Ted, Ted Nugent, Teddy Bears, and Teddy Rumpskin.
 
2007-12-27 04:59:14 PM  
I've often wondered if Mr. Riches is totally sane and outputting some of the most brilliant surreal fiction ever created, or if he actually suffers from serious paranoid schizophrenia and believes everything he writes.

Or perhaps some twisted combination of the two.
 
2007-12-27 05:00:47 PM  
Man this guy is just full of win. Guess it beats counting the blocks on the wall.
 
2007-12-27 05:01:00 PM  
noYOUare: Plaintiff seeks a temporary restraining order against Defendants Benazir Bhutto,

Good luck with that.


Guess he got his people on the outside to take care of the problem.
 
2007-12-27 05:02:20 PM  
Plate of Crazy: noYOUare: Plaintiff seeks a temporary restraining order against Defendants Benazir Bhutto,

Good luck with that.

Guess he got his people on the outside to take care of the problem.


As it turns out, making Bhutto keep her distance was a good idea.
 
2007-12-27 05:03:10 PM  
GCD: Wanna bet that FARK.COM will receive a lawsuit from this guy shortly?

/$5 dollars


I will take you up on that: my 5 dollars says that Fark.com will not receive a lawsuit from this guy shortly.


Shortly is defined as the period between now and 12:00PM EST December 28 2007
 
2007-12-27 05:03:18 PM  
I wonder what kind of wire fraud he commited that got him that much federal time with a plea. The wiki quotes an ID theft link, guess that could be it.

He is a great combo funny and nuts. I say give the guy a TV show when he gets out. Would be better than half the crap.
 
2007-12-27 05:03:30 PM  
gregly: I've often wondered if Mr. Riches is totally sane

You really wonder? Look at the lawsuits, they're all clearly jokes. The guy is in prison with nothing to do, but he can file free lawsuits, so he comes up with the most crazy, funny stuff he can think of. I guarantee he's completely sane and just figured if he's going to be sitting in a cell he might as well fark with the system any way he can.
 
2007-12-27 05:05:59 PM  
Nine Penny: Wikipedia (pops)

An editor has expressed concern that the article subject is unbalanced.


FTFWikipedia
 
2007-12-27 05:07:03 PM  
Plaintiff alleged that defendant Billy Joel the Singer is his step-father, and sent him to defendant Vision Quest Psychiatric Facility in Franklin, Pennsylvania. Plaintiff alleged that Vision Quest forced him to sleep in teepees with no UFO radar defense system. Plaintiff also alleged that Italian hitmen made him sign an omerta silence oath, Vision Quest made him travel around the country in horse and buggies like the Amish, and "We Didn't Start the Fire" was in the stingrays head when it killed the croc master Steven Irwin.

I have nothing to add to that
 
2007-12-27 05:08:23 PM  
drjekel_mrhyde
I think this is good cause it shows the the US need to get rid of this type of bullshait

That's all well and good but the problem is that a lawyer would have come up with the legislation and effectively put himself out of a job. It'll never happen.
 
2007-12-27 05:09:29 PM  
Boobies!!!: This (new window) is my favorite defendant list.


...SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, MILES O'BRIEN, CABLE NEWS NET-WORK "CNN"...


Does Not Approve.


img149.imageshack.us

 
2007-12-27 05:10:03 PM  
Riches v. Ditka et al

Wonder how that went for 'em?
 
2007-12-27 05:11:38 PM  
GCD: Wanna bet that FARK.COM will receive a lawsuit from this guy shortly?

/$5 dollars


The question is: will he take on individual users?

Riches v. John Doe a/k/a Czarangelus for inducing cerebral embolysm?
Riches v. John Doe a/k/a TheConvincingSavant for Libel?

I could go on, but I just don't care. I won't bet 5 dollars on what is clearly a rainmaker for Mr. Riches.
 
2007-12-27 05:11:51 PM  
This is my fav (towards the end, ya gotta dig, people!)

VS. Hurricane Katrina. ...comes now the Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches AKA "Jonny Sue-Nami"...this is a civil action puruant to violations of ... USG 1961, CIA Water Torture, Salting my Wounds, tainted seafood. Plaintiff seeks $35,000,000,000.00 Billion Dollars in a treasure chest for damages. Plaintiff respectfully prays for relief in the book of Yahweh. Amen.
 
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