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(ABC News)   Americans spending more time on the toilet than ever before   ( divider line
    More: Cool  
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1877 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2001 at 9:51 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

41 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-08-01 10:13:09 AM  
You know why I spend more time on the toilet? One word: IPAQ.
2001-08-01 10:20:13 AM  
An hour a day? I'm lucky to get a good 15 minutes in the morning and a few number ones during the day.
2001-08-01 10:20:22 AM  
You know why I spend more time on the toilet? One word: Shit.
2001-08-01 10:23:51 AM  
One word: FARK
2001-08-01 10:41:58 AM  
Why is this [image from too old to be available]?
2001-08-01 11:51:32 AM  
Well, can you blame us? The Japanese are even coming out with some sort of magical toilet of terror, which can do all kinds of weird things. Like take samples of your stool, and test it for diseases. And I think I heard somewhere that they are currently making one with big eyes (so as to stick with current japanese robotic technology:P).

Of course all those grease ball burgers we eat isn't helping.
2001-08-01 11:56:25 AM  
The seat up/seat down controversy regularly causes a fuss, according to 45 percent of the ladies surveyed (and 33 percent of the gents).

I'm sick of hearing about this. Guys lift the seat to pee. Women put it down to pee. Seems like if everyone does their job correctly, there is no controversy.

I still don't understand people who read in the bathroom. WTF do you have comin' out yer ass that you have time to read something? (excuse my language)
2001-08-01 12:10:39 PM  
This would explain why Denver feels the need to have 900 toilets in their new stadium. Everybody's taking too damn long in the crapper.

Grav8e Bless you! The controversy is when everybody's too lazy to do it themselves, and expects the last person to just guess the gender of the next person to feel the call of nature. So instead of taking a second to move the toilet seat to the preferred position, they complain as to why it's not already there when they arrive. Pfff...unless you have the RAGING squirts, you've got time to move a damn toilet seat before sitting down.
2001-08-01 12:22:51 PM  
Actually, the controversy is because it is essential that women have the toilet seat down, and men - well, don't count, actually. Not if we don't want to end up sleeping on the sofa.

My, I'm bitter today.
2001-08-01 01:03:47 PM  
We never had this up/down problem where I grew up. One hole. One Sears catalog. No seat to put up or down.
2001-08-01 01:09:13 PM  
That is because we can download fark onto our PDA and have quality reading while we are purging.
2001-08-01 01:10:26 PM  
Fine, Rob...they want it down, I'll just leave it down and piss all over it. They can't have it both ways.

Why do I sound so bitter? Why have I wasted so much brain processing power on this topic?
2001-08-01 01:11:17 PM  
Demosthenes- You beat me to that. I was laughing at the fact that someone thought: "More time on the crapper? COOL!"
2001-08-01 02:00:04 PM  
jeez, that state of news reporting in this country is going down the crapper. i swear to god i was watching my local news station (owned by fox/rupert murdock) and the anchor reported with a straight face that "at&t has installed new fiber optic cables making it now the best and fastest telecommunication company in the world." that was it. just an ad for at&t. i really hope people are smart enough to know when they're being bullshiatted.
2001-08-01 02:06:56 PM  
ABC News must be hurting for good stories.
Also, the story says "in the commode" not "on the john." Taking a shower every day will help bring up the average time quite a bit.

I never could figure the seat down controversy out. However, I do have a good theory. As near as I can tell, women assume the seat is down and fall in the toilet quite often. This would easily explain the fury with which they DEMAND the seat be left down.
2001-08-01 02:19:11 PM  
We spend more time there because that's the only place the other half, kids, work doesn't bother us!!
2001-08-01 02:19:31 PM  
dahake, it's simple. the women who complain about the seat being left up are simply too weak to lower it themselves, and need a big strong man to do it for them.
2001-08-01 02:20:54 PM  
What angers me, Dahaka, is that they ALSO demand that it be put up when we urinate so as not to dampen the seat with our fluids. They should be responsible for at least ONE of those actions, and us men should be responsible for the other.

Shouldn't we be debating something more important to society? I dunno...after the past two days disputing the amusing Rei, I need a less controversial subject to argue.
2001-08-01 02:23:50 PM  
No duh I spend a lot of time there! It's one of the only places I can masturbate at work.
2001-08-01 03:09:57 PM  
But you are more likely to be contaminated by E. coli or fecal matter when you touch the faucet handles in the sink than when reading Scientific American or even Playboy.

How comforting.
2001-08-01 03:32:40 PM  
The thing that bugs me is when guys urinate all over and don't clean it up. I don't care if you leave the seat up, but I do care if you pee all over. Ugh.
2001-08-01 03:58:55 PM  
Are you for or against fluffing the sheets after a fart, Mme. Mersault?
2001-08-01 04:09:26 PM  
Would you rather the fart stagnate under the sheets for hours...embedding itself into the fabric of the sheets?

*this conversation is degrading quickly...i hadn't thought it possible*
2001-08-01 04:28:16 PM  
That were I'm at right now! Ahhhh!
2001-08-01 04:48:27 PM  
Mersault: Look at it this way, fluffing is better than the old Dutch Oven - the malicious release of rectal pressure accompanied by the pulling of sheets over the head of the one beside you.

The truly frightening thing in all of this being that I'm having deja-vu about this conversation. AUUUAHHHGHGHH!!
2001-08-01 05:11:29 PM  
I didn't read the article or most of the posts for that matter, but my 2 cents (or .0307 Canadian) anyway:

The reason people spend more time on the can is avoidance behaviour. Think about it. While at work, you can go disappear in the stall with this weeks Economist or a good book and avoid your boss. While at home, your spouse is nagging you and complaining about his/her day, just go to the throne and start reading. If you spouse doesn't get the point just pop a smelly one out and don't do a courtesy flush--sure way to get rid of them.

If I missed the point of the article TFB since I have a lot of work to do today and probably won't even get to spend some quality time on the throne reading. Hell I don't even have that much time to Fark today.
2001-08-01 05:22:28 PM  
I knew Americans were full of themselves, but now it seems they're full of shiat too.
2001-08-01 05:25:33 PM  
We earned the right to be full of ourselves, I suppose.
2001-08-01 07:21:35 PM  
"The average American spends about an hour a day in the commode"

Thats gross
2001-08-01 07:51:18 PM  
Don't forget to allow for wanking time.
2001-08-01 07:55:31 PM  

Don't forget "Handi-Capped people make Handi-Capped faces!"

2001-08-01 08:09:00 PM  
poopin is a good hobbie
2001-08-01 08:33:36 PM  
2001-08-01 08:34:49 PM  
my first html link!!
Can I get a round of applause?
2001-08-01 08:45:24 PM  
No. I forget the link, but every, check out BRI (Bathroom readers institute). Good books. Make diahrehea a pleasant experience.
"If you sprinkle while you tinkle be a sweetie wipe the seatie!"
2001-08-01 08:55:05 PM  
i remember that line being written in a bathroom stall. when i was a kid my friends and i thought it was hilarious
2001-08-02 12:10:02 AM  
"this is a tee-pee for doin your pee-pee, not a wig-wam for beating your tom-tom"

got that from mad magazine when i was a kid.
2001-08-02 01:09:16 AM  
i'm so proud to be an american.....*flush*
2001-08-02 01:10:39 AM  
I, too, strenuously objected to farting and then sheet fluffing by my significant other. Protesting, biatching and moaning got only laughter in response to my request that he cease and desist this juvenile behavior. I bought a can of air freshener and hid it in my nightstand drawer. The next time he farted and fluffed, I blasted him right in the ass with the air freshener. Worked like a charm. He stopped doing that silly shat.
2001-08-02 09:25:13 AM  
Lol Fuzzmosis

I have a sign above my toilet that says exactly that.

2001-08-02 11:21:45 PM  
The average American spends about an hour a day in the commode

What the fark? An hour?? I spend like 20 minutes total in the bathroom (one #2, two or 3 #1s)... where are you getting all your shiat?
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