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		Dead author wins bad sex award. It's not what you think (edition.cnn.com)		58
		More: Amusing

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16850 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2007 at 7:21 PM | Favorite | share:

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astoreth		2007-11-27 07:23:31 PM

You know who else's parents had bad sex?

Modguy		2007-11-27 07:23:42 PM

Necrophilia

MedTek		2007-11-27 07:23:44 PM

What, nothing?

OK. TTIUWTT.

kilgorn		2007-11-27 07:23:50 PM

I wasn't thinking anything...

Everett the Red		2007-11-27 07:24:16 PM

The article godwin'd itself.

Cranialsodomy		2007-11-27 07:24:43 PM

Wait... Hitler was the product of incest? Then how was he Jewish on one side?

snowcircle		2007-11-27 07:24:43 PM

No thats kinda what I thought

WizardofToast		2007-11-27 07:26:15 PM

I was thinking of a very piss poor sex scene of just two fictional characters. Filled with grammar and spelling errors.

birdmanesq		2007-11-27 07:26:18 PM

Well, isn't badly written sex better than no written sex?

kevinatilusa		2007-11-27 07:28:41 PM

You can read the passage in question Here (new window)

TheShizzler		2007-11-27 07:29:59 PM

Actually, this is exactly what I thought it was.

pleasuretaco		2007-11-27 07:30:52 PM

I got started with my bad sex in literature fetish when a girl I worked with lent me a horrible paperback. The kind with Fabio on the cover, only it was so bargain-basement that they couldn't even afford Fabio - and it was essentially just hard core porn draped over some half-assed, disposable story. The girl in it had a habit of going to communion, then balling up the host and cramming it up her ass. Good times.

muckin refarkable		2007-11-27 07:32:46 PM

Cranialsodomy: Wait... Hitler was the product of incest? Then how was he Jewish on one side?

The Moyle sneezed

Caesar1313		2007-11-27 07:33:49 PM

Cranialsodomy: Then how was he Jewish on one side?

He wasn't.

MexicanNerd		2007-11-27 07:34:21 PM

Anyone ever read Kiss the Girls? Night Shivers? bestsellers with awesomely bad pron in them.

/Agrees with TheShizzler

eatin' fetus		2007-11-27 07:35:08 PM

pleasuretaco: I got started with my bad sex in literature fetish when a girl I worked with lent me a horrible paperback. The kind with Fabio on the cover, only it was so bargain-basement that they couldn't even afford Fabio - and it was essentially just hard core porn draped over some half-assed, disposable story. The girl in it had a habit of going to communion, then balling up the host and cramming it up her ass. Good times.

If by "host" you mean "priest's penis", you have accurately described the situation of thousands of male Catholic youth

The Invisible Sky Wizard		2007-11-27 07:35:30 PM

birdmanesq: Well, isn't badly written sex better than no written sex?

Spoken like someone who hasn't had the honor of reading adult fanfiction written by highschoolers.

adenosine		2007-11-27 07:36:10 PM

That article was exactly what I thought.

Actually, I think the real award should go to 'Killobyte'. Why did I read so much Piers Anthony? All his books are bad.

zopi		2007-11-27 07:37:12 PM

olddinosaur		2007-11-27 07:37:23 PM

Well, I happen to be a dead author, so I can't get a kick out of these replies. . . . .

Obvious?

I Said		2007-11-27 07:38:19 PM

Hot, sweaty, incestuous, Adolf Hitler sex.

Who wants a tiny moustache ride?

DeltaPunch		2007-11-27 07:39:39 PM

That's not bad writing. THIS is bad writing:

So Klara turned head to the foot, and dressed into its unmentionable part downward of it hard-breathing nose even it utters, and was accepted its old striking ram into its lips. Uncle was now as soft as the coil of excrement. It sucked on I eat nevertheless... Hound it began to come to the life. Right in its mouth. It astonished it Alois was so limp. But now it was man again! Its mouth lathered with its undermining, it turned it all around and embraced its side with completely the passion of its own lips and the side, prepared for the latter in order to grind in it with hound, governs it in it piety.

Bagelox-99		2007-11-27 07:44:36 PM

That's all of that I need to read.

Mentat		2007-11-27 07:45:44 PM

Cranialsodomy: Then how was he Jewish on one side?

It was only on his left side.

jake_lex		2007-11-27 07:47:04 PM

I wonder how Norman Mailer's going to hold up over time. I mean, he did leave behind some unquestionably great books, but, at the same time, he also wrote some truly ghastly ones, and I wonder how much his public persona ended up inflating his literary credentials, and now that he's gone and the writing has to stand up on his own, how much of that will remain.

Still, though, I miss the days when authors were out there stirring shiat up, and not either trying to kiss Oprah's ass or being deliberately obscurist.

yakmans_dad		2007-11-27 07:55:55 PM

jake_lex: I wonder how Norman Mailer's going to hold up over time. I mean, he did leave behind some unquestionably great books, but, at the same time, he also wrote some truly ghastly ones, and I wonder how much his public persona ended up inflating his literary credentials, and now that he's gone and the writing has to stand up on his own, how much of that will remain.

Still, though, I miss the days when authors were out there stirring shiat up, and not either trying to kiss Oprah's ass or being deliberately obscurist.

2 or 3 of Mailers book are re-readable. Whether the Future thinks so is for them to decide. A lot of his writing was comic because of its excess. That's the risk in trying to be Big and Outlandish, because the line between Big and Buffoon isn't wide.

Harry Freakstorm		2007-11-27 07:58:20 PM

"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."
Bill O'Reilly
Those Who Trespass

dangelder		2007-11-27 08:00:24 PM

Harry Freakstorm: "Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."
Bill O'Reilly
Those Who Trespass

Bill, I think you are gay after reading that.

birdmanesq		2007-11-27 08:02:05 PM

The Invisible Sky Wizard: Spoken like someone who hasn't had the honor of reading adult fanfiction written by highschoolers.

Touche.

TheScientist		2007-11-27 08:04:49 PM

TheShizzler: Actually, this is exactly what I thought it was.

um. this.

appears to be a subby fail day

djkutch		2007-11-27 08:05:20 PM

I Said: Who wants a tiny moustache ride?

Catholic girls?
/can't be obscure

Highrollr		2007-11-27 08:08:23 PM

zopi:
Two thumbs up!

/what?

Well played.

kb7rky		2007-11-27 08:10:12 PM

roddikinsathome		2007-11-27 08:11:23 PM

I Said: Hot, sweaty, incestuous, Adolf Hitler sex.

Who wants a tiny moustache ride?

You want to credit my pypal account for that new keyboard, or should I bill you?

Actual Farking		2007-11-27 08:12:12 PM

roddikinsathome		2007-11-27 08:16:56 PM

Actual Farking: The written medium stifles Bill's erotic muse. He really thrives within the genre of drunken voicemail.

Drunk-Dial Erotica? Hrrrmmmm...

DrForrester		2007-11-27 08:18:07 PM

TheShizzler: Actually, this is exactly what I thought it was.

This.

calm like a bomb		2007-11-27 08:28:57 PM

muckin refarkable: Cranialsodomy: Wait... Hitler was the product of incest? Then how was he Jewish on one side?

The Moyle sneezed

*golf clap*

/don't go for the whole +eleventy thing
//it's sad that the headline is EXACTLY what I thought it was

Cardinal		2007-11-27 08:29:35 PM

"...ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety."

Mmmmm...piety!

f2f		2007-11-27 08:40:45 PM

past winner:

Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say "No, Hoyt" and talk to him like a dog. . .

SwiftFox		2007-11-27 08:49:41 PM

Know who else was named "Norman"?
www.orangecow.org

/gn

Cosmic Crab		2007-11-27 08:51:51 PM

Actual Farking: The written medium stifles Bill's erotic muse. He really thrives within the genre of drunken voicemail.

His stage performance art is quite striking, but I'm not sure if his sitting on a Sybian during it adds or subtracts to the impact. I find the whine from the over-taxed motor to be distracting.

whitefalcon79		2007-11-27 08:53:40 PM

Oh man, oh God, oh man, oh God!!!

Cardinal		2007-11-27 08:58:03 PM

Mmmmmmm...otorhinolaryngological caverns.

Actual Farking		2007-11-27 08:59:48 PM

Cosmic Crab: Actual Farking: The written medium stifles Bill's erotic muse. He really thrives within the genre of drunken voicemail.

His stage performance art is quite striking, but I'm not sure if his sitting on a Sybian during it adds or subtracts to the impact. I find the whine from the over-taxed motor to be distracting.

I would argue that it adds a great deal to the performance. The Sybian's over-taxed motor represents the American middle class struggling against the burden of taxes that support illegal immigrants.

orbitalfreak		2007-11-27 09:02:35 PM

Quicklikeabunny		2007-11-27 09:10:15 PM

I drunk laughed for like 30 seconds. My neighbors must think I'm almost as weird as I really am.
/Drunk
//Laugh!

swahnhennessy		2007-11-27 10:25:50 PM

I'm reading The Castle in the Forest at the moment. The sex is kinda hot. It's other parts of the book that I'm beginning to have my doubts about.

Also, pretty crappy snippet of an article to not even name the book.

/and when the hell is FARK going to work?

Alyna_jf		2007-11-27 10:41:26 PM

Here is is:
"So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless ... The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. It surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety."

That is just so. so. SO wrong. ewwwwwwwwwwww!

talking_pie		2007-11-27 10:47:44 PM

f2f: past winner:

Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say "No, Hoyt" and talk to him like a dog. . .

I LOL'd

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