Somacandra:

Thanks. Just the song I needed stuck in my head for the long drive home...

/good thing I have the Reel Big Fish version handy

Interesting point one of the posters in the comments made about the books. I dunno if it's wallpaper...but it all looks like the SAME book.

McEnroe My Childhood Nemesis: Speaking of Mensa, does anyone else here speak Spanish?

You would think that a band of geniuses would pick a name that doesn't mean "stupid" in a language that nearly 400 million people speak worldwide.

/just sayin'
//probably just bitter I'm not smart enough
///but then again

Maybe it's an acronym like:
Men Eat New Shiat Always
Moons Eminate Neglectful Science Alliteratively
Monster Egos Nest Southern Assholes
/Yup, think last one is the one

So, let me get this straight.
Most of you folks deem this guy a douche?

/I am sensing a trend.

westbound pachyderm:
/I just wish there was a way to fark his hot or not
//Anyone check it lately? I'm on a school computer
///If we can vote, then do it!

It's locked somehow. It's been stuck at 8.9 since this whole douchebagery started and it keeps showing the same number of votes each time I click on it.

/wish Mab1823 was here

He's the Mayor of Douchetown and up for re-election!


/women in Las Vegas would LOVE this guy

westbound pachyderm: Monster Egos Nest Southern Assholes


FTW!

You, my dear, win the thread.

0100010: "I know who I am and I'm just going to keep living my life and enjoying myself."

Yes, I'm sure he's going to be "enjoying" himself for a long long time...

Tofu that was brilliant! I thought he was familiar!

"Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor."

I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks...

Easily my favorite episode.

"My only regret...is that I have...boneitis."

I think I'll send him some suggestions:

John,

You really need to go ad supported with this and you need to update your pages more often.

1. How about a page for us H8rz to fill with our H8?

2. A page for all your conquests with your personal observations on the quality of your couplings (w/pics). Example: Believe it people, I did this chick three times and she once turned down a hookup with Ice Cube. Degree of difficulty: No roofies or mentions of my Ivy League degree. She was better in the sack after she had a couple beers in her.

3. A page on all the people who winked at you, starting with "The biatch Who Started It All." Example: Doodz! This chick actually thought I'd let her suck my cock!

4. A page for you to manage a crew of Nozzles in Training. Example: John! Help! I've been dating this chick for three weeks and she still wont give up the anal. Here's a pic of me. Am I not popping my collar right? Wrong shade of pink? Help!

Hollywood Cole: Tofu: He is a dead ringer for the cool '80s guy from futurama.

Don't you worry about blank. You let me worry about blank.

I thought the same thing.

Blank? BLANK?!!? you're not looking at the big picture.

That transcript was full of win.

Dear Mr. John Fitzgerald Page,

Please

OK, OK...I'm finally here. Looks like I missed a ton of stuff. Haven't even had a chance to read the whole thread.

/we still think he's a douche, right?

mab1823: OK, OK...I'm finally here. Looks like I missed a ton of stuff. Haven't even had a chance to read the whole thread.

/we still think he's a douche, right?

The votes are not all in yet. We dont want to jump to any conclusions but I am guessing it may just swing in favor of douche.

mab1823

we still think he's a douche, right?

i think it was mentioned in passing

I'm thinking Mr. Fitzerald is way long vinegar and he is getting ready to flood the market.

mab1823:

Did you ever post anything else about the softball game? I didn't find anything in your myspace blog.

And anything else about that last threat?

IXI Jim IXI: It sounds more like he's satirizing the internet.

You are right. I thought the plan might be to start on the internet and build to a reality television show, but your take makes much more sense.

Shaggy_C: He wouldn't really be upset if he lived up to his boastful descriptions of himself. Fact of the matter is, he's getting none, he hates his job, and his car isn't even close to top of the line. Add people on the internet mocking him now too, and he's basically teH suck.

Oh noes! His car isn't top of the line? Well, then he MUST be a huge loser, because, as we all know, the kind of car you drive totally defines how great you are at life! Jeez, he's a douche and all, but ragging on his car is kinda stupid. Plenty of people that have money don't drive expensive cars. Besides, if someone is going to judge me based on my car, then they aren't worth my time, and they're actually doing me a favor by not liking me. When did people become so damned materialistic? When did people's stuff become more important than what kind of person they are? Believe me, I am not defending this guy by any means, but rag on him for his actions, not what kind of car he has!

espiaboricua: So he's MENSA.

Guess what? It fits him: most people who belong to MENSA are very arrogant about the fact that they pay $69/year (plus section fees) to say that they belong to MENSA.

hmmm...sounds like other people I know who $5/month to act superior and elitist...hmmm...who could I be thinking of...

amanda kickass: Shaggy_C: He wouldn't really be upset if he lived up to his boastful descriptions of himself. Fact of the matter is, he's getting none, he hates his job, and his car isn't even close to top of the line. Add people on the internet mocking him now too, and he's basically teH suck.

Oh noes! His car isn't top of the line? Well, then he MUST be a huge loser, because, as we all know, the kind of car you drive totally defines how great you are at life! Jeez, he's a douche and all, but ragging on his car is kinda stupid. Plenty of people that have money don't drive expensive cars. Besides, if someone is going to judge me based on my car, then they aren't worth my time, and they're actually doing me a favor by not liking me. When did people become so damned materialistic? When did people's stuff become more important than what kind of person they are? Believe me, I am not defending this guy by any means, but rag on him for his actions, not what kind of car he has!

Ragging on a car is acceptable if the other person brought it up first.

Empress of Blandings Castle: mab1823:

Did you ever post anything else about the softball game? I didn't find anything in your myspace blog.

And anything else about that last threat?

Every time I think about doing a blog, he goes and does something else. He's currently trying to get my phone number so he can post a picture of me with it on his illustrious web page, presumably so I can be harassed as he was. I think he's bluffing, but even if he isn't, I don't think he's thought his cunning plan all the way through.

cefm: If he digs himself any deeper, he might go all the way through the crust and into the mantle, blanketing the entire west EAST coast in a sea of firey magma!

We are not claiming this one, he's all yours.

Can someone post the Ha ha guy with JFP's face on it. I can't seem to find it anywhere

SharkInfested: espiaboricua: So he's MENSA.

Guess what? It fits him: most people who belong to MENSA are very arrogant about the fact that they pay $69/year (plus section fees) to say that they belong to MENSA.

hmmm...sounds like other people I know who $5/month to act superior and elitist...hmmm...who could I be thinking of...

Oh no you di'n't!

Oops, I forgot to say that he's a douche!

There, glad I got that off my chest...



I liked NAMBLA so much, I bought the company!

Somacandra: IXI Jim IXI: Thanks. Just the song I needed stuck in my head for the long drive home...

Always glad to be of service.

/Mr. Page is a douche. Who else would brag about having lunch with the Secretary of Defense nowadays?

Which secretary of defense? This was a while ago, right? Like from when he won a spelling bee in middle school or something?

He has threatened to kick my ass at least twice...and he's wanting to talk "man-to-man" with me over the phone.

PAY! Pay $5/month

self Rotskied while being snarky. Perfect

mab1823: Empress of Blandings Castle: mab1823:

Did you ever post anything else about the softball game? I didn't find anything in your myspace blog.

And anything else about that last threat?

Every time I think about doing a blog, he goes and does something else. He's currently trying to get my phone number so he can post a picture of me with it on his illustrious web page, presumably so I can be harassed as he was. I think he's bluffing, but even if he isn't, I don't think he's thought his cunning plan all the way through.

whats the story on this one?

mab1823:

He has threatened to kick my ass at least twice...and he's wanting to talk "man-to-man" with me over the phone.

Are you sure he isn't just flirting with you?

mab1823: He has threatened to kick my ass at least twice...and he's wanting to talk "man-to-man" with me over the phone.

More like: man-to-douche

Has anyone mentioned yet, that this dildo is a total pharking douche bag?

mab1823: He has threatened to kick my ass at least twice...and he's wanting to talk "man-to-man" with me over the phone.

farking do it man. Record it and post it. if he wants pics and phone numbers of people who have ragged on him, you can have mine.

mab1823
Every time I think about doing a blog, he goes and does something else. He's currently trying to get my phone number so he can post a picture of me with it on his illustrious web page, presumably so I can be harassed as he was. I think he's bluffing, but even if he isn't, I don't think he's thought his cunning plan all the way through.

I'd give him your phone number. From looking at your profile pics the only thing you'll get is dates.

/that would really piss him off

Shocktopus:
We are not claiming this one, he's all yours.

You don't understand the magnitude of douche we're dealing with. His impact on the earth's mantle would cause a ripple effect splitting the San Andreas off the continental shelf and causeing massive earthquakes from New York to Savannah. He has the douche potential could wipe the landscape clean and put the United states in a worse economic position than it was when it was populated by mammoths and glaciers.

I just want to thank JFP for improving my self-esteem. I used to think that I had the worst social skills in the world, but he's proven that there's at least one person worse.

And I don't wear pink shirts or suspenders.

most people who belong to MENSA are very arrogant about the fact that they pay $69/year (plus section fees) to say that they belong to MENSA.""

// thats... like awesomely intelligent
\\ i can't even figger it out, nor care if i do

tweekster: mab1823: Empress of Blandings Castle: mab1823:

Did you ever post anything else about the softball game? I didn't find anything in your myspace blog.

And anything else about that last threat?

Every time I think about doing a blog, he goes and does something else. He's currently trying to get my phone number so he can post a picture of me with it on his illustrious web page, presumably so I can be harassed as he was. I think he's bluffing, but even if he isn't, I don't think he's thought his cunning plan all the way through.

whats the story on this one?

Once he found out about the softball thing, he sent me e-mails DEMANDING an apology and/or an explanation. I, of course, didn't say a thing. He wants to have the last word, and it kills him that he can't have it. I learned from Hollywood Cole's experience.

He says that if I won't apologize, he's gonna post the pictures and phone numbers of me and two of the girls involved...like that'll do anything. I hope he directs his "1.35 million" page hits to my business website.

Hollywood Cole: mab1823: He has threatened to kick my ass at least twice...and he's wanting to talk "man-to-man" with me over the phone.

farking do it man. Record it and post it. if he wants pics and phone numbers of people who have ragged on him, you can have mine.

Mine, too. He wants to shut you up by posting your info? He can post ALL our info.

/Have at it, Douche!
//Maybe he'll finally grasp that what happened to him only happens to douches.

Soooooooooooo many grammatical errors in my last post.

/stings a little...
//but preview is for pussies.

Egaeus: I just want to thank JFP for improving my self-esteem. I used to think that I had the worst social skills in the world, but he's proven that there's at least one person worse.

And I don't wear pink shirts or suspenders.

Awww...our first Douchebags Anonymous testimony

I can relate dude....I can relate

*sniff, sniff*

What I don't understand is why people join Mensa in the first place. It's like the most lose-lose organization in the world...

You can't talk about it to people who don't qualify without being a douche-bag, and if you do join then you have only shown you are too stupid for a real High-IQ society. If you don't qualify for at LEAST a 99.8 society, just don't even bother.

If High-IQ societies were trendy nightclubs Mensa would be the one members of Mensa could get into. ;)

I IMDBed the guy, basically, his acting career consists of White Guy In Black Movie roles

theorellior: ego-nickels into his cranial piggybank

All kinds of awesome

sleeps in trees: mab1823
Every time I think about doing a blog, he goes and does something else. He's currently trying to get my phone number so he can post a picture of me with it on his illustrious web page, presumably so I can be harassed as he was. I think he's bluffing, but even if he isn't, I don't think he's thought his cunning plan all the way through.

I'd give him your phone number. From looking at your profile pics the only thing you'll get is dates.

/that would really piss him off

Why thank you.

/and yes, it probably WOULD drive him to distraction
//still haven't heard what became of the "Inside Edition" nonsense

mab1823
Once he found out about the softball thing, he sent me e-mails DEMANDING an apology and/or an explanation. I, of course, didn't say a thing. He wants to have the last word, and it kills him that he can't have it. I learned from Hollywood Cole's experience.

I'm just getting underway with my turn. Thank you for being the pathfinder! Seriously, what's he going to post on his site? These chicks and this guy pranked me into a game of softball and then laughed at me? I got no pussy for my trouble and now I want to kick mab's ass! I wrecked my BMW getting there too 8-(

People threaten this guy? He's made himself into a big joke but why would anyone hate him enough to want to do him harm?

He certainly is a pompous ass though.