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(Gawker)   John Fitzgerald Page: the douche that keeps on douching. Listen closely to his whine about Fark mocking him   (gawker.com) divider line 1765
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29002 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2007 at 4:54 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-11-20 06:37:40 PM
John in his younger years?

Link (new window)

/ Thanks much for the email, Hollywood Cole.
 
2007-11-20 06:37:55 PM
Tofu: He is a dead ringer for the cool '80s guy from futurama.
Don't you worry about blank. You let me worry about blank.


Brilliant.
 
2007-11-20 06:38:02 PM
Bwaahahahaha. I almost missed this thread. I'm saving it to enjoy later.

I hope this guy doesn't turn out to be a serial killer or something. We'll be sorry we enjoyed him so much.
 
2007-11-20 06:38:04 PM

One of my favorite sections of the website is "Skills". This is his list of lookalikes:


Will Ferrell, Steven Seagal, Bruce Campbell, Ben Affleck
Matthew Perry (74%), Mathew Fox (70%), Kyle McLaughlin (70%), Jason Priestly (70%) Patrick Swayze (68%), Simon LeBon (67%), Nick Lachey (66%), Ryan Phillippe (64%) Jesse Metcalfe (64%), Tom Cruise (64%), Matt Damon (63%), Billy Zane (62%) Hugh Grant (60%), Heath Ledger (58%), Luke Perry (57%), Val Kilmer (56%) Lance Armstrong (53%), Paul Walker (52%), Fabio (48%)
 
2007-11-20 06:40:01 PM
I love this thread!

I wondered if I was going to have time to play Call of Duty 4 on my 360 tonight...guess not! This is more fun!
 
2007-11-20 06:41:02 PM
He sounds like he's part of the coveted "Dicktard" demographic.

I just like typing "dicktard".

And "Douchelord".

And "Twatbomb".

/heh, twatbomb
//douche
 
2007-11-20 06:41:03 PM
RedShoes60: Link (new window)

How did Mr. Page, in his omniscient glory, not realize that his fly is down in this pic from the front page of his modeling site?

MENSA, huh?


Nice catch. -And NOTHING says classy like having your photo taken while you sit on a futon...
 
2007-11-20 06:41:04 PM
I don't want to say John's full of shiat, but here is a pic of his bathroom.
farm3.static.flickr.com
 
2007-11-20 06:41:06 PM
Ex Parte Gilligan
I'd have to rate him a Level 3:

I'd give him a 4.
 
2007-11-20 06:41:53 PM
I feel bad for him this much:

[-|-----------------------------------]
 
2007-11-20 06:41:56 PM
I Said

I stand corrected. And I wish I had though of that.
 
2007-11-20 06:41:59 PM
I'm a little late to the thread. Has anyone mentioned that this guy is a douche?

/douche
//douche
///douche
/doing my part to raise the thread-douche count


////douche
 
2007-11-20 06:42:30 PM
"this could happen to you"

...if you are as big a dick as you are.
 
2007-11-20 06:42:47 PM
madfgurtbn
Mozilla suite? Have you been freeze dried or doing hard time? Ain't been no Mozilla suite around here for centuries!

It's called "Seamonkey" now.
And the only "suite" part I occasionally use is the HTML editor/"edit page" function.

But I prefer the UI structure (and options) to Firefox; advanced features aren't buried deep in the preferences - if they exist at all.


Plus, Firefox did crash a _lot_ more the one time I wanted to switch.
 
2007-11-20 06:43:13 PM
john edward is still a bigger douche.
 
2007-11-20 06:43:21 PM
Somacandra:

Thanks for having a sense of humour. : )
 
2007-11-20 06:43:31 PM
Man, I wish I had as much going on as this guy.
 
2007-11-20 06:44:07 PM
"If this could happen to an Ivy League grad, someone with an IQ like mine, this could happen to anybody."

What a weird little paradox - his failure to acknowledge his arrogance has lent him to being humble about the amazing talent for being a douchebag he has.
 
2007-11-20 06:44:33 PM
cefm: Can somebody PLEASE take the shovel away from that douchebag?

Only if I get to hit him in the head with it.

GOD I hate smug bastards...
 
2007-11-20 06:45:12 PM
fantastico
I hope he's at least part german:

Well, he visited Berlin at least one time:

www.clusterfake.de
 
2007-11-20 06:45:48 PM
karasoth: some of the posters who show up in John's threads in other places claim he doesn't hold down a job for more then a year. If you also look at his resume he has a lot of crew work for Former Turner Network stations which work in the Atlanta area..

Not to mention that he told the girl that he worked for Limited, but as we know, his own resume (poppin'-fresh) shows he only worked for them for seven months back in the 90s.
 
2007-11-20 06:46:58 PM
swarms909: Man, I wish I had as much going on as this guy.

Dude, some woman wrote your name on her butt and you posted it in your profile.

You are way ahead of this doucherocket.

/plus, the hits on your profile are about to explode.
 
2007-11-20 06:47:11 PM
Let's fix that picture of the Holiday Inn Water Frolickers just a little bit:

i216.photobucket.com

There, that's much better.
 
2007-11-20 06:47:47 PM
Here's one of his reponses to an email I sent him:

JL:

Do you want to have a face to face? What exactly is your problem? Do you want me to forward your threats to the authorities?

I "messed with the wrong people"? I sent a private email to a girl on the internet, which masks my email address on a paid service. Who did I mess with?

I have done no interview with anyone. Where I am lying about my age. I am not a predator, some chick hit on me. I am not an idiot, I am Ivy League educated and a Mensa member. I am an 8.9 on Hot or Not, so the general public thinks I am attractive. I never said I was a movie star - where did you read that? My website is 100% accurate.

You are a sick, vindictive person. You are stalking, threatening and harrassing a man you don't know.

So do you want to go at it? Or go away? Or have me send your emails onward?

If my stats make me a loser, what are yours? Who is a winner out there?

Regards,

JFP


My Response:

JFP,

Why do you continue to lie about your age? Why? Please explain that to me. Maybe you can help me understand. And why do you check your Hot or Not status every 15 minutes? Your behavior is disgusting. Can't you see that? Are you that naive and self-absorbed with appearance and credentials that your need outside approval? Remember, this is ALL your fault that any of this happened. If you had just let that girl who "winked" at you slide, you'd be in the clear. But, since your ego is so crucial to your existence...I guess you felt the need to be a total jerk.
If you can find one woman (which you probably can't...at this point, or even before that) who would respond in a positive manner to the email you sent her...please let me know. You can not talk to a woman like that. If you are such an educated person and a supposed MENSA member, you should already know this.
You, sir, are the definition of FAIL.

Thanks for all the fun. You have taught me a lot. I will make sure I never act like YOU.
Oh, and as for your "face to face" invite? No thanks. If I want to see a tool, I'll go to Home Depot.


Spin
 
2007-11-20 06:48:01 PM
Next up on his profile: "Was requested by CBS for exclusive appearance".
 
2007-11-20 06:48:25 PM
Douche DOUC-H-E DO:UC:HE PM: Douche douche douche douche, douche douche douche; douche douche douche. Douche douche douche douche douche douche, douche douche douche douche douche douche?

Douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche.


Douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche douche! Douche douche douche douche douche douche douche, douche douche douche!!!!

\douche douche douche douche
\\DOUCHE!
 
2007-11-20 06:48:46 PM
After the Britney Spears guy and this guy, I think we're seeing the birth of a new breed of attention whore, the mass media troll. I think he's trolling everyone and everything, and somehow he's getting a payoff. Either direct dollars from some click-through, or just ego-nickels into his cranial piggybank. A douche? Who knows the real deal, but he's playing on on TV.

If he ever mentions he's a member of the GNAA, you know you've been had.
 
2007-11-20 06:49:49 PM
I don't think his shiatty hair plugs are getting enough attention.
 
2007-11-20 06:50:09 PM
"It's just you and your hand tonight..."

/Pink
 
2007-11-20 06:50:14 PM
From a Gawker commenter

BY FURIOUS_GEORGE AT 01:59 PM

John Fitzgerald Page is the punchline to some cosmic joke I'll never fully understand, but nevertheless can still appreciate. He's sort of like God's version of a New Yorker cartoon.


if I was drinking something when I read this it would have left my nose
 
2007-11-20 06:50:57 PM
He did give Fark a shout out, that was pretty cool of him.


/always looks for the positive in people
 
2007-11-20 06:51:58 PM
Sunny Ray: He did give Fark a shout out, that was pretty cool of him.

Great. Maybe Drew will send him a free copy of the book :D
 
2007-11-20 06:52:35 PM
theorellior

After the Britney Spears guy and this guy, I think we're seeing the birth of a new breed of attention whore, the mass media troll. I think he's trolling everyone and everything, and somehow he's getting a payoff. Either direct dollars from some click-through, or just ego-nickels into his cranial piggybank. A douche? Who knows the real deal, but he's playing on on TV.

If he ever mentions he's a member of the GNAA, you know you've been had.


You nailed it. "cranial piggybank" .... nice!
 
2007-11-20 06:52:57 PM
If there's such a thing as karma, this douche will wind up being purchased by Rosie O'Donnell.

/douche
 
2007-11-20 06:53:44 PM
I think Andy Kaufman has come back to life and decided to update his Tony Clifton character in order to satirize reality television. Hence, the creation of John Fitzgerald Page.
 
2007-11-20 06:54:07 PM
So he's MENSA.

Guess what? It fits him: most people who belong to MENSA are very arrogant about the fact that they pay $69/year (plus section fees) to say that they belong to MENSA.
 
2007-11-20 06:56:14 PM
Douche.
 
2007-11-20 06:56:21 PM
IXI Jim IXI: Sunny Ray: He did give Fark a shout out, that was pretty cool of him.

Great. Maybe Drew will send him a free copy of the book :D


If he is fully committed to the New Media, he probably already has.
 
2007-11-20 06:56:45 PM
McEnroe My Childhood Nemesis
One of my favorite sections of the website is "Skills". This is his list of lookalikes:


Will Ferrell
, Steven Seagal, Bruce Campbell, Ben Affleck
Matthew Perry (74%), Mathew Fox (70%), Kyle McLaughlin (70%), Jason Priestly (70%) Patrick Swayze (68%), Simon LeBon (67%), Nick Lachey (66%), Ryan Phillippe (64%) Jesse Metcalfe (64%), Tom Cruise (64%), Matt Damon (63%), Billy Zane (62%) Hugh Grant (60%), Heath Ledger (58%), Luke Perry (57%), Val Kilmer (56%) Lance Armstrong (53%), Paul Walker (52%), Fabio (48%)


He does look a bit like Will Farrell and Ben Affleck's idiot love child.
 
2007-11-20 06:58:04 PM
beekayy: I think Andy Kaufman has come back to life and decided to update his Tony Clifton character in order to satirize reality television.

It sounds more like he's satirizing the internet.
 
2007-11-20 06:58:08 PM
theorellior: After the Britney Spears guy and this guy, I think we're seeing the birth of a new breed of attention whore, the mass media troll. I think he's trolling everyone and everything, and somehow he's getting a payoff. Either direct dollars from some click-through, or just ego-nickels into his cranial piggybank. A douche? Who knows the real deal, but he's playing on on TV.

If he ever mentions he's a member of the GNAA, you know you've been had.


You might be on to something, actually. He's hawking merchandise on his site with his 14 douchiest sayings.

/the next Andy Kaufman?
 
2007-11-20 06:58:17 PM
I wanna drop a load on Julie Chen's beautiful face.
 
2007-11-20 06:58:29 PM
Samsaran: He does look a bit like Will Farrell and Ben Affleck's idiot love child.


He does have a bit of the mongoloid in him doesn't he?
 
2007-11-20 06:58:44 PM
Dammit!!! I've been on the road all day today, and I was trying to get the video this morning to post here. Someone beat me to it!

I watched it live this morning...classic.
 
2007-11-20 06:58:52 PM
beekayy: I think Andy Kaufman has come back to life

Get out of my head.
 
2007-11-20 07:01:35 PM
CARL_WEATHERS: EVERYONE WANTS TO FIGHT ME!!

www.msu.edu">
 
2007-11-20 07:01:36 PM
The Voice of Doom:
We need to work on that bat signal.

Who knew there would be a sequel to the sequel to:


Which to post, which to post..


/not the only page

Post 'em all! We didn't come here to be disappointed. Get the bat signal, so that mab can join the fray!
/I just wish there was a way to fark his hot or not
//Anyone check it lately? I'm on a school computer
///If we can vote, then do it!
 
2007-11-20 07:02:42 PM
Speaking of Mensa, does anyone else here speak Spanish?

You would think that a band of geniuses would pick a name that doesn't mean "stupid" in a language that nearly 400 million people speak worldwide.

/just sayin'
//probably just bitter I'm not smart enough
///but then again
 
2007-11-20 07:03:06 PM
mab1823: Dammit!!! I've been on the road all day today, and I was trying to get the video this morning to post here. Someone beat me to it!

I watched it live this morning...classic.


So what's new, mab? Have any softball games lately?
*snort*
/working on that bat signal for ya
 
2007-11-20 07:04:28 PM
"I know who I am and I'm just going to keep living my life and enjoying myself."

Yes, I'm sure he's going to be "enjoying" himself for a long long time...

Tofu that was brilliant! I thought he was familiar!

"Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor."
 
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