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(Gawker)   John Fitzgerald Page: the douche that keeps on douching. Listen closely to his whine about Fark mocking him   (gawker.com) divider line 1765
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28991 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2007 at 4:54 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-11-20 05:51:39 PM
After reading all of the Douche comments I just have to say that I think my wifes name for this kind of a guys is a little bit better of a discription: Penis Wrinkle! Yes, I think that he is not up to being a douche as he will never again get a change to be near a good clean va-ja-ja, but he will be religated to nothing better than a penis wrinkle.
 
2007-11-20 05:51:59 PM
Douchebag

/That is all
 
2007-11-20 05:52:19 PM
Hollywood Cole: Well I won't post it but if anyone wants it EIP. All requests get their own copy of "The Tome of John Fitzgerald Page."

I SO want a copy. You would be my hero... for this afternoon at least.
 
2007-11-20 05:52:46 PM
Sunny Ray: Hollywood Cole:

God damnit i hate you.

You probably are him.

Now hate is a pretty strong reaction to synthesize over postings on the internets. And I am sorry that you are not able to contain your emotions better, perhaps you should take some lessons from Mr. Fitzgerald on how to handle Internets Adversity.



Don't you have a Britney thread to troll somewhere? Oh yeah and Phil Collins called, he wants his album cover back.
 
2007-11-20 05:52:55 PM
Well the Match .com story is a bit convoluted

she winked at him with the "hey I might be intrested" then she changes her mind. Johnny Boy throws a tantrum that his Deuchery failed. His Deuchery was so funny this floated about as an email and made it to Gawker.

then John proved his massive fails at the Internets.

Fark has had two Epic Threads on JFP. Several other message boards have as well. If Drew ever did a book on Epic Level Fark Threads John would now with Two epic threads and a third Brewing would make his way to the top

and what makes John a Deuche is not that he went to an Ivy league school (as an undergrad) or that he's been in films (during walk on parts in Atlanta) is he uses it as part of a Narcissistic attempt to get laid and he fails.

Some commenters have made more oddball comments about John but Fark had people who met him as part of his attempt to Parley his failure at the internets into a reality show type deal

Hearing his voice he is even more of a deuche then I previously believed
 
2007-11-20 05:53:01 PM
Sunny Ray:
Now hate is a pretty strong reaction to synthesize over postings on the internets. And I am sorry that you are not able to contain your emotions better, perhaps you should take some lessons from Mr. Fitzgerald on how to handle Internets Adversity.


Yep, it's him. The use of SAT words totally gave it away. The profile picture's even real.

/He stopped waxing his eyebrows at every meal before he took it.
 
2007-11-20 05:53:18 PM
Sunny Ray: Hollywood Cole:

God damnit i hate you.

You probably are him.

Now hate is a pretty strong reaction to synthesize over postings on the internets. And I am sorry that you are not able to contain your emotions better, perhaps you should take some lessons from Mr. Fitzgerald on how to handle Internets Adversity.




Ok, that settles it. You absolutely are him. There's no way there are two people on the internet who both suck so bad.
 
2007-11-20 05:53:44 PM
i229.photobucket.com
 
2007-11-20 05:53:51 PM
Can we get a DOUCHEBAGGERY tag?
 
2007-11-20 05:53:55 PM
OH also some question has been raised if Johnboy was in Mensa anyone who can Confirm that?
 
2007-11-20 05:54:04 PM
img404.imageshack.us


Ooooh, Newton Crosby, I am having the opinion that this man is a bag of douche!
 
2007-11-20 05:54:25 PM
deathbyshikon: I wish I had his mailing address. I'd mail him a tube of Vagasil.

He has it listed on his website (pops).
 
2007-11-20 05:55:20 PM
All hail our new
Oberreichssturmfuhrerdouchemarschall
 
2007-11-20 05:55:33 PM
JurassFinishFirst: Here he is getting surprise Buttsecks from some kid by the water fountain.

Ugh, forget the buttsecks and pay attention to the hot pink bikini girl.
 
2007-11-20 05:56:23 PM
SharkInfested: He went from being the Mayor of Douchetown to the Lord of Douchopolis.

I am really really really starting to think that he can't be for real. Really.


Me too. He has to know that simply being quiet will let this all blow over. Methinks he understands publicity and the internets all too well.

/actually wants you on his lawn
//just so he can yell "get off"
 
2007-11-20 05:56:25 PM
I just wanted to jump on the douche wagon.
 
2007-11-20 05:57:30 PM
This has to be an act right? If it is, we're all the idiots for playing right into this guy's game.
 
2007-11-20 05:58:03 PM
This douche (and assholes like him, he is NOT unusual!) is the reason chicks generally do not reply "thanks but no thanks" to guys who are not their type btw. You can all thank him because he's the reason we ignore your smiles/flirts/pokes wtfevers on those sites.
 
2007-11-20 05:58:09 PM
Thanks Empress of Blandings Castle!


/I hope he does too.....
 
2007-11-20 05:58:28 PM
Empress of Blandings Castle: deathbyshikon: I wish I had his mailing address. I'd mail him a tube of Vagasil.

He has it listed on his website (pops).


So he does! Yes! I'm going to the store later tonight, and I'll pick up a big tube. I would sign it "Love, Fark.com" but I don't want to get sued.
 
2007-11-20 05:58:31 PM
mike_d85: If your not smart enough to use a secretary for that you shouldn't be able to dress yourself in the morning.

Well, now you shiat the bed.
 
2007-11-20 05:59:13 PM
I'll bet he doesn't even have a peener. Just some small shrunken, unidentifiable, flaccid little flap of skin that couldn't rise to the occasion if all the SbB girls in history stripped right then and there and then tried to fellate him.

Did I mention he's a douche bag?
 
2007-11-20 05:59:43 PM
The clip is already on his website.

And OMFG How did I miss his starring role in this commercial? Roar! (new window)
 
2007-11-20 05:59:48 PM
From Douchebag's site:

So if you are think you are anonymous, and can harrass me at will from a distance, think twice before you call or email me. Stalking, harrassing and threatening people is not funny - it is serious, and a crime! Police take these things seriously when you are a public figure - especially now with the Virginia Tech tragedy, Columbine, etc.

Another Internet tough guy ...
 
2007-11-20 05:59:49 PM
Can anyone count the coats of shellac on his hair ? I lost count after 25.
 
2007-11-20 06:00:14 PM
WHO RUN DOUCHE-BAG TOWN?
img.indigom.net
DO I REALLY HAVE TO TELL YOU?
 
2007-11-20 06:00:35 PM
karasoth: OH also some question has been raised if Johnboy was in Mensa anyone who can Confirm that?

Not according to Wikipedia (pops like a douche being filled with a firehose). Although, that might be the internet trying to ruin him.

/IF it's true, there's a strong possibility
//IF
 
2007-11-20 06:00:46 PM
Douche Count Currently at: 210
 
2007-11-20 06:01:26 PM
japantheman: This has to be an act right? If it is, we're all the idiots for playing right into this guy's game.

My thoughts, yes... either that or he raises attention whoring to a heretofore unknown level.
 
2007-11-20 06:01:55 PM
On the plus side, guys like him make me appreciate my bald, socially awkward husband even more.
 
2007-11-20 06:02:12 PM
i think we need michael cera to make a spoof video on this. it could be great.
 
2007-11-20 06:02:58 PM
Thanks Hollywood Cole.

Goddam, I thought it might be an act (you know, just out of hope in humanity) until I read that.
 
2007-11-20 06:02:59 PM
Just wanted to be part of the thread.

To the tune of "Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt"

John Douchey Fitzgerald Page
He's a giant douche
Whenever we go out
People always shout
Holy shiat that guy's a friggin Douche
La la la la la la la...
(repeat ad nauseum)
 
2007-11-20 06:02:59 PM
drharmful

You sure you're counting right? That would make less than one instance of douche per posting. That can't be right.

/douche.
 
2007-11-20 06:03:23 PM
seventypercent - isn't that Michelle Pfeiffer's ex on the left?
 
2007-11-20 06:03:36 PM
filter: I just checked hotornot, and there is some serious hotness inflation going on. I don't think I saw a single male lower than a 7. This means they might as well have a scale of 1 to 3. It is unreal.

As I said before, I have a rating of 3.7. Even though the site claims that I am hotter than 30% of the women on this site, I have never seen any lower score. I think they adjust the numbers.

Vote for me here:Link (new window)

/yarr
 
2007-11-20 06:04:41 PM
he lists as his Sports Accomplishments "... Golf(hole in one)...". He clearly is NOT a golfer. Any real golfer would list their handicap (if anything). Getting a hole in one has nothing to do with anything but basic skill...

/head asplodes
 
2007-11-20 06:04:42 PM
halfof33 2007-11-20 05:27:52 PM
Okieboy: for a fat paycheck and a movie role.

Yeah, cause walk-ons on movies take home the long green, man.

^^rolls eyes^^

/I shall Farky You: Wannabe Douchenozzle.

I'm sure he didn't make squat in his walk-on 'extra' roles, but now that FARK has made him famous the world over, he will command the big bucks - possibly could upgrade is old beemer to like a used Honda Accord or something!

/just sayin
//He's FAMOUS now!
///What a douche
 
2007-11-20 06:04:53 PM
The other thing that has he curious is; if he is an Ivy League Alum, then why is he bothering with Match.com and not something like The Right Stuff (new window)?
 
2007-11-20 06:05:10 PM
westbound pachyderm
Dammit mods! Just when I have to go to school in 26 minutes (srsly)!
/I'm puttin' out the signal to mab since he asked for one


We need to work on that bat signal.

Who knew there would be a sequel to the sequel to:

www.clusterfake.de



Which to post, which to post..

www.clusterfake.de

/not the only page
 
2007-11-20 06:05:24 PM
CARL_WEATHERS: WHO RUN DOUCHE-BAG TOWN?

DO I REALLY HAVE TO TELL YOU?


Yes please! Where is it from?! A movie? I must know, it looks sick and twisted.
 
2007-11-20 06:07:31 PM
Anyone under 65 who wears suspenders should not be trusted, even if you've never heard of him before.
 
2007-11-20 06:07:56 PM
Ah, and now before I brave the wilds of Thanksgiving-related Atlanta traffic, let me leave you with these words of wisdom:

Douche unto others as you would douche unto them.
 
2007-11-20 06:08:04 PM
modernmodels.net

So, 'Deal or No Deal' is coming out with a version to appeal to the gay community. I knew it!!
 
2007-11-20 06:08:20 PM

Dear Mr. OSU grad school: you do not qualify as "Ivy League." That's just more of your puffery.

Oh, and you've jumped the shark too.

This was two weeks ago -- today you're nothing:


farm3.static.flickr.com

 
2007-11-20 06:08:49 PM
Hollywood Cole:

Oh yeah and Phil Collins called, he wants his album cover back.

What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Good work on the exchange with Mr. Fitzgerald, epic work and I salute you.


/we tight
//right?
 
2007-11-20 06:08:52 PM
Douchey Douchey Douche Douche

/the word Douche has lost all meaning
 
2007-11-20 06:09:24 PM
unremarkable asterisk: He's a double-antlered douche. Rare indeed.

Well, yeah...maybe we should shoot him and stick his head on a wall??
 
2007-11-20 06:09:46 PM
A douche-bag that big, he should start a company servicing whorehouses -- sort of like the people that clean out septic tanks for a living.
 
2007-11-20 06:10:59 PM
JurassFinishFirst: Here he is getting surprise Buttsecks from some kid by the water fountain.

UFIA?
 
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