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(Some Guy)   An open letter from a Pfizer Inc. scientist to the CEO: If PFE was a restaurant, it would take $1,000,000 and two months to cook a hamburger   (brandweeknrx.com) divider line 50
    More: Amusing  
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4642 clicks; posted to Business » on 20 Nov 2007 at 2:15 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2007-11-20 02:18:51 PM  
Yeah, but will their burgers give me an erection?
 
2007-11-20 02:21:06 PM  
I work for pfizer, and I am getting a kick out of these replies! Currently looking for a new job.....:(
 
2007-11-20 02:21:10 PM  
For $1 mil, it better give me a blowjob too..
 
2007-11-20 02:21:46 PM  
Viva hamburgers!
 
2007-11-20 02:23:44 PM  
nemoxnine: Yeah, but will their burgers give me an erection?

'Cause it's effective, it's defective
it creates household odors
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection
it wins the election


so step right up....
 
2007-11-20 02:25:45 PM  
GTN, Ariba, IDP, SOPs GBPs PGRD ADs, CANs GPM RIF, ATS, ATS2 FDA/MHRA?


Maybe Pfizer's problem is that everyone uses acronyms and no one knows WTF they are talking about anymore.
 
2007-11-20 02:27:21 PM  
My company works the same way, expense reports, stationary, and all that. The joys of Ariba. Individuals getting evaluted, groups doing the work. Yet somehow the job gets done and my department hasn't seen layoffs despite a tough year. No we don't do the exact same work Pfizer does, maybe its easier. But maybe we aren't overpaid assholes with chips on our shoulders because we got hired by a company that patted us on the back before we even started working by telling us we were the best of the best.

If you don't wanna get canned do your job and make sure everyone else does theirs. If you got beef with the CEO, man up and tell him to his face.
 
2007-11-20 02:28:55 PM  
I didn't know that Pfizer was managed by the US government... sounds like typical bureaucratic BS.
 
2007-11-20 02:29:45 PM  
theigorway - ding ding ding. You win the prize with your observation! I have no idea what half of those are.

+1 fark point
 
2007-11-20 02:30:39 PM  
BTW... don't forget the cover sheets for the TPS reports...

No Office Space references yet? Shame!
 
2007-11-20 02:32:16 PM  
Do scientists always use this much punctuation????????
 
2007-11-20 02:35:10 PM  
PsyLord: I didn't know that Pfizer was managed by the US government... sounds like typical bureaucratic BS.

News flash: A lot of - possibly even "most" - large organizations are (mis)managed this way. Which is why people laugh when certain idiots suggest we let the corporations run things instead of the government.
 
2007-11-20 02:36:50 PM  
i want to laugh, but this guy might as well be describing my work environment since our new director started a month or two ago.

she fired the best producer on the team because he met with her to discuss his concerns about her management style.

oh well, she probably won't be here too much longer... her boss (the CIO), in a meeting about firing that guy, "strongly suggested" she reconsider her decision. she has yet to reconsider it.

i think he might have really meant "do it or you're fired". i hope so.
 
2007-11-20 02:48:31 PM  
I think just about anyone in a corporate job can relate to this kind of crap, primarily because of 2 things:

1) middle-management is full of farking morons. Companies know that you don't promote from within with your good workers. If you did that, you'd have a bunch of farking morons left to do the work, and nothing would get done. By promoting the morons, you leave your best workers to do the work and cover for their incompetent managers.

2) upper-management is full of farking morons too. Despite the fact that most of them have advanced college degrees, they also have the common sense of a pile of dog vomit. The best leaders aren't always the smartest ones (ie: Enron).

Don't like your managers or corporate America? Start your own company and work for yourself. That way, you've got no reason to biatch about management.

/corporate slave for life
//biatches about management every day
///oh well.
 
2007-11-20 02:48:32 PM  
Gee, this sounds familiar...

/don't work for Pfizer but close enough.
 
2007-11-20 02:48:33 PM  
Mmmm, yeah, well, I'm just not sure about that right now.
 
2007-11-20 02:48:48 PM  
Wow, that was really poorly written.
 
2007-11-20 02:57:59 PM  
hey thats weird... Derek Payne from 2 North in Rm N320 gave me that to proofread...i said hey its funny what are you going to do with it...then he stormed off...


/oh....
 
2007-11-20 02:59:37 PM  
Zack-Morris: Wow, that was really poorly written.

Yeah, you'd like to think there's an effective middle ground between weasel-y corporatespeak and "LOL yur hed is up ur ass!!!!1eleventy!" That guy didn't find it and used the worst of both extremes.
 
2007-11-20 03:00:38 PM  
Anyone else misread the headline as "cock a hamburger"?
 
2007-11-20 03:03:41 PM  
siva 2007-11-20 02:27:21 PM

If you don't wanna get canned do your job and make sure everyone else does theirs. If you got beef with the CEO, man up and tell him to his face.



Since your reading comprehension skills appear to poor let me summarize what the author was saying: He believes he can't send an email to the CEO without being dimissed!

Your post was chock full of smug.

/thanks God I don't work in an office environment
 
2007-11-20 03:04:56 PM  
Whoever wrote this piece is an idiot.

"Wah...I can't figure out how to order pens online...wah, I can't figure out how to submit an expense report...wah, this is so beneath me".

Not to say Pfizer isn't a snakepit of sub optimally motivated politicians...I'm sure it is. I am also sure a more coherent piece could have been built; one which offered less rant and more constructive criticism.

The ability to construct a stable hypothesis and test it through reasoning and experimentation is a core requirement for any scientist. The author fails in all regards, and should be fired.
 
2007-11-20 03:06:57 PM  
Cyber_Junk: /thanks God I don't work in an office environment

Fukcin a.
 
2007-11-20 03:09:44 PM  
H31N0US: Whoever wrote this piece is an idiot.

"Wah...I can't figure out how to order pens online...wah, I can't figure out how to submit an expense report...wah, this is so beneath me".

Not to say Pfizer isn't a snakepit of sub optimally motivated politicians...I'm sure it is. I am also sure a more coherent piece could have been built; one which offered less rant and more constructive criticism.

The ability to construct a stable hypothesis and test it through reasoning and experimentation is a core requirement for any scientist. The author fails in all regards, and should be fired.


You fail at reading comprehension. He said was saying that WHY can't the higher ups order their own damn pens and submit their own expense reports stating it would save money.


But don't let me get in the way of you trying to make someone out to be a bigger douchenozzle than yourself.

/just saying
 
2007-11-20 03:20:25 PM  
dragyne: You fail at reading comprehension. He said was saying that WHY can't the higher ups order their own damn pens and submit their own expense reports stating it would save money.

Actually, no, he wasn't. He was complaining that tasks like ordering pens and doing expense reports was falling to highly-paid scientists instead of minimum-wage stock clerks.

He might have had a point with the pens.
 
2007-11-20 03:21:09 PM  
Cyber_Junk: Since your reading comprehension skills appear to poor let me summarize what the author was saying: He believes he can't send an email to the CEO without being dimissed!

Your post was chock full of smug.

/thanks God I don't work in an office environment


I read that, I just think that its the right way to go about things. You get to choose the place where you work, and if you don't like the environment you can look for other jobs. Perhaps I was smug, but it seems to me that the people who whine the most about their jobs also do the least to fix anything and contribute to a negative work environment.

Of course the higher ups are gonna suck sometimes, but in most cases (especially when you are doing work that requires a high degree of skills) a job is what you make of it. This guy is under the impression that the flaws of the corporate system are unique to Pfizer. He doesn't realize that its a reality of the pharma industry and several other major industries as well. He should just go back to academics.
 
2007-11-20 03:26:56 PM  
WORTH:

just because you're needed, doesn't mean you're important. . . .
 
2007-11-20 03:54:28 PM  
dragyne: You fail at reading comprehension.

Read it again.

Efficiency??? Make scientists earning $100K+ figure out how to order stationary via Ariba rather than pay a stockroom clerk min wage to have a stationary stockroom???? Makes sense???????????????? Make scientists figure out how to reconcile hotel bills on the one or two annual trips? have to fill out an expense report for the monthly teleconf bill? have to do perf management 12 months of the year (goals, review of goals, harmonize goals, mid-year, year-end, IDP, review IDP,.......... WASTE OF TIME)

The mood of this passage can be summed up in the last three words: "Waste of time".

He was saying that a minimum wage stock clerk might be a more efficient way to manage office supplies than to have highly specialized employees multi-task into the minutiae. I tend to agree with that argument; I think the "multi-tasking" fad of the 1990s was an absolute disaster for productivity, especially in large companies that can capitalize on economies of scale for task separation / division of labor.

Regardless, my point was that coming from a "scientist", the argument was terribly presented. You didn't even understand he was being sarcastic (have your detector re-calibrated).

Cheers,

-the douchenozzle.
 
2007-11-20 04:28:07 PM  
You are important if you are needed AND hard to replace. Almost nobody seem to be able to grasp this!
 
2007-11-20 04:43:57 PM  
As a medicinal chemist, 50/50 what this guy is, I know exactly what he means. Paying the $100k/yr person to do trivial tasks is a waste of money. Having a person who goes on very few trips screw with travel reports is a waste of money. Expecting the technical staff to do secretarial functions is a waste of money. He wasn't arguing, he was ranting. And the fact the he believes that he'd be fired for it (if true), should tell you something about morale there. They couldn't pay enough to work there right now.
 
2007-11-20 04:55:09 PM  
Dick Gozinya: 1) middle-management is full of farking morons. Companies know that you don't promote from within with your good workers. If you did that, you'd have a bunch of farking morons left to do the work, and nothing would get done. By promoting the morons, you leave your best workers to do the work and cover for their incompetent managers.

2) upper-management is full of farking morons too. Despite the fact that most of them have advanced college degrees, they also have the common sense of a pile of dog vomit. The best leaders aren't always the smartest ones (ie: Enron).


You keep telling yourself that.
 
2007-11-20 05:14:23 PM  
dragyne:You fail at reading comprehension.

Let me show you my mirror. My mirror, let me show it to you.
 
2007-11-20 05:33:25 PM  
uncre8tv: dragyne:You fail at reading comprehension.

Let me show you my mirror. My mirror, let me show it to you.


Zack-Morris: Wow, that was really poorly written.

This is proof that Zack-Morris was right about that rant. We obviously aren't even sure exactly what the rant was about. This guy should be fired.
 
2007-11-20 06:32:50 PM  
MasonL87: Anyone else misread the headline as "cock a hamburger"?

no but i misread THAT as "cock a hamburglar"
 
GOB
2007-11-20 06:50:27 PM  
Manfred J. Hattan: Zack-Morris: Wow, that was really poorly written.

Yeah, you'd like to think there's an effective middle ground between weasel-y corporatespeak and "LOL yur hed is up ur ass!!!!1eleventy!" That guy didn't find it and used the worst of both extremes.


I'm not completely sure why, but you just made me laugh out loud for the first time today. Thank you
 
2007-11-20 07:59:02 PM  
ChubbyTiger: As a medicinal chemist, 50/50 what this guy is, I know exactly what he means. Paying the $100k/yr person to do trivial tasks is a waste of money. Having a person who goes on very few trips screw with travel reports is a waste of money. Expecting the technical staff to do secretarial functions is a waste of money.

No, it's not. You aren't paying the scientist to work by the hour. Making him stay late and do his own expense reports is free. Hiring someone else to do it is what costs money.
Besides, when you hire a scientist, you don't buy his time anyway; you buy his ideas. But, since you get his time as well, you may as well use it for something productive, like filling out expense reports.
 
2007-11-20 08:09:06 PM  
rumpelstiltskin
No, it's not. You aren't paying the scientist to work by the hour. Making him stay late and do his own expense reports is free. Hiring someone else to do it is what costs money.
Besides, when you hire a scientist, you don't buy his time anyway; you buy his ideas. But, since you get his time as well, you may as well use it for something productive, like filling out expense reports.


Right, 'cause Motivation And How It Relates to Productivity 101 stipulates that highly intelligent workers thoroughly enjoy performing menial tasks and being overworked and thus, their productivity will go through the roof if you foster such an environment.

Fail
 
2007-11-20 08:33:30 PM  
rumpelstiltskin

No, it's not. You aren't paying the scientist to work by the hour. Making him stay late and do his own expense reports is free. Hiring someone else to do it is what costs money.
Besides, when you hire a scientist, you don't buy his time anyway; you buy his ideas. But, since you get his time as well, you may as well use it for something productive, like filling out expense reports.


WTF? Ideas don't just materialize out of nowhere. If they did, anyone could be a scientist and all that training would be unnecessary. Making me stay late to catch up on menial crap just draws time away from what I was actually hired for. I stay late anyway, but there's a physical limit to how much work I can perform in a day, sooner or later I have to go home to eat and sleep.

Multitasking is extremely counterproductive to vocations which require deep contemplation. Having an environment in which you are able to focus intently on a problem you are trying to solve is an absolute necessity. Having a thousand trivial matters distracting you is pretty much the worst thing that can happen.

/Research Scientist
 
2007-11-20 08:47:54 PM  
With such soothing marketing skills as Phizer has, it's hard to remember that they're a business who pushes new product to market.

Thank you, pharmaceutical commercials.

I love being marketed to.
 
2007-11-20 09:38:06 PM  
I spend an hour keeping track of how I spent my time each week. Then someone I don't know, who lives half a continent away and I never talk to, has to approve it.

I started rounding to save time, then making random guesses, putting in data that was clearly inaccurate, and then just putting random numbers in. Still gets approved.

When they figure this out and fire me, I'll laugh all the way to a new job and a pay raise. Meantime, it amuses me to do all of the menial secretary type stuff for myself. 8 hours of non-work-related administration junk this week? Approved ^_^ Sank yawh.
 
2007-11-20 09:59:34 PM  
I was pfired from a Pfizer contractor, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2007-11-20 10:10:51 PM  
That letter is so filled with know it all smugness and capital letters that I have no idea what point he was trying to make. I'm looking forward to this thread filling with more of the same "We're too smart to waste our precious brain power filling out paperwork" type of intellectual snobbery.
 
2007-11-20 10:45:57 PM  
I think the guy that wrote this letter was also the subject of one of the articles that inspired this thread. (new window)
 
2007-11-20 11:27:41 PM  
While I basically agree with the sentiments expressed by this guy, I tend to pay attention to what biochemists say about microeconomics to about the same extent that I pay attention to what economists say about biochemistry.
 
2007-11-21 11:27:34 AM  
Boo hoo, I have to fill out expense reports 3 times a year.
Boo hoo, I have to order my own stationary.
Boo hoo, They fire the worst 10% of workers and it ruins moral


Give me a break, people just complain too much
 
OMO
2007-11-21 11:58:17 AM  
You can replace Pfizer with J&J and submit the same letter BTW.

Most farked up company I've ever seen/worked for in my life.

Question: How many J&J employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: 51. One individual contributor to screw the light bulb in and 50 executives to run to their boss to take credit for it.

Question: How many J&J executives does it take to realize that a light bulb is burnt out?

Answer: It's a trick question, they will never realize it, because J&J executives are in the dark all the time anyway.
 
2007-11-21 12:37:30 PM  
But that burger would stop your nighttime leg tremor.

/what a bargain!
 
2007-11-21 12:47:46 PM  
w0U1D teh w@iT3r t@Lk l1kE TH1s??!?!?


/ V1@gr@
 
2007-11-21 04:31:21 PM  
ChubbyTiger: Expecting the technical staff to do secretarial functions is a waste of money.
Actually, working for a competing company, getting the secretarial staff to do THEIR work is a stretch as it is. We have four admins here, 2 of which are powerhouses and could administer the entire company. The other two I wouldn't trust to make me a cup of coffee, that and it would interrupt their time talking on the phone to mother/daughter/girlfriend/pastor for 4-5 hours a day, plus endure that evil stare of "you're making me do work?". The aforementioned stocking and Ariba processes are as the author said: training-intensive, tedious and a huge waste of otherwise important time for a professional scientist who should be writing tech documents or working in the lab.

I do agree with the other posts that it is endemic to all corporations, not just biotech. Biotech just gets a rougher go because they are an easily litigable branch of the healthcare industry, and just as corrupt as any other organization, more than some, less than others.

The #1 rule of Why Corporations Penny Pinch is that some time in the past, some executive abused the corporate AMEX or other kickbacks and thus cost-cutting measures had to be put in place to control loss. Every lost perk you as a company employee received was in a roundabout way the end result of some bigwig spending too much on his Caribbean corporate 'meeting'/beach junket and charging 25K in alcohol to his corporate VISA.

That being said, try being an independent and getting a new NSAID to market as the lead drug using only cost-effectiveness and venture capital.
 
2007-11-21 07:33:55 PM  
Wow, was that written by a "scientist" in the 12th grade? Was it copied over from his MySpace page?
 
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