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(Fox News)   In case you were wondering how many people your company's products can disembowel and still stay in business, it's three. Four if they survive the newest lawsuit   ( foxnews.com) divider line
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21146 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Nov 2007 at 11:27 AM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2007-11-16 11:00:14 AM  
The invisible hand will take care of this. These disemboweled children are like lottery winners with this tort system!
 
2007-11-16 11:05:54 AM  
That really sucks!
 
2007-11-16 11:12:56 AM  
Chuck Palahniuk.. please report to the thread.

-Saint Gut-Free
 
2007-11-16 11:29:49 AM  
I wonder if she chewed it off
 
2007-11-16 11:30:12 AM  
"She became trapped when the sump created a vacuum and her intestines were pulled out through her rectum, the suit says."

Oh god... I was afraid it was going to say something like that in there.
 
2007-11-16 11:30:40 AM  
I'm sure she'll enjoy owning country club and a pool company.
 
2007-11-16 11:30:49 AM  
Rectum? Damn near killed em!
 
2007-11-16 11:31:50 AM  
FTFA:The lawsuit alleges that Abigail was playing in the kiddie pool when she fell and landed on the uncovered suction outlet. She became trapped when the sump created a vacuum and her intestines were pulled out through her rectum, the suit says.

Wow, that made me cringe just reading it. :(
 
2007-11-16 11:31:58 AM  
That article sucked ass.
 
2007-11-16 11:32:22 AM  
Reminds me of the short story Guts by Chuck Palahniuk (of Fight Club fame).
 
2007-11-16 11:32:49 AM  
maniacbastard: That article sucked ass.

winar.
 
2007-11-16 11:33:06 AM  
tallguywithglasseson: The invisible hand will take care of this. These disemboweled children are like lottery winners with this tort system!


Yeah, I bet they don't feel like winners.
 
2007-11-16 11:33:17 AM  
tallguywithglasseson: The invisible hand will take care of this. These disemboweled children are like lottery winners with this tort system!

As well they should be... if a kiddie pool is capable of sucking someones intestines out their asshole, and not only that, but it's happened at least to four different people, then the company deserves to be sued for every last cent.
 
2007-11-16 11:34:06 AM  
maniacbastard: That article sucked ass.

You magnificent bastard!

Thread over.

Last one out turn off the lights!
 
2007-11-16 11:34:27 AM  
tumba00

Said everything i came here to say.
 
2007-11-16 11:34:30 AM  
This article made me cringe more than the 2 girls 1 cup video.
 
2007-11-16 11:35:05 AM  
"She became trapped when the sump created a vacuum and her intestines were pulled out through her rectum"

Damned trial lawyers. Is there no end to their devious diabolicalness?
 
2007-11-16 11:35:36 AM  
macaddict0: Oh god... I was afraid it was going to say something like that in there.

Well, they weren't going to talk about her puppy...
 
2007-11-16 11:35:39 AM  
macaddict0: tallguywithglasseson: The invisible hand will take care of this. These disemboweled children are like lottery winners with this tort system!

As well they should be... if a kiddie pool is capable of sucking someones intestines out their asshole, and not only that, but it's happened at least to four different people, then the company deserves to be sued for every last cent.


It's happened many, many times . People get their hand stuck, if the cover is off, and drown or, if someone sits on it, they get their intestines sucked out and also possibly drown. It's basically a massive design flaw.
 
2007-11-16 11:35:57 AM  
This girl certainly deserves to be compensated for her gut-wrenching experience.
 
2007-11-16 11:36:11 AM  
Wow, that kid needed more intestinal fortitude.

/going to hell
 
2007-11-16 11:36:30 AM  
"She became trapped when the sump created a vacuum and her intestines were pulled out through her rectum, the suit says."

I guess this means that hotel pool lifeguards are going to be required to carry spatulas for now on...
 
2007-11-16 11:37:42 AM  
the sump created a vacuum and her intestines were pulled out through her rectum

Yarsh, Rim job from hell.
 
2007-11-16 11:37:49 AM  
FTFA: Abigail is walking and wears a backpack with one tube carrying nutrients to her chest and another tube carrying predigested food to her stomach.

Thank good God they are taking care of her chest. That's all the poor girl has going for her now!
 
2007-11-16 11:39:07 AM  
IXI Jim IXI: macaddict0: Oh god... I was afraid it was going to say something like that in there.

Well, they weren't going to talk about her puppy...


Fair enough. I just wasn't sure how a kiddie pool could disembowel a small girl. That was the first way I imagined, but my brain just said "nah, no way that could have happened, she must have tripped and landed wrong on a sharp edge somehow..."
 
2007-11-16 11:39:24 AM  
lindasummer69: Thank good God they are taking care of her chest. That's all the poor girl has going for her now!

Considering it's a pretty safe bet that, if someone asks if she does anal, she'll run away screaming...
 
2007-11-16 11:41:53 AM  
After spending years on the chans, this is the first thing in a long time to make me cringe.
 
2007-11-16 11:41:58 AM  
Incidentally, John Edwards, that scumbag lawyer who tried to run for Vice President made a lawsuit against a company for a similar incident. farking Lawyers...
 
2007-11-16 11:42:44 AM  
IXI Jim IXI: lindasummer69: Thank good God they are taking care of her chest. That's all the poor girl has going for her now!

Considering it's a pretty safe bet that, if someone asks if she does anal, she'll run away screaming...


Hell, at this point it's just an empty slot. Might as well use it.
 
2007-11-16 11:43:12 AM  
They are just marketing their device to the wrong people.

If they renamed it the EZBM 3000 scat extractor for the terminally constipated they could be quadzillionaires.
 
2007-11-16 11:44:39 AM  
oh my farking god. This wins for the most horrific thing I have read this week. If it was my kid, I would honestly say the hell with suing. I would then start to polish up the shotgun and get some maps from Google.
 
2007-11-16 11:46:39 AM  
Willie_The_Pimp: Incidentally, John Edwards, that scumbag lawyer who tried to run ran for Vice President made a lawsuit against a company for a similar incident. farking Lawyers...

FTFY

Just, ya know, saying...
 
2007-11-16 11:47:21 AM  
NightOwl2255: Willie_The_Pimp: Incidentally, John Edwards, that scumbag lawyer who tried to run ran for Vice President made a lawsuit against a company for a similar incident. farking Lawyers...

FTFY

Just, ya know, saying...


Yeah, good catch...
 
2007-11-16 11:47:36 AM  
mikaloyd: They are just marketing their device to the wrong people.

If they renamed it the EZBM 3000 scat extractor for the terminally constipated they could be quadzillionaires.


That would be a suck ass device....
 
2007-11-16 11:49:28 AM  
If the manufacturer couldn't figure this out after 1, or even no, instances, they deserve to lose all they have, and maybe go to jail.
 
2007-11-16 11:50:01 AM  
blankwhiteboard: Reminds me of the short story Guts by Chuck Palahniuk (of Fight Club fame).

Oh God WHY? Why do I trust you and click on your links? You hurt me, baby. You hurt me real bad this time.

*vom*
 
2007-11-16 11:50:09 AM  
www.randomhouse.com.au

/Approves!

It also accuses the Minneapolis Golf Club of failing to properly install the cover and frame, failing to inspect it and failing to close the pool when the cover came off on the day of the accident

Must've been farked up for the other kids in the pool.

"Hey yo, what's the matt.....HOLY SHIAT!"
 
2007-11-16 11:50:09 AM  
Inflatable Rhetoric: If the manufacturer couldn't figure this out after 1, or even no, instances, they deserve to lose all they have, and maybe go to jail.

Maybe to a PMITA jail???
 
2007-11-16 11:50:41 AM  
NightOwl2255: Inflatable Rhetoric: If the manufacturer couldn't figure this out after 1, or even no, instances, they deserve to lose all they have, and maybe go to jail.

Maybe to a PMITA jail???


Is there some other kind?
 
2007-11-16 11:51:52 AM  
Yeah John Edwards, what a scumbag for suing for a girl who was similarly disemboweled through her rectum in a swimming pool.

You know what's funny, is people who advocate an unregulated free market also complain about trial lawyers. So how exactly are consumers supposed to be protected from malfunctioning products? It's not like Adam Smith's invisible hand is going to scoop the little kids to safety before their intestines are pulled out of their butts.
 
2007-11-16 11:54:21 AM  
I've been arguing for years that anal should be added to standard CPR classes. This is why.
 
2007-11-16 11:54:24 AM  
Inflatable Rhetoric: NightOwl2255: Inflatable Rhetoric: If the manufacturer couldn't figure this out after 1, or even no, instances, they deserve to lose all they have, and maybe go to jail.

Maybe to a PMITA jail???

Is there some other kind?


Womens?
 
2007-11-16 11:54:29 AM  
img219.imageshack.us
Reporting for duty SIR!
 
2007-11-16 11:54:40 AM  
Frivolous lawsuit! The customers will vote with their wallets and stop buying these pools and the manufacturers will go out of business. What happened to personal responsibility? Everybody knows you shouldn't sit on a suction thing. Parental responsibility. Now they want the company to pay? Nope, no sympathy.

/just kidding, hah. I wish they could disembowel the people who made that pool.

maniacbastard
That article sucked ass.

As angry as it made me to read that article (I mean, wtf), this comment made me lol harder than I've laughed in a long time.
 
2007-11-16 11:54:54 AM  
Everett the Red

After spending years on the chans, this is the first thing in a long time to make me cringe.

Fchan doesn't count.

In other news, anyone up for chicken noodle soup? *slurp*
 
2007-11-16 11:55:05 AM  
NightOwl2255: Womens?

PMINB (poke me in the box) prison?
 
2007-11-16 11:55:09 AM  
tallguywithglasseson: The invisible hand will take care of this. These disemboweled children are like lottery winners with this tort system!

Which is why these whiners need to have their damages capped at $250,000, after all she was only disembowled how much could fixing THAT cost? Otherwise this poor hard-working manufacturer could see themselves driven out of business by greedy lawyers pursing "jackpot justice" with hired gun, doctors and Hydraulic engineers (whatever THOSE are, because I sure don't see any of THEM in the Bible) who are going to argue this product is unreasonably dangerous. Like its possible to make a suction pump that doesn't rip out a girl's intestines without plating it in gold and crusting it with rubies.


and what's more this case should be immediately dismissed because John Edwards made his money by filing a case with nearly the exact same facts against this same manufacturer; and she we all KNOW he's and evil greedy lying Democrat Trial lawyer, this case must be all lies too.
 
2007-11-16 11:56:05 AM  
Nocens: I've been arguing for years that anal should be added to standard CPR classes. This is why.

Yeah, but with my luck, in the training class I would be paired up with Butch from the maintenance dept'.
 
2007-11-16 11:58:35 AM  
maniacbastard
That article sucked ass

Awesomeness.
 
2007-11-16 11:59:09 AM  
Shvetz - ok, dude, you made me google it. You are now officially on the list. You know which one.
 
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