Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(AZCentral)   Wanted: New man for Anna Nicole   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

10200 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2002 at 9:23 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

97 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2002-10-05 08:36:59 AM  
Any One...............

Nahh, didn't think so.

Sorry Anna.

And that Guy You dated , He was a tent maker.

Simple mistake.
2002-10-05 09:10:41 AM  
How about Tom Arnold. He likes to marry pigs...

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-05 09:25:08 AM  
I guess she devoured the first one already.
2002-10-05 09:25:32 AM  
We need to get Butters to "take one for the team"
2002-10-05 09:26:24 AM  
Did the last one have himself committed?
2002-10-05 09:28:01 AM  
OK. OK. I will hit it just this once...
2002-10-05 09:28:14 AM  
So she gets one, and we can then refer to her as a.........wait for it...........

*sperm whale*

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses.
2002-10-05 09:28:57 AM  
Better her than Barbra.
At least you can close your eyes and think... wow.. she used to be HOT.
2002-10-05 09:30:15 AM  
I bet that woman who was award 82 billion dollars looks mighty attractive right about now
2002-10-05 09:30:20 AM  
The fat Mike Tyson would be a good match.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-05 09:30:41 AM  
I'd hit it if it came close to me.

I'd hit it real hard with the heaviest object at hand.
2002-10-05 09:31:05 AM  
I nominate Saddam Hussein. I think they could make beautiful music together. Anna Niclole could busy herself decorating all his palaces. I'm sure she could do something spectacular with all the Saran gas cannisters!
2002-10-05 09:31:27 AM  
If by 'man' you meant 'coherent slim bathed educated complete farking makeover' then I would agree
2002-10-05 09:31:44 AM  
I'm 60 years too young and a million dollars too poor.
2002-10-05 09:31:59 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-05 09:32:30 AM  
Mr and Mrs Hutt has a nice ring to it.
2002-10-05 09:34:42 AM  
Let's see, butt ugly, rich as hell, stoned all the time, AND a moron. What's not to want. The money isn't worth it though. I'd hit it ... with a farking restraining order to stay way the hell away from me.
2002-10-05 09:36:13 AM  
I wonder if the guy with the Cows in Movies site has her show on his list.

I mean, DAMN, she's huge. No wonder she has $80 million and still can't get laid.
2002-10-05 09:38:39 AM  
Wonder if Bill Clinton is single enough for her? He'd be one guy that wouldn't be intimidated by her past, offended by her weight and certainly not embarassed to spend her money.
2002-10-05 09:38:53 AM  
I'd wait till she's old and almost dead, then get one of my grandchildren to marry her and wait...
She how she likes the taste of her own medicine
2002-10-05 09:39:11 AM  
She may be fat, but she has lots of money.
2002-10-05 09:41:44 AM  
its almost like she's some how important...
2002-10-05 09:42:37 AM  
"He brought me a bunch of the products over; they were swimsuits. Apparently, he somehow got my size beforehand because they all fit."

Apart from the hilarity of that statement, let's break it down to what we would have heard had she made it on the show:

", brought meee a bUUUnch uv products overrr. They were swisoooots..... (ED NOTE: 'Apparently' is a 4-syllable word and is immediately rejected from Anna Nicole's vocabulary, obviously a reporter embellishment) Heee somehoww got my siiiiiiiize beforehand cuz they all fiiiitttt...."

Hope I got the Xanax-slurred speech down correctly
2002-10-05 09:43:31 AM  
OK,,,OK,,,I'll take one for the Fark team. I'll hit it!

*Damn you Drew! Why isn't there a retract statement button?*
2002-10-05 09:44:26 AM  
mmmm. i bet she gets all sweaty on a date. manic, too...insane burts of giggling for no reason. i wonder if she chews with her mouth open.

damn. gotta kill a kitten.
2002-10-05 09:45:09 AM  
find my keys and we'll drive out.........
2002-10-05 09:45:17 AM  
Whoever it is in that picture, I think they should use a different sun block next summer.
2002-10-05 09:45:30 AM  
Woman to whale: "..her name's Anna Nicole, i'm sure you'd like her"
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-05 09:49:56 AM  
I'd do it! She's loaded. I'd whip her stupid ass into shape, and spend her money.
If not, I'd cheat on her. She's too stupid to figure it out.

Women do that kinda farked up shiat all the time!
2002-10-05 09:52:19 AM  
Unbrchain: You forget that she has plenty of experience with cheating - she cheated on her bag of bones with her security guard.
2002-10-05 09:54:59 AM  
How about that gigantic Brit truckdriver who stapled his stomach shut?

I'm looking for a man, to sell him to other man, to sell him to other man, to make him rich and famous
2002-10-05 09:57:40 AM  

Might I suggest you begin with the Ft. Lauderdale phone directory?
2002-10-05 10:00:16 AM  
*picks up the phone and starts dialing*
Hello, Don and Mike Show?

*laughs uncontrollably*
2002-10-05 10:16:26 AM  
Anna Nicole Smith and a Front 242 lyric together in the same thread? Wacky!
2002-10-05 10:17:26 AM  
Hey Anna- When someone reads this to you don't be mad. cool.
2002-10-05 10:20:27 AM  
That guy she dated - he owned this place:

[image from too old to be available]

Those weren't bikinis!
2002-10-05 10:24:31 AM  
I think some one needs to put her out of her misery..
2002-10-05 10:34:13 AM  
she needs to hurry up before these hotties get Strom!

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-05 10:38:11 AM  
Fat, baby talking, semi-retarded, very rich girl seeks man.

Must be willing to put up with fat, baby talking, semi-retarded, very rich girl.
2002-10-05 10:40:39 AM  
It'd hit me.
2002-10-05 10:41:53 AM  
I thought anna was having a 'thing' with her assistant...
2002-10-05 10:45:03 AM  
Guys, you're thinking all wrong. Do what she did to that old billionaire.

Marry her, get all those chemicals and cholesterol pumping through her veins with a little in-out once in awhile. Have you seen her show? At this rate, she be taking a dirt-nap by age 40.

Now, go buy some flowers, and pick out a new Ferrari.
2002-10-05 10:45:22 AM  
God I wouldnt hit it with a ten foot pole.
2002-10-05 10:54:29 AM  

I'd hit it....

...with a bag full of cinder blocks.

Crazy, crazy women.....

2002-10-05 10:55:11 AM  
Anna cried when she heard that Colonel Sanders was dead. Talk about a perfect man: old, wealthy, and lots of that greasy goodness.
2002-10-05 10:58:08 AM  

2002-10-05 11:01:02 AM  
Fat, ugly, stupid, and rich. What's not to like ?
2002-10-05 11:04:05 AM  
I can't believe some you people. calling her semi-retarded, fat, drug addicted whore, uglier than shiat, I would do the nasty with some farm animals before hitting her. These are all understatements.
2002-10-05 11:06:06 AM  
can we say Ewwwwwwwwwww, with a capital E, and a capital WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
2002-10-05 11:07:27 AM  
Why dosn't she use all that money to get a personal trainer and lose some weight?
Displayed 50 of 97 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.