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(News.com.au)   British scientists discover world's funniest joke   (news.com.au) divider line 391
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29697 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2002 at 11:19 AM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-10-03 08:29:50 AM  
you mean the one where the guys at the bar and pulls out the tiny piano and the 12-inch pianist?...classic...
 
2002-10-03 08:31:45 AM  
"...what can I get for a rib?"
 
2002-10-03 08:34:45 AM  
Hey, I can do this thread myself:-

That joke wasn't funny.
I know much funnier jokes than that, for instance this one.
British have no sense of humour.
I feel the need to mention Python and Benny Hill to prove you wrong.
Americans have no sense of humour.
British have bad teeth, so anything they say is rubbish.
 
2002-10-03 09:15:33 AM  
*Smashes head on desk* For christ's sake, this is worse than the last 'funniest joke ever' they came up with; that stupid sherlock holmes camping thing. Here:

A man and his wife went on a vacation to the Holy Land and his wife's parents went with them. At one point, the wife's mother had a heart attack and died. The husband was speaking with a local priest about what to do with the body. The priest said, "To transport the body back to the US would cost $5,000. However, it would only cost you $150 to have her buried here." The man thought about it for a minute and said "No, I'd better have her shipped back home". "But why?" replied the priest, "You could save a lot of money"

"Well," said the husband, "2000 years ago you buried someone here and he came back from the dead 3 days later. This is my mother in law we're talking about here and I'm not taking any chances!"

(not to claim it's the funniest of course)
 
2002-10-03 10:10:33 AM  
I say what Jay_nee said.
 
2002-10-03 10:11:16 AM  
"...because William Shatner."
 
2002-10-03 10:11:41 AM  
Jay_vee I meant. I am such a tard.
 
OBB
2002-10-03 11:02:25 AM  
My housemates thought it was funny!

That being said, I still like this one:
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
'Keep the tip!'
 
2002-10-03 11:22:00 AM  
Thank you for not putting "still no cure for cancer" after that headline. Things are improving.
 
2002-10-03 11:22:13 AM  
Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out, Who was left?
 
2002-10-03 11:22:39 AM  
You wanna hear a funny joke?

Fcuk YOU!

Pretty damn funny huh?

screw off
 
2002-10-03 11:23:03 AM  
I dunno. The joke did nothing for me.
 
2002-10-03 11:23:34 AM  
So, do they do this every frickin' year???
 
2002-10-03 11:24:17 AM  
Best boobies ever.
 
2002-10-03 11:25:14 AM  
So who can translate it to German? I mean, we've got a pretty powerful weapon here. Make sure you break up the words, otherwise someone might be able to piece the joke together too......gotta watch out for that
 
2002-10-03 11:25:57 AM  
I propose that you FARKers post (just) the punchline to your favorite jokes. OK? Good. I'll start...


"..so where's the girl with the sore tooth?"
 
2002-10-03 11:25:58 AM  
deja vu

deja vu
 
2002-10-03 11:26:08 AM  
Why are women like rocks?

You can skip the flat ones.....
 
2002-10-03 11:26:15 AM  
What's brown and sticky?

A stick!
HAR DE HAR HAR THAT'S A REAL KNEESLAPPER!
 
2002-10-03 11:27:07 AM  
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...
Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
 
2002-10-03 11:27:14 AM  
That is pretty funny.

A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."

The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."

The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze-and we have plenty of New Yorkers."
 
2002-10-03 11:27:33 AM  
There were much funnier jokes in the Fark thread a while back - farkers told their funniest jokes - some were great. Mnay of those jokes could have beaten the lame joke listed as the worlds "funniest joke"

Maybe the contest itself is a joke
 
2002-10-03 11:27:42 AM  
"And then the nun said, 'Pass me the avacado!'"
 
2002-10-03 11:27:50 AM  
Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound. Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all they had. One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds. She confronted him and said "Where were you
>these past couple of nights?" He replied "If you must know, I was with another woman". "Bastard!" she cried. "What were you doing?". "We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he answered. "Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked. Nope; she looks the same, and she is 98 years old," Bill replied. "Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.

Bill smiled slyly and said " Parkinson's disease
 
2002-10-03 11:28:07 AM  
As soon as I read the headline I thought of the "killing joke" scetch from Montey Python.
 
2002-10-03 11:28:49 AM  
A man walks into a barbershop and asks for 'just a little tidy up'. After a few minutes the man realises that the barber is in the process of giving him a nice spiky mullett. When the barber is finished he asks the man 'Can i put anything on there, sir? Gell, mouse perhaps?'. 'How about a pair of knickers?' replied the man. 'Why?' asked the barber. 'because i look like a cnut'.
 
2002-10-03 11:29:01 AM  
Ministryoftruth: See my previous post.
 
2002-10-03 11:29:12 AM  
I hear the Germans are working on a counter attack...
[image from stone-dead.asn.au too old to be available]
 
2002-10-03 11:29:12 AM  
Props to Ironbar!!
LMAO!!!!!
 
2002-10-03 11:29:13 AM  
I heard that this guy headed up the research:


[image from poster.net too old to be available]
 
2002-10-03 11:29:32 AM  
What, no smartass comment about cancer research? You people are really off your game today.
 
2002-10-03 11:29:59 AM  
I heard this one the other day it made me chuckle.
Why do women get cramps?
.
.
Because they deserve it.
 
2002-10-03 11:30:36 AM  
The 4th nun yells "I'm not gonna drink that after she's sat in it!"
 
2002-10-03 11:30:52 AM  
A priest, a chiropodist, and a former Motley Crue roadie walk into a bar.

Ouch.
 
2002-10-03 11:31:06 AM  
A dyslexic walks into a bra...
 
2002-10-03 11:31:08 AM  
Please refrain from "I'm funnier than that" jokes!
 
2002-10-03 11:31:10 AM  
Wow you'd swear American media companies invented this "best" joke.

Notice how best = "Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people"

Yay! Discovery of something so mediocre everyone thinks it's funny. They discovered Frasier. (which I don't find funny on any of the 4 channels it is on simultaneously (different episodes) up here.)

Or maybe they discovered friends after it jumped the shark, and ran against nothing but reality crap shows.

No wait, they discovered N'sync.

/RANT.
 
2002-10-03 11:31:39 AM  
I hate email forward jokes, but I thought this one was kinda funny:

Be sure to read this one. It is so true, and it almost made me cry.

A boy and his mother were resting under a tree in the park when suddenly an angel swooped down from the sky and landed by the duckpond. Amazed, the boy stood up to watch as the angel squatted and took a shiat. Against his mother's protests, the boy ran toward the angel, who hissed and flew away. Scooping up the shiat in his hands, the boy ran back to his mother, squealing, "A toy of a different colour, Mommy! Look! A toy of a different colour!"
The mother pushed his hands up against his face, smearing the shiat around. "No! No! No!", she commanded. "Bad boy! Ba-a-a-ad Boy! Bad Boy!"
The Angel, who had landed on top of the swings at the playground, was very saddened by what he had caused to happen. With a heavy heart, it flew toward heaven, but was sucked into the engine of a jet, causing the airliner to crash into the sea. With the sad calls of seagulls in the background, two feathers from the angel's wings drifted in perfect unison on the wind. Far below, seat cushions began to bob to the surface of the sea, while far below that, lobsters began to nibble on the strange new meats.
"What does it all mean?" asked the younger feather.
The older feather took a deep and patient breath. "It means," and you could hear the half-cocked smile of arrogance in his voice, "that God hates you".

If your heart, or stomach, was touched by this, and you want to carry the message that you just received, please forward it to forty people that you know, including the one that sent it to you.


heh.
 
2002-10-03 11:32:52 AM  
Personally, I can never get enough of the "let me cut off your balls, then we can go eat some strawberry pie" gag myself.
 
2002-10-03 11:33:09 AM  
Here's a couple of obscure ones:

1.
Two nuns were sitting in the bath. One says to the other, "Were's the soap." The other Says, "It does doesn't it."

2.
Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

Har de har har har.
 
2002-10-03 11:33:26 AM  
A man hears that his wife has been in a terrible accident and rushes to the hospital. The doctor takes him aside to discuss her case, a grave expression on his face.

Doctor: Well Jim, Mary has been paralyzed. She can breath and her heart will beat on it's own, but other than that, she's incapable of doing basically anything.

Jim is in terrible shock, and sits down right on the floor of the hallway. After a second he gathers his strength and stands up again. He is crying.

Doctor: I'm afraid you will have to feed her by hand, bathe her, clean up her bowel movements, and carry her anywhere she may need to go.

Jim: Sob! Well, doc, Sob, I suppose if that's what it take----

Doctor (punching Jim in the arm) : HA!! Just kidding!!!, She's dead!
 
2002-10-03 11:34:05 AM  
...so I said, do you love me? and she said, 'No, but that's a good looking ski-mask!
 
2002-10-03 11:34:06 AM  
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


A fish.
 
2002-10-03 11:34:06 AM  
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!


/OBLIGATORY
 
2002-10-03 11:34:40 AM  
lame. lame. and lame. that was the DUMBest joke i've ever heard.
 
2002-10-03 11:35:27 AM  
That joke in the movie "Desparado" about the guy who whizzes all over the bar has my vote. But I'm not going to type it here.
 
2002-10-03 11:35:28 AM  
rectum...damn near killed 'em!
 
2002-10-03 11:35:47 AM  
rectum? damn near killed em'!

so funny i forgot to laugh

here's something funny: *ahem*

8==D ~o ~o ~o O:
 
2002-10-03 11:35:53 AM  
"British Scientists" should have been the give-away.
 
2002-10-03 11:36:11 AM  
".......and then the guy says 'That was great, but look what you did to my clam digger'."

The joke actually came from one of Ian Fleming's James Bond novels.
 
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