Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Someone cut the lines on 13 Marine parachutes, forcing jumpers to use reserve chutes   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

13064 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2002 at 3:55 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

93 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2002-10-02 03:57:28 AM  
2002-10-02 04:03:20 AM  
The marines new warehouse man, Edward scissors hands was last night helping them with their enquiries.
2002-10-02 04:05:23 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-02 04:06:08 AM  
An inspection showed the lines of the three parachutes had been cut in a way to avoid detection, the statement said.

obviously this person failed horribly
2002-10-02 04:07:50 AM  
detection beforehand i would assume
obviously yer gunna notice after ya jump
2002-10-02 04:11:21 AM  

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-02 04:13:41 AM  
very funny mother fuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrssssssss
2002-10-02 04:14:21 AM  
The backup backup parachute may have been needed too.
2002-10-02 04:17:25 AM  
double secret parachute?
2002-10-02 04:19:12 AM  
this was definately a prank tho
if it was meant to kill some Marines, whoever did it would have sabotaged the backup chutes too. I mean you had enough time to do 13 chutes...
2002-10-02 04:19:53 AM  
Pvt. Gomer Pyle was unavailable for questioning. Sources claim he is "in a world of shiat."
2002-10-02 04:22:25 AM  
Life could very well suck for this guy if the airborne marine unit finds out who he is before the MPs do. On the other hand, after the MPs get him, he will probably be turned over to CID. From my experiences with CID, they are somewhat above the law when it comes to "safe handling of suspects". Case in point is when I had to look through a bunch of poloroid mugshots at the CID office. Every single person in those pictures look like they had just gotten the shiat knocked out of them and drug through a mud puddle (yeah, they were all soaking wet, dunno why) before the picture were taken. If the suspects looked that bad, imagine what they do when they find the actual criminal.

Yeehaa - justice the ol' padlock in a pillocase way!!
2002-10-02 04:22:37 AM  
2002-10-02 04:25:21 AM  
im sayin prank
2002-10-02 04:26:57 AM  
terrorist prank?
2002-10-02 04:30:43 AM  
quote: this was definately a prank tho

Yeah, kinda like that prank that Charles Whitman pulled off in Texas back in the sixties. Wacky Marines...
2002-10-02 04:33:20 AM  
am i supposed to born with innate knowledge of what you refer to?
2002-10-02 04:36:17 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-02 04:39:35 AM  
2002-10-02 04:41:52 AM  
yea, thats smart. piss off the Marines...
2002-10-02 04:43:11 AM  
That was sarcasm. If you think the Marines cut chute strings as if they were frat boys on a panty raid, think again. A Marine would be lucky to die quick and painless if he were caught for a "prank" of this nature.

As for Whitman, you could try a search engine if you're curious. It was kind of a newsworthy story at the time. You might still be able to find something about it online.
2002-10-02 04:53:27 AM  
When they catch the asshole they should make them jump with the remaining unused chutes. Heh.
2002-10-02 05:00:59 AM  
[image from too old to be available]+
[image from too old to be available]=
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-02 05:02:51 AM  
Some prabks go to far. If it's only funny for one person (the prankster), then it's not funny at all - it's selfish.
2002-10-02 05:03:30 AM  
Holy Jesus...

Don't look for anyone to ever be caught/punished for this. This is more likely to be handled with a shallow grave out on 29 Palms and a press release about how LCpl. So-and-so met his fate in an unfortunate training accident (no remains recovered).
2002-10-02 05:12:34 AM  
Yes, yes, it was unfortunate. He got hit seventeen times with a truck and the remains caught on fire.
2002-10-02 05:13:14 AM  
...let the bodies hit the floor...
2002-10-02 05:16:55 AM  
"Spread your wings and learn to fly"
2002-10-02 05:17:18 AM  
News just to hand, Saddam suspected, UN Scissor Inspectors to be sent to Gulf.
2002-10-02 05:19:05 AM  
Yes, yes, it was unfortunate. He got hit seventeen times with a truck and the remains caught on fire.

sorta like how malcolm x's dad decided he'd kill himself by beating the back of his head in with a hammer then tying himself to train tracks.
2002-10-02 05:26:57 AM  
Reminds me of my days at Ft. Benning:

He was just a rookie trooper,
And he surely shook with fright.
As he checked all his equipment
And made sure his pack was tight.


The risers wrapped around his neck, connectors cracked his dome.The lines were snarled and tied in knots around his skinny bones. The canopy became his shroud, he hurtled to the ground,


The days he's lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind, He thought about his girl back home, the one he left behind, He thought about the medics and he wondered what they'd find,


The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild,
The medics jumped and screamed with glee, they rolled their sleeves and smiled. For it had been a week or more since last a 'chute had failed


He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLATT", his blood went spurting high. His comrades then were heard to say "A Helluva way to Die!" He lay there rolling 'round in the welter of his gore.


There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon his 'chute. Intestines were a'dangling from his Paratrooper boots, They picked him up, still in his 'chute and poured him from his boots.


Gory, Gory, What a Helluva Way to Die!
With a Rifle on your Back and you're Falling Through the Sky! Gory, Gory, What a Helluva Way to Die!

2002-10-02 05:35:47 AM  
2002-10-02 05:45:35 AM  
Sounds like a jealous or spurned lover response to me...

How about all the military spouses getting terminated over at Quantico - or NC?
2002-10-02 06:25:27 AM  
Call me superstitious, but 13's an unlucky number.
2002-10-02 07:01:35 AM  
Hmmmmmmm let me see........... Would the world be better off with or without 13 buzzcuted testosterone monkeys?

Personally I think yes, anyways theyre outdated now, just fleshy drones anyway
2002-10-02 07:14:23 AM  
That shiat's why you always pack your own rig. When they do get the detestable little cockbiting bastard, he'll learn first hand how well riser cutters work on testicles.

Anyone who farks with safety of flight or emergency equipment should be slowly fed feet first into a wood burning stove. Or perhaps have their chest skin flayed and be tied to a blister sap tree. Or maybe a funnel up the ass and a millipede suppository. Beetles with large mandible work there almost as well.

Of course, that's just me. I've always been easy going and carefree. BTW, O.Thehumanity, the next time something happens and the Marines are needed, I hope you're there and the Marines can't come. farking civilian trash.

2002-10-02 07:24:18 AM  
Always be good to your parachute packer.
2002-10-02 07:34:59 AM  
What kind of sick fark would do something like this? I seem to be repeating my self. What kind of sick fark would cut the throat of a bus driver while driving 70 mph down the interstate. What kind of sick fark would send anthrax through the U.S. Postal service. What kind of sick farks would fly airliners full of women and children into office buildings. I guess the world is just full of sick farks.
2002-10-02 07:46:15 AM  
Thank god for reserve chutes! If these guys had to pack their own this never would have happened. I don't know how it is in the military, but in the civilian world, a reserve has to be repacked every three months. This is done by a licensed individual, there is documentation so that if the reserve was packed wrong, the USPA can find out why.

AngelTwo-Six, you jump?
2002-10-02 07:54:51 AM  
When they find the bastard, they should stuff a chute up his anal orifice with just that little parachute hanging out, throw their @ss out of a plane over alligator infested waters.
2002-10-02 07:56:36 AM  
more than I ever wanted to.
2002-10-02 07:57:40 AM  
This does scream of prank. Not a funny one, but a prank. I think the point that someone had the time to sabaotage 13 chutes but didn't touch any of the backup chutes is a pretty clear indicator.

Of course, pissing off a bunch of marines IS really stupid. So we could just be dealing with someone with the intelligence of forrest lichen. You never know.
2002-10-02 07:59:15 AM  
Yeah, last time, when I went to the late night garage to get some cigs, skins and a mars bar and it was closed I was like all "woh boy, if the marines were here now I'd sure have my mars bar and fags and shiat", damn garages!

Grow up son.


2002-10-02 08:03:21 AM  
Military jumps I take it? Were you jumping round or square chutes? Ever do a HALO?
2002-10-02 08:11:59 AM  
aren't chutes supposed to be inspected before jumps? Seems reasonable to me, but I'm a civilian and have never jumped.

O thehumanity - your an asshole. While I'm no fan of the military, they're necessary and wishing for someone's death is detestable. Who do you think was saving your ass from the IRA? Your the one who needs to grow up.
2002-10-02 08:22:52 AM  
Inspection is part of the process of packing a parachute. I'm not sure how it is done in the military, but at civilian DZ's generally a rig is jumped several times in one day. Therefore, it gets inspected several times per day. If my rig has been sitting for more than two weeks, I prefer to repack it before I jump.
2002-10-02 08:23:07 AM  
O thehumanity: hopefully your purpose was to get a rise out of people. If so, you did it! Regardless, get a life. Assclown! And you wonder why nobody likes you!
2002-10-02 08:26:57 AM  
Also, the rig should be given a quick visual inspection before it is jumped. However this doesn't usually include looking at the lines. There are several spots, when the lines are in stow, that would require the rig to be unpacked and repacked to inspect. The person who did this was at least passingly familiar with the jump process.
2002-10-02 08:27:18 AM  
Thanks, Steelwelder. Seems a little negligent to me to not inspect the equipment the keeps you from plumeting to a horrible death.
2002-10-02 08:40:20 AM  
yea, thats smart. piss off the Marines...

Yeah, I know. I prefer pissing on Marines myself.
Displayed 50 of 93 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.