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(Chick)   Demonic possession will soon spread like the plague   (chick.com) divider line 90
    More: Scary  
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2560 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jul 2001 at 8:18 AM (13 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



90 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2001-07-27 08:33:07 AM  
Soon? It's been 30 years since this was printed. Are we all possessed yet?
 
2001-07-27 08:38:04 AM  
I-I-I-I a-a-a-m-m-m Ver-o-n-n-n-o...
 
2001-07-27 08:45:01 AM  
Chick has classic schizophrenia, if he believes in possessions and voices in the head telling you to do things.
 
2001-07-27 08:50:03 AM  
Voices in my head!, telling me bad things Ahhhh!
 
2001-07-27 09:19:54 AM  
No.... setting people on fire is wrong. You're silly squee
 
2001-07-27 09:20:41 AM  
Hm, yes, I am legion, too.
Coffee or tea? Aaaargh!
 
2001-07-27 09:28:39 AM  
Squeeeeee! I'm sorry, are the voices in my head bothering you?
 
2001-07-27 09:30:40 AM  
(Apologies if this doesn't work...)
 
2001-07-27 09:31:13 AM  
Jack Chick: 2,374 Hits

Jack Off:30,669 Hits


- I'd say us devils have already won :)
 
2001-07-27 09:33:03 AM  
Half worked. was suppossed to look like TooT, but the HTML got stripped out.
 
2001-07-27 09:50:31 AM  
Mungo, you are not a man of god, you are Farking your neighbor's wife!!!
 
2001-07-27 10:08:05 AM  
Um, if Jack Chick believes this, he should invest in a pea soup company.

Nice how the tract says that maria brought this on herself by doing things like ouija, fortune-telling, and reading FARK.

PS love the "BIBLE WARNING" - looks just like the Surgeon General's warning on cig packs.

How about a new Fark feature - Ridiculous Religion Cartoon of the Week. 90% will be either Chick or scientology, of course.
 
2001-07-27 10:09:37 AM  
What...the...fuck?
 
Rei
2001-07-27 10:29:35 AM  
Whee, Chick!

I vote for 110 posts. Any other takers? ;)

You know, Ouija boards are a lot more fun with strict christians around. I had a friend one who was a devout catholic, and our whole OM team was bored and playing around with a Ouija board.

Katie: Who are you?

Katie: What do you want?

Katie: Out? Where are you?


Katie threw the board aside and left. ;)

C'mon, for all we know, it could've spelled "Helsinki" ;)

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-27 10:34:27 AM  
What kind of name is Verono for a demon?
 
2001-07-27 10:38:32 AM  
Joshg:
Not a very good one. I always name my demons Sue, or Annug Un Rama.
 
2001-07-27 10:49:44 AM  


So, as you can see, the only choice is to worship the Great Alien whom lives in an off-world volcano, of course!
 
2001-07-27 10:51:31 AM  
"I vote for 110 posts. Any other takers? ;) "

Nah, it will reach about 120-130. I doubt it will get any higher since people are too farking lazy to scroll down the main page of FARK to see this Chick thread.
 
2001-07-27 10:52:18 AM  
Rei:
I don't think this thread is going to get more than 75 posts. Its not very contriversial, its just INSANE.
 
2001-07-27 10:56:03 AM  
Yup, Chick tracts are amusing in that "how can you be such a farking stupid coont rag, shiat sucking, cum snorting, ignorant, smegma chewing moron" way.

3Horn
 
2001-07-27 10:58:18 AM  
anyone else wonder who would win in a fight between jack chick and those CAP analysis people?
 
2001-07-27 10:58:53 AM  
someone dispatch a ninja in chick's direction already, sheesh
 
2001-07-27 11:00:27 AM  
my offer still stands. i need a l33t h4x0r for a defacing.
 
2001-07-27 11:07:27 AM  
Defacing isn't what l33t h4x0rz do. Thats what kids who think they are l33t h4x0rz do (ex. Prophet from that "hacking clan" pois0nbox. I seriously doubt he is a 30ish sys admin making much money when he still acts like a farking 13 yr old, and talks like one to boot (0wned, for example. He used it nearly every sentence in his interview).

I crush defacers. Americans are better than that. When the Chinese were defacing our websites, we should have been formatting their servers, screwing with their banks, etc.. A real hacker knows how to get things done. A real hacker is against the giant corps that charge a farking arm and leg for something that could be dirt cheap. Now, join my cult.
 
2001-07-27 11:15:45 AM  
Nice twist ending there, Chickie boy. It was TOTALLY unexpected.
 
2001-07-27 11:19:42 AM  
Has anyone considered the fact that Chick may be a real life troll? He has obviously found a market for spewing this vitriol, and the only way to perpetuate the market is to continue creating new "threats" (note the use of Chick-like quotation marks).

Maybe Jack Chick is just Ralph Naders pseudonym...
He needs to raise funds of the Green party somehow.
 
Rei
2001-07-27 11:22:57 AM  
Nazzerov:
I dunno, the chinese-written worm to attack whitehouse.gov was every efficient and well done, except for the fact that it used an IP address instead of a DNS when trying to flood (fatal mistake!). But, its proliferation was magnificent.

Fishbulb:
I name my demons Azazel or BillG. ;)

-= rei =-
 
Rei
2001-07-27 11:24:38 AM  
erm, BillG. :)

-= rei =-
 
Rei
2001-07-27 11:25:52 AM  
DaveX:
Nah, he's too devoted about it in RL, he actually sinks real money in and gets real money back, etc.

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-27 11:32:45 AM  
Hey wasn't Azazel the name of that demon in that movie with Denzel Washington and John Goodman. Man I love movies where the hero dies... I'm a sick fuck..
 
2001-07-27 11:34:17 AM  
I was possesed once by the demon Tek-E-La,(while in the employ of the Federal Government) it was a short term thing(possesion & employment). I was told I did a lot of horribly embarasing things with a scarily willing women (who may or may not have been possesed). This was in front of an large of onlookers (there were photographs [eventualy destroyed to protect the innocent]). A good friend (if any who were around that night could be called a friend) helped in the exorsim of this demon, by giving me cheap red wine from a box (of which I now have a distinct fear). At which point I dislodged the evil (it had taken on the form of a small worm).

As far as I know though, no one else in the imediate area was possesed (at least untill the following week).
 
2001-07-27 11:36:31 AM  
Boring.
Jack Chick thingiees used to be funny, or weird, or even annoying. That one was just... blah. Hasn't he written up some new ones yet? Or has divine inspiration failed him?
 
2001-07-27 11:36:40 AM  
REDRUM!!! REDRUM!!!

In one frame, the mother says 'Come in and lock the door!' What good will that do??! In the next panel, someone says 'It even goes through LOCKED DOORS'!

OR am i missing something?
 
2001-07-27 11:57:51 AM  
At least it featured another classic HAW HAW!
 
2001-07-27 12:37:30 PM  
Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's comin to get me, just say you never met me! I'm runnin underground with the moles, diggin holes. Hear the voices in my head, I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring! But if you're bored then you're boring! The agony and the irony, they're killing me!
 
2001-07-27 12:52:23 PM  
Sounds like someone's sitting on a flagpole...
 
2001-07-27 01:01:33 PM  
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot
'Cause I'm in hell...
 
2001-07-27 01:02:18 PM  
Been around the world and found that only christian fundies are breeding...
 
2001-07-27 01:15:49 PM  
MMMM, SQL denied acces because not refered from a trusted server. In God we Trust . . . only?
 
2001-07-27 01:17:50 PM  
DaveX-BRILLIANT!

Actually, if you look at population graphs and projections, it appears that HINDUISM will soon be the dominant religion on the planet within 40 years.
 
2001-07-27 02:05:57 PM  
Good point TT. The Budhists appear to be breeding also.
 
2001-07-27 02:07:29 PM  
In the words of Barney, "AAAAAAAhhhhhh!!!! Natural light!! Get if off me...Get it off me!!!"
J*ck Ch*ck used to "make" me mad with his anti-"Catholic" ramblings (as I am Catholic ). The "more" I read from his "site," though, the more I "laugh" about it (his site).
I didn't look at the date it was written, but if it is like 30 years old, that's funny. In fact, I got bored half-way through and skipped most of it. It would seem likely that if one was reading a story about demonic possesion, that it would at least keep one's attention...alas, JC has found a way around that.
 
2001-07-27 02:13:27 PM  
the exorcist 10.......lost in Mexico

Maria...Maria....the tortillas are getting cold....go to hell you screw Manuel's donkey.....get the priest!!!! and the whole village at once....!!!

Father..my taco is hot.. bwahhhhhhhhh...

dont drink the holy water...its from the Rio Grande

..yer mother drinks Corona!!!!( pea soup in face)
 
2001-07-27 02:26:46 PM  
Seems to me we need to send ole Mr Walken over there to straiten Jack Chick out on a couple a things.
 
2001-07-27 02:36:01 PM  
Ah, Harvey Danger. How it hurts to be a one hit wonder - especially with a song that we all can relate to. Not just the voices, but real people as well.

Chick isn't raising funds for the Green Party, since the Green party is Satan's whore.. just like the Catholic church in Chick tracts. He is clearly a LIBERTARIAN with his easy going attitude, and openess to new ideas. Duh.

Besides, the worm was effective... but not "made in america, will break two weeks after the warrenty ends" effective. Not that made in China is any better... all my sony products broke a week after the warrenty ended... (mild use, btw). And that kids, is why I say fark Sony. And Square. And Jon's Plumbing (see other post about parents selling right to kids name).
 
2001-07-27 02:45:10 PM  
Azazel also plays a fairly big role in Gaiman's Sandman comics. Azazel is a "real" mythological demon, ie, wasn't made up for the movie Fallen.
 
Rei
2001-07-27 02:46:00 PM  
Nazzerov:

China != Japan.

Very, very, very, very different.

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-27 03:00:22 PM  
I have a demon in my pants. It's called MY GIGANTIC COCK! HAH! Fools I bet no one saw that coming! :)
 
2001-07-27 03:07:32 PM  
Arschloch:
I barely remember Azazel from Sandman. Remind me. And yes, I know its a real demon, just trying to be funny again.

Rei:
Obviously China is not Japan, everyone knows China is a part of Korea
 
2001-07-27 03:29:28 PM  
Only the blood of christ will wash away our sins huh?
Then what can I use to get all these blood stains out, Club soda?
 
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